Dirty Work (8 page)

“But I went on in and spoke to her, you know, and she spoke, asked me what I wanted. I told her I wanted some beer. She said it was after midnight and she couldn’t sell me any.

“She’s got blond hair. She’s built real nice. I was looking at her breasts and I know she saw it. She’s really just a kid. But very grown up somehow. I’ve sort of got some guilty feelings about some of this. But I noticed she was dressed kind of funny for as hot as it was. She had on long pants and a long-sleeved shirt. I mean it was air-conditioned in the store, but it wasn’t
that
air-conditioned. I didn’t mean to stare at her. She just looked so good it was hard not to.

“I told her I knew Earl and all and we went to high school together and he always let me have it if it was late. And she says Earl was the one who told her not to sell it after midnight and Earl was the one who told her he’d fire her if he caught her doing it. So I felt like a dumbass. But I got kind of pissed off. I mean, you go over there and get a hole shot in your head and then come home and
have to listen to some shit from a teenager about buying a little beer after hours. Hell. She wasn’t going to sell it to me. So I just politely went down to the cooler and got two six-packs of Bud and carried it and put it on the counter.

“She asked me what the hell I thought I was doing. I told her I was buying some beer. I told her my name was Walter and I lived down the road and I came in there and got it all the time. I told her not to get upset. She said she wasn’t upset, she just didn’t want to lose her job. I told her there wasn’t any reason to be scared of me. But, hell, it was late, and she was alone in there. She was upset. But I knew what the beer cost. I already had the money out. The sales tax, too. She told me I’d better just get out of there before she called the law. I wasn’t worried about that. I knew I could get away before the law got there. Unless I passed out first.

“Well, I put my money up on the counter. She wasn’t going to ring it up at first. I said fine, don’t ring it up. But I said there the money was anyway. And she just changed all of a sudden. I remember what she said. She said I’m sorry for looking at you. For staring at you, she said. I said well hell, that was okay, most people did. And she reached under the counter and got me a sack. Rang it up. Sacked up my beer. I told her I didn’t mean to scare her. But I told her, a lot of people were scared of me. She said she wasn’t scared, it was just the first job she’d ever had.

“Hell, I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t thinking about trying to get over on her or anything. I figured I’d just take my beer and go back home and watch Nicholson. Get
high. She asked me if I was walking and I said yeah. Then she asked me how far away I lived. I told her it was about three miles. She said she knew me, that she’d heard of me, that she’d heard Earl mention me before. And hell, we just got to talking. She said I just surprised her because I walked up and she didn’t hear me, just looked out the window and I was standing there. She asked me if I was fixing to walk back home. I said yeah, but I was thinking about opening me one of those beers before I started, though. If she didn’t care. She said naw, she didn’t care. So I got me one. Then I asked her if she wanted one. She said she wasn’t supposed to drink on duty. I told her she wasn’t supposed to sell me the shit, either. I tried to give her one twice. She wouldn’t take one, though. Went back there and got her a Miller out of the cooler. I thought about getting me some chicken, but hell, they’d cooked it about dinnertime you could tell. It had flies on it and all. I decided I didn’t want any chicken.

“So hell she came on back up there and sat down and opened her beer and lit her a cigarette and told me her name was Beth. I mean it was getting cozy all of a sudden and I couldn’t understand why. And then guess what she does? Starts asking me about going over there. Hell. You don’t want to talk about that shit unless it’s with somebody who was over there. I didn’t want to talk about it. Told her I didn’t want to.

“So she asked me if I knew why I scared her so bad. She reached under the counter and pulled out a dinner plate loaded with sensimilla, about a lid. She’d been cleaning
it. Asked me if I wanted to get high. I said
Hell
yeah. So she rolled one up right quick. It was as tight as a Marlboro. And I mean rolled it in like nothing flat. She said we just needed to go outside and smoke it. So I followed her out back there and we lit it up. We sat on this old drink cooler out there. I knew it was bad shit when I first hit it. I got fucked up almost immediately. It was the best I’d had in a while and I just kept smoking it. I think that’s what messed me up. I’ve noticed that it happens more often when I’ve been smoking a lot. So I try not to do it all the time. We smoked the whole thing, though. I couldn’t hardly talk. I got to looking at her again. And she didn’t care, man. She was sweet.

“We finally went on back inside. Got our beers. I gave her some Visine for the redeye. I was ready for the movie then. I knew it would take me all night to walk back home, just from everything slowing down. I got to thinking about how heavy those two six-packs of beer were gonna get. But, hell, I had to go. So I told her I was fixing to. She asked me what I’s gonna do. I told her just go home and watch a movie. And I don’t even know what in the hell we said. But the next thing I knew she’d done locked the store up and we were out in her car. I remember taking a drink or two of beer. And then the next thing I knew I was waking up.”

H
e hushed for a while. Turned his head away. I closed my eyes. I wanted to have a dream about Jesus and I had it. Had part of it and made up part of it. I’ve seen Jesus. He just looks like you and me. You could meet Him out on the street and you wouldn’t know Him. I know why He ain’t come back. The world would probably find some way to kill Him again. Don’t think He don’t know how the world is. Seen that when He come down the first time. He give this thing His okay, in a way. He sat on the side of my bed. Had gold dust on His sandals. Sat there scraping it off with one of them little wooden sticks they look down your throat with.

He said, “Listen, Braiden. Ain’t nothing for you to do but lay here. I can’t take your life. This guy over here, that’s something else. I ain’t got no control over what you talk him into. But be careful. You treading on shaky ground here. You know what I’m talking about.”

I said, “Jesus, you know I’m suffering.”

“Yeah, I know it. A lot of people are suffering. I know you believe in Me and God and all. I know you been laying here a long time. Lot of people been laying in a lot of places a long time. A lot of them longer than you.”

I said, “Jesus, I know everything You saying. You know my mama, don’t You?”

He wouldn’t look at me. “Yeah, I know your mama. I ain’t met many better than her. Don’t bring your mama into this. She’s happy where she’s at. But don’t ask no more questions along that line. Some things you ain’t meant to know.”

“Well I figgered You knowed her. She the one raised me. But listen here, how long You reckon I gonna have to lay here if nothin don’t happen?”

The Lord looked a little uneasy then. And see, He can’t tell no lie. I mean, He whipped the coondog shit out of them moneychangers in His temple, but that was something else. He
ain’t
gonna lie.

He said, “I wish you wouldn’t ask me that, Braiden.” Then He looked around. “You ain’t got any cigarettes in here, have you?”

I told Him they was some over here in this drawer. I told Him I didn’t know what He wanted to be smoking for.
He got up and went over to the table and got a couple out. Said I just didn’t know what all He had to put up with. Asked me did I want Him to light me one while He was lighting Him one. I said yessir and please.

He got His going and got me one going and then sat there holding it for me while I smoked. You could tell He had a lot on His mind. And here I was worrying Him some more.

“Look, Braiden. I been around a long time. You know God made man in His image. Made him out of dust and blowed the breath of life into him. Give him Eden, and give him Eve. And they had two sons. And look what happened there. It ain’t been any different ever since. There has always been wars, and there is always going to be wars. Always been people mean enough to kill babies. Always going to be. Some people kill people all their lives, and then get caught, and sentenced to death, and then they want to be Christians. Just to keep from getting fried. And We can’t keep them out. You wouldn’t believe how many death-row murderers We’ve got up there right now.”

“That what You stand for, though,” I said. He let me take a drag and then pulled it away. Thumped some ashes in the ashtray.

“Yeah, well, but I mean they’ve done stuff that just makes you sick to hear about it. And some little girl or somebody had to go through it. And then she’s got to run into him up there. It just makes for awkward conversation, Braiden.”

I flat out asked Him: “How long I gonna have to lay here, Jesus?”

He looked sad when I said that. He picked up His cigarette and looked out the window. One of them helicopters was starting to come down on the pad. Jesus looked awful sad.

“One more for me,” he said. I guess they was somebody dead on it.

“Jesus,” I said.

“You better talk right to this guy.”

“How long?”

“I can’t promise anything.”

“You know, though. Don’t You, Lord?”

“Yeah. I know.”

I ought not’ve done it. Raised my voice. Not to Him. “Then tell me! How long? How much longer I got to put up with this? Look how long I done put up with it!”

Sure oughten to have done it. Made Him hot. Seen why that little fig tree withered when it didn’t have no figs and He cursed it. Woo. Like to withered me.

“You don’t like living?” He said. “Life’s what He gave you, all of us.”

And damn if I didn’t mess up again.

“He didn’t intend for some of us to be fucked up like this.”

Oo He looked at me like I was the serpent himself. Eyes went cold, and just for a second He forgot Who He was. Voice went down a notch or two.

“Don’t you talk to me like that, Braiden. I don’t like that word.”

“All right, Lord,” I said. “I’m sorry. I’m
sorry!
But patience is
hard
after twenty-two years! You blink Your eyes in that length of time! Not me!
Jesus,
Jesus!”

I got broke down then. He come over and patted me on the shoulder for a while. I got over it. I straightened myself up and He reached and got some Kleenex and wiped my nose and I got myself right.

Had my voice meek because I remembered what They said about the lambs.

“I just want to know if it gonna be much longer.”

“No, Braiden. It won’t be much longer.”

“Thank you, Lord.”

Then He was gone. I opened my eyes. My savior was looking at me. I think he was wanting another beer.

“I
didn’t know where I was when I woke up. There wasn’t a sound anywhere. Like in the jungle at night when it’s so quiet you know something’s fixing to happen. I was lying on the front seat of her car. I had a bunch of dents in my face from being pressed up against the seat. I think she must have tried to move me at first. I was just too heavy for her. I’d burned a hole in my shirt with a cigarette. Spilled beer all over myself.

“It was getting daylight. I sat up and looked around. I didn’t see her at first. I got me a cigarette and lit it. Beer was all down in the floorboards. I figured she was gone.
Then I saw her sitting on a bank by the roadside. We were on a dirt road up in the woods. She had her knees drawn up and her head down on her arms. I don’t know if she’d been crying or what. I hated to even try to explain.

“I got out. I had to tell her what it was. She raised her head when the interior light came on. But I went ahead and shut the door. I didn’t know what to tell her. It was awful. The truth won’t always set you free.

“I walked over there where she was. Said I was sorry. I said I should have told her that it might happen. She didn’t say anything for a minute. Finally she said it was okay, she just hated to lose her job. I told her I’d talk to Earl and tell him that I’d talked her into it. She said she guessed she’d better get on back and face the music.

“It was getting good daylight. I saw some crows flying by. I watched them until they went out of sight. She said she thought I’d died or something at first. Said Boy when it hits you, it hits you, don’t it? She wanted to know what it was. I just told her it was a war wound. She said she guessed I didn’t want to talk about it. I said Right, I don’t want to talk about it.

“She got up and dusted off her pants. Told me to get in and she’d take me home. Hell, I didn’t want her to take me home. I told her I could walk. She wouldn’t hear it, though. She said she didn’t want me to have to tote all that beer all the way home. I didn’t really want to get back in with her. But I didn’t want to tote that beer, either. So I got in.

“We didn’t talk much. I opened me another beer. I don’t know why it had to happen then. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t even believe I was in the car with her.

“We got out to the highway and I told her I could just get out there. She wouldn’t hear that, either. Said she’d take me home. Hell, I didn’t want to walk. Didn’t want to do anything but go back to my room and hide. She took me on home. I guess Mother and Max saw me come in. She let me out right in front of the house. I got my beer out and I was trying to think of something to say. She said it was nice meeting me. And she did something really strange. Well, strange for me. She reached out and touched my hand. Said maybe we could talk sometime.

“So I said, hell, sure. But I didn’t figure I’d see her again. She had to get on back and open the store. I was hoping Earl hadn’t come by yet and didn’t know the store had been closed half the night. I was hoping like hell he wouldn’t fire her if he did. Because the whole thing was my fault. Anyway she left. And I went on in and went to bed.”

I
t come to me then, see, that Walter was the one. Cause like Jesus was a vision, man. But He was here with me, in this room. Sat right here on my bed. Man.