Diamonds and Cole (26 page)

Overcome by the moment, Cole threw his head back and laughed until they both nearly fell in the river again. It took almost an hour to get out of the deep ravine the river had cut through the foothills. The walls were very steep, and the dirt was dry and dusty. When they finally made it up to the highway, they both looked like gingerbread men. All that was visible were their eyes and smiles. They were alive and even deeper in love.

*
   
*
   
*

From far away, Cole heard a knocking sound. No, it was close up.
What is that
? he thought.

“Hey, you okay?”

Cole opened his eyes. A man with black horn-rimmed glasses, multiple piercings, and rotten teeth was looking though the car window at him. It was nearly dark outside, and he was very groggy. Where was he? He rolled down the window and stared at the man who stood peering in, dressed in a powder blue shirt with a badge on it.

“What’s going on?” Cole said trying to clear his head.

“That’s what I want to know. This ain’t no campground.”

Cole looked at his watch, it was 4:45. He realized he had fallen asleep. Cole straightened in the seat.

“I must have dozed off.”

“You drunk?”

“No, no, I took some pain pills and they must’ve knocked me out,” Cole said.

“I can’t have people sleeping in my parking lot.” The man, who Cole now realized was a security guard, took his job very seriously.

“I’m sorry. I’ll be out of here real soon.”

“Good,” the guard said flatly, then strutted off, feeling he had done his best to secure the premises.

Cole rubbed his face and reached for the bottle of pills beside him on the seat. “What is this crap?” he said aloud. “Percodan. Take
one
every four to six hours for pain and muscle tension. May cause drowsiness. Great.”

Cole got out of the car, rubbed his face again and stretched as he headed for the front door of the hospital. He was ashamed at falling asleep, and hoped Ellie did not know he had gone.
Maybe she has been asleep, too,
he thought.

As the doors of the elevator opened on the third floor, Cole could hear a man’s voice singing. A loud, clear baritone came from the hallway towards Room 318.

“Farther along we’ll know all about it,

Farther along we’ll understand why,

Cheer up my sister, live in the sunshine,

We’ll understand it all, by and by.

“Thank you, Lord. Thank you for your unceasing love. Thank you for being with us in our times of sickness and times of health. Thank you for touching these frail bodies with your Almighty hand.” The voice boomed like thunder from on high. “Precious Lord, we come to You tonight and ask You to touch our beloved sister, touch her with Your mighty power, touch her, raise her up. We don’t know Your plan, Lord, but if it be Your will, reach down from glory and take this burden from her and restore her strength so that she might find a closer walk with Thee.” The prayer gave way to more singing.

“When we see Jesus coming in glory,

When he comes down from his home in the sky,

Then we shall meet him in that bright mansion,

We’ll understand it all by and by.”

Cole made his way down the hall. As he passed the nurses’ station, he saw two nurses standing in the corner holding hands, eyes closed and heads bowed. He stopped as he reached the open doorway to Ellie’s room. The Reverend Edwin T. Bates stood next to Ellie’s bed, one large strong hand on her forehead, the other reaching heavenward. His lips were moving, but Cole could not hear a word. This was the real heart of the old preacher. The bluster was gone and the man of faith was talking to his God.

“Amen,” the old man whispered.

“How is she?” Cole said breaking the silence.

“Hello there, Mr. Sage.”

“Reverend. Thank you for coming,” Cole said, waiting for an answer.

“Let’s talk in the hall so as not to disturb our patient.”

If Ellie had slept through Bates’ prayer and singing, she was not going to wake with hushed talking,
Cole thought, but he slipped through the door into the hall just the same. The preacher looked tired and weighed down with his thoughts as he put his hand on Cole’s shoulder.

“I’m afraid the news isn’t good, son. The doctor was just leaving when I got here. She told me that they drained both lungs and doubled her antibiotics trying to fight off the pneumonia. The problem is the coughing convulsions have weakened her terribly. The other disease she suffers from—”

“ALS,” Cole injected.

“Yes, ALS, it seems that stopping her medication has weakened her immune system and the disease has taken advantage of this to progress pretty quickly. I’m afraid she is failing fast. I’m so sorry.”

Somehow the truth coming from Bates made it easier for Cole to accept. Cole had seen and faced death many times in his life, but all that pain, shock, and grief had not prepared him for what was to come. There were no tears, just a deep hollow feeling in his soul.

“You really believe she will be in a better place? I mean, with all the fire and brimstone and ministerial theatrics aside, you truly believe, don’t you?”

“As I believe in the air I breathe. Without that promise, I really can’t see much point to this life. Frankly, I just can’t understand the pain and sorrow and suffering I see around me. It wears me down some days to where I don’t want to get out of bed. It is not my plan, it’s God’s, He knows what’s best, whether we do or not. Like the song says, ‘We’ll understand it all by and by.’ That’s my hope. Without hope, there is nothing.”

“I’m not sure what I believe, Reverend,” Cole said softly as he turned and went back into Ellie’s room.

“Just remember, God knows your heart, son. He’s always ready to listen.” The old preacher turned toward the elevators. “I’ll check back tomorrow.”

Cole pulled the chair up next to Ellie’s bed. Her breath was soft and shallow. A tube to drain her lungs ran under her gown to a plastic bag hanging on the bedrail on the far side of the bed. Two IV drips were in her left hand, which was taped to a short stiff piece of cloth-covered plastic. Oxygen tubes were again held under her nose by elastic straps behind her head.

“I love you, Ellie,” Cole said, leaning toward the pale woman in the bed. “I have been a fool for so long.” He gently took her hand in his.

Cole gently stroked the top of her hand with his thumb, and Ellie ever so softly squeezed his hand. Cole smiled, knowing she had heard him, and scooted the chair closer to the bed.

Over the next couple of hours, the nurses bustled in and out frequently, taking Ellie’s temperature, checking her IVs, and monitoring her breathing. At about 6:30, a young man brought in a cart with several monitors and attached a series of wires and pads to Ellie’s chest, connected to a small device that slipped over her finger on the hand with the IVs.

At seven o’clock, Ellie turned her head toward Cole, opened her eyes, and gave a faint smile. Then her eyes slowly closed again and she sighed. Cole rested his head on the cool steel bedrail and brought up sweet memories of his time with Ellie when they were together. Oddly, Cole had a peace about this time, about Ellie and her certain passing.
She will just stay asleep,
he thought. And that was fine. It did hurt him that they wouldn’t have a chance to say goodbye, but she wasn’t in any pain that he could see, and that was good.

When a nurse came in and asked Cole to step out of the room for a few moments, he took the opportunity to use the restroom and find a coffee machine. The coffee was hot and strong. As he passed by, several nurses gave him sweet, melancholy smiles as if to say, “We know, we’re sorry,” and it made Cole feel not quite so alone.

The sun had gone down, and the lights in the room were soft and gave off a golden glow. Down the hall at the nurse’s station, a radio was turned on and was a welcome alternative to the silence. On one of Cole’s strolls to stretch his legs, he had noticed the third floor had very few beds filled. The nurses busied themselves with paperwork or chatted quietly at the desk.

Cole had just returned from a walk when Ellie turned and opened her eyes. “Cole?”

“Yes, Ellie, I’m here.”

“Can I have a sip of water?”

“Of course.” He poured a couple of inches of cool water from the plastic pitcher into a small cup and brought it to Ellie’s lips.

“Thank you.” Ellie cleared her throat and said, “How long have I been asleep?”

“Since about four o’clock, I guess.”

“I am so tired. What happened? What
is
all this?” She indicated the wires and tubes with a slow wave of her hand across the bed.

“You gave us quite a scare. They had to drain your lungs; that’s what that tube is. It should help.”

“This is a lousy way to go, Cole.”

“Let’s not talk about that. I need to tell you something. Are you strong enough to listen?”

“I want to listen, please. I’ll be asleep a long time.” Ellie smiled.

“I love you, Ellie. More than anything in the world. I was such a fool. How could I have ever let you go? I have thought of you every day of my life, wished for you, longed for you. I was a coward, and I am so sorry.” Cole felt like a man who was suffocating and could suddenly breathe.

“Are you getting mushy on me?” Weak as she was, Ellie needed to be the girl he had loved. “I love you, too, Cole Sage. I have held you in my heart all these years. We would have been good together. I was a fool, too. It was my hurt pride. I could have reached out. I made some very bad choices, and letting you go was the worst. Forgive me?”

Cole brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. Ellie closed her eyes.

“Are you asleep?” Cole said softly.

“No, just taking it all in.” She wiggled her hand in his. “Do it again.”

Cole held her hand to his cheek and then kissed it for a long moment.

“You still got the stuff to melt a girl’s heart, big guy.” Ellie’s breathing came in quick shallow breaths.

“Flatterer.” Cole could feel Ellie weakening.

“Time to check that temp.” A nurse came sweeping into the room, and Cole didn’t look up.

“Oh, my baby.” Ellie pointed at the doorway with Cole still holding her hand.

“Hi, mama, can I come in?” Erin said softly.

“My angel, yes!” Ellie tried to lift herself in the bed but was too weak.

“Aren’t you the popular one this evening!” the nurse said breezing back out of the room.

Cole stood as Erin ran to her mother’s bed. Ellie’s free arm was stretched out to embrace her daughter. Both women were crying, and Cole slipped from the room.

“Oh, Mama, I am so sorry,” Erin sobbed.

Ellie stroked Erin’s hair as the young woman wept into her mother’s shoulder.

The thrill of Erin’s unexpected appearance was a strong tonic to Ellie, and she spoke with a clear strong voice. “I was wrong, Erin, please forgive me. I was so wrong, I hurt you so.”

“No, I was stupid. Will
you
forgive
me
?”

“There is nothing to forgive. I am so happy you’re here. Let’s forget the past. I want to hear about your life.” Ellie brushed the tears gently from Erin’s cheek. “Look at me. I want to
see you.”

Ellie’s face lit with a radiant smile as Erin stood holding her mother’s hand.

“I have missed you.”

“You, too, Mama.”

“Cole was right. You are a beautiful young woman.” Ellie realized that Cole was no longer in the room. “Cole!” Ellie’s voice strained hoarsely.

“Right here.” Cole had been standing just outside the door.

“I thought you had gone,” Ellie said, panting. The adrenaline was starting to recede.

“Hello, Mr. Sage,” Erin said shyly.

“Glad you could make it,” Cole said as the girl turned and hugged him.

“Thank you.” She whispered in his ear.

“This is so important to her,” Cole said softly.

For 10 minutes, Erin showed Ellie pictures and told stories of her life. Then she told her about husband Ben, his work, and their life together. And, last, she smiled and informed Ellie she was a grandmother and told her about Jenny.

Ellie was beaming, but her voice betrayed her. Little by little, her strength was slipping away. Cole sat quietly watching Ellie and Erin from across the room. He had not failed her. Her last days would be spent knowing that he had come and fulfilled her last request. Knowing that Erin was here would make the pain of what was to come a little easier.

“You have become everything I always prayed you would be. I do love you so.” Ellie squeezed Erin’s hand. “Cole, please come closer. My voice seems to be giving up on me.”

Cole crossed the room and stood beside Erin. He sensed her weakening would signal the end. Her voice had become shaky and her breathing now seemed difficult.
It’s all right, now. She has seen Erin
, he thought. He would be strong.

“I need to tell you something. I hope you will both forgive me. I have wanted to say this for a long time but never knew how or when. Say you’ll forgive me.” Ellie’s voice had become almost a whisper.

“Anything,” Cole said.

“Of course, Mama, what is it?” Erin’s concern showed on her face as well as in her voice.

“Erin, sweetie, I have lied to you. About your father, I mean. He didn’t die in Mexico. He never lived.” Ellie closed her eyes and seemed to be pulling her last moments of strength together. “Cole, I have been unfair to you, too,” Ellie’s breathing was so soft Cole thought she had slipped away.

“El?” Cole said flatly.

“Mama, please...”

Ellie opened her eyes and seemed to be pulling in as much air as her exhausted body would allow. “I have kept a secret deep in my heart,” she gasped. “Erin, this is your father. Cole, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Cole stood staring at the dial on the oxygen gauge above the bed. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move. His ears were ringing. His head felt like it was disconnected from his body.
What had she just said?

Erin’s voice shattered the spell. “I don’t understand.”

Ellie spoke with her eyes closed but she had taken Cole’s hand as she began. “Before you went to Southeast Asia. When we fought, I was going to tell you I was pregnant. I had been trying for days. But you left and I was so hurt and angry. My parents, my parents....” Her voice trailed off for a moment. “I ran, I ran to New Mexico. I made up the story of a husband in the oil fields. From the newspaper, I got the idea from the newspaper.” Ellie’s voice came in powerless puffs.