Diary Of A Pissed Off Wife (3 page)

“How did she know about our bedroom furniture?”

“Her father sells furniture or some shit, she asked me what kind you were into. I just told her the name
, but I swear she was never here.”

Damn, I should really milk this
, but he looked so miserable.

“I hope you’ve learned your lesson
, because we are never to go through this little exercise again. There won’t be a next time. Stay the fuck away from females. Unless you want me to return the favor.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that if you strike up conversations with women that get to the point of you discussing my taste in furniture, I will park my ass on a bar stool somewhere and do the same. Even Steven.”

I left him lying on the bed and headed into the bathroom. I needed a nice long bath to wash away some of the drunk off my ass. I took my phone to start my phone tree. Without giving anything away I sent out an S.O.S, let my chicks know what was going on. They all said they’d meet me at the designated spot in an hour. Time to get a move on.

Now my girls are made up mostly of other team wives. It makes sense that when our men are away we’re there for each other. Even the coach’s wife hangs with us and she’s a lot older. I wasn’t sure exactly how to go about telling them about this. None of us had ever had to deal with this particular headache before.

“Baby you calm now?”

“No why?” I came out the bath and was moisturizing and getting myself together.

“Nothing, I just…I’m not sure this is such a good idea. Shouldn’t you wait until you cool down? You don’t wanna do anything rash.”

I gave him my ‘don’t be an ass’ look. Now in my house, my hubby is top dog, he knows it and I know it. But there comes a time when a woman has to take the reins, and for me, this was it.

This bitch disrespected me. She wasn’t getting away with it. “You see all the things you’re thinking right now? Write them in book. Keep them at the forefront of your memory when you’re on the road. So that you will never do this stupid shit again.”

“I don’t see how having a perfectly innocent conversation could cause all of this”

“Well it did, now you gotta ask yourself
, how you would handle this shit if it were you?” He didn’t like that shit one bit if the way he puffed up was anything to go by.

“Look, stop worrying. Nothing’s gonna happen. I just have to teach this girl not to mess with the big dogs. Rrrrrhhhh.”

To fuck with his head I put on a short dress that fit right in all the right places. I could see him watching and thinking. He knows I usually wear jeans and tees when I’m going out the door, unless it’s a special occasion.

But for the next little while, for the few days that she stole from me, he was gonna sweat. I left after giving him a disinterested smooch on the lips. I was still mad at him for brin
ging this shit to my door. The ass.

My girls were already waiting when I got there. I guess I wasn’t as slick as I thought I was on the phone, because they were all looking at me with worried expressions. Damn, they brought the newbie, oh well.

I sat down and ordered my first Appletini
, they knew it was on.

“Okay what happened? spill.”

So I told them the whole story, from beginning to end. The first thing my girl Jilessa did, was break out her phone and go searching for this Tiffany broad. She called around to some of the other girls on the squad, until she got what she was after.

“Carry on.” She was not looking too happy.

"Jane, you know if a man cheats on you once he'd cheat on you again. I never understood women who forgive men these indiscretions. I know Travis said he didn’t actually cheat, but the whole thing just smacks of indiscretion to me.

If my guy ever spent that kind of time with another woman it would break my heart.
I just I know I’d have to get a divorce. How can you ever trust him again?”

Who the fuck brought this bitch to my party? She’s new so I’ll let her slide on this one. They were usually four of us. Jilessa, Sandy, Paulette, that’s coach’s wife, and me. I guess Paulette felt bad for this one and brough
t her pious ass along. She mouthed the words ‘sorry’ over the idiot’s head.

"Well Mary, if the good Lord could forgive the adulteress
, I think I can be big enough to do the same. What I won't forgive is the sin. Hate the sin not sinner.

That little side trip is gonna cost him and cost him big. Fuck a divorce. Why get half when I can stay and get it all? Guilt m
y friend is a hard taskmaster. Besides, he didn’t cheat or you heifers would be bailing my ass outta jail.”

"But to go after the girl..."

"Oh you feel sorry for little Susie home-wrecker? I better not tell you what else I have in store for her then."

My girl Jilessa is black
, and not to play into any stereotypes, but this bitch is crazy. I know without even asking what she's gonna say. But just in the off chance that she might talk me down off my ledge... “Jilessa?”

"Let's go break this
bitch.” Well then.

“I don’t know where she lives yet Jilly.”

“I do.” S
he held up her phone. “That’s what I was doing.”

“I don’t think we should be doing anything, this is all wrong…”

“You’re free to leave anytime.”

“Jilessa!”

“What Paulette? She obviously don’t want to be here.” She turned a very saccharine smile on the newbie. If I had nuts they would’ve crawled into my neck if I was at the end of that one. I know Jilessa, she did not like new girl. I better head this shit off, I have enough problems without having to break those two up.

“Jane follow me to the lady’s please.”
Jilessa made the call before I had the chance to.

As soon as we were out of earshot she let me know where she stood.

“I don’t like her, don’t know why Paulette dragged her ass here in the first place. If she wants to fit in and be one of us, then she better can that shit quick. She’s fixin to work my last damn nerve.

Now after we get rid of her
, we’re gonna discuss this shit, because that bitch cannot be allowed to breathe easy one more night. She brought my God-babies into this shit.”

“Okay Jilly, take it easy, I can see the smoke coming out your ears.”

“Fuck that, we gotta stick together. If my husband fucked up I’d expect you to have my back. We have to keep these men in line. It’s like the domino effect, one falls the others topple over like jackasses. Let them see how we deal with a bitch that steps outta line and they’ll think twice.” I love how my chick thinks.

“Okay let’s get back before newbie starts complaining that we’re rude.” We headed back to the table and she wasn’t there.

“Where’s Mary?”

“She stepped outside for a minute. Now what are you two up to?”

“Not just us two Paulette? Us four, after we get rid of newbie…”

“Now Jane I hope you’re not planning anything illegal, last time coach wailed my ass but goo
d.”

“Whoo hoo go coach.” Jilly with her loud ass.

The newbie came back in and we changed he subject. I was aching to get back to it, but Jilly was right, this girl was new, she might not understand how we did things.

We talked about stupid shit and ordered appetizers and drinks until a decent enough amount of time had passed to ditch her.

“Damien?” I looked over my shoulder after Jilly called her husband’s name, to see all our husbands heading our way. What the fuck?

“Ladies.” Jilessa’s husband has got to be the hottes
t thing on legs after my Travis; chocolate brown, with locs and tats. The two of them made one amazingly striking couple, but later for that. What the fuck was Travis doing here?

“Where are the kids?”

“Mom’s got them for the night.” He gave me that look like, ‘you and me babe, it’s on’. He moved me over and sat next to me, so he could whisper in my ear. “I thought my beautiful wife was in need of my attention so mom is watching the kids for us for the rest of the weekend until after the game.”

“But how did you know where we were?” I specifically chose this new place because I knew he didn’t
know about it yet. He looked at Mary really quick before looking back at me. “Coach got a call.”

That bitch. I looked over at Jilly who was probably coming to the same conclusion herself.

“Snitches get motherfucking stitches.” Oh shit, Jilly was pissed.

I saw Damien trying to keep Jilessa in her seat, while she was spitting fire out her eyes at Mary. He whispered something in her ear but whatever it was didn’t work. “Fuck that, that’s not how we roll. And no one is gonna come change up our shit.”

“I think maybe I should leave…” Mary started to get up from her seat.

“That would’ve been an hour ago, see ya.”

“Jilessa.
..” Damien tried to calm the situation, me, I was keeping all my shit for the home-wrecking bitch. It’s not often I get into it, gotta save up all my energy for her ass.

“You boys can run along now, nothing to see here.”
I needed them gone.

“Now young ladies, Travis told us what’s been going on. We all need to keep a cool head here and handle this thing like adults.”

“Coach, when I come into your locker room and tell you how to handle your shit, then we’ll talk. Until then this is between me and my girls.”

“Jane…” I gave Travis the bitch brow and he held up his hands.

“Paulette I would’ve expected better from you.”

“I don’t see why Ron, if you’d done this shit
, I would’ve already boiled your nut sac.” There were a lot of spewed drinks after that one. The prim and proper Paulette just took a sip of her martini as her husband looked at her dumbfounded.

"Coach Harper
, since he already told you, then you understand my plight right?  Great, now here's the deal. I understand he's your best player but it's either him or the cheerleader."

"What do you mean him or her? He signed a contract..."

"Yes but he can't play football if I break both his fucking legs now can he? Whoops, there goes the season."

There was a lot of talk, which I had no interest in, about contracts and workers rights and blah, blah, blah.

They tried to outlast us but we kne
w just how to get rid of them. As if on cue we all looked at each other. Now Sandy is supposedly the most level headed of us. Or so everyone but the four of us seems to think. So she took point on this one. They’d believe anything the church lady says.

“Come on girls, the stores aren’t going to be open all night let’s go.”

“Oh, you ladies going shopping?” Coach was smiling again.

“Yeah
, what did you guys think we were doing? I told you before I left the house remember?” I gave Travis my innocent ditzy look. I can be slick too. We got up and gathered our stuff while our clueless husbands breathed sighs of relief.

They walked us out to our cars and were only too happy to be handing out extra cash. As soon as they cleared the parking lot we headed for Paulette’s truck. It was less conspicuous than the sports cars the rest of us were driving.

“You got that bitch’s number Jilly?”

“Yeah, one of the other girls gave it up. She also said they don’t like this Tiffany girl. Apparently she’s more interested in fraternizing with the boys than doing her routines, if you know what I mean.”

“But why
did she pick my Travis?”

“That’s obvious Janey, he’s top dog.”

“Yeah I guess that makes sense Paulette; but why? I just don’t get it. Why go through all this elaborate fabrication? unless she’s sick.”

“Sick my ass, she’s got bitchitis.” Jilly’s a hot sticky mess.

“Jilly gimme the number.”

“Wait
, what are you gonna say?” She pulled up the number and rattled it off while I punched it in.

“I don’t know yet.” I held up my finger for quiet when the phone started ringing.

“Hello.”

“Hello whorianna, this is Mrs. Shackelford.”

There was a slight pause before, “How did you get this number?”

“The same way you got mine.”

“What do you want?”

“Oh just a few answers. You didn’t think I was just
gonna take your word for it that you were screwing my husband did you?”

“If he said we didn’t he’s lying
, we…”

“Calm you
r drawers there hussy. First off, I want to know when and how this whole thing started.”

“What difference does it make?”

“Call it the wife’s need to know. If I’m gonna walk away from my marriage I need to have good reason now don’t I?”

“If you must know I made the first move, but Travis was all for it, my snuggle bunny was starved for it. Oh and that thing you said this morning wasn’t very nice
. We have a great sex life, just because he doesn’t do that thing you said…”