Dice (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #3) (17 page)

She took a large sip, and then placed the glass down on the counter. Tiny wrinkles formed on the bridge of her nose and her lips pursed. I took her hand in mine, running my thumb across her knuckles. “You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”

She blinked up at me, and the wrinkles smoothed themselves out. She took a deep breath, keeping her focus steady on me, as if looking into my eyes gave her the strength she needed. It made me feel good. Made me feel like no matter what happened in our lives, we could always have each other to be honest with. To talk to. To assure each other that everything would be okay.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded, bringing her hand to my mouth and pressing a kiss to her palm. “There’s nothing you can tell me that will change the way I feel about you.”

“Promise?” she asked, her voice quiet with desperation.

“Promise.”

Her grip on my hand tightened, and she took another breath. I waited for her to tell me what weighed on her so heavily so we could move forward. I was ready to do whatever it was I had to do to keep her in my life.

“Kade’s my brother.”

The world slipped away, as my brain focused on those three words. “What?”

“Kade’s my brother,” she said again, this time a little more confident.

“I heard you. I’m just trying to figure out what the fuck you’re talking about.” I pushed away from the counter and turned away from her, unable to look at her. She could have told me anything. She could have told me she was a goddamned hooker before she came here, and I wouldn’t have cared. But this. How could she keep something like this from me? First, Miles… then, Sienna… and now her. “Please tell me you just found out,” I ground out through my teeth, restraining the rising anger.

“I’ve known all along. It’s the reason I’m here.”

I ran my hands through my hair, gripping at the ends, trying like hell to calm the flood of emotions running ramped in my body. “So, you lied to me?” My veins pulsed and bulged and all restraint was gone. “You fucking lied to me?!” I yelled.

“I didn’t lie to you.”

“Then, what the fuck do you call it? You’re Kade’s fucking sister.” The words were like acid on my tongue as I spit them out. “Did you not think that was something you should tell me? Tell him? You’re his kid’s nanny. Are you some fucking sick twisted…”

“Watch it,” she demanded. “Don’t say something you’ll later regret.”

“Later regret? I already regret all of this. You come here and deceive me and my family.”

“I didn’t mean to!”

Unable to wrap my head around the bullshit coming out of her mouth, I threw my hands in the air. “You didn’t mean to? What is that even supposed to mean? You lied about who you are. You can’t pin that on anyone else. That’s all you.”

Every person I held closest to me had lied to me. Withheld shit that they should have been able to tell me. What a fucking night this turned out to be. I grabbed my keys off the counter and stormed toward the door. Allison ran after me, but I ignored her hand on my arm. Ignored her crying pleas not to leave. I opened the door and she managed to slither in front of me, blocking my path and slamming the door shut.

“No, you don’t get to leave. Not yet. Not until you hear what I have to say.”

“Allison… Is that even your real name?”

“Yes!”

Tension built in my neck, pulling tight across my shoulders. I didn’t want to hear what she had to fucking say because it wouldn’t change the fact that she lied to me. That she withheld something as important as being Kade’s sister from me. There was nothing she could say that would make me forgive her. Forget that she purposely deceived me.

“How the fuck am I supposed to believe you? How do I know that everything else you told me was the truth?’

“It was! All of it. The stories about my mom, about the pier, it was all true.”

“Says the liar.”

“Yes, I lied, but I was scared. I found out about Kade less than a month before I showed up at his house. I couldn’t believe I actually knocked on the door and you answered. And you were so cute and charming, and then Sienna assumed I was there to apply for the position of the nanny and I couldn’t get the words out. I wanted to. I never meant to deceive any of you. But, every time I tried to force the truth to come out, I couldn’t. Something always stopped me.”

Tears filled her pretty eyes, and I was pissed that it made me feel any remorse for her. I swallowed down the desire to take her into my arms and comfort her.

“If I could go back…” She reached up, cradling my cheek in her hand. “I would. I would do it all differently.”

I took her hand in mine, savoring the softness for one last moment before dropping it back to her side. “Too bad you can’t,” I said, and forced my way out the door.

“Eugene!” she screamed after me. “Please talk to me.”

Mr. Rollins opened his door, and poked his nosey head out. “Is everything all right out here?” he asked with that old gravelly voice of his.

“Yeah, it’s fucking fine!” I replied over my shoulder then got on my bike.

“You promised!” Her words floated across the parking lot, and stabbed me right in the fucking heart. I did promise, but that was before I knew the lying deceitful person she was. If she would have told me sooner, things might’ve been different. She waited too long.

I didn’t need this fucking bullshit tonight.

A
slow rain
started to fall as I drove my bike through Black Hills. I could go home, but I didn’t want to. I thought about going to talk to Sienna, but I couldn’t without telling her about Allison and her goddamned secret. Which only made me even more angry. Did Allison expect me to keep that from my friends, my family? I wouldn’t have any part in it.

Miles was always good for a pick me up, but the way he was when I left him earlier made me think it was better to just leave him alone for the night. Besides, sharing a bottle of booze on the night before I was to take him to rehab, didn’t exactly seem like the best idea.

So, I drove the streets until the sun came up just like I did the day Nick was killed. When I pulled into my driveway, and headed in for a quick shower, I didn’t feel any better. I still felt like shit. Still was angry, aggravated and even sad for all that I learned and all that I lost.

Though, this should’ve come at no surprise to me. I never got the happy ending. It just wasn’t in the cards for me, and I had accepted that a long time ago. I was a fucking moron to think that things would’ve changed with Allison. But, like a fool, I did and much of the anger was in myself. For letting my guard down, for opening up to someone who didn’t even have the common decency to tell me the truth, for letting myself fall in love with a girl who had done nothing but lie to me since the day I met her.

She fucking lied to me from day one, and I should’ve hated her fucking guts. The thought of her should’ve made me want to shoot something, beat the shit out of someone, or smash my fist through the goddamned wall, but as I looked out the window to the rising sun, all I could think about was how I wished she was here. How she should’ve been waking up in my arms and telling me good morning. Running her hands across my bare chest down to the dip of my waist because even though we fucked like crazy the night before, she still wanted more.

The thoughts of her skin, warm and flush beneath my hands, her ass grinding into my cock desperate for me to be inside of her, filled my head. I grabbed the knob of the shower and turned it until I was pelted by ice cold water. The sudden change in temperature knocked me out of my thoughts, and cooled down the rising heat inside of me.

Ten minutes later, frozen to the core, I dressed and headed back out, lighting a cigarette as I mounted my bike. I inhaled letting the nicotine work its way through my body. Unfortunately, it did nothing for the tension that still pulled tight across my neck.

The drive to the clubhouse seemed longer than usual, even though there were barely any cars around. I kept trying to focus on the road, the wind blowing through me, the freedom I always felt with my bike between my legs and my hands on the bars, but I felt nothing. The ice cold shower seemed to not only have numbed my body but my mind, my soul and my heart.

I took a deep breath, forcing Allison out of my head. Right now, my best friend needed me. He needed me to be the comic relief in this shitty situation; he needed me to give him the strength to walk through those rehab doors and submit to six weeks of rehabilitation. He needed me to be Dice, his best friend, not some pathetic, moping pussy.

For Miles, I would forget about Allison and her lies, for now. I pulled my bike into the lot, and headed over to the clubhouse. I was happy to find not a single whore sprawled out on the couch or any empty bottles scattered about. Miles seemed to have controlled himself last night. It gave me hope that he was serious about getting clean. That this time would be the last time he’d have to ever enter a rehab again. That maybe he wouldn’t ever need drugs again to make him feel alive.

The familiar sounds of Metallica floated down the hallway and I smiled. The crazy bastard was probably playing air guitar with a cigarette dangling from his lips, waiting for me to show up. He loved Metallica more than most people loved anything. Miles never had an old lady, but he didn’t need one. His love was spread out: from the music he loved, to the club, to his brothers, and to his bike that he custom built himself back when I was a prospect.

I used to joke with him and tell him if he could fuck his bike he probably would. He would say his dick was too big for the tail pipe. I always thought I was quick-witted but that bastard put me to shame.

The door was slightly cracked, so I pushed it open all the way. The air in my lungs was sucked out, and, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fill them. “No!” I screamed as I lunged for Miles’ body, desperately clawing at the rope tied around his neck.

He swung back and forth, as I grabbed for my pocketknife to cut the rope free of the ceiling beam. I hacked at the rope, sawing and pulling until Miles collapsed into my arms. The weight of him knocked me to the floor and I took his face in my hands, smacking his cheeks.

His lifeless eyes stared back at me. The mischievous glint that was always so fucking bright was gone. It was fucking gone. “Dammit, Miles!” I smacked his face again, waiting for that stupid shit eating grin to form on his mouth and for him to yell “Psych!” or “Got ya!” Something. Anything to tell me this wasn’t real. That my best friend wasn’t dead. “Wake up dammit!” I shook his shoulders. “Son of a bitch. Get up!” His head fell limply to the side, and any hope I had ended with the song on his beat-to-shit CD player. “You stupid fucking asshole!” I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks, unable to control them.

I took his face back in my hands, and stared into his eyes, wishing I got here sooner. Wishing I stayed last night. Wishing that I was smart enough to realize that last night he was trying to say goodbye to me, but I was too stupid to realize it.

I cradled his head in my lap, and a massive lumped lodged in my throat, but I had so much to say. So many things I never told him, and now he would never know that, when he saved my life a few months ago against Montamos, it wasn’t the first.

He and Nick brought me into this club and gave me a family. Gave a lost boy a chance in a world where nobody else wanted him. He saved me from myself, from the demons of my childhood, and I wasn’t able to save him.

“I’m sorry,” I said, choking on a sob. I bit my fist, trying to divert the pain from my heart, but it was useless. The pain was deep, and I knew it would always be a part of me.

I brought my shaking hand to his face and forced a smile. “Save a seat for me in hell, you bastard.” With one last look, I pulled down his eyelids and put him to peace.

Sobs wracked my body, and I couldn’t bring myself to move. To let him go and walk out of here. He may have died alone, but I refused to leave him now. I refused to let him lie here on the dirty fucking floor alone.

My head fell to his, and I held him to me, apologizing for not coming sooner. For not being the friend I should have been. For letting him down.

“What are you two still doing here?” Sienna’s voice barely penetrated through the pain. My lips parted, but all that came out was a gasp of air as I hugged Miles to my chest. “You should have been on…Oh my god!” she cried. Our eyes locked, her blue ones wide in shock and confusion. “What happened? What the fuck happened?”

I rocked back and forth, clutching Miles to me, as Sienna’s cries got lost to the fog. Her body collapsed against the floor and she covered her mouth. “No,” she kept saying over and over like a horrible song you couldn’t get out of your head.

Time was nonexistent, as the only noise in Miles’ room were the soft sobs of Sienna. A few minutes later, she sniffed and spoke. “Stanson, it’s Sienna Jacobs. I need you at the clubhouse now.” Her voice cracked, and the phone fell from her hand.

A gentle hand rested on my shoulder. “Dice, you have to let him go.”

“No,” I growled. “No.”

Her hand trembled, as she tried to stop her sobbing. “Please,” she choked out.

“Fuck off. I’m not leaving him alone. Not again. I won’t do it! I won’t!” I yelled, and she held her hands up in front of her.

“Okay. You stay. I’m going to wait for Stanson and call Kade.”

I nodded. “Someone should call Cash, too, and Phil.” My voice broke off into tears.

“I got it,” Sienna said. “I’ll handle it.”

She left the room and I stayed. I talked to Miles as if he was there. As if this was all some fucked up dream and we would laugh about it later. I talked, and pretended like he answered, until Stanson showed up.

“Oh, fuck!” he said as he stepped into the room. He closed his eyes, and pain etched at the edges. Miles might had been on the wrong side of the law, but he and Stanson had known each other from the very beginning. They were allies and, in some weird, fucked up way, friends.

Stanson let out a rush of air, and ran a hand over his face. The man who lost a friend vanished, and the officer that ran deep in his veins appeared. “I’ll get my team in here. We’ll make sure he’s alright. I’ll have to ask you a few questions, but they can wait. I know where I can find you.”

“I don’t want to leave him alone,” I said, but my voice was barely a whisper. The minute I walked out of this room was the minute I had to accept reality. I had to accept that my best friend was dead, and there was nothing I could do to bring him back.

“He won’t be alone. I’m here,” Stanson assured me.

My fingers dug into Miles’ cut, I leaned down to press a kiss to his head, and then laughed. I bet he was looking up from hell right now, laughing his ass off.

I stumbled out of the room and Sienna pushed off the wall, taking me in her arms. She sobbed against my neck, and I rested a hand on the back of her head. It was all I could do to comfort her because there was nothing I could say that would help.

“The last conversation I had with him…” she muttered and I pressed my other hand to her back, rubbing slow circles. “I was so awful.”

“Shhh,” I managed. “You had every right to be and he knew that.”

“But…”

I leaned back, holding her shoulders. “No buts. Miles fucked up and he accepted that. He wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up over it.”

She nodded and rested back in my arms. With every shake of her body, it brought back more and more memories of Nick’s death. When her father died, the man who was like my own, the pain was excruciating. Completely indescribable. I never wanted to feel that again. Never wanted to be subjected to such heart wrenching pain, and yet, here we were a year later, going through it all again.

It was as if a heavy weight dropped on my chest and I couldn’t breathe. I held Sienna tighter, trying to focus on what I had left.

“S,” Kade came flying into the clubhouse and Sienna spun to him, running into his arms.

I caught Kade’s eye as he wrapped his arms around Sienna. He gave me a knowing look that said everything he needed to say that words couldn’t convey. I nodded.

Sienna would always be my sister, but she had Kade now to protect her. To be there for her. To hold her when that carefully built wall of hers came crumbling down. She didn’t need me to be that person for her any more.

Miles was right. Things were changing.

“Dice, you should see this,” Stanson said, walking over to me. He held out a white envelope with my name on it.

Sienna pushed off of Kade’s chest. Kade kept his arm securely wrapped around her shoulders as they both joined us.

I took the envelope from Stanson and swallowed. My name was written in Miles’ shitty chicken scratch across the front.

With a deep breath, I ripped it open, and pulled out the letter.

“What’s it say?” Sienna asked. “Actually, it’s none of our business. It’s for you.”

“No, it’s okay,” I said, as I stared down at the words. Stanson stepped back and left us in privacy.

Sorry, brother.

I fucked up for my last time. It’s been one hell of a ride, and I hate to cut it short, but the guilt is too much for me to handle. A good man would live with it, but we both know nothing about me is good. You may think I’m taking the easy way out, but I’m hoping in death I get something right. Take care of my bike.

Tell Stanson to go in my top drawer, and tell Sienna I’ll always have her back. She’s more like her father than she’ll ever know and I will die comforted with thoughts that she’ll keep an eye on your dumbass. As for my brothers, we ride rain or shine and when that first sunbeam shines and that pesky rain falls know I am there. I will always be there.

See you in hell.

“What is he talking about?” Sienna asked. “He’ll always have my back?”

“I have no fucking idea.” I turned from Kade and Sienna, swiping a hand across my eyes and searching for Stanson. “Stanson, check the top drawer in his dresser.”

Stanson nodded and disappeared into the room, only to come back out a few seconds later holding another envelope with his name on it. He slid his finger under the flap, and opened it, his eyes widening and his jaw going slack.

“I got here as soon as I could,” Cash said, rushing through the doors. His face was stoic, but you could see the leftover tears in his eyes.

Sienna held her hand up to Cash and turned back to Stanson. “What is it?” she asked, pointing to the envelope.

Stanson looked up, disbelief splashed all across his face. “A confession.”

Me, Sienna, Kade and Cash froze, staring at Stanson, waiting for him to continue.

“He’s confessing to killing Gordita and her son, Anthony. He said he shot Anthony in the head, and he slit Gordita’s throat. He’s taking full responsibility, said he worked on his own agenda, and the club had no involvement.”

Sienna gasped, her hand flying to her mouth.

Cash, whose old lady was the one who actually killed Anthony, stood there with his mouth hanging slightly open.

I laughed manically because, even in death, the bastard rendered us speechless.