Dirty: The Complete Series (Secret Baby Romance Love Story) (175 page)

PART
3

Chapter
One

  
I was
walking back to the dorms from class when my phone buzzed in my pocket. At
first I thought—I hoped—it was Ty, calling to ask if I wanted to hang out for a
little while. He had been busier than ever, and so had I; Finals Week was only
days away, and both of us had been spending as much time as possible studying.
Instead of Ty or even Ashley though, it was my mom.

  
I
hesitated, seeing her name flashing on the screen; normally I loved talking to
Mom or Dad, but I had just gone through an end-of-semester review that had
included a sheet listing my cumulative grade and what score I would need on my
final to pass the class. The results weren’t pretty. But then I told myself I
was being stupid. Mom just wanted to check in on me; I should answer. I tapped
accept and brought the phone up to my ear.

  
“Hey
sweetie!” I forced myself to smile in spite of how stressed I felt.

  
“Hi,
Mom. How are you and Dad doing?”

  
“We’re
looking forward to seeing you during winter break—we’ve missed you so much!” I
sat down on the first empty bench I came to and set my backpack down.

  
“I’ll
be so happy to come home,” I told Mom. “I think Finals Week might actually kill
me.”

  
“It’s
always tough, but I know you can pull through. How are you doing in your
classes?” I cringed, torn between telling the truth—and likely worrying my mom
half to death—and lying to my own mother.

  
“I’m
keeping my head above water,” I said. “It’s not easy.”

  
“I
know, sweetheart,” Mom told me. “But at the end of it all, you’ll have your
degree and you can get a good job, have some real security.” I smiled, feeling
terrible for not coming out and telling my mom the truth. I didn’t know if I
would actually have a degree—not in four years, at least. I wasn’t even sure
that I would make it through the end of my freshman year.

  
“I’ll
keep working,” I told her, trying to keep my voice even and cheerful. “In the
meantime, what’s going on with you and Dad? I’ve missed you both so much.” I
couldn’t bring myself to say anything more about my classes—I knew that if I
kept talking about them, I’d eventually just start crying and tell my mom
everything.

  
“Oh
we’re so boring,” Mom said, laughing. “I did run into Dillon’s mom the other
day at the grocery store—she said he’s been partying it up and trashing his
grades in the process.”

  
“Oh,”
I said, feeling an even deeper lurch in my stomach at the mention of my
boyfriend.

  
“You
broke up with him just in time, Nicki my girl. Just think—if you’d stayed with
him, he would probably have you partying it up too, ruining your grades.”

  
“I’ve
met someone a lot better than Dillon,” I said, remembering Ty. But I remembered
too the sight of his ex-girlfriend grinding on him at the club. “He’s a senior,
and he wants to become an accountant when he graduates.”

  
“A
senior!” Mom’s voice was full of approval. “And an accountant is a pretty solid
job to go for.”

  
“He’s
got the CPA exam after he graduates, but he’s been working at his father’s firm
during the breaks and stuff.”

  
“Well
that does sound promising! But sweetie, don’t be too serious about him. You’re
just a freshman. You should play the field a little bit, especially after such
a serious relationship with Dillon.”

  
“I’m
happy,” I told my mom. “And if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. But I
like him a lot. He’s really good to me.”

  
“Well
I am happy that you’re happy,” Mom said. “So you are coming home for winter
break, right?”

  
“Oh,
definitely,” I told her. “But now I need to go. I’m meeting with some friends
for a class project.”

  
“All
right, honey. We’ll talk again soon, and I’ll get more details about you coming
home for the holidays once you’ve got some finals behind you.”

  
“I
love you, Mom!”

  
“Love
you too, sweetheart.”

  
I
said goodbye, and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to
get the rabbit-quick beating of my heart under control. I hated the fact that I
had essentially lied to my mom about my grades. There were a couple of
classes—American History and English Literature, along with the basic freshman
courses—that I was doing all right in, after struggling all semester.

  
But
in more of my classes I was barely passing. I wasn’t sure if I wouldn’t end up
getting academic probation by the time the grades came in; and if that
happened, I was going to be screwed for finding classes for next semester. I
would have an uphill battle for even finishing the year out, and I still had no
idea what I wanted to major in. If I didn’t figure it out by the end of next
year, I would possibly be expelled.

  
“Hey
baby, are you okay?” I opened my eyes and looked up to see Ty coming to a stop
a few feet away from me. He looked down into my face and I saw the concerned
smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

  
“Oh
yeah, yeah, I’m okay,” I said, taking another quick, deep breath. “I’m just
stressed because it turns out I have to get an A on my Psych final just to make
a C in the class.” Ty sat down on the bench next to me and wrapped his arm
around my waist.

  
“Well
that won’t be too hard,” Ty said, kissing me on the cheek. “And you’re doing
okay in History, right? And in English?” I nodded slowly.

  
“I’m
okay in those classes. I just…” I shook my head. “I knew it was going to be
stressful, but I guess I didn’t count on it being this stressful.”

  
“We
can do more study sessions if you want,” Ty suggested, giving my waist a
squeeze. “Haven’t those been helping you?”

  
I
smiled, resting my head on his shoulder. In spite of my lingering doubts about
the situation with his ex-girlfriend, I had to admit that Ty was a great
boyfriend. The study sessions we’d done together had helped—but I didn’t think
that they’d helped me enough.

  
“They
have,” I said. I pressed a kiss to his neck. “I just don’t know how many study
sessions I can realistically cram into my schedule—and you’ve got your own
stuff to try and get through.”

  
“I’m
solid in most of my classes,” Ty said. “I’ve got high grades in three or four
of my classes, so even if I just get a C on the finals I’m basically still
going to do well. I want you to stop having to stress so much, babe.”

  
“That’s
sweet of you,” I told him. I turned his face toward mine and kissed him quickly
on the lips. “I’ll definitely think about it. In the meantime, let’s get dinner
tonight?”

  
“Let’s
get some takeout, how about that? I’ll order from that Chinese place you like,
and we’ll double down on the dumplings.” I giggled, shaking my head even as I
continued to smile.

  
“You’re
going to make me fat like this,” I told him, poking Ty in the ribs. “Do you
really want a fat girlfriend?”

  
“You
are not going to get fat,” Ty insisted, shaking his head. He kissed me on the
forehead, then on each of my cheeks, and then on the lips. “In the meantime, I
am going to do everything I can to spoil you rotten. I’m going to miss you so
much during break!”

  
“I’m
going to miss you too,” I said, cuddling closer to Ty on the bench. I buried my
face against his shoulder and breathed in the smell of his cologne. “Maybe we
can spend some time together during break.”

  
“That
would be awesome. And we’ll have our phones, so we can call each other every
day.”

  
“Yes!”
I smiled, feeling, for the moment, reassured. I kissed Ty again and made myself
stand up. I knew that he was busy, and I also knew that I needed to get more
studying under my belt if I was going to have any hope of getting through
Finals Week.

  
“I’ll
call you in a couple of hours and come over for dinner, okay?”

  
“Okay,
babe,” Ty said, giving my hand a squeeze. “Look: don’t sweat this too much.
Freshman year is always tough.” I nodded, taking a deep breath.

  
“I
am going to go bury myself in the library for a while,” I told Ty.

  
“Good
call,” he said. He brought my hand up to his mouth and pressed a kiss onto my
palm. “I’ll leave you to it.”

  
I
walked away and tried to keep myself as composed as possible. I felt like I was
being ripped into shreds. I kept trying to focus on the fact that I was
actually doing well in a couple of my classes, after struggling all semester,
but all I could think about was the fact that I was in very real danger of
getting a D in Psychology. I might even get an F in Statistics—that was a very,
very real worry.

  
I
hadn’t told any of my friends, or my parents, or even Ty how little I was
managing to understand the subject. I couldn’t let myself admit to anyone other
than myself that I felt completely and totally out of my depth.

  
I
strode across campus with my face forward, my shoulders back. I hoped I
wouldn’t run into anyone else that I knew well enough for them to want to talk
to me; I just wanted to go to the Library, borrow any open study room, and bury
myself in it for an hour at least. I wanted a private space to cry and get the
panic out of my system, and figure out what I was going to do to try and eke
out a GPA that wouldn’t get me in trouble with the school and my parents alike.

  
I
got to the Library and all but one of the private study rooms were taken. I
took the key from the girl at the front desk and hurried to the tiny little
room, walking past the people on the computers, the groups talking quietly at
the tables, the rest of the people who had taken the other rooms.

  
I
fumbled with the key in the lock but I finally got the door open and stepped
through it, remembering to close it quietly behind me at the last moment. I
didn’t even bother to turn on the lights at first. I just sank down and began
to cry, burying my face against my knees, trembling all over.

  
I
had all but lied to my mom about my grades, and I had all but lied to Ty as
well. I had no idea if I was going to even make it through finals, and I didn’t
know if I was going to be able to get through the rest of college.

  
If
I can’t even scrape through my first semester, how am I ever going to get to
graduation? Even more importantly: what if Dillon had been right about me? What
if I was just stupid, and not motivated enough, and there was nothing that I
could do with myself?

  
I
shook and cried for what felt like an hour, feeling completely and totally
helpless, miserable at the fact that I couldn’t even manage to succeed at being
a college freshman.

  
What
kind of woman was I? Why would Ty—successful, smart, driven, and wonderful—want
to stick with a girl who could barely keep her GPA up? I started to take a deep
breath as my panic finally started to ebb away from me. I would just have to
keep going.

Chapter
Two

  
I
knew that I should probably be focusing on final exams, but I had been so
stressed out by my first practice CPA exam that I knew I wouldn’t be able to
relax until I re-took it. Instead of stressing myself out throughout the winter
break, I would give myself another shot at the practice test.

  
Instead
of keeping it secret the way I had the first time, I told Alex, and I told my
Dad. I was too proud to admit to him that I’d taken a practice exam and gotten
a low-average score on it; instead, I told him that I was going to take the
practice test for the first time just before finals, so that I could have a
good idea of where to focus through spring semester until graduation and the
real thing.

  
Dad
had been excited to hear that I was taking a practice test, and had emailed me
a few resources—study guides, strategy guides, and test breakdowns—that I
hadn’t managed to find on my own, which helped me to start to feel a little
more confident in myself.

  
I
sat in my room, alternating between watching TV and going over one of my exam
prep books. I was going to take the test the very next day—the day before
Reading Day, and only two days before final exams—and I wanted to both be as
prepared as possible, and relaxed at the same time.

  
I
heard my phone ringing from across the room where I’d plugged it in, and set my
book aside to hurry and get it. I knew that Nicki was studying with some of the
other kids in her American History class, so it wasn’t likely to be her; the
name that flashed on the screen was Dad. I grinned and picked it up.

  
“Hey,
Dad! I’m guessing you remembered I have the practice test tomorrow.” My dad
laughed on the other end of the line.

  
“I
had it in my calendar, so it’s no virtue of mine,” he said. “How are you
feeling about it?”

  
“Nervous,
a little,” I said. I had decided that I was never going to tell anyone about
the first practice test unless I absolutely had to. As far as I was concerned,
it would be between me and the practice test company. “I mostly just want to
know where I’m weak still, and what I can kind of relax about.”

  
“Makes
sense,” Dad said, and I could picture him nodding. “In fact, it’s a great idea
for you to do that before break—though I’m hoping if you don’t blow it out of
the water that’s not going to make you go crazy trying to cram all break long.”
I chuckled.

  
“Well,
I can’t promise anything,” I told him. “If I get a really shit score I probably
will lock myself up and make myself do flash cards and problems all hours of
the day and night.” Dad laughed again.

  
“Don’t
do that,” he told me after a moment. “If you get a low score, we’ll go over the
areas you performed poorly in, and we’ll come up with a solid strategy to build
you up.”

  
“Have
you got any words of advice for me going into the practice test? I liked those
articles and strategy guides you sent.” I sat down on the couch and grabbed one
of my notebooks to take notes.

  
“Auditing
tends to shake people up a lot more than they expect,” Dad said slowly.
“Another thing to keep in mind is that the test itself is a marathon; don’t
feel like you have to rush through everything as quickly as possible. Give
yourself time to think through the questions.”

  
He
paused for a moment and then added, “Diligence is more important than
intelligence. You need to make sure you fully understand the question, and you
completely get the answer right in your own mind before you commit to it.”

  
I
wrote down what he said in shorthand, nodding my head even though I knew Dad
couldn’t see me over the phone. “Anything else?” I grinned to myself.

  
“Get
a good night’s sleep tonight,” he said, his voice serious. “Stop studying at
least an hour before bedtime—preferably two hours before. If you don’t have it
by then you’re not going to get it in those two hours. Stop two hours before
bed and watch TV or just relax however you need to do.”

  
“Two
hours?” I raised an eyebrow at that.

  
“Two
hours,” Dad repeated, speaking firmly. “And no caffeine after eight tonight.
Get a good breakfast in the morning, and if you can get some decent fish for
dinner tonight have that. You want to be at the top of your game when you sit
down to take the practice test—and that stands for the real exams, too. But go
into this as prepared as possible, and you’ll get an honest score.”

  
“Thanks,
Dad,” I said, setting my notebook aside. I felt a little bit better about the
practice test—and about the real exam that would follow in a few months. “How
have you been?”

  
“Great,”
he replied. “Ready to have you home. What are you up to over there in school
other than studying? You mentioned a girl a while back, I think.”

  
“Nicole,”
I said, smiling. “Yeah, I’m still seeing her.”

  
“Tell
me about her.” I considered.

  
“She’s
great,” I told my dad. “She’s a smart girl, a freshman. Working hard to adjust to
the harder workload here, but she’s keeping her head above water.” I grinned to
myself again. “She and I have actually been studying together a lot lately—both
of us getting ready for finals and all that.”

  
“Studying?”
Dad’s voice was full of disbelief. “College kids are way different from what
they were when I was in school.” I laughed out loud.

  
“Well
we do that too,” I said, skirting the accusation. “But she’s really working
hard to find her area of study, and to get the best grades she possibly can. We
actually do study together, and she’s been really good about helping me stay
focused.”

  
“She
sounds like a good influence then,” Dad said.

  
“I
think we’re both good influences on each other,” I told him.

  
“I’d
love to meet her, if you think there’s really something there. She sounds about
as different as a person could possibly be from Kelsey.”

  
“No
argument there,” I said. I shook my head; Kelsey had continued to try and text
me for days after I’d driven her home, until I’d finally had to block her on my
phone. I couldn’t get her to understand that things just wouldn’t ever work
between the two of us.

  
“I’m
sure your Mom would love to meet her too, then,” Dad said. “Why don’t you see
if she’d like to go out to dinner with us during break sometime, if she doesn’t
live too far away.”

  
I
was relieved. If Dad wanted to meet a girlfriend and he thought that Mom would
want to meet her, she was already halfway to having their approval.

  
“I’ll
see what she’s got going on during break,” I told him. “I don’t think she lives
crazy far away from us. We were talking about getting together at some point
anyway, so that would be a good reason for it.”

  
“If
she’s willing and able,” Dad agreed. “I’m glad you’re getting some fun into
your life; I was starting to get worried that you do nothing but study or go to
class.”

  
“Alex
makes sure I leave the dorms occasionally, and Nicole and I go out once or
twice a week—dinner, or a movie, something like that,” I said. “So no, I’m not
keeping my nose to the grindstone all the time.”

  
“A
balanced life is a good life,” Dad said. “I’ll let you get back to prep work
for the practice test tomorrow. Remember: a good night’s sleep, a good dinner,
and a good breakfast.”

  
“I
will keep those all in mind.” I told my dad goodbye and hung up, plugging my
phone back in. I decided to take a quick study break—even though technically my
chat with Dad had already been a break—and watch a little bit of the TV show
I’d put on.

  
He
was right about not letting myself get too stressed out about a low score; I
couldn’t help but believe that just by having taken a practice test before, I
was already a little more prepared. I would—I thought—almost certainly score
better the second time, and that would give me a good idea of how to prepare
during spring semester, so that I’d be 100% ready for the real test after I
graduated.

  
I
thought about Nicole; I could tell that she was even more stressed out about
finals than I was about the exam. She wouldn’t admit it, but I had seen the
panic in her big, dark eyes from time to time when she talked about the tests
she had coming up, and her state of readiness for each of the tests.

  
I
had told her over and over again that in the worst case scenario, even if she
went on academic probation for a semester, she would be fine; I had a few
friends in my major who had nearly flunked their freshman years, but who had
come back sophomore year to retake a few classes, regroup, and get their GPA
up; most of them had managed to stay on track to graduate in four years.

  
It
was worse for Nicki because she was struggling to figure out which area she
wanted to major in, and I knew that—she had admitted it to me while we were in
bed together, after we’d finished having sex for the night, when she was at her
most relaxed. She felt like she was years behind everyone we went to school
with.

  
“I
don’t even really know what I’m good at,” she’d told me the night before,
cradled in my arms, curled up against my body. “I came in here without any real
plan and now I feel like I’m not going to be able to put a plan together in
time.”

  
“You’re
fine,” I had told her, kissing all over her face slowly, letting my hands
wander over her body. “You have plenty of time to figure it out, and you have
lots of friends and people who think you’re awesome to help you. It’s going to
be all right, Nicki-babe.”

  
The
fact that she was so worried about her academic future—even if I hated the fact
that it was causing her stress—was actually something that made me love Nicole
even more. I hadn’t told her yet; I hadn’t said those three magic words, not
really. But I knew it in my heart: I was in love with her. I loved her.

  
Things
with Nicole were as different as they could possibly be from my relationship
with Kelsey; I respected her determination to do well, I admired her, I felt
like I was a better person when I was around her. I wanted her to know all of
those things, and whenever I could, I tried to show them to her. I wanted
Nicole to never—ever—doubt me.

  
As
I turned back to my books, checking the time and telling myself that I would
make a coffee run at six-thirty so that I could get that last caffeine rush in
while still obeying Dad’s suggestion, I thought that maybe, if she wanted to
meet my parents, that would be a good time to actually admit to her how much
she meant to me, and how much I hoped we would find a way to still be together
after I graduated.

  
See if there’s money in the budget for a
piece of jewelry,
I told myself.
Maybe
if Dad likes her enough he can loan you some cash to buy her a necklace or
something.
I grinned to myself and dove back into my test prep feeling more
confident than I had in weeks.