Die For You: Catastrophe Series, Book 1 (3 page)

“Fresh air,” she said, as if he’d mentioned being handed priceless jewels. “Yeah, you’re right. Let’s go.”

He saw her eyes dart in Crazy Bastard’s direction. Thankfully, he must have remained still, because she straightened, pulled the keys out of her pocket and used the remote to pop the trunk. She paused, pursed her lips and looked at him with watery eyes, rimmed with both pain and despair. “I have nightmares they all turn into zombies. I’ll always be scared of the bodies. I can’t help it.”

“And I’ll always have my guns.” He patted his holster and smiled. “So no worries.”

Chapter Three

Hours later, Rachel watched the sunset with her new companion, Adam, the stunningly handsome Marine she’d met that morning on the freeway. Both of them perched on a stark cliff overlooking the Los Angeles Basin. The colors were stunning, the weather was perfect. It would have been downright romantic if not for the utter devastation down below.

Kind of ruined the moment.

“Can you hand me another beer?” She sighed, slipping further into a surprisingly comfortable foldout camp chair.

Adam eyed her with uncertainty, his own dark bottle dangling from his fingertips. “That’ll be your fourth one.”

“So what? You’ve had plenty yourself, you know. Come on, the world just ended, cut me some slack here.” Her lips were numb, her fingers tingling. A few more drinks and the rest of her would follow. Anything to ease the tension in her back, her passion for the unattainable man sitting beside her and the iron ball that seemed to be lodged in the pit of her stomach.

Adam twisted his luscious muscle-man torso. Glass tinkled and ice rattled as he pulled a beer out of the cooler. “That’s your last one.” He handed her a cold, wet bottle. Their fingers brushed together for an electrifying moment. She sucked in a breath, and her gaze collided with his. For one brief, shining second, she thought she saw lust stamped across his features, the same look she thought she’d seen that morning, but then his face morphed back into a mask of disapproval and she knew she’d been wrong. Darn.

They’d gotten along well when they’d first met. He’d been very attentive, almost as if he were…were…attracted to her or something. But throughout the day, as they’d spent more time together, she could tell that Adam was becoming annoyed with her. At first, she tried not to take it personally, thinking he was upset at their situation, as anyone would be. But after a while, she was certain he was upset at her. Her. And she had no freaking clue why. And she felt the opposite. After spending the day with him, she’d come to realize she’d been left alone with Captain America, and she was as starstruck as if he were Chris Evans.

But Adam didn’t feel that way about her, and she was really fucking sad. So she drank some more beer and took her frustrations out on him.

She snorted. “You’re not the boss of me.”

He chuckled.

Oh God, had she actually said that? Maybe she
should
stop drinking.

Nah.

Well, at least he was lightening up. She popped the top off with a bottle opener and proceeded to chug down a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale like there was no tomorrow. Because maybe there wasn’t.

She blinked and caught a flash of white as Adam smiled at her. Her stomach swooped pleasantly. Wowza. She’d never spent so much time alone with a man as good looking as Adam. She usually only saw men like him on stage, from a distance or on TV. And not only was he gorgeous, but he also had the kind of teeth celebrities paid big money for. How did a Marine who wasn’t on TV end up with such great teeth? Did he bleach them, or was he just naturally blessed? Was he fanatical about his dental health? Dental health was important, Dad used to say—

“Rachel?”

“Huh?” she grunted behind her beer.

His face turned serious. “Tomorrow morning we’re going to pack, continue loading up with supplies and start searching for other survivors.”

She lowered her drink and sat up straight. Terrifying images of the last two months flashed through her mind. “Oh, no. There is no way I’m going back down there.” She sucked in a breath. “Smell that? It’s fresh air, Adam. Fresh air. If you drag me back into the city, I’ll throw up, I swear I will. As soon as that stink hits my nose, I’ll—”

He held a hand up. “Calm down. No one said anything about going back the way we came. We need to search other parts of the state.”

She deflated. “Oh, well, okay then.”

Adam’s gaze met hers, and she was struck dumb yet again by his manly beauty. She itched to trace his scar with a fingertip, right after she kissed him silly.

“We’ll head north,” he told her.

“Okay.” She nodded and lifted the bottle to her lips, unable to disagree. Unable to say anything. Which was unusual, because there was one thing Adam didn’t know about her—when she drank, she talked a lot, as in she couldn’t shut up.

They watched as the sky dimmed and glittering lights spread out over the cities below like a jeweled death shroud. A cold wind whooshed through the campsite, causing the blaze in the fire pit to crackle and spark. Despite the warmth, she shivered.

“You okay?” he asked.

“No,” she answered. Why lie? This sucked. This whole situation sucked. He knew it sucked. She knew it sucked. They might as well tattoo it to their foreheads.

Life sucks.

She bit her lip. Her nose and eyes burned with unshed tears. The crying had begun the day her mother died and hadn’t let up since. She’d cried so much, she must have fulfilled her lifetime quota, and she was really just so tired of it. Rachel swallowed against the lump in her throat and took another sip of beer. No more tears.

Adam sat quietly, elbows braced on his knees, the firelight flickering across his perfect profile. He looked like a dark, brooding hero of old, deep in thought, the weight of the world on his wide shoulders.

“Weird how all the lights are on, even though no one’s home,” she started out, simply unable to keep quiet.

“I’ll give it a week before the Western grid goes out,” he replied.

“What?” she squeaked.

“The power is going to eventually go out. You know that don’t you? We have to get out of this area. Start a new life far away from here.” He used his bottle to gesture toward the valley. “There’s no one out there to maintain the power plants. They’ll shut down one by one and the whole grid will go. Then the nuclear plants on the coast will all—”

“Oh, I don’t want to hear this.” The iron ball in her stomach grew three times its original size. “Tell me tomorrow, when I’m sober. Not now, Adam.
Not now
.”

But he kept going. “You need to hear this, Rachel. You need to know for your own safety. Those nuclear reactors, they’re dangerous, without anyone to keep those rods cool, they’ll—”

“Stop it!” she snapped. She stashed her drink in the cup holder in her camp chair and covered her ears, deciding denial was her best bet. “La, la, la. I can’t hear you.”

“Rachel,” he warned. “Stop acting like a kid.”

She closed her eyes and rocked back and forth, humming. Childish, but what the hell? Tough times called for tough measures.

“Shit.” He sighed.

She waited. Numbness, where was that numbness? Come
on
numbness. She took a cautious peek. “You done?” she inquired.

He gave her a curt nod, lips tight. Like a parent watching a misbehaving child.

Whatever.

She relaxed a bit, slipped further into denial and grabbed her beer. Anger at the unfairness of it all began to ripple through her. Anger at the waste, at the utter destruction of life, of culture, of humanity, of everything. What. The. Hell. The anger swept through her and exploded from her lips.

“You know what?” she shouted, leaning toward Adam. He sat up. “You know what? You know what pisses me off the most about all of this? Even Noah was given enough warning to create an ark before the end. He had enough time to build a whole damn boat. And it was big. And what did we get? Nothing. Did I get to save two of every kind of human?
No.
Did I get to bring my family with me? No. Did you? No. We were cheated, Adam. Cheated.” She stopped to take a breath. “This sucks. Doesn’t this suck? It’s unbelievable!”

His face softened and his lips twitched. “It sucks,” he agreed.

“And why are we the ones who’re immune? Why are we the special snowflakes who survived? I just…I can’t believe it’s all over. That everything has stopped. Our world, our life is all gone. I liked that life.” Her voice cracked. She paused, turned her gaze toward the flickering flames and continued. “I loved those people. It was good, and I’ll never get it back. They’re all gone.” She fisted her hands against her thighs. “It’s not fair. I mean, I haven’t even done anything yet. I never went on a cruise or to New York for a Broadway show. I never got married, never had kids. I didn’t even get to finish college or the teacher credentialing program…and I’m still a virgin for chrissake, how pathetic is that?”

She heard a noise, jerked her head and saw Adam watching her with an intense stare.
Oh no
. She was so engrossed in her tirade, for a moment she’d forgotten he was there. Did she just tell him that she was a—

“You’re still a virgin?”

Oh, lovely, she had.

“How old are you?”

“Nineteen,” she whispered.

“Nineteen?” he exploded. “You’re nineteen? Christ, you’re not even old enough to drink. You’re still a goddamn teenager. Out of all the people on the planet, that’s who I’m stuck with?” He looked up at the sky and yelled. “What the fuck?” He said it so forcefully, so passionately it kind of reminded her of Scarlett O’Hara vowing she’d never go hungry again.

She jumped out of her seat, swayed a little and braced herself against the chair. “Hey, cut that out. What’s wrong with being stuck with me? I’m not a total loser.” She poked a finger against her own chest. “I’ve. Got. Skills. I’m smart. You’re
lucky
you ended up with me.”

He crooked one eyebrow. “That right?”

She pushed away from the chair and put a hand on her hip. “Yes, that’s right.”

“Skills? What skills? Can you shoot a gun? I know you pointed one at me earlier, but do you actually know how to handle one?”

“Um, no.”

“Can you cook?”

“Well, no, I… What does this matter? You think I’m worthless because I’m young, still in college and a…a…”

“Virgin.”

“Yeah, a virgin. What’s the big deal about that? It’s not like I’m a leper or something. I’ve just never had sex before. Jeez. Get over it.”

He stood slowly and loomed over her. She looked up. Six-feet-plus of pissed-off alpha male right in her face. Oh, shit. The iron ball in her stomach grew heavier, but somehow the attraction she felt for him increased.

“Get over it?” he ground out. “You don’t get it, do you? You’re a liability, Rachel. A target. Every asshole we meet is gonna want a piece of you because you’re female. And who’s gonna stop them? Me. You can’t take care of yourself, so I have to take care of you. I’ve spent the whole day with you, and you know what I learned? You’re weak, soft. You don’t have a single survival skill. Jesus, I might as well have been left with a fucking child.”

She sucked in a breath. His words cut to the bone, hitting like blows. And he’d said it all in a voice she hadn’t heard from him yet. A voice he probably used in combat. The kind of voice that made his enemies pee their pants. Part of her wanted to cower. But wasn’t that what he was expecting? He thought she was weak. A dead weight? Fuck that.

Filled to the brim with alcohol and post-apocalyptic, PTSD-induced rage, new Rachel stepped closer and jabbed a finger into his impossibly wide chest. She saw surprise flicker across his face before he could hide it. “You. Are. An. Asshole. I’m still a virgin because, first—my last boyfriend was a creep who hit me. Okay? I told him no, I wasn’t ready and he hit me. Backhanded me right across the face. And then he immediately dumped me for someone else who he felt would give out.” Adam growled but she kept going. “Not something I usually admit to people, but there you go. I’ve been a little leery ever since. Got it? And second…second.”

She paused to suck in a breath. “Eight months ago, I weighed sixty pounds more than I do right now. Yeah, you heard me right, sixty pounds. I finally got healthy, got myself moving more and lost the weight, so I’m actually damn proud of myself. Right now, I’m in the best shape of my life. I’m doing pretty darn good. And if that’s not good enough for you, then you can just pack your stuff and leave. Make like sheep and get the flock out of here, because I don’t need you. Did you hear me? I don’t need you. I can take care of myself!”

That last part, she shouted at the top of her lungs. It felt damn good.

“Rachel.”

Her breath was ragged, like she’d just run the mile. “What?”

She looked into his face, watched with fascination as a muscle ticked in his jaw. “No one’s going to lay a finger on you. Including myself, you hear me? No one,” he vowed.

Okay
. She decided to process that one later. “I’m not weak,” she shot back.

“Fine. Tomorrow morning, we’ll go for a run and you can prove me wrong.”

“What?” she choked.

“You heard me.”

“But I don’t want to—”

“I didn’t ask if you wanted to. I told you what we’re doing, and you’re doing it.”

Her alcohol-induced post-apocalyptic PTSD rage crashed and burned, and suddenly she hit a wall of pure exhaustion. As in ready to pass out. Weak as a newborn kitten. She swayed on her feet, all the vim and vigor from earlier swirling down the drain.

“Go lay down,” he said gently. “Get some sleep.”

As a testament to her exhaustion, she did as he said without any lip. Rachel shuffled over to the tent he’d picked out for her earlier in the day at an abandoned REI. He’d set it up, making sure she was comfortable, not ten feet away from his own.

She raised the flap, turned around and whispered, “Thanks Adam…for everything.”

He lifted his chin.

She went inside and passed out.

Chapter Four

The next morning was hellish.

Some lower level of hell.

“Stop! Wait, I—” Rachel yelled and crashed to the ground.

Ouch
, that hurt, dammit.

She lifted her head. Adam halted and glanced at her. He looked like a Hispanic G.I. Joe, with his gun slung over his back, strong, proud and graceful in black track pants and another tight-fitting T-shirt. He shook his head and marched back along the trail they were following, coming back to check on her. Was he still pissed off about what went down last night? It was hard to tell through the stinging haze of sweat and tears.

Today, her Marine had turned into a badass track coach trying to make her life a living hell, more so than it already was. Which was hard to do.

Rachel gagged and threw up, wincing as bile rushed past her lips, hot as lava. She squeezed her eyes shut, sweat dripping off her chin.

Humiliating.

They’d been jogging around their campsite in the Santa Monica Mountains north of L.A. for twenty minutes. Just twenty damn minutes. And he seemed to be keeping it slow for her, but it had still kicked her ass and pounded her into the ground.

She was supposed to be proving to Adam that she wasn’t hung over. Proving that she was in the best shape of her life, that she was strong and capable and the dark secrets she’d let fly out of her mouth the night before were a figment of his imagination.

Not.

She couldn’t believe the stuff she’d said, or what he’d said for that matter. It was awful, just awful.

She tried to pretend last night didn’t happen—denial always being her best bet—and that she was instead one of Charlie’s Angels, with gorgeous flowing hair, running alongside her partner, ready to take out any bad guys who might come their way. Instead, she’d stumbled along behind him, crying and whining like in the movie
Private Benjamin
, falling to her knees in the dirt, throwing up in the grass like a cat.

Her breath flashed in and out, flaming and ragged as dark spots danced in front of her eyes. A pair of Nikes crunched in the soil next to her.

“Watch out,” she rasped. “I might puke on your new shoes.”

Adam crouched down, his hand connecting with her sweaty back, hot as a brand. “Stay down for a moment. Wait until you catch your breath,” he ordered.

Anger flashed through her, brilliant and sharp.

“Oh, yeah, now you’re nice¸” she proclaimed, a little too loudly. “Where was
this
Adam last night? Or two miles back when I was begging, pleading for you to stop, telling you I couldn’t take any more? You just shouted at me and told me to get my ass in gear.” She paused and gagged again, her whole body shaking with the effort. Acid tore up her throat and pooled in her mouth. Oh God, disgusting. She spit a loogie into the dirt.

Yeah, that was classy.

He handed her water. “Drink this. Then you’re going to get up and keep jogging.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, tore the bottle out of his hand and gulped down the water, too thirsty to argue. Her heart beat furiously, her face was on fire and her muscles screamed in agony. It felt good to rinse out her mouth and replace all the water she’d lost. “Wait.” She gasped as she finally lowered the bottle. “Jogging? You want me to keep jogging even though I just threw up?”

He shrugged his massive shoulders. “You’ve gotta get back on the horse.”

“Are you high? I can’t run anymore.”

He grinned and the corners of his sparkling brown eyes crinkled attractively. She wanted to stay mad at him, furious at him, but she was finding it difficult. Whenever that harsh face turned soft, she melted inside.

“I thought you said you were in the best shape of your life,” he reminded her.

“That’s what’s so sad…I am.” She used the bottom of her oversized, gray T-shirt to wipe the sweat off her face. God, she needed a shower and a bed, in that order. “Are you happy? You’ve proven that I’m weak and you’re strong. Good for you, now what?”

The smile dropped off his face. His jaw looked so hard it might shatter. The scar that slashed across his face from the corner of his eye, down to this jaw seemed to stand out more. “Now you need to toughen up. No more whining, no more crying.”

“What?”

“Rachel, listen to me.” His laughing brown eyes were gone, replaced by a hard obsidian gaze. Her stomach clenched at the authority and absolute conviction gazing back at her. “I know you’re young and this is hard for you, but it’s time to grow up. You need to take this seriously. We’re going to search for other survivors today. We’ll start driving through California, heading north. We could meet new people at any moment. They could be good or they could be bad, and we need to be ready. The world has turned into complete chaos. For all I know, we could run into some motherfucking assholes this afternoon who want to use you as their private play toy. We don’t have time for you to get your shit together. Your training starts now.”

“Stop treating me like a child,” she said. “I’m nineteen.”

“Right, an immature nineteen.”

“You’re a jerk!”

“Yeah, but I’m the jerk who’s going to keep you safe.” Adam stood. “Now get up. Let’s keep going. It’s one more mile back to camp.”

She wiped her hands across her pants. “Okay, one more mile,” she grumbled.

Adam helped her up, his large hand making her wrist, her fingers, seem delicate and small. When she stood, she noticed his eyes rake over her chest. She glanced down.
Oh, great.
Heat burned up her neck and cheeks. She might have lost weight, but that didn’t mean she’d turned into a supermodel overnight. Her sweaty T-shirt was plastered to the front of her torso, showing every curve, every possible lump and bump. She quickly plucked it free.

Jeez, one look from him, one touch, and her heart sped up.

She deliberately squashed her useless, racing hormones and avoided looking again at his perfect chest and hard-as-rock abs. He’d told her last night he wasn’t touching her. In fact, he’d said no one was touching her. And he wouldn’t, ever. She’d only known Adam for a day, but that was long enough to know his word was his bond. And it made sense. Why would he touch someone like her? A girl who couldn’t keep up with him on a run? They had nothing in common. He was a fitness fanatic, a hard-ass soldier, a superhero in the making, and she…wasn’t. They’d eventually find other survivors, other women. Beautiful women. Someone just right for Adam.

And she’d have to watch them together.

An ache spread through her chest.

No. No more being alone, or with the wrong person. She’d find someone, eventually. If not Adam then…someone. Because there were other survivors out there. There had to be.

And meanwhile, they needed to remain friends. She needed to fix this. She touched his arm, and he turned back toward her. “Adam, I’m sorry about what I said last night. That wasn’t me. I was drunk, I barely remember half of what I shouted at you, but I’m sure it
was
whiny and immature. The world just ended. I was in a funk, a bad place. But that’s not the real me. You’ll see. I’m not really like that. It was my first day out. It was hard, ya know?”

He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Yeah, I was drunk too, and I said a lot of shit I shouldn’t have said.”

“You were drunk?”

“Shit, yeah.”

“What? I couldn’t even tell. You seemed completely sober.”

He frowned. “Yeah…well, I don’t normally say mean shit like that when I’m sober. I’m sorry too. What I said about you being a child…that was uncalled for. I knew you were too young, and I could tell you were a civilian I’d have to babysit. But that still wasn’t the problem I’m used to babysitting civilians. Mainly, I was pissed off when I found out you were a virgin.”

Her brow furrowed. “It’s not like this is the Middle Ages, Adam. We’re in the twenty-first century here. I don’t understand. What does it matter if I’m a virgin?”

He looked her right in the eyes. “I don’t fuck virgins.”

She stared at him, trying to compute what he was saying. “So…what? I don’t understand.”

“I found out you were a virgin, so therefore we can’t have sex. I was pissed off.”

She sucked in a breath. Her face flamed. “Wait, you m-mean,” she stuttered. “Be-before you found out I was a virgin, you were…you wanted to have…sex…with me?”

No. Way.

“Yeah, from the moment I met you, I was planning, hoping we could end up sharing the same tent, fucking, forgetting about all of this shit around us. Didn’t you?”

Her mouth fell open. “Uh…” She didn’t even know how to answer. She hadn’t even let her mind go there. She’d been stuck on,
wow, you’re so gorgeous,
and he’d already leapt to
let’s fuck
? Amazing, it was just amazing.

“But now it’s not going to happen,” he groused.

She blinked. Her stomach dropped. It was like she’d been offered a magic wand and it was being snatched right back out of her hand. “Because I’m a virgin?” There wasn’t going to be sex between them, not because she wasn’t sexy, or because she might still be overweight, or because they had nothing in common. Wow. It was only because…

“Like I said, I don’t fuck virgins. And you’re a victim of abuse, and you’re only nineteen. For chrissake, the last thing you need is a man like me harassing you.”

“I don’t?”

“No, you don’t,” he said firmly. “It’s okay, I won’t touch you, and I’ll make sure no else we meet does either.”

“Well, uh…all right,” she fumbled, still stuck on this strange turn of events. In her old life, unbelievably handsome men who looked like superheroes with acres of lickable dark skin, flashing brown eyes and muscles as hard as rock did not—
did not
—hit on her. Never. Had she bumped up a pay grade due to the weight loss? Or was it just…because she was the only woman he’d seen alive?

Because she was his only choice? Because he was desperate?

Oh no.

The iron ball from last night settled back in her stomach. Her temporary joy drained away, leaving pain and that familiar feeling of inadequacy she’d lived with her whole life.

Oh God, that explained everything though, didn’t it? Adam was horny for her because she was the only woman he’d seen alive in who knew how long. If he’d found her and another woman at the same time on the freeway yesterday, he would’ve immediately chosen the other woman, and she would’ve been stuck listening to the two of them going at it last night in the tent next to hers, hands over her ears, crying, trying to drown it out.

She looked down and swallowed against the lump in her throat.

“Rachel?”

“Hmm?” She glanced back up at him, doing her best to keep back the tears and leave her face blank.

“Look, I’m happy you opened up to me like that last night. I’m proud of everything you’ve accomplished. You focused on your health and you survived a goddamn apocalypse. That’s impressive.”

“Thanks,” she whispered.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” she lied and offered a fake smile.

“Good, let’s get going.”

She took a deep breath and looked around. Saw the golden hills sparkling in the morning light, the dirt path in front of her and reoriented. This thing with Adam, it wasn’t a big deal, was it? In the big scheme of things, it was insignificant. It hurt. It always hurt to be second best, someone’s possible desperation fuck. She’d only had two boyfriends her entire life, and both of them had felt the same way Adam did, that she wasn’t quite right. But she had to believe that she’d still find a man who wanted her and only her. That man was still out there somewhere—a survivor just like herself. She’d be choice number one. That she’d find someone who’d think he was lucky to have her. Because…he would be.

That man wasn’t Adam.

And you know what? That was his freaking loss.

She forced the iron ball out of her stomach. Her gaze rose and locked with his. “I can do this,” she huffed. Her shoulders straightened. “I’m going to survive this. You’ll see.”

They stood close, a little too close. The air seemed charged, with what, she wasn’t sure. He stared at her, emotions running through his eyes she couldn’t quite decipher. “I know you will,” he rumbled. “I’ll make sure of it.”