Dirty: The Complete Series (Secret Baby Romance Love Story) (78 page)

Chapter
Nine

  
When
I hung up with Ty, I wasn’t completely sure how I felt. Part of me felt
glad—glad that Ty had made a move, glad that he apparently couldn’t stop
thinking about me, glad that he wanted to see me. But I couldn’t stop thinking
about the reasons that I’d pushed him away in the first place. We were closer
than ever to the end of the year; he would graduate in less than a month. Why
would he want to have anything to do with me now?

  
I
checked the time; it was eleven in the morning. I had an hour to get ready to
meet with Ty.
 
I pressed my lips together
and tried to decide whether I really wanted to go through with it or not. If I
did want to go through with it, exactly how should I look? Did I want to remind
Ty of what he was missing—or did I want to show up looking the same way I did
every day?

  
I
played with my hair for a moment, smiling to myself at the memory of how
everyone I knew had reacted to me cutting it. Had Ty seen the new style I’d put
my hair into? I had no way to know.

  
I
decided abruptly that I was going to absolutely make sure that I looked as
beautiful as possible when I met with Ty. All that was going to happen, I told
myself, was that Ty was going to make a lot of explanations about Kelsey, and I
would explain to him that I’d cut things off because I didn’t want to be a
rebound, and that would be that. Looking my best would give me some confidence;
it would make it easier not to get lost in his gray-green eyes, weaken in the
face of his smile.

  
I
hurried into the shower and told myself to take no more than twenty minutes;
fortunately I’d shaved the night before, so I was able to focus on washing my
hair, exfoliating and scrubbing my body, letting my conditioner sink in as I
thought about why it was that Ty would pick right at that moment to decide that
he absolutely had to talk to me. Had he seen me? Had he just gotten up the
courage to finally contact me? I had toyed with the idea of blocking his number
at the same time that I was avoiding him. I was glad, in a way, that I hadn’t.
If I had blocked him, what would Ty have done? Shown up on my doorstep? Or
would he have just continued to back off?

  
I
thought about what I’d told Ashley a few weeks earlier, about how I felt about
Ty and the fact that he hadn’t made any move to try and find out what had gone
wrong between us, or to try and win me back. I wasn’t sure I even wanted him to
try—but I also wasn’t sure I wouldn’t feel disappointed if Ty didn’t make a try
to win me back.

  
I
stepped out of the shower and went into my room, opening my closet and my
dresser up to try and decide what I wanted to wear. It was getting closer to
summer every day—part of the reason I had cut my hair into a chin-length
bob—and I had plenty of options that I almost thought would suit the situation.
I tried on one thing after another but I wasn’t satisfied with any of the
dresses, or skirts, or shorts that I put on.

  
I
didn’t really know how I felt about seeing Ty, about agreeing to meet with him.
My stomach twisted and churned and I thought to myself that I wasn’t sure that
I would even be able to actually eat lunch while I was so nervous. I considered
calling Ashley in and asking her what she thought, what I should wear, but then
I didn’t want to hear her comments about Ty and me.

  
I
finally settled on a camisole-dress, burgundy with tiny cream-colored flowers,
along with a pair of ankle boots and a cardigan. I blow-dried my hair, fluffing
it up, running the brush through it to make sure it stayed straight the way I
wanted it to. With only about ten minutes left before I needed to be out of the
dorms, I decided to make my makeup simple. Just a little bit of concealer where
I had the odd zit or two, a swipe of lip color, some mascara, a little blush to
give my cheeks some color.

  
I
was so nervous that I looked pale under the blush, and I almost decided to wipe
it off—but a little blending fixed the problem, and after a few moments to
gather my courage, I got my phone, my wallet, my keys, and took a deep breath
before I left my dorm room and headed downstairs.

  
I
couldn’t really believe how nervous I felt about the meeting with Ty; I had
told myself over and over again that there was nothing left between us, and
that I didn’t care about him anymore—I knew when Ashley had caught me
“stalking” him that it was almost certainly not true, but I had still tried to
convince myself that it was for the best. After all, my grades were actually
halfway decent for the spring semester, without the distraction of dating
someone, or hanging out with friends, or the occasional study session that
ended in sex rather than memorizing facts.

  
I
checked the time again; I was very nearly late. I couldn’t quite make myself
hurry, even knowing that I was possibly going to be late. I still didn’t know
how much I wanted to see Ty in order to reconcile, or if I wanted to see him so
that I could finally, completely, close the door on our relationship. I even
thought that maybe I was mostly seeing him out of a sense of guilt. If I had come
forward, if I had been direct and explained to him months ago that I was afraid
of being a rebound, that I couldn’t be comfortable with someone who apparently
still had some kind of feelings toward his ex, I wouldn’t have left him
wondering all this time.

  
I
got closer to the dining hall and nearly turned on my heel and fled. I wanted
to see Ty—I was hungry to see him—but I was also afraid of seeing him again. I
was afraid that I would just lose it; start crying, acting like a fool,
promising him the moon and the stars if he would just forgive me.

  
I
forced myself to keep moving forward. I would see this confrontation through,
and I would come out on the other side. I took a deep breath and a few more
steps toward the dining hall entrance.

  
Just
when I was certain I had myself completely under control, that I would be able
to see Ty, to talk to him without crying or getting upset, fully composed, I
spotted him. He was standing against one of the pillars outside of the
entrance, and in that moment, he just looked so amazing: so comforting, so
real, so much of what I had wanted and itched and burned for ever since I’d
made the decision to push him away.

  
My
feet started to move before I could even get over the shock of seeing him; in
moments, I was racing toward him, running, tears stinging my eyes and my heart
pounding in my chest.

  
“Oh,
god…Ty…” He looked up and saw me and he smiled—just a tiny smile, just a little
flicker of joy in his bright eyes and on his boyish face—and then his arms were
open, and I threw myself against him, burying my face against his chest, as
tears poured out of me. I hadn’t realized how much I had wanted him, how much I
had needed him, ever since I’d made myself separate from him.

  
Ty’s
hands moved over my body slowly, caressing me, soothing me, and after a moment
the spasms began to abate. I pulled back, feeling more than a little foolish,
and looked up into his face. “I’m sorry,” I said, cringing at the thought that
exactly what I had hoped to avoid had happened.

  
“Don’t
be,” Ty said, smiling slightly. “It’s pretty flattering, having a girl who’s
been avoiding you for months throw herself into your arms.” He licked his lips
and held my gaze for a long moment, and my heart started beating faster once
more.

  
Before
I could react, Ty closed the little bit of distance between us and pressed his
lips against mine. I closed my eyes, melting against him, feeling the heat of
his body along every curve of mine. Ty held me tightly, deepening the kiss
moment by moment, and I could feel the desire I’d kept pushing to the back of
my mind getting stronger and stronger. If I let the moment continue, I knew
we’d be hurrying back to his dorm or to mine in a matter of moments, and no
talking at all would go on.

  
I
broke away from the kiss, trembling and breathless. “We—we agreed to talk,” I
said, swallowing down the taste of him that lingered on my lips and tongue.

  
“You’re
right,” Ty said, nodding, his face serious. “Let’s grab something to eat, and
let’s talk about what’s going on between us.”

  
In
spite of what I’d said, I didn’t quite have the strength to leave his arms. I
took a deep breath and pressed my body against his for just a moment longer,
and then I pulled back and exhaled. “Okay,” I said, nodding. “Let’s do this.”

Chapter
Ten

  
As
soon as Nicole had calmed, we went into the dining hall together. In spite of
the way that she’d thrown herself into my arms, I wasn’t sure if she was
feeling comfortable enough for me to hold her hand. I wanted to give her
space—but the fact that she hadn’t resisted my kiss, or told me no, and that
she had pressed herself against me for just a moment, gave me a little hope.

  
I
wanted to tell her how adorable she looked, how much her new haircut made her
look exactly like a woodland sprite or a fairy of some kind, but I held back. I
knew better than to push myself on her; we would have to hash out what had
happened to us, and I would have to be patient and listen to what Nicki had to
say.

  
I
grabbed food from the different stations without even thinking, without caring
what it was that I got, and I suspected that Nicole was doing the same thing.
It was like I had to occupy my hands—I needed to be doing something, or I would
end up touching her, unable to help myself.

  
I
managed to shake myself out of my distraction long enough to choose the right
soda from the dispenser, and then Nicole and I stepped out of the serving area
and into the dining room proper. “How about over there?” I pointed to a spot at
the end of one of the three long tables that dominated the dining hall. It was
empty—but there were a few people only a few feet away.

  
“I
want somewhere a little more private,” Nicole admitted, blushing slightly. “Can
we go outside?” I glanced at the terrace. No one was sitting out there—which
was rare for the time of year. I nodded.

  
“That
sounds perfect,” I told her, giving her another smile. My heart was beating
faster in my chest, skipping a beat every few moments. I was happy to see
Nicole, happy to have felt her in my arms—but I was nervous about what she
might say to me when we finally got down to the discussion we had to have.

  
We
both walked across the dining room, and I had to resist the urge to take her
hand in mine again. I caught a few people who were glancing at us,
interested—curious—and I knew that there would be rumors, no matter what the
outcome of the conversation was.

  
For
a few moments, Nicole and I sat at a table outside, picking at our food, taking
occasional bites. I wasn’t particularly hungry, and the food I’d picked in my
distraction wasn’t particularly good. “Do you want to start, or should I?”
Nicole looked up from her plate and smiled wryly.

  
“You’re
the one who asked for a meeting,” she said. “Tell me what you want to know, and
I guess…I’ll decide if I want to answer.” That was less than promising; but I
took a deep breath and put my fork down.

  
“What
exactly happened between us? I mean, from your perspective.” I licked my lips,
thinking of the kiss we’d had only a few moments before. That hadn’t been the
kiss of a girl who had absolutely no interest in me.

  
“We
separated,” Nicole said, her cheeks turning slightly pinker with a blush. She
looked down at her plate and then up at me. “I mean, I told you at the time…”

  
“Yeah,
but you told me you needed to back off a bit,” I pointed out. “And I know
you’ve been avoiding me. If it was just a little space and time you needed that
would be one thing.”

  
“I
did need space,” Nicole said, looking away from me as her blush deepened a
little more. “I just didn’t…I didn’t feel comfortable with the way things were
going.”

  
“When
did I make you feel uncomfortable?” I gritted my teeth to try and control the
rush of instinctive anger that came up in me, the defensive instinct to deny
everything. “Tell me, please. I want to know if it’s something I can fix.”

  
“It
wasn’t—it wasn’t anything you did, specifically,” Nicole said. She picked at
the food on her plate. “I just worried about our future.”

  
“What
had you worried?” I thought about Kelsey—the image of her flashed into my
brain. I had finally managed to completely get her out of my life over winter
break, after weeks of texting and pleas and insistence that we were meant to be
together.

  
I
had told her in no uncertain terms that I was never going to be interested in
her, and that nothing was ever going to happen to us. And then I had blocked
her everywhere I could think of, and told campus security not to let her into
the dining hall, dorms, or student union.

  
“It’s
nothing,” Nicole said, shrugging.

  
“If
it’s nothing you wouldn’t have pushed me away,” I pointed out. “Come on, Nicki.
I can take it. I need to know what it was.” Nicole bit her bottom lip and I
wondered if she knew just how tempting, just how deliciously beautiful she
looked when she did that. “Nicole…” She sighed and looked up, her lips twisting
into an expression that wasn’t quite a smile.

  
“It
was Kelsey,” she said. “When—when we went out, you just…you didn’t push her
away right off the bat, and you didn’t come after us. And then you didn’t
really explain anything about it, and someone told me you’d been with her for
three years.”

  
The
words poured out of her in a torrent and I struggled to keep track of them.
“And I thought that if you’d been in such a serious relationship so recently,
and if you were graduating so soon, I couldn’t be anything but like—like a fling,
or a rebound, or something.” Her eyes watered, and she looked at me with real
pain in her face.

  
“You
could never be a rebound,” I said, shaking my head. “I took you to meet my
parents, didn’t I?” I sighed. I knew that it had been a mistake to keep Nicole
as much in the dark as possible about Kelsey. “I never would have asked you to
meet my mom and dad if I didn’t think things were pretty serious between us.” I
reached out and took her hand in mine; it was cold, but it warmed after a
moment. “I really do want to be with you—and we can find a way to be together
after my graduation.”

  
“That’s…that’s
good,” Nicole said, licking her lips and looking down at her plate. “I just…”
she shrugged.

  
“What?
What else?” I reached out and put my fingers under her chin, tilting her face
upward. “You can tell me, whatever it is.”

  
“I
can’t,” Nicole said, shaking her head.

  
“I
need to explain about Kelsey,” I told her, taking a deep breath. “Yes, I was
with her for a long time—three years. I broke up with her after trying
everything that I could to make things work between us. And when I say
everything, I mean everything.” I smiled wryly. “So by the time I broke things
off altogether, I was sick and tired of her.” I took another quick breath. “The
night you saw her grinding on me…” I shook my head. “That—I mean, that was a
big part of what contributed to Kelsey and I not being able to work out. All I
did was to make sure that she got home okay.”

  
I
held Nicole’s gaze for a long moment. “You believe me, don’t you?”

  
“Why
didn’t you just say that the next day?” Nicole frowned.

  
“I
was being a stupid coward,” I admitted. I smiled weakly. “I thought if I made
as little a fuss about it as possible, it would be for the best.” Nicole
half-smiled.

  
“I
probably should have been more up front about asking,” she said, glancing down.
“But even—even if I trust you on this…why would you want to be with me?”

  
“What
do you mean?” I frowned at her. “Why wouldn’t I want to be with you? You’re
beautiful and smart and sweet and funny and just…amazing.”

  
“I’m
not smart,” Nicole said, tugging her face free of my hand and shaking her head.
“I’m an idiot. I’ve only just barely been able to keep my grades afloat this
first year.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “You deserve a woman who’s like…who
has a degree, and who can make you proud.”

  
“You
do make me proud,” I told her.

  
“But
I’m—I’m doing better this semester, but I don’t know how I’m going to make it
through the rest of the way. I don’t even know what I can study. I’m useless.”
She started to cry, and I stood up, quickly moving to the other side of the
table, taking the bench next to her.

  
“This
is about more than just the grades, isn’t it?” Nicole sniffled.

  
“The—the
guy you saw at the party. Dillon.” Her breath hitched in her throat, and I took
her hand in mine, giving it a squeeze. “You know he was my ex, but you don’t
know…”

  
“How
did it end between you?” I remembered that Nicole had said something about
never being good enough for him—something about Dillon being an asshole who
criticized her constantly.

  
“I
wanted to be a cosmetologist,” Nicole said slowly. “The only thing I’ve ever
really like to do is hair and makeup, thinks like that.” She smiled sadly. “But
Dillon had me convinced that I was going to be wasting my time—that it was
trashy, and low rent, and just…” she shook her head. “He told me that if I
didn’t go to college and get a degree I was just going to end up some knocked
up welfare queen, and that he would never stand for it.”

  
“If
you wanted to do cosmetology, why didn’t you go back to that when you left
him?” Nicole blinked, looking confused for a moment.

  
“At
first it was because I still thought he might be right,” she explained slowly.
“But then…I’d gotten in here, and I thought that I at least…should try…” she
shook her head, looking sadder than ever. “But now I just think I’m too stupid
for anything. I’d probably fail cosmetology school, too.”

  
“I
think you should try,” I told her, leaning in to kiss her on the forehead. “If
it’s what you love to do—and you definitely have talent for it,” I tousled her
hair, “then you should do that. And I’ll help you.” I kissed Nicole’s forehead
again, and then her cheek, and then her lips.

  
“How
could you help me?” I grinned and shrugged.

  
“There’s
a cosmetology school near my home town—from what I understand, it’s pretty
great,” I told her. “I could help you with the transfer process.” She gave my
hand a squeeze.

  
“You
really don’t think that it’s stupid?” I shook my head.

  
“I
think you’ve got a gift, and you should do something that makes you happy.” I
smiled and kissed Nicole once more, wrapping my arms around her waist and
holding her close. “And I think if you’re going to a cosmetology school near my
home town, it’ll be a lot easier for us to keep seeing each other.” Nicole
chuckled.

  
“You’ve
just got an answer for everything, don’t you?” I kissed along the column of her
throat, thinking about how good it would be to come home to Nicole at the end
of the day, how much I wanted her as part of my daily life.

  
“It’ll
be great, just you wait and see,” I told her. “I’ll set everything up the way
we want it to be.”