Discern (31 page)

“So does fanaticizing about pre-marital sex, but not acting upon it, damage a soul?” I asked worried.

“Oh.” His brow rose, and he grinned widely.

“I’m not saying that these thoughts are real,” I said, failing to seem casual.

“Hypothetically, right?”

“Yes, hypothetically.”

“Obviously, you aren’t having these fantasies, because I would’ve been able to tell.” His tone was serious.

“Obviously,” I shrugged.

“I’m joking.”

“Joking about what?”

“Sexual thoughts and actions don’t taint a soul, unless you intentionally hurt someone sexually.”

“Like rape?” I blurted out.

“Yes, like rape or molestation. Those actions would affect a soul.”

“Have you ever raped someone?” I asked cautiously.

“No, I don’t have to,” he answered flatly.

“I don’t follow.”

“I can easily convince any mortal to do anything I wish of them. It’s one of our abilities, so that would never happen.”

“Rape isn’t about sex, it’s more about control. So what if you wanted to control a human?”

“Then I would simply control their mind,” he explained nonchalantly.

“Oh,” I said surprised.

“And no, I’m not controlling any aspect of your life.”

A shocked look spread across my face, as if he could read my mind. “I’d never know if you were, right?”

“True, you wouldn’t. However, controlling a mortal alters their soul. And after that, it can’t pass normally. It calls out to us when they die, and we consume it then,” he explained uneasily.

“Oh,” I murmured. “So did you trick all the women in your past in to being intimate with you?”

“No, it was all consensual. I’d never take the soul of a lover. That seems cruel.”

“That’s a relief.”

“Haley, I’d never harm your soul, so therefore I have to relinquish all control to you.”

“Does this frustrate you?”

“No. I rather enjoy being in your presence, and even just a smile or a chance to touch your skin is enough to tide me over indefinitely.” He seemed so human at this moment.

“We always manage to veer off topic,” I smiled.

“I don’t mind as long as we can be together.” He lightly caressed my hand. “Why did you ask about rape?”

“You say you’re so bad, but you really don’t hurt anyone besides the evil ones, right?”

“I guess.”

“You’ve never hurt a child, right?”

“I’ve never physically harmed or killed a child, but my actions and commands have probably put many in harm’s way,” he sighed heavily.

“Oh,” I muttered.

“You see, I’m not divine.”

“To me, you are.”

“Haley, I wasn’t a good creature in the past, and yes, I’ve changed a great deal, but never forget that I still kill your kind to survive,” he said, hanging his head low, ashamed.

“Humans slaughter animals for food, and I believe it’s actually unnecessary,” I said, offering my insight to ease his guilt.

“You don’t feed from their souls. Taking a soul is very different.”

“How?”

“To take one, means to trap it, never allowing it to rest in peace,” he said, watching me cautiously.

I suddenly felt a sick feeling in my stomach. I had not given the soul consumption much thought, until now. The souls they consumed had no chance of going on to wherever they may go after death. They were forever trapped inside these creatures, never to be given a second chance at life or peace.

“Do you see now why I’m closer to being evil? Nothing divine would consume a soul.”

“To me, you aren’t evil. You need them to survive, and if you only take the sinful ones, it isn’t any different then believing in a god that sends those same souls to hell,” I contested.

He leaned in, our faces close. “I am evil, but if that’s what I have to be every second of every day to keep you safe, then that’s what I’ll be,” he whispered.

“Whatever you are, all I know is that you’ve helped heal my broken heart,” I breathed.

Our lips softly touched. The kiss we shared tonight was electrifying. The more we touched, the deeper I fell. Pressing my lips harder against his, I gripped the back of his shirt, pulling his body against mine. My inhibitions were down as I allowed myself to just be in the moment.

His grip tightened around my waist. I quickly released my hands from his shirt, slowly pulling away.

“Too much?” he asked softly.

“I know you said sexual desires don’t taint a soul, it’s just…” I stopped.

“You don’t have to explain. For thousands of years, I believed I’d never see you again. I don’t have a problem waiting however long it takes until you’re ready,” he said, running his thumb along my bottom lip.

“I have these human traditions still etched in my brain. It has nothing to do with religion or society, but more to do with my morals,” I sighed.

“Marriage?”

“Yes, it’s something I can’t shake. No matter how I may feel, my head won’t allow my heart to follow.”

“I think it has less to do with traditions or morals than you think,” he suggested cautiously.

He was right. “I know,” I whispered. My resistance to my sexual urges had nothing to do with engagements or marriages. I didn’t like being vulnerable. I didn’t want to be abandoned after giving up so much of myself.

“Mortals want guarantees and your lifespan and frailty don’t really allow for them.”

“Immortals don’t have guarantees either, do they?”

“If you were immortal, then there could be guarantees,” he breathed.

“But I can never be immortal.”

“You could, but then we would both die at the hands of the creator.”

“What if the creator allowed it, would you want me to become like you?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Even though you now know there’s reincarnation, and we would see each other again?”

“What if this was just an isolated incident and souls don’t reincarnate, I don’t have all the answers, but…” he stopped suddenly in mid sentence.

“But, what?” I pushed.

“I’d give you immortality right now at this very moment.” His face was twisted and his voice faint.

“But we would both die.”

“Yes, but we would die together, and I wouldn’t be left without you again.” His eyes closed.

I lightly laid my head upon his shoulder. “Maybe we can find a way to be together forever without tragic results,” I whispered.

“Maybe.”

We lay there for a while. I had no way to comfort him. If he did not possess the answers to our dilemma, then a simple human like myself would not either.

“Are there other human souls that are pure like mine?” I asked, ending the silence.

His head immediately rose and he flashed me an unusual look. “Yes.”

“Did you ever find yourself attracted to them?”

His eyes narrowed. “Haley, I just confessed my feelings for you, and now you’re inquiring about my feelings toward other souls?” he asked, slightly irritated.

“Sorry.”

“No, please explain,” he pushed.

“Maybe when I die, then you can find happiness with another pure soul,” I suggested.

“It doesn’t work like that,” he snapped.

“Then how does it work?”

“I’m unaware of how it works exactly, but I’ve been around long enough to know that no other soul besides yours affects me this way,” he sighed, regaining his composure.

“It doesn’t seem possible.”

“Well, for me, that’s the way it is. So trying to pawn me off on another mortal isn’t going to work, if that’s your plan,” he grimaced.

“I wasn’t trying to pawn you off. I was just trying to find a solution, so you could love again after I die.”

“I wish you could see and feel what I do and then you would understand. But I have no way of showing you. Mortals are fickle because their lives are overloaded with fear-based ideas and choices experienced within a short span of time. An immortal as old as I, is less fickle as I have seen and done so much, because I’ve had the time to do so. So when I say your soul is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen, then you must believe me.”

The soft amber glow of his eyes faded to black. Everyone was always able to read my face so well, and I was beginning to understand what they saw as I watched his feelings and emotions change with the color of his eyes. “What does the black color represent?” I asked

“What black color?” he asked confused.

“Your eyes.”

“Sadness,” he murmured.

“Oh,” I sighed. “Does knowing you’ll lose me discourage our time together for you?”

“I have to enjoy our time together, because it’s limited. What may seem like an eternity for you only seems like hours for me. I don’t want to miss a moment, even knowing that you’ll be gone again.”

For once in my life I was speechless. I had no questions to ask and no worries to reassure. No matter how fickle we humans were; I would never feel for anyone else like this in my lifetime.

“I admire your ability to ignore the inevitable,” I said sorrowfully.

“Your walls will come down soon.” His breath tickled my ear.

“I hope so.”

“I should get you home,” he said, glancing down at his watch.

“What time is it?” I yawned.

“Two-thirty,
Boulder
time.”

“I guess I do need to go home,” I agreed reluctantly.

“Big plans today?”

“I have lunch at noon with my father,” I said, almost reminding myself. “What are your plans?” I asked, curious as to how he filled his days.

“I feel tomorrow is a good time to speak with one of my brothers.”

“About me?”

“Yes. I need more information, and luckily he happens to be the wisest of the children.”

“You have no theories as to what it is?”

“No theories. Mysterious happenings aren’t my strong point.” He effortlessly rose from his position on the bed. “Don’t worry, I’m stronger than the other seven. They wouldn’t fair well in a fight against me,” he said gently, pressing his lips to my forehead.

“I trust your judgment.”

“I don’t look forward to the distance that’ll be between us today.”

“You could stay at my house, my father would never know. He’s never home,” I suggested, as I, too, disliked being far from him.

“That would be too dangerous,” he said sternly.

“The government?”

“I wish that were the problem,” he said.

“Your family?”

“Yes, very much so. I’d hate for them to show up at your house.”

“Wouldn’t they have to be invited in?”

He chuckled lightly. “We aren’t vampires.”

“I know that, but you can just go inside anyone’s house at anytime?” I asked horrified.

“Yes.”

“Oh.” I pondered on that for a second. “So if you tell your brother, won’t he inform the others?”

“No. He and I are close and have similar views on the others in our family. He’ll be too intrigued with your abilities to pay attention to our feelings. It’ll be interesting to see what his theories are,” he mused.

“I hope you’re right,” I frowned.

“Didn’t you just say you trusted my judgment?” he grinned.

“Yes, and I do, but I worry too much.”

“I know you do, but you shouldn’t. I’ll take every precaution to keep you safe. Trust that.”

“When will I see you again?” I asked uneasily. We had no class together tonight.

“It’s all up to you.”

“When will you be available?”

“After I take you home, I’ll speak with my brother. It won’t take long, and then I’m all yours,” he winked.

“I forgot you don’t have time constraints or sleep to hinder your activities.”

“True, but you, my beautiful enigma, need your rest. I wouldn’t want my interference to cause your father any worry,” he half-smiled.

Enigma, I thought to myself. I was just as mysterious to him as he was to me. His finger ran across my face as we gazed in to each other’s eyes. He leaned in slowly and pressed his warm, electrical lips against mine, reigniting the sparks. This was a sensation like no other.

He slowly unlocked his lips from mine. “Just simply call out my name whenever you’re ready to see me again,” he whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“All you have to do is call out my name, I’ll know where you are,” he smiled, cradling my body in his arms.

“Okay,” I smiled, completely amazed. I closed my eyes, preparing myself for the short journey home.

16

Heated Introductions

I swiftly parked, almost side swiping another car. Ripping down the sun visor, I slid open the mirror to get one last look at my appearance before walking into the restaurant. The puffy, dark purplish lines under my eyes were noticeable. Falling asleep last night took awhile. I was replaying the entire evening with Andrew over in my head, still astonished that all of this was truly real.