Authors: Elizabeth Lipski
We can tune into these signals, or we can choose to ignore the messages and carry on with our activities. If we ignore them, the symptoms may go away, or they may blast louder and louder until we are forced to pay attention or our bodies break down. Being attentive to small signals allows us to gently get back on track without experiencing major upheavals in our lives.
The most important component of a good stress-management program is to have a plan with reasonable and realistic goals. If you need to, get a buddy or professional who will support you. Think of the ways in which you might slip or lose your way and prepare for them. Once your goals and support system are in place, you can forge into action.
Do you take time each day for self-renewal and nurturing yourself? Getting restful sleep, taking time to exercise, spending time doing things you enjoy, and eating healthful foods are the foundation of a healthy lifestyle. How do you nurture yourself? How do you renew?
The best stress-management tool is exercise. When I ask people to describe the benefits of their exercise program, they tell me they have more energy, have higher
self-esteem, and feel more relaxed. Exercise makes us stronger and more flexible and increases our balance, which helps keep us injury free. Regular exercise helps control blood sugar levels so our energy is more sustained, and being fit lowers the risk of heart disease. In addition, our bodies release endorphins, morphine-like molecules in the brain, which make us feel happy and reduce pain!
Positive thinking is an important part of stress management. If you could tape the conversation in your brain for an hour or two, you might find you had a lot of self-criticism or self-doubts. With practice we can easily learn to “flip” these negative images and turn criticism into a positive thought or plan of action. When we catch ourselves playing a negative tape, we need to eject it and put in a new tape. Instead of thinking “My ulcerative colitis will get worse and worse until I need surgery,” you can flip the image and say, “So far I haven’t licked this problem, but if I am persistent, I can improve my health.”
Essential to healing is getting enough sleep. As a culture, we are sleep deprived. Set your schedule so that you get at least seven to nine hours of sleep every night. This is where your body heals and recenters. Without adequate sleep, it is nearly impossible to heal. It is beyond the boundaries of this book to discuss sleep hygiene and tips and tools for sleeping better, but here are just a few tips.
At least one hour before bed, turn off your computer. Now it’s time for a bath or reading, listening to calming ideas, or relaxing with some music.
Go to bed at the same time each night; wake up at the same time each day. Our parents knew something when they regulated our bedtime!
Take calcium and magnesium before bed. This helps to relax your nerves and muscles.
You may find teas that contain chamomile, hops, valerian, and/or passionflower to be calming and restful.
Some people find that taking 1 to 3 mg melatonin, or 5-hydroxy-tryptophan (5HTP) at doses of 50 to 200 mg help with sleep.
Remember to rest when your body is tired. It is not culturally normal to nap unless we are in preschool or are elderly. Yet in many cultures, napping is considered to be an essential habit. Rather than pushing yourself when you’ve run out of steam, take time to rest or nap. You’ll find that this is restorative.
“THE GREATEST HITS” OF YOURSELF
Close your eyes for a minute, and think of all your most wonderful attributes. Compliment yourself freely. Take some time to appreciate your good points and achievements. Think about times in your life when you helped someone, fell in love, were in a beautiful place, made someone happy, and really felt good about yourself. Now quickly write down all of your best attributes. Don’t be shy: overstate! This is your “Greatest Hits” list. It’s OK if you repeat yourself. Some of your attributes are worth repeating!
If you’d like to, keep this list somewhere so you’ll be reminded of how terrific you are and how many blessings fill your life. Liking ourselves also helps our view of others and the world around us.
Prioritizing helps us find the balance point in our lives. Balance is hard to achieve and maintain, but it is an honorable goal. Like many people, if something really interests me, I take on new responsibilities and enjoyable events until I become overwhelmed. Then I make a list of all of my commitments and prioritize them to see what I can let go of responsibly. Soon my life is back in balance—until the next exciting possibility comes along and I’m overcommitted again. Be assertive: Learn to say no! (Liz, are you hearing this?)
Many years ago I read
The Goddess Within Us
by Dr. Jean Shinoda Bolen. My big aha was that we expect ourselves to play many roles perfectly—wife/husband/mate, daughter/son, mother/father, businessperson, athlete, spiritual being, homemaker, cook, artist, and civically dedicated citizen, both locally and globally. Yet the Greek and Roman gods and goddesses were excellent at only one thing. So why do we put such unreasonable and unrealistic demands on ourselves? A Buddhist saying is: “Expectation is the root of all suffering.” If we can be easier on ourselves and in our relationships, we can find more love, contentment, and peace.
Most of us invest a lot of energy in our work, home, family, and friends. We begin with a barrel filled with apples. If we keep giving our apples away, soon our barrel is empty. We all need time to fill back up to rejuvenate. Sometimes I ask my clients to take two hours during the middle of the day to rejuvenate themselves. The usual response is: “That sounds terrific, but you know it’s never going to happen.” But inside they know they really need to do this, so they figure out a way to make it happen.
Your prescription: Take an hour or two every day to recharge your batteries. It’s not important what you do. Each of us finds renewal in different things. Here are
some ideas: read something for fun, play a musical instrument, listen to music, garden, exercise, be outdoors, build something, have a date with a friend, write a letter, keep a journal, enjoy a hobby, take a class, go to church/temple, read holy scriptures, meditate. Vacations are an important way to put our lives in perspective, to value what is truly important. When was the last time you took a vacation? If it’s been more than a year, see if you can create the space to take one … even if it’s just for a few days.
COMPARTMENTALIZATION EXERCISE