Dirty: The Complete Series (Secret Baby Romance Love Story) (49 page)

I had to wonder just how much sense it
made for me to be this attached to Patrick this soon. We’d gone on maybe five
dates over the course of less than three full weeks. That was unusual—before Patrick
the most I had seen someone was twice in one week—and it made the way that he
was avoiding me even more frustrating. If he’d lost interest, wouldn’t it just
be easier for him to let the conversation happen, or tell me that he was too
busy to see anyone, or something like that? Or if he wasn’t brave enough to
actually end things, at least he could have let it fall by the wayside
completely. I replayed the phone conversation in my head so many times I
thought I’d never be able to forget it.

I told myself as I finally got close to
the mall that I wasn’t going to go into the situation with any expectations at
all. If he’s not interested in me anymore, that’s going to be obvious from the
beginning. If he is still interested in me, then that will be obvious too. I
wasn’t about to sit there and pine for someone who’d already moved on; I’d
spent too long being single—and mostly happy—to get all wrapped up in a guy who
would rather drop off the face of the planet than tell me he wasn’t interested.

I circled around, looking for parking,
watching the time tick down to when I’d agreed to meet Patrick at the entrance
to Bloomingdale’s. “If you’re late it’s not like you set a definite time,” I
told myself, waiting for the slowpoke in front of me to move their ass.
“Besides, he showed up late to the first physical therapy session you had with
Landon.” The fact that he’d been on time to every other session—and to all of
our dates together—was a separate issue. I took a deep breath and considered
texting Patrick to let him know that I had arrived, but was looking for
somewhere to park. If he was looking too, then it wouldn’t matter; but if he
was waiting for me outside of Bloomingdales, I’d feel bad for the fact that he
was standing in the cold while some woman or man waited for someone else to
pull out of a parking spot rather than moving on and accepting that they were
going to have to walk a little bit.

I finally managed to find a spot and
pulled in, throwing my car into park and taking a moment to check myself over.
I had forgotten almost completely what it was I even needed to buy; I shook my
head at how much stress I was putting myself through for what should have been
a very casual, very basic date. I went over the list of friends and family that
I had to buy for in my head and tried to remember if I’d already bought for
each person and if so, what it had been that I’d gotten. Once more I argued
with myself over whether it would make any sense to get anything for Patrick;
especially now that I wasn’t sure if he even wanted to see me anymore, it
seemed silly to worry about it. “Quit stalling,” I told my reflection. “It’s
not going to get any better worrying about it.” I checked my purse to make sure
I had my phone, my wallet, and my keys, and I got out of my car.

Chapter Four - Patrick

I spotted Mack as she came to the ground
floor entrance of Bloomingdales. I stepped forward, taking in the sight of her:
her hair bundled up in a gray knit cap, her curves wrapped up in jeans and a
sweater. She looked as adorable as ever, and for a moment all I could think of
was how much I wished it could work out between us.
Talk to her. Ask her how she feels. She gave you another chance to make
it right; don’t waste it.
“Mack! Hey,” I smiled, and she saw me finally.

Mackenzie hurried closer to me, her cheeks
flushed in the cold, and I thought that I had never in my life seen anyone as
simply beautiful as her.
Don’t get ahead
of yourself. You don’t know where her head is at. You have to find out.
I
hugged her quickly and gave her a kiss on the lips as soon as she was within
reach, and for just a moment, everything was right. Everything felt the way it
should. I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her hair, her soap.

“Did you have any shopping you needed to
do?” Mack pulled back and looked up at me. I shrugged.

“I could get a couple of odds and ends
while we’re here,” I said. “Stocking stuffers, little things for some of the
kids in the family.” Mackenzie smiled.

“Should we start here then?” She looked
around, and I realized that we were obstructing the flow of foot traffic.

“Yeah—before someone yells at us for
getting in the way,” I agreed. I took her hand and we walked into Bloomingdales
together. “Who do you need to shop for?” Mackenzie looked around as we moved
forward from the entrance.

“Mostly my siblings,” Mack answered. “I
wanted to get one or two other things for my mom, too.” I nodded, thinking of
the things I needed to get a few members of my own family.

We wandered around Bloomingdales, taking
in all the holiday frenzy, and making small talk. “Do you have any special
family traditions?” Mackenzie looked up from a display of tree ornaments and
shrugged.

“Mom makes her special eggnog, Dad roasts
some chestnuts. We decorate the tree together—what do you think of this one?” She
held up a silvery star ornament, studded with green and red crystals.

“I like it,” I said. “Landon made one kind
of like that last year in preschool. Not as nice, obviously.” I smiled to
myself, remembering the ornament; Landon had taken pieces of Popsicle sticks
and covered them in green and red glitter, until there was no wood to be seen
anymore.

“If he’d made something out of metal like
this, I’d be really shocked,” Mack told me, grinning. “It’s five dollars. Worth
it?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Totally,” I said. I watched Mackenzie
pick out a few more ornaments, getting my approval for each one, and tried to
think about how to come around to the subject on my mind.

We wandered through the store, picking up
a few more items each, and then left Bloomingdales to go through the rest of
the mall, browsing and taking in the decorations, the other shoppers. “No
matter how soon after Thanksgiving I start, I always seem to end up doing my
last shopping on Christmas Eve, and wrapping presents at midnight,” I told
Mackenzie as we passed a giftwrapping station.

“Me too,” Mack said. “Of course, I’m not
alone—my parents always have last-minute things to wrap for their grandkids.”

“So a big late-night wrapping party?” I
tried to picture Mackenzie in her pajamas, wrapping presents, maybe drinking
some mulled cider or some wine.
She could
be doing that with you.
It was too easy to imagine her with me at my
parents’ house, sitting in the living room, drinking wine while we worked on
Landon’s presents or some of the others. I’d give her a smaller present—nothing
big, just a little something—right at midnight, and then we’d finish up the
wrapping and go to bed together.

“What else is there to do on Christmas
Eve?” Mackenzie shrugged, the smile tugging at the corners of her lips driving
me almost crazy with the desire to kiss her. “I can never sleep on Christmas
Eve anyway—ever since I was a kid. I might as well be doing something.”

“I hear you there,” I agreed.
You could be having sex. That’d be a great
way to spend Christmas Eve: making love all night until Landon wakes us up.
I pushed the thought aside, remembering what Mack had said about not thinking
she was destined to have kids, or even get married.

We wandered from one store to another, and
while I tried to think of a way to bring the conversation around to our
relationship, I couldn’t think of anything. I bought a few odds and ends for
Landon’s stocking, a few little things for my nieces and nephews; all of the
kids in my family were still at an age where they were more excited by the fact
that they had presents to unwrap than by the actual presents themselves. Even
Landon, in spite of his list of things he wanted, had been thrilled the year
before just to tear paper off of packages, to see what surprises were in store
for him. “How do you do Landon’s presents?” I looked up from a big wall of
puzzles at Mackenzie’s question.

“What do you mean?” I picked one of the
easier puzzles and tucked it under my arm; it would be a good family present
for my sister’s family—something they could all do together on a rainy day.

“I mean do you stick with his list, or do
you split it up with the rest of the family, or some of what he wants and some
of what he needs?”

“He gets a few things from his list, a few
things that I know he needs, and a few things that I think he’d like, but that
he didn’t ask for.” I shrugged. “The whole family exchanges lists, so we keep
track of who’s getting what for the kids. Landon gets most of what’s on his
list, but he doesn’t get everything and then some.”

“That’s a smart way to do it,” Mackenzie
said. “When I was a kid, the rule was: something you want, something you need,
something to wear and something to read.”

“Big book people?” Mackenzie chuckled.

“My grandfather only had a seventh-grade
education,” she explained. “But he managed to educate himself well enough to
become an accountant, back when you didn’t need a degree for it. So he was
always super passionate about reading and books.”

“Sounds like a good guy,” I said. “Maybe I
should start getting Landon into reading more.”

“It’s a great thing,” Mackenzie said. “I
like the way you’re doing it though—it’s good to have some surprises, some
things you never would have expected to get.”

“Landon’s at that age, you know?” I picked
up another puzzle and then put it down, deciding against it; I couldn’t think
of anyone in the family who would actually want it. “As long as he’s tearing
wrapping paper off of presents, he almost doesn’t really care what it is
inside.”

Mackenzie laughed. “One of my nephews is
at that age too,” she said.

“You must be the favorite aunt,” I pointed
out. “With—with no kids of your own, you’re not as stressed out. And you’re
great with kids.”

“I’m great with kids in part because of my
nieces and nephews,” Mackenzie said. “Lots of practice, and lots of seeing them
at different ages.”

“So Aunt Mackie,” I said, trying the
nickname out for size. “Do you get them all the coolest toys?”

“I get them some cool toys,” Mackenzie
said. “But mostly I’m good at picking out things that their parents don’t think
of. I’ll see something in a store, and it’ll remind me of one of the tykes.”

“It’s a shame that you don’t think you’re
going to ever be in the position to spoil some kids of your own,” I said,
taking the plunge. “I think you’d be great at it.” Mackenzie shrugged.

“I’ve mostly made peace with it,” she
said. “I mean after all, if I can’t find someone to have those kids with…” she
stopped short, looking at something in a display. “Can you do me a favor,
Patrick?”

“What’s that?”

Mackenzie picked up a little make-your-own
kite set and showed it to me. “If I buy this, will you give it to Landon, from
me?” she blushed. “I can’t really give it to him at the clinic—it’d be mean to
the other kids. But he was telling me the other day that you and he talk about
flying kites when it gets warmer.”

“I can do that,” I said, smiling.
She wants to buy a present for Landon. She’s
thinking about him. That has to mean something.
“Are you going to get me
something for Christmas too?” Mackenzie’s blush deepened and she turned away,
taking her wallet out of her purse to pay for the presents she’d selected.

“I have actually been agonizing over
whether I should,” she admitted. I caught the sight of her licking her lips in
profile. “Especially these last couple of days I didn’t know if I was going to
see you in time to be able to give you a gift…”

“And now we’re shopping together,” I said.
“It wouldn’t really be a surprise then, would it?”

“Nope,” she agreed. “So you kind of shot
yourself in the foot, suggesting we do our shopping together. No Christmas
present for you.”

We went up to the fifth level, and grabbed
dinner from Potbelly’s: Italian for me, and roast beef for Mack, and we settled
into the first seats we could find to eat.
Stop
hedging and just ask her,
I thought, watching Mackenzie closely as she took
bites of her sandwich and sipped her milkshake.

“I was hoping that I might be able to see
you again, now that things aren’t so crazy,” I told her. I was still hedging,
still avoiding asking her outright—I’d become a complete coward. “I’m going to
have the week from Christmas Eve until New Year’s Day off.”

“I’m not sure what my schedule’s going to
look like,” Mackenzie said quickly. “They’re putting off the roster for holiday
overtime until the last minute, same as last year.” She looked at me for a
moment and then reached down to tug one of the slipping shopping bags closer to
her. “Plus, you know—family. They want to spend as much time with me as
possible, and the holidays are really the only time everyone’s free.”

“I hear that,” I said. “I was just
thinking—you know. I feel really bad about canceling on you, and then sort of
dropping off the radar for a while.”

“It happens,” Mackenzie said. “I get it.
I’m a pretty busy person most of the time too.” She gave me a brief smile. “And
I don’t even have a kid. So don’t worry about it too much.” I wished—god how I
wished—that I could suggest that she could come home with me. I thought that if
I could get her alone, if I could just spend a little bit of time with
Mackenzie, that I’d know for sure how she felt.
Every time you’ve had sex with her it’s been great. She’s been great.
I’d gone so long without it that now that I’d gotten a little taste, I was
thinking about it at least five times a day. “I think I’m done,” Mackenzie
said, surveying her bags. “I mean—unless you had something else to do.”