Diary of a Teenage Taxidermist (5 page)

Chapter 5

Robert parked his car in the driveway of Ethan’s home. Hidden away from the road and surrounded by trees, it was a well kept detached house with green and burgundy wooden panels covering the outer walls. In a place like this, Rob would expect to see a dog, but it seemed that Ethan’s parents settled on keeping three cars instead, each with its own gate to a separate garage built in the same style as the house.

He cleared his throat, watching the skylights that were windows to Ethan’s room. The thought that he was here just to get Ethan’s rocks off made him beyond uncomfortable, but he had to do what he got to do, so after several minutes of sitting in the car and playing with his cell phone, he rang the bell. Each second seemed to stretch endlessly as he waited for an answer.

At least Ethan wasn’t already naked when he appeared this time. All dressed in black as usual, his pale blue eye looked up at Rob, and Rob had no idea what was expected of him anymore.

“Hi,” Ethan said with that serious expression on his face. “Come in.”

Rob frowned, his stomach plummeting. “What is it?”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Ethan looked around the empty, spacious corridor. The high ceilings in the house gave it a high-class touch.

Rob cleared his throat and walked inside. “Dunno, you’re just so... different here.” And he already knew why. Here, Ethan was the one holding all the cards.

“I don’t get it.” Ethan reached out to Robert and slowly grabbed his hand. He did so with caution, as if he expected a slap on the wrist. Next thing Rob knew, he was pulled along into yet another massive room with a table fit for a family of ten.

“You know, you’re so quiet at school.” Rob looked down at their hands, surprised by the gesture. What was going on? Wasn’t it all business this time?

“I’m not the most sociable of people, I agree.” Ethan sighed and pulled out a chair for Robert. The situation was pure surrealism, but the food on the table was beyond mundane: some toast with peanut butter and jam on two individual plates.

Robert cleared his throat but slowly lowered himself to the seat. He wasn’t sure what interested him more: the fake antiques and real artwork on the walls, or the fact that Ethan seemed to think this was some kind of dinner date at home.

Ethan sat on the opposite side of the table and nudged one plate toward Rob before biting into the sandwich himself. “Go on, have some.”

Robert cleared his throat. “Am I too early again?” He reached for the food, wondering if it would be too much to ask for something to drink.

Ethan looked at the large grandfather clock behind him. “No, you’re on time. Are you in a rush?”

Robert shrugged. “I just thought I interrupted you when you were eating.” He bit into the sandwich and closed his eyes for a moment. The jelly was delicious. Homemade? Maybe. Definitely high quality stuff.

“I made it for you.” Ethan went silent for a moment and placed the sandwich back on the plate. His moves were oddly stiff.  “I know that what we have is maybe… not optimal, but I don’t want you to have a totally horrible time.”

“Are you autistic?” Robert leaned back in the chair, but he kept on chewing, in hope that if they ran out of uncomfortable topics of conversation, there was always food talk.

Ethan swallowed and looked at his plate. His eye patch added to the surreal atmosphere. As if he were some archvillain sitting behind the table in his lair, and Rob stumbled upon this place by accident. “Who knows. I do have some brain damage.”

Robert hid his face behind his hands and bumped his forehead into the tabletop. No, he would not mention autism was not a result of brain damage. His hands were aching with the need to slap someone. “You really think it’s all okay as long as you give me some peanut butter? What the fuck?”

Ethan cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair, with his only remaining eye on the tabletop rather than Robert’s face. “N-no… I just… I thought we could talk… Maybe. Not make it so impersonal. I think, maybe I was too eager last time. But I’ve never done it before, and I sort of panicked.”

“Surprise, I haven’t sucked cock before either!” Robert uncovered his face and started stroking the edge of the plate, keeping his eyes on its decorative pattern. It was squeaky clean. His life was not.

Ethan took a deep breath, his face gradually pinkening. “But you’ve been in all sort of sexual situations, I can imagine. Thinking back, maybe I should have worn jeans or something. I’m not sure.”

Robert swallowed and pulled on his index finger, just as his throat closed up. If sexual situations meant masturbating to gay porn then he had plenty of experience, but that was about it.

Ethan bit his lip. “You have to talk to me. I’m not best at these things, but I’m sure we can work something out. I just… oh God, I want it so much,” he uttered in the end with a deep breath.

Robert shook his head and folded his arms across his chest, his muscles bundling up. This was the most selfish sentence he had ever heard in his life. “What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. You’re this amazing guy. I’d never get a chance to talk to you, and now you’re sort of here and… maybe this could be an experiment for you, huh? No one would know. I’m not completely hideous or something.” Ethan crossed his arms, mirroring Robert’s movement.

Robert’s lungs emptied as he stared at Ethan from across the table. That much was true, Ethan wasn’t hideous. He was hot. Strange but hot. Like a male, grownup version of Wednesday Addams. But what did this mean for
him
? “Are you saying that I could experiment with you, but you wouldn’t tell on me if I chose not to do this?” His throat ached so hard from the tension he had trouble keeping his voice even. It would be so embarrassing if he started talking to Ethan in a falsetto. But the tables turned a moment after, stunning Rob into silence.

Ethan straightened and nodded with so much vigor his hair obscured his face for a moment. “Yes, yes, total secret, no strings attached, all and any bi-curious needs satisfied,” he said eagerly, with his eye on Robert. He was advertising himself as if he were a prepaid telephone card. “You don’t have to even act like you know me much at school or anything. I’d be your clean secret.”

Robert swallowed, pinching his left hand as hard as he could. “That’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking if you’d let me off the hook if I said I’m not doing this.”

Ethan instantly slumped in his chair with his lips quivering in a way that didn’t suggest anything good, but he nodded nevertheless. “Yeah, I suppose so. I’d just… yeah, whatever.” He sighed and rubbed his forehead above the missing eye. “I’d just never wanna talk to you again, but I guess that wouldn’t be much of a loss for you.”

“I thought you were happy to talk to me,” pushed Robert. He reached for the sandwich again. Was there a hidden camera somewhere? This conversation was turning more bizarre by the second.

“Not if you totally reject me. I’m not made out of stone, you know,” Ethan grumbled with a frown. “I don’t expect you to feel responsible for my feelings but respect them. I’d rather not have them, but they exist, and that’s that.”

“Totally reject you?” asked Rob, leaning forward and biting into the sandwich. He couldn’t believe something so weird could be the product of a healthy brain. Then again, Ethan was sort of excused.

“I opened up about how much I like you. If you say you don’t want to have anything to do with me, even though I proposed complete discretion and no strings attached, then that’s kinda humiliating, don’t you think?” Ethan slouched, playing with the tips of his hair, but he was slowly going from deep breaths to hyperventilating. Robert blinked and raised his hands.

“Whoa, calm down here, okay? We’re just talking,” he uttered, watching the tension around Ethan’s remaining eye. The guy was so confused it was painful to watch.

“I thought I could just demand it, but then you helped me at school anyway, and protected me from Pat, and did it all in public so other people took notice as well, and I can’t just rationalize it anymore. I can’t tell myself you deserve what’s coming. Fuck.” He started rubbing his eye, all red in the face.

Robert shook his head and took a deep breath, trying to be calm. “Of course I did. It’s my fault you got hurt. Do you really think I’m some bully that’s out to get people?”

“I don’t know. I was so scared back then in the forest. I had no idea what you would do. You were all drunk. Anything could have happened.” Ethan stared at the table, unmoving like a statue.

Robert swallowed and got to his feet. Keeping his eyes on Ethan’s hunched form, he circled the table to stand next to him. From up close, his hair looked like beautiful threads of silk. “Just tell me if anyone picks on you, yeah?”

Ethan looked up at him, with his lips forming into a dissatisfied pout. “I will,” he muttered and quickly slid off the chair in a way that allowed him not to risk brushing against Rob. He took a few steps toward the corridor.

“Where to now? Can I have some water first?” asked Rob, whose eyes trailed down the slim legs. Suddenly, being alone with Ethan didn’t feel nearly as intimidating. He was pretty, and lonely, and scared of Rob.

“I-I wanted to show you out. I thought you wanted to leave?” Ethan swallowed, and Rob didn’t have to be a mind reader to see there was still a glimmer of hope in that blue eye. Robert cleared his throat, desperately trying not to let any redness leak onto his face, but it was a futile attempt. He couldn’t help but think that it was an opportunity for both of them. He had planned not to get involved with anyone until college, but Ethan was a safe option. There was still pent-up anger in him, but at the end of the day, someone as self-conscious and weak as Ethan couldn’t possibly threaten him in any way.

“Will you do me too?”

The instantly widening pupil was all the answer he needed. Ethan stepped up to him and grabbed his hand. “I will! I don’t have any experience, but I’ll give it my best. And if you let me practice now and then, I promise I’ll get better at it till graduation.” The heat of his fingers betrayed the arousal and need contained in that small body.

“Water?” asked Robert, hardly keeping his smile at bay. This kind of excitement was something he definitely wanted to see in someone he was fucking. Heat spread through his body like wildfire.

“Yeah, sure, sure!” Ethan rushed off to the kitchen, with his bare feet thudding against the wooden floor.

“Just be careful.” Robert hurried after him, suddenly hit by the vision of Ethan failing to perceive the depth of something and hurting his other eye. “I’m not dying yet.” The moment he reached the kitchen, with the last word still on his lips, glass smashed all over the floor.

“Fuck!” Ethan groaned, but instantly dove to the cupboard under the sink for a dustpan and brush. “Don’t worry, I’ll get it.”

Robert didn’t hesitate and pulled him out, pressing him against his chest. “Leave it, yeah? You said you don’t see well.” He could feel Ethan’s heart hammering in his chest, and it was kinda nice, actually. He’d held and kissed girls, but Ethan felt and smelled different altogether. There was more of him somehow, even though he was on the small side, and his scent was richer, sharper.

“It’s just grabbing stuff that’s been annoying lately,” Ethan uttered but didn’t move by a fraction of an inch.

Robert sighed, closing his eyes for just a short moment to enjoy the closeness. It was odd, but the moment Ethan had withdrawn his demands, his own anger had dispersed like a drop of ink in a pot of boiling water. “ You’ll get better at it with time.” He spun Ethan around and lifted him to the counter. Pulling glass out of those bare feet was the last thing he wanted.

Ethan blinked at him from behind his black-rimmed glasses, but stayed put. “Wow. I mean… wow. I knew you were strong, but… I’m not all that light.”

Robert let out a chuckle and looked at the narrow feet with a smile involuntarily spreading all over his face. “Yes, you are. You lost weight in hospital.” He scooted down to retrieve the dustpan and brush, and started quickly gathering the shards.

Ethan’s curious eye never left him alone. “I have a big appetite now, I’ll get it back.”

Robert’s gaze swept over the bare toes, but despite the temptation, he didn’t touch them, even though they seemed so cold and in need of socks. After disposing of the glass, he got himself some tap water and drank it all in one go, pretending not to notice the attention. But he could feel it, and it tickled his ego all over. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t like to be admired. He even liked the way girls spun around him at school. Having a guy so clearly ogle him was new and exciting, since it could actually lead somewhere.

He put the glass into the sink and glanced at the pale face. “Ready.”

Ethan’s chest rose as he inhaled a big gulp of air, but then he slid down to the floor. “You wanna go to my room?” He stared at Robert as if he were the core of his being, lips slightly parted, the single blue eye hazy.

Robert exhaled and reached out to take Ethan’s small hand. “Sure.” His skin had a few little cuts and scabs, like he hadn’t been careful enough while cutting bread or something. Not all that surprising considering how Ethan had broken the glass just moments ago.

Ethan squeezed Rob’s hand and led him out of the kitchen and through the spacious living room, back to the corridor. His moves were rushed, and he almost walked into a standing lamp at one point, but they managed to walk through the house without Ethan hurting himself.