Dirty (18 page)

             
Courtney was puzzled. “Yeah, sure.” She led him up the stairs and to her room. She closed the door, turning to find Sawyer taking inventory of her trophy collection.

             
“You were a cheerleader?”

             
She had been, at her Catholic high school. “Yes.”

             
“Wow. Do you still have your uniform?” he asked with a cocked brow.

             
“I think it’s in Mom’s chest. Shall I tell her you’ve requested that I wear it?” She teased.

             
He frowned. “No.” He folded the flap of the messenger bag over and pulled her laptop from it. “I believe this is yours.”

             
“Oh.” She reached out to take it from him. “Jess had asked me if she could come over and use my computer to type her book report so instead I lent her my laptop.”

             
“You didn’t think that maybe I’d like to know that my sister, whom I’ve raised since she was a child, had a computer and internet in her room?” He seemed frustrated.

             
“Not internet, just the word processor.”

             
“The what?”

             
She raised her hands in the typing position and wiggled her fingers. “To type her report she only needed access to the word processing capabilities. Unless you have wifi at your house.”

             
“No. We don’t.” He used the thumb and index finger of one hand to massage his brow, his face perforated with anxiety.

             
She set the computer on the floor. “I forgot to tell you about the computer. I’m sorry.” She pulled his hand from his face and kissed away his wrinkles.

             
His arms wrapped around her and he pulled them tightly together. “You’ve found your crusade.” With his mouth on hers his tongue sought entry and she sighed. His kiss was needy and she floated as they tasted one another. Lost in him she was interrupted when the backs of her legs hit the bed. He made quick work of her jeans, unbuttoning and peeling them from her hips, down her thighs, and finally pulling them from her body.

             
“What are you doing?”

             
He straddled her, sitting back on his calves while she watched him fiddle with his belt buckle. He undid the top button, and then slowly pulled the zipper down as his eyes met hers. “What does it look like I’m doing, Court?”

             
“It seems you’re getting ready to defile me in my childhood bed.”
             

             
“Oh, I am.” He nodded slow, knowingly, and then gripped his cock in his hand, pulling it from his trunks and fisting, showing her he was ready.

             
“You should at least lock the door.” She giggled. “A few weeks ago I scolded Ari for making it in her bedroom.”

             
“You’re the older sister—you can do whatever you want.” He blew raspberries on her stomach and then jumped up, dashing to the door. Courtney liked when he was like this—lighthearted and fun. She heard the click and then he was on her, nuzzling her neck. He inhaled long and deep. “Your smell is home to me.” His hips thrust hard and he was inside of her—all of him filling her, pulsing against her tissues as her body adjusted to take him.

             
In slow, measured thrusts he pumped, filling her with pleasure, warmth, and love. On his forearms he rested over her. As his forehead went down on hers he said, “I love you, Courtney.”

             
“Sawyer,” she whispered. He reached between her legs and massaged the tight bundle of muscle, bringing her right to the edge of sanity. He was rocking into her so slowly, methodically. “I need it harder.”

             
“I know what you need baby.” He kissed her lips softly. The halt of all other action forced all of her senses to focus on his soft lips and the jerking cock inside of her. Without warning he withdrew and slammed back into her. She gasped from the shock of sensation his pistoning hips caused. Fireworks exploded around her as she came. He watched her intensely as she became lost in him and he in her.

             
“I love you too, Sawyer.” Her words were a breathless whisper. He kissed between her breasts, sucking lightly. He pulled out of her and rolled to the bed. As they both lay on their backs waiting for their labored breaths to even out she thought about the laptop she’d purchased for Jess.

             
Sawyer laced his hand in hers. “I don’t know when it happened, but it’s easy to figure out how it did—I fell in love with your spirit and your smile. When you’re around I can see my future in your eyes and I’m starting to realize that you’re going to be there. I still get scared that something’s going to happen and you’re going to leave me.”

             
Her heart ached for him, but his message was good. He was starting to recognize the magnitude of her love and how, when combined with his, it could shelter them both. “I’ll always be here. No matter what, as long as you’ll have me.” She sat up and took a deep breath. “I got you a little something.” She retrieved her jeans and underwear from the floor and dressed.

             
He sat on the bed, watching her closely. “What did you get me?” He seemed curious, but also cautious as he patiently waited for her to answer his lingering question.

             
She walked to the chair in the corner of the room and clasped the box in her hands. Turning to walk toward him she said, “It’s a laptop.” He frowned immediately. “I know you were upset today about the dress and stuff, but I bought this last week. I meant to swap it with the laptop I lent Jess.”

             
“Courtney, no. We can’t accept a computer.”

             
She set the box on the bed next to him and straddled his lap. It was her way of saying she didn’t want to argue, but she did want to have a discussion. She threaded her hands around his neck and kissed his cheek. “She’s a good student, Sawyer. Top of her class already and she’s yet to hit high school. She’ll need a good computer and this one could see her through high school and eventually college.”
             

             
His jaw ticked and his eyes refused to meet hers. “I didn’t know she needed a computer. She didn’t say anything to me. I’ll take care of her.”

             
With her hand on his chin she forced his gaze upon her. “You do take care of her. No one can replace what you give her—the love you have for her. But I can give this to you from my heart to yours. Out of love. Every time you deny the gifts I offer it hurts me. The money is part of who I am. If you don’t like it then I have to question your interest in me. I share what I have with the people around me. I give of everything I have—monetary, emotional, physical, and mental. This is me. We need to figure out a way to compromise, but I think we need to do it in a way that the girls are not aware of our disagreements about money.”

             
“You’re right. We need to figure out a compromise. I can’t have them getting used to a lifestyle I can’t sustain. When we break up what am I going to do with them? You have to understand my reasoning.”

             
She gasped. “You’ve already got us breaking up.” She removed herself from his lap and sat on the edge of the bed.

             
“I said if.”

             
“No. You said when.”

             
“Well yeah…when we break up.”

             
Her eyes burned with tears. “You think about breaking up with me?”

             
“No, but I think about you leaving me.”

             
“What?”

             
His head went back and he exhaled. “There are things that I’ve yet to tell you about my family’s history that when I do will make you leave. If you don’t, your family will definitely make you. I feel it’s inevitable.”

             
“Sawyer, I’m not leaving. I love you.” The haunted expression on his face and the faraway look in his eyes chilled her body. He was deep in thought about the many things that could easily tear them apart. But they didn’t have to let his past come between them. “You’re overthinking this. I can see the cogwheels turning behind those dark eyes.”

             
He met her gaze.

             
“Just tell me what it is.”

             
He gasped. “I can’t. I’m sorry.” The deepening lines on his face mirrored his anguish.

             
She shrugged. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me, but will you accept the computer?”

             
“I don’t know, Courtney. I really don’t”—

             
“Sawyer, this is me. And even if I had five dollars to my name, I’d give four-fifty of it away because it’s what I do.”

             
“You’re a giver.”

             
“I want to be a giver. As I said before, it hurts that you become upset whenever I try to give you something.” She pushed her fist into her chest.

             
“Courtney.” He pulled her hand to his lips and placed a kiss on her knuckles. “I’m sorry. I accept your gracious gift.” He kissed her and the only thing that truly mattered was the immense love they had found in one another.

Chapter 11

             
Jessica’s big night was upon them. Riley and Courtney had had her tied up for hours. Sawyer smiled as he thought how much Jess hated this. Like him, she disliked a fuss. However, she’d been a trooper all day tolerating the constant fluffing of her hair and touching up of her makeup. Courtney and Riley thrived at being girly and they’d succeeded in getting Jess into a strapless bra, heeled shoes, and velcro rollers. Jess had drawn the line when Riley began dusting her with glitter.

             
“I said no glitter!”

             
At Sawyer’s feet Levi whined, so he bent to pick him up and held him so that they were nose to nose. “It’s okay, little fella. Glitter just makes Jess angry.”

             
Sawyer walked over to the trio. “Jess, you look beautiful.” Sawyer frowned. He’d not thought of her as a woman before, but in this getup that’s exactly what she was. Sometime when he wasn’t looking, she’d blossomed from volleyball MVP into a gorgeous woman.

             
“What’s wrong, Murph?”

             
He wasn’t at all glad he was unable to secure a spot as chaperone, despite his repeated attempts. “I’ll need to speak with Dallas when he gets here,” he mumbled.

             
“No! You’ve been speaking with him about this night every Sunday at church for the past four weeks. Trust me, I’ll be lucky if he even shows up tonight to pick me up.”

             
“If he doesn’t show up, we’ll take you to the dance!” Riley added with a smile. Levi seconded with an attempted high pitched bark that sounded more like a cough.

             
Sawyer plopped down on the couch with Levi in his arms and continued to frown. Standing next to Jess, Courtney laughed as she eyed him. She passed Jess a fancy, champagne-colored purse with no strap. “I have three older brothers. This is what they do. One day you’ll appreciate his protectiveness.”

             
Jess smiled at him and warmth developed in his belly. “I love you,  Murph. But maybe you could smile and be friendly with Dallas when he comes. If he comes.”

             
“Oh, don’t you worry”—Courtney fluffed Jessica’s hair yet again—“he’ll definitely be here. Do you want to try walking in the shoes again?”

             
“I wish I could walk in the shoes,” Riley frowned and then laced her arm through Jessica’s while Courtney did the same on the other side. They slowly walked the square footage of the living room.

             
“Remember what we talked about, Riley. Your day will come. Until then, we’re doing Princess Diaries!”

             
Riley squealed at Courtney’s statement.

             
A knock at the door had all of their heads turning. Sawyer stood, “I’ll get it.” Opening the door he immediately set eyes on a smartly dressed Dallas. “Nice tux.”

             
“Thank you, Mr. Murphy.”

             
He had to give it to the kid—at least he had decent manners. Sawyer set Levi in his basket, and then stepped onto the porch and closed the door behind him. He waved toward the Buick where Mrs. Garner waited to drive the couple to the Winter Wonderland dance. Just as Sawyer was about to lay into Dallas and give him the old
I’ve got a gun and I’m not afraid to use it
speech, he saw the boy’s shaking hand. He held an orchid corsage, the petals already wilting from the abuse received at the hands of the teenager. Upon closer inspection Sawyer noticed a bead of sweat slowly rolling down the side of Mr. Garner’s face.

             
“Dallas, are you nervous about tonight?”

             
He offered Sawyer a shaky smile, “A little bit, sir.”

             
Sawyer leaned against the banister, facing the boy who just stood as a lump in the center of his porch. “There’s nothing to be nervous about. You already got the girl to accompany you. Now comes the fun.”

             
“Thank you, sir.” He nodded.

             
“What’s on your mind, kid?” Sawyer folded his arms across his chest.

             
“I’m just not much of a dancer or a talker so…” He shrugged.

             
“Well good news…I love her, but Jess dances like a hippo in a tutu. And take note—she loves volleyball, alligator hunting, her old lab Liver and her new one Levi, and fort building.”

             
“That helps. Thanks. What is fort building, sir?”

             
“If you don’t know then you haven’t lived. It’s when you take an old box—the bigger the better—and you cut holes in it to make windows. Then you crawl inside and chill.” 
             
The front door opened and the three beautiful women in his life exited onto the porch. Courtney and Riley smiled at Dallas while Jess looked down at her shoes.

             
“Jess, you look very nice. I like your dress,” Dallas said with a slight quiver of his voice. He coughed to stealthily blow off his nerves.

             
“Thanks, Dallas. Nice tux.”

             
He held the plastic flower container between them. “This is for you.”

             
Courtney’s eyes widened and when she bit her lip Sawyer knew it was to prevent herself from saying something. Sawyer leaned in and whispered into the boy’s ear, “You’ll want to take it out of the plastic and hold the elastic open for her.”

             
“Oh!” Immediately he retracted his offering and shaky hands struggled to part the container. His audience watched with rapt attention, all exhaling the breath they’d been holding when Dallas finally managed to offer the orchid in the proper manner.

             
Jess slid her delicate hand through the band. “Thanks. I like orchids.”

             
“Don’t you look beautiful, Jessica?” Sawyer turned to find Mrs. Garner with a professional series camera in her hands. She snapped a picture of the three girls, and then motioned to Dallas to stand next to Jess.

             
“Mom, I told you no pictures,” Dallas grumbled.

             
“Nonsense Dallas, now stand next to Jess and smile.”

             
Jess set her hand on her waist and angled herself to the camera. What a poser, Sawyer thought and smiled at his beautiful sister.

             
“Now you, Sawyer…let me get one of just you and Jess.”

             
He felt the boy’s pain but took up his spot next to Jess and tried to plant a photogenic smile on his face. “Perfect.” Mrs. Garner snapped the camera three times. “We'd better get a move on, kids.” She paused and said, “Dance is over at ten so I’ll have her home sometime after that.” Sawyer nodded and waved them off.

             
As he sat down to have dinner with Riley and Courtney, Sawyer realized how much better his life was with Courtney in it. More than that—he wanted her. That day in her room when she’d gifted him with the computer he’d wanted to tell her about the tragic end of his mother’s life and about his father who he blamed for the fate of his existence.

             
At the table his heel bobbed uncontrollably up and down and caused his knee to hit the table, spilling his tea. Jittery, he jumped up, grabbed the glass, and wiped away the mess with a towel.

             
“Sawyer, is everything okay?” Large blue eyes blinked repeatedly at him.

             
He nodded. It couldn’t be explained but he felt uneasy. Tonight he planned to tell her about his father’s imprisonment and the charges against him.

             
“Excuse me.” He walked to his room and closed the door. Courtney had said nothing would cause her to stop loving him and he believed that, but what he didn’t believe was that her love would stay the same. No. With the information about his mother and father she’d begin to pity him and he didn’t want her to love him out of pity, but out of passion. He wanted to be unburdened for her. In an ideal setting, after realizing they were compatible, he’d propose marriage. They’d play newlyweds for a year or two, and then announce a due date. However, Courtney wouldn’t have any of that with him. She’d have two teenagers before she even said the words
‘I do’.

             
The worst thing about being stuck to him was that at any moment his father’s release from prison could have him right back in the life that he’d been trying to escape for the past six years. He took his phone from his pocket and looked at the missed calls from the past few days. Seventeen blocked calls—blocked from the Louisiana State Penitentiary.

             
Sawyer’s heart pounded and his veins thrummed with the rush of increased blood flow—one call per week for six years, and then suddenly seventeen over the course of three days. His father was a free man—there wasn’t a doubt in his mind.

             
A knock at his bedroom door preceded Courtney’s soft interruption.

             
“Hey.” She walked up to him and placed her arms around his waist, her head on his chest. “I love you.”

             
“Court…I love you so much.”

             
She pulled back to meet his eyes. “Are you done with your burger?”

             
“Yeah.”

             
“What’s tormenting you, Sawyer?”

             
He let out a ragged breath, feathering his hand through his hair. “I want to tell you. I do, but once I do I’ll never be able to go back to a time where you didn’t know and so I’ve been hesitating.”

             
“I realize that.”

             
“You do?”

             
“I know there is something. I just assumed you don’t tell me because you want to keep me away from whatever it is.”

             
“Not keep you away—protect you.”

             
She considered his response for a moment, her forehead puckered in thought. “Who’s going to protect you?”

             
He held his arms out sacrificially, “This life is my birthright.”

             
She folded her arms across her chest and tapped her toe. “No it isn’t. If it’s yours then it’s also the girls’, yet you seem to be keeping this from all of us.” She looked away and produced a long sigh. “You can’t continue to carry this burden on your own. I don’t need protection from your past. I’m here because I want to know everything about you. Don’t you trust me?”

             
“I do. I swear I do, but I can’t”—

             
Her palm on his cheek halted his words. “It’s okay. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here. I just needed to know that you have faith in me.”

             
He pulled her close, inhaling her sweet strawberry scent. “I have more faith in you than I do in myself.”

             
“Come.” Lacing her hands in his, she pulled him from the room and down the hallway back to the dinner table. “Riley and I have a little surprise.”

             
Riley jumped up and skipped into the kitchen. When she returned she had three extremely colorful cupcakes. “We went to Candy Coated!” She pulled a chocolate cake from the tray. “I got you your favorite…German chocolate.”

             
He smiled at the gesture of love so simple yet so deep it had him almost in happy tears. “Thank you. What did you pick?”

             
Riley pulled hers from the tray and held it out, admiring. “I got a strawberry bean which is vanilla bean icing and a strawberry cake.”

             
“What about you, Court?” Her large smile as she spied the cake drew one equally as vast from his lips.

             
“My absolute favorite”—she grabbed a red cupcake with white icing and took a bite that demolished half the cake—“Mmm, red velvet with cream cheese frosting.” She spoke around a mouthful of cake. Icing dotted the area around her mouth. She walked to the kitchen and pulled a paper towel from the roll. Positioning her chair at the table she was halfway to sitting when there was a knock at the door. Courtney set what was left of her cake on the table and said, “I’m on it.”

             
A whine from beneath the table had Sawyer searching for the source. “I’m sorry Levi, but this is not for you.” His brown eyes beamed as his head tilted to make sense of the words his owner spoke.

             
Unlike Courtney, Riley was attacking her cupcake like a lady, savoring every bite. “You know what I would really like?” Sawyer posed. Riley’s large brown eyes regarded him curiously while she chewed. “I’d like to taste the strawberry bean cake.” He estimated there to be about a bite and half left.