Dexter (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (6 page)

“May I ask why this is necessary?” Ma
rcus
asks Conrick.
“If you haven’t figured it out by now, Restraint and all of its Masters and member are under
review. If we don’t get this resolved you’re dissolved. And you will be banished from
National BDSM Lifestyle A
uthority.
This is not a
joke,
Gentlemen. I realize that you’
re the Vice President of the organizat
ion,” he nods towards Marc
. “But this is for the good of the organization. The majority voted to just cut you off. They assume if you weren’t a part of us then the media would follow you and leave us to our coveted privacy. I disagree, I think once they find a story they will never leave. You’re lucky that I spoke up for the
review because without me you would be disbanded.”

Our Master leans his forehead on the table and pounds over and over in frustration. It’s the first
time I’ve seen a fissure in his control
.
“Dev, what’s the real reason? It isn’t about our membership boom or lack of training. I can believe the privacy is a big issue, but not big enough to go on a witch hunt.”
“I’ll be hone
st with you since we’
re brothers under our Master
. It’s
the fact that you have a mole. It’s obvious that someone has targeted your family and it’s spilling over into our organization.
We need
to find this fucker. That tell-
all book was the cherry on the shit sundae.
Even if you get the membership weeded down and train fifty members it won’t matter. I tol
d them I was here to offer help.
Reality
is that I’
m here to investigate
who’
s
leaking information. It’s not just
info on your members.
It
involves six different chapters.
No way
could Adelaide Whittenhower
pull that off.
These riots that are impacting your club are happening elsewhere.
”

Chapter
Six

I lean on the inside of my front door completely exhausted. If we don’t figure out
who’
s
leaking information we’
re ruined. I sigh heavily as I push away fro
m the door and make my way to the
liquor cabinet. I need a fucking drink- several drinks. My night has just begun.
I hear footsteps enter the room as I pour a hearty amount of single malt on
to
a handful of rocks.

“Tobias, is she here?”
I ask
without turning to look at him.
“Yes, Sir,” he says softly.

I turn to my
slave
as I take a mouthful of the fiery liquid.
He’
s my greatest accomplishment. He has flourished under my
very
controlling hand. He has no rights, no options, or opinions when it comes to how his life is run. He is mine and it’s for his betterment.
“
Send her to me and then move her
belongings to the guest bedroom,
”
I order.

The second my order is spoken he
’
s in action. I will reward him
for his excellent behavior.
He’
ll be our first trained submissive to join Restraint’s ranks.

I don’t look as she enters the room. I’m not sure I
can go through with this. I inhale deeply and hold it for a very long time before I let it out.
“Master,” she whimpers
.
I watch as she crawls on her hands and knees towards me. I want to cry from the sight. I want to pick her up and comfort her. Her shame is cloying the air suffocating me.

“Sit on the couch, Monica.”
I sit in the chair opposite of the couch. No way could I sit next to her and not offer her comfort. Who am I kidding- I need her touch as much as she needs mine.

“I made a mistake early on in our relationship. I treated you as a girlfriend, as an equal. We are not equal
s
,
”
I say as I gaze at the amber liquor flooding the ice in my glass.
I allow myself to look at her when I hear her sob. Her hair is a mess- ratted and pulled into a ponytail. She wears my old sweats. Her skin is bruised and
holds
a sickly pallor. Even at her worst she is more beautiful to me than any other female. It’s just too bad that she can’t see what I see.
“We are not
equal, Monica. I am your Master.
You
are my submissive. I treated you as a girlfriend. I allowed you to change me. I allowed you to control me by making rules for us to follow as a couple. I complied because I love you.
I undermined my own authority
to your detriment
.
I thought I wanted a girlfriend and you needed a Master. I can’t be both to you. I fucked up,
”
I say in shame.
She just
sits on the couch and sobs. It’
s my job to make the tears stop. I can’t- she needs this reality check.
“Rule change, chick, we tried it your way and you betrayed me.
I’ve treated you as a girlfriend with negative
results. Since y
ou
think so little of yourself then I think it’s time I treat you as you see yourself.”
I pull
a collar out of my jacket pocket
. I walk over to her and gaze down at her shocked expression. I buckle the black leather around her throat skimming my fingers along her skin. That small amount of contact almost brings me to my knees.
“Did you know that
if you fear something enough and
you waste all
of
your energy on that fear you will bring it
to fruition? You fear that you’
re inadequate, that I will think less of you. Your fear made you think so little of yourself that you stooped to a level I wouldn’t forgive. In essence you mani
fested your
own fear. Now I see you as weak and
unable to make your own decisions. You
will
no longer
make any decisions
because I can’t trust you with your own wellbeing
. I’ve
allowed you to be my girlfriend in our daily life and my submissive at the club
.
From now on you are my submissive twenty-four-seven.
”

My conversation about training a proper submissive and the results of the untrained running fre
e brought me clarity. I’
m a trained Master dominant strong enough to train others, yet my own submissive has never truly submit
ted. She will submit
and learn her lesson or I will cut her free no
matter how much I love her. I’
m disappointed in myself for allowing this farce to evo
lve over the past two years. I’ve ruined w
hat little self-esteem she had
.

“Your will is mine. Your thoughts are mine. Your internal dialogue is mine. Your pleasure is mine. Your pain is mine. You are mine in every sense of the word.
I own you,
”
I declare.

I walk from the room and run to the basement. When I enter my soundproof
,
home du
ngeon I scream- I scream as a d
ying man taking his last breath. I have to treat a woman I love and respect
at
the level you’d treat a dog. No matter how many times I repeat that it’s for her own good, that she
needs to learn her self-worth, i
t seems wrong that the only way to accomplish it is by removing all the worth she has.

My wish for our future was a partnership with each of us holding our own. I love playing with her in the dungeon and making love to her in our bedroom. I have Tobias to fill my sadistic needs. I don’t want that from her. I wanted a partnership. I now realize that she needs me to dominate her to feel whole. I’ve fucked this up and I hope I can fix it.

My plan solidifies as I head back into the living room. I feel a little better after screaming out my frustrations. I find Monica exactly where I left her, only she is crying heavier. Well, perhaps she is learning that I own her now.

“Have you bathed?” I keep my voice calm. I sound rough from the yelling.
“Yes,
M
aster,” she sniffles as she
answers.
“No more crying, Monica
. I want details
, how clean
are you?”
“Yes, Master, no more crying.” I watch as she shores up her confidence, sitting up straighter and holding her head high. Good, that is a very good thing. 

“I’ve showered and bathed. I ‘
ve used two douches trying to remove all traces of Dalton from me.” Her voice sounds as dead as the look in her eye
s
. I close my eyes when she mentions him by name.

“Did he go inside
of
you?” I ask sadly. I’ve never had the pleasure with her. Even in a monogamous relationship and with her on birth control
, I’ve never been
bare inside her. If he did he
better fucking
hide
because I’
m going reaper on his ass.

“No, I made him wear two condoms.” I sigh loudly in relief. He lives another day.

“Did he use his mouth on you?”
I find the act of licking a woman an intimate experience. I only do it with those I’m closest to. The thought of his mouth on her makes me see red.
“No… no foreplay,” she whispers.
I hold her eyes and try to tell her to continue speaking. I’ll be her strength.

“
He tied me, beat me, and then fucked me.” She sounds so despondent that I want to hold her.

“Why, Monica?
My God, why?”
I drop into my chair and pull my fingers through my hair roughly. I want to yank it out at the roots in frustration.

“I…I…I…
” she stutters out.

I look at her and try to lend her my will. I try to project that she can trust me. She nods her head at me. I can see my Monica fill her eyes as she works through the haze of her mental pain.
“You could say
… You could say that
I’ve finally hit my rock bottom. You’re right. I have a problem.
You’re not the first person who told me I’m too negative. I know that I’m pathological when it comes to many things and I think I should speak to someone about my issues. I’ve
noticed some things trigger it. I’ll see a pretty girl and then I won’t eat because I’m fearful I’ll get fat. But the girl is always bigger than me, so why do I do it. Shouldn’t I want to eat to look like her? It doesn’t make sense, but I still do it.
I’m self-punishing. Any fool can see that.
” She pauses and takes a deep breath.

I settle on the couch and try to project calm. I’m calm and she can trust me with anything she has to say. Inside I’m an emotional storm.

“Dalton was just another form of self-punishment. When I go to sleep at night I wonder why you love me and I wake up thinking the same thoughts. I can see how much you love me and I can’t fathom why. Dalton looked at me how I see myself.”

I hand her a tissue to steam the steady flow of tears
gliding
down her face. She isn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know, but she needs to admit it out loud to believe it.

“
I knew what he was doing from day one. Three months- for three months he conditioned me. He made me doubt myself
, made me doubt you,
and made me feel special. Today I finally gave in- instant gratification. As soon as I was tied up he started telling me I was worthless and that you would never want me again after he soiled me. He said he timed it for you to find us. So, yeah,
I had
no gratificat
ion, just a shitload of shame and regret,
”
she sobs.

I feel worse than I did before and I didn’t think that was possible. A submissive can’t resist a dominant, even a shitty one. In Monica’s case,
Dalton is a trained Master. It’
s my job to protect her and I
have
failed her. Three mo
nths and I didn’t notice. I’m trained to notice everything. Instead of paying attention to Monica, I had my head up my ass and in my work. It’s about balance and I’m not good at balancing work, the club, the dungeon, Toby, and Monica. I need my ass kicked and Monica’s paying the price.
“You’re not ruin
ed for me. You weren’t a virgin.
I know you’ve had other people. I’m friends with Cortez and I watched Katya take you.
It was your low self-esteem that put the monogamy rule into place in our relationship. My sharing wouldn’t have been because I didn’t love and want you. It would be because I want you happy. Sex and love are not mutually exclusive for our lifestyle, you know that.
Dalton
played your weakness
es and
I failed you. But I will not again.
”