Dirty: The Complete Series (Secret Baby Romance Love Story) (8 page)

But
that didn’t seem entirely fair. If Titan wanted to be part of his daughter’s
life, then I wouldn’t feel right keeping her away from him. It wasn’t likely to
come up, but if it did, I had to be ready to let Titan have a part in his
daughter’s world.

Then, too, she’s eventually going to realize
that there’s such a thing as fathers, and that most of her friends at school
have dads…
Technically, all her friends at school would have
fathers, but they wouldn’t necessarily all know them. Addie would be one of the
kids who was pitied because she had no “real” family—just me, my parents, and
her uncle.

I
shook my head to try and clear it and went about the next chore on my list. I
needed to power-wash the windows and the siding on the house. After that, I
would be heating up some leftover casserole for lunch.

I
went into the shed after checking on Addie again and found the pressure-washer.
As I came back out and moved to the first of the windows I needed to work on, I
glanced at the fields. I could just barely make out the shapes of the three guys
working out there, and I wasn’t entirely sure that I could distinguish Cade
from my brother and Dad, but I smiled to myself at the sight of the three of
them all out working.

“Never
going to happen, so don’t even think about it,” I told myself, before I’d even
fully let myself think about the idea of asking Cade out or of him asking me
out. Cade wasn’t someone I could date—in fact, with Addie still so young, I
probably shouldn’t be dating anyone at all. I should be focusing on taking care
of my daughter, saving money that I earned from the farm, and getting my life
heading in the right direction.

It wasn’t fair
,
I thought to myself as I moved from one window to the next. It wasn’t fair to
Addie that because her father had decided to be a selfish, cheating ass, she
would have to deal with the insecurity of not knowing him or what he was really
like. Even if she did meet Titan at some point in the future, I couldn’t
guarantee her—or even, realistically, expect for her—to have a smooth
relationship with a man who had abandoned her before she was even born.

I
needed someone to serve as Addie’s father, but I couldn’t exactly go around and
tell people that I was looking for a candidate for her dad. Almost against my
will, my thoughts went to Cade, out in the fields, working hard.

But
I reminded myself once more that I couldn’t even really look at Cade that way.
He was my father’s employee, and he was someone I shouldn’t even think about
getting involved with.

I
should just focus on my daughter and on my role working the farm, and hope that
God would provide me with someone. Maybe I could meet someone at the church, or
maybe once Addie was a little older I could go to speed dating or something
like that, meet people who might be willing to entertain the possibility of a
relationship with me.

My
prospects—at least the romantic ones—seemed bleak indeed as I finished up the
pressure washing and put the big, clunky machine away to spend a few minutes
playing with my daughter.

I
wasn’t exactly thrilled at what was in front of me. I couldn’t help but feel a
little bad for my daughter that Titan might never lay eyes on her, that the man
who was her biological father wouldn’t be able to pick her out of a lineup—and
that he might not ever be able to.

Chapter
Ten

Cade

It
wasn’t quite heading into dark when Bob Nelson called the cue to shut
everything down for the day. It was the end of the workday—and the end of the
workweek, at least for me—and I was grateful for the chance to go home, get
cleaned up, and relax a bit. I’d declined, as politely as possible, the offer
for dinner. I wanted to just rest up and catch up a bit on my sleep, maybe have
a beer.

“You’re
sure you don’t want to stay for dinner, Cade? We’d be glad to have you,” Bob
said to me as we walked back towards the house.

“All
I want is a nice steak, a beer, a shower, and my bed,” I told the older man. “I
thought I was in good shape before…phew. This farm working is tougher than I
remembered.”

“Just
wait until high summer,” Tuck told me. “We may have to get those towels that
help keep your neck cool, Dad.”

“Those
are supposed to be good,” Bob agreed. “Autumn swears by ‘em.” As we approached
the house, I saw that Autumn herself was out on the porch, taking a break.

“Look
at this lazy creature,” Tuck said, mockingly clucking his tongue against his
teeth. “Out on the porch like a sleeping cat.”

“I
will have you know that among other things, I washed your drawers today, Tucker
Nelson,” she replied tartly. “That in and of itself earned me a break.” Bob and
Tuck laughed, and I joined in, though I kept my laughter quiet.

Somehow—I
still wasn’t sure just how—Autumn managed to look more and more beautiful every
time I saw her. I didn’t think she was changing anything about what she was
doing in terms of makeup or clothes, but she just became magically prettier
each time I ran into her or talked to her.

I’d
seen her at the grocery store over the weekend before, and she’d had her hair
down around her shoulders, a Sunday dress on, and I couldn’t think of any woman
I’d ever met who was more lovely than Autumn Nelson.
It’s a damned good thing I promised Bob I wouldn’t fall in love with
her,
I thought as we all stood around, trading small talk.

“I
was going to ask you, Dad: do you think we could put a swing up in that old
apple tree by the house?”

I
perked at that. “What kind of swing were you thinking?”

Autumn
shrugged. “Something I could put Addie into while I’m out here working,” she
replied. “Then, of course, later on when she can actually hold onto something,
a proper swing that she can play on.”

“That
shouldn’t be too hard,” Bob said, nodding slowly. “I think it’s a good idea.
That baby needs sunshine and fresh air—just like her mama did growing up.”

“I
still say that she could work out on the field with us,” Tuck suggested with a
little grin. “Can’t train ‘em up too soon.” I laughed.

“Addie
can’t even walk yet,” Autumn countered. “At least, not with any kind of
stability.”

“She’s
managed a few words,” Tuck pointed out. “She could crawl along the rows, get
some of the bugs out of there for us.”

“I’d
still say we should wait another year or two before we take her out there,” Bob
said, smacking some of the dust off of his pants. “I’m hungry for my
dinner—what’d your mom make us?”

“We’ve
got pot roast with potatoes, carrots, and peas, some rice, and a big cherry
pie,” Autumn replied. I had to admit the sound of it made my mouth water.

“Final
offer, Cade: want to hang around and get a bite to eat? We won’t hold you too
late,” Bob told me.

“Nah,
I’d better get home,” I declined, shaking my head. I could see the little
flicker of disappointment in Autumn’s eyes, but she didn’t say anything. “I’m
going to make it an early night, I think.”

I
turned away from the Nelson family and walked out to my waiting truck, thinking
about what I could do to fill some of my free weekend time. I’d go to church,
of course—that was a given—but none of the few guy friends I had were
interested in grabbing a drink anywhere.

As
I climbed up into my truck, I thought about a girl who might be: Sherry Williams,
who’d been in my tenth and eleventh grade math classes, who I had had a bit of
a crush on in high school. She was still living in town, and as far as I knew,
she was single; she might be worth calling up to see what was going on, maybe
catch up a little.

But
as I pulled off of the driveway and onto the road heading back for town, I
thought that it would just be a dead end. If Sherry had wanted anything to do
with me, then she would have made that clear—she would have stayed in touch.

In
fact, I wasn’t really all that close with any of my exes, which I thought was
probably about normal. I shook my head and turned the radio up as I headed back
towards my house, wondering what I should do with myself for the night.

I
hadn’t exactly been lying to Bob when I’d said I was bone-tired, but I also
felt restless. I didn’t like the prospect of going straight home and going to
bed, surrounded by my lonely, empty house.

It
would be better by far to take a quick shower to clean up, make sure I didn’t
have any pesticide residue on my hands, and go out to one of the bars in town.
But I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t be doing that, either.

I
remembered that I’d run into Ashley Harris at the hardware store earlier in the
week. She was apparently newly single—I had seen the tan line where her wedding
ring used to be—and I had to admit that she’d looked cute enough. I’d known her
from high school, where we’d had English together all four years.

Ashley
had been more than happy to run into me. “You’re looking good these days,
Cade,” she’d said, giving me the look I’d seen a few times in my life—the look
of a woman appraising a man.

“I’ve
been working out on the Nelsons’ farm,” I’d told her, shrugging off the idea of
being any better-looking than I’d been the year before—but then, I reminded
myself, Ashley was newly single. She was looking at every guy she ran into as a
potential partner and sizing him up.

“It’s
doing you a lot of good,” she had said, giving me that quick once-over look again.
“Hey, are you doing anything Friday night?”

“I
hadn’t planned anything,” I’d said. “But I might be too tired by the end of the
week to do more than curl up in my bed.”

“Big,
strapping guy like you?” She had put her hand on my arm and grinned at me. “I
don’t believe it.”

“It’s
hard work,” I’d pointed out. “But if I’m free and have the energy, I wouldn’t
mind hanging out and catching up on all the news.”

“I’ll
buy you a drink, if you do,” she had told me, almost fluttering her eyelashes.

I’d
managed to finish up with her after a few more minutes, and more or less I’d
put the invitation out of my mind; it wasn’t that Ashley wasn’t a beautiful
woman—but I hadn’t had enough time to really be interested in her, not out of
the blue like that.

As
I got closer to home, I thought about it. I could call her up and go have a
drink with her at the bar. We’d talk about a few things, catch up on each
other’s lives, and I’d go home by myself—I had made it a policy years before
not to go home with a woman after a bar date.

I
could do it, but when I thought about it, I decided I didn’t want to. More than
anything, what I wanted was to relax at home, decompress, and watch TV. It was
probably incredibly boring of me to want that, but I didn’t really care right
then.

The
memory of the sight of Autumn sitting on the porch popped into my head and my
hands almost slipped on the wheel. She’d been so beautiful, sitting there, and
I could just see myself sitting next to her. Maybe having a cup of coffee in
the morning, reading the paper, talking about the town gossip.

I
shook my head as I pulled in at my driveway. That wasn’t a picture I should be
entertaining in my mind and I knew it. I’d promised Bob Nelson that I wouldn’t
fall in love with his daughter and that I wouldn’t get distracted by her if I
worked for him—I needed to honor that promise.

I
climbed out of the cab of my truck and could feel the fatigue in all my
muscles. I’d gotten over the flu, but I was still not up to 100%. I definitely
shouldn’t be taking the first excuse to go out and party it up that presented
itself to me.

As
I unlocked my front door and went into the kitchen to heat up something for
dinner, I thought about how kind it had been of Autumn to come by and make sure
that I was okay—and the soup she’d made had done just the trick.

You need to find a way to get that
jar back to her—clean.
I couldn’t just hand it over to her
in front of everyone. I’d seen Tuck teasing Autumn about having a crush on me,
and I definitely didn’t want to pour fuel on that particular fire.

I
decided that I was going to spend the weekend getting my house in order. If I
wanted to see Ashley—or any woman—it wouldn’t do to have a messy, bachelor-type
place to bring them back to if it came to that.

I
heated up a frozen dinner and grabbed myself a beer and thought about how
lonely I’d been the past few months. When I’d been working construction, that
hadn’t been so much of an issue—I’d had the crew at the job site to talk to and
I’d gone out a couple of times, which hadn’t been as good as I’d wanted it to
be, but had been enough to tide me over.

But
I was starting to think that I really wanted something more than that—not just
a girlfriend, but someone to start a real life with.

I
put the TV on and wondered what that would look like, while carefully keeping
any image of any particular woman out of my mind. I wanted someone I could come
home to at the end of the day and make dinner with. Steady sex would be a plus,
but I’d long since learned that I didn’t need sex every day to be happy.