Devil May Care (Four Horsemen MC Book 4) (13 page)

Chapter Ten

That evening, Eddie and Captain were once again alone in her bedroom.  

He’d come over after dark for guard duty. Like last night, she’d chosen sexless flannel nightwear. Though, she hadn’t bothered with a shower. She hit the lights and took refuge under the covers, hoping sleep would keep her from doing something stupid, while he’d sprawled out in the chair.

Neither one of them spoke for a long time, until he finally broke the silence.

“Fuck,” he said. The curse came as a low rumble, like thunder, velvety and deep in the darkness. “I’ve been imagining you in bed all day.”

It made her stomach flip over.
Dear God, the man had a sexy voice.

Eddie could feel his eyes on her. She’d spent hours fantasizing about him, too. She wasn’t prepared to go to bed with him, but Captain made her melt like fresh honey on a hot biscuit.
 He’d made her body come back to life and she wanted him so much it
literally
made her ache all over.

Clearing her throat, she glanced away and tried to get a hold of herself.

“And what are you thinking about?” he asked.

For a moment, she thought about lying, but couldn’t find an appropriate one. Hormones clearly make you stupid. “You,” she murmured.

“What about me?” he asked, a teasing note in his voice.

“How much I like your voice.” That sounded innocuous enough, not overtly sexual, merely an observation.

“And what do you like about it?” Another throaty vocal embrace.

She refused to answer. Mostly because anything she’d say would come out like an inarticulate purr. Or a whimper. There were no words for how she felt about his voice.

After a moment, he spoke again.  “Know what I’m thinking about?”

“What?” She was almost afraid of the answer. It certainly wouldn’t lead anywhere good.

“About making love to you.” The words came out in a whispered rush. “You’ve no idea how many times I’ve touched you, kissed you in my dreams. My fantasies.”

She pulled the covers up to her chin, even though it wasn’t that cold, because she wanted a barrier between the two of them, if only for her own sanity.

“Do you want to know what I’d do to you?”

Oh God.

He wanted to tell her a sexy bedtime story. She staged a debate with herself.
Yes. No. Yes! No!
Part of her wanted to shut this down before it got too far, part of her wanted to know every single dirty thought he’d ever had about her over the years.

“Eddie?” he prompted.

Curiosity won out.

“Tell me,” she whispered.

***

Captain was hard and aching in his jeans, but he was used to it, especially around her. Usually, without much effort on her part either. The sway of her shapely hips, the way her blouse clung to her breasts. The sassy way she bantered with him. It was in her laugh, the sweet way she smiled, and her grit. Damn, but that woman was strong, a force to be reckoned with.

She twisted him up into little bitty knots.

 Everything about her made him feel needy, reckless.  Sometimes, he thought he’d die if he couldn’t touch her. Others, he was convinced if he actually did, it might fucking kill him. .

Either way he was fucked.   

And here he was in her bedroom, about to tell her what he wanted to do with her. He felt like pinchin’ himself, just to make sure he hadn’t slipped into one of his daydreams.

But he didn’t want to scare her. Tonight, was about seduction. He’d better make this fuckin’ good. Make her curious, so she’d give him a try out for real. She was still playing the role of the dutiful good wife. He had to coax her into seeing him as a man who was worthy of her. He doubted that shit was true, but he’d do anything in his power to have her, and to make her happy.

He sucked in a breath, gripped the armrests, so he didn’t end up reachin’ for her. “Right now? I want to kiss you. You have the tastiest mouth, sweet. I could spend all night kissin’ on you. And then I want to sink my hands into your hair, curl it around my fingers. Then kiss you so long and deep, until I steal your breath.”

She made a little noise that nearly broke his death grip on the chair. But he stayed where he was. For the moment.

 “I want to kiss your throat, the hollow at the base of it, and nip your collar bones.  And undo your shirt, strip it off, and then bare your breasts.”

Fuck, he wanted that. Thought about kneading them, feeling the weight in his palms, and then taking her nipples into his mouth, teasing them with his tongue and teeth.

She sighed.

“I gotta feel you beneath me, your hips bucking up to meet mine, asking me for more. I want to part your thighs and feel how wet and hot your pussy is. I want to rub you, make you so slick for me. Make you come for me.
God, I need that.
With my fingers, maybe my tongue, if you’re feelin’ real generous. Would you let me taste you, Eddie? Put my mouth between your thighs? Suck your clit.”

Another gasp from the bed.

Fuck.
He adjusted himself. His cock was going to poke through his jeans any minute.  And his hips were steadily bucking, as he imagined being inside her, being a part of her.

“I want you all swollen when I put my dick in you. I’ll ease my way in, real gentle, and then make you come again for me.” He groaned. “The head’s thick, it’ll take some gettin’ used to, but I know we’ll fit together. You’ll be snug as a glove around me.”

She cleared her throat, but he could hear her ragged breaths. She wasn’t unaffected.

Eddie wanted him, too.  And he had to fucking stay where he was and be a gentleman.

 “I want to hear you again. I heard you once,” he confessed. “When I was on guard duty. I slept next door and Joker came home early.” He’d laid there in hell, listening to Joker take her, fuck her, choking on his own hatred and jealousy, but so fucking turned on, too.

The noises she’d made! These soft moans, and aching sighs. Over and over, he’d heard them every fucking time he touched himself, thinking of her.

“Oh,” she murmured. He could almost hear her embarrassment.

 Like a selfish prick, he wanted her to get so excited she came harder, louder. F
or him.
He wanted to know he was special to her, too. That she felt the same spark he did.

Soulmates. As fucking crazy as that sounded.

That word had echoed in his head over the ears, every time he thought of her. Like they were meant for one another. No one else would do. Lord knows he’d tried everything. Everyone. Even being married to another woman didn’t put this fire out. It blazed on, eventually burning his marriage to ashes.

He palmed the velvet ring box in his pocket. He ached to see it on her finger.  Unable to stop himself, he’d taken it with him this evening. He must be a damn fool, but he wanted to give it to Eddie. He’d squirreled it away for her, had it for years.  He wanted it to be an engagement ring, more than anything.  As irrational as it sounded, he wanted to lock this down.

But they weren’t in a place for love tokens right now.

Without realizing it, he got to his feet, drifted over to her, staring at her in the darkness.

She peeked at him from beneath the covers. “I’m sorry, Captain, I can’t do this. Not tonight.”

“Why?” he asked, and he made sure to keep his voice even, trying not to show how sexually frustrated he truly was.

She shook her head and he could make the movement out in the shadows.

Then, he forced himself to widen the distance between them. He sat down in the chair again.  “Tell me. Talk to me.”

“It’s…Joker. I haven’t slept with anyone else since he—”

“I get it,” Captain grunted.
Mother fucking Joker.  Again.

For a dead man, that bastard had an active presence in his life. He’d been fucked over by Joker for years. He wished he could tell her the truth about the bastard, but it would devastate her.

“I’ve never been unfaithful to him. It…it feels
wrong
.”

“Honey,” he said gently. “He’s gone. Has been for years. You aren’t being unfaithful.”

“Yeah, I know,” she whispered. “In my head, it makes perfect sense, but my heart…”

He had to ask the question, though he feared the answer. “Are you still in love with him?”

She paused a moment and he swore to God it lasted thirty years.

Then, she finally spoke. “A part of me is. I think I’ve been holding on to him, keeping him alive in my memories. He’s gone, but it’s not like we got divorced. If he hadn’t died, we would still be together.”

Captain bristled.
If she only knew
.  “But he
did
die. Do you think he’d want you to be celibate for the rest of your life?”

 “No, he wouldn’t,” she admitted.

“And don’t you think you deserve some happiness? Another chance at love?”

“I do.”

Suddenly, he detected movement. She was approaching him in the dark and he seized the armrests. He had to play this very carefully or he’d spook her.

She sucked in a deep breath. “Okay, let’s try this.” Then, she bent over him, and kissed him, hard. Like she was trying to push past it, thrusting herself in the middle of the situation, to find out what would happen.

So far so good.

And then she straddled his lap and Captain thought his head might explode.

Both of them.

It took everything in him to stay put. He wanted to carry her to the bed, push his cock into her. But she wasn’t ready. Not yet. He’d blow it before they ever got started. Instead, he stayed put, but allowed himself to fist his hands in her hair, kissing her back. With a needy sound, Eddie ground against him.

Christ, if she kept this up, he’d come in his pants. But paradise only lasted a minute or so.

As if burned, she scrambled off him, moving back to the bed. “No, I can’t do this. Not right now. I’m sorry!”

If Eddie knew the true story, she’d stop this insane devotion to him. Move on with her life. “Don’t worry about it,”  he said eventually, when he’d calmed down.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

“You don’t have to apologize, if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. That’s all there is to it.” He didn’t want to compound this situation by being a dick, even though his body screamed at him. He’d wanted her for so long. It was time. Past time, really.

But he didn’t want her this way–uncertain, pining for another man. Captain wanted her to be thinking of him, needing him so badly she couldn’t stand it.

Figures.

He finally got to be in a
ménage a’ trois
and it was shittiest kind possible – the woman of his dreams, and the memory of her dead ex-husband.

So, he looked at the bright side. She wanted him, too.  He just needed to be persistent and let her get used to him.
Help her let go of Joker.

And hope he didn’t fucking die of blue balls in the meantime.

Chapter Eleven

The next day, Eddie was distracted at work.  

The bar usually opened at noon and she was using the hour or so before to do paperwork. Typically, she loved being a small business owner. She often joked that Perdition was her third child and she loved giving it the care and attention it deserved.

But she couldn’t concentrate.

 She couldn’t stop thinking about Captain and last night. She sat at the bar staring at her laptop. Ryker had sent several spreadsheets last night and she couldn’t even look them over.

She’d woken up to find Captain had already left. She told herself she wasn’t disappointed. He’d left  a note lying on the pillow.  It simply said:
I gotta pick Lex up from school for dad / daughter time.
 
See you later on today. I’ll be thinking about you. ~C.
 

And her thoughts centered on Captain. And Joker. Yes, she had a love triangle on her hands.  Starting a relationship with Captain didn’t mean she was cheating on Joker. She shouldn’t be carrying on a relationship with a dead man. It wasn’t healthy. She thought back to what Elizabeth said about finding love, starting fresh.  She needed to let go of Joker.

 And she had an idea how to start… if she had the courage.

But right now, she had another pressing matter. Work was a lost cause, but Shepherd sat at the bar, a few feet from her, and he’d already started drinking. That’s twice in the same week. Usually, he had a can of soda and something sweet for breakfast.

Something serious must be weighing on his mind. She’d never seen him like this. Not even after his dad died.  Shep didn’t have a close relationship with the man, but he’d been a mess. With his father gone, he’d never get the chance to sort out their relationship or finally earn his dad’s approval. Anyone would be proud to call Shep son, but his father never gave him much credit.

Eddie thought he was an asshole.

She snagged her cup of coffee and sat down beside Shep. He didn’t even glance at her, too lost in his own thoughts.

“What’s going on, kid?” she asked, bumping her shoulder against his.

He shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Enough with the evasion tactics
.
Okay, we can do this one of two ways. You can open up and share, or I can go on a hunting expedition. Either way, it will be interesting for me, but I doubt you’ll enjoy my meddling.”

“Seriously, there’s nothing to tell.” He took another pull on his beer.

“Nope. Try again.” She resisted the urge to ask him when he’d bathed last. But no matter how old your kids get, you still want to mother them.

A ghost of a smile tugged at his lips. “You’re callin’ me out, huh?”

She wrapped an arm around his back. “I promised you, I wouldn’t let it go.”

He turned on the barstool, getting closer to her. “I’m thinkin’ about some things. My life.”

“Oh, thanks. That cleared everything right up.”

That earned her a laugh. It warmed her. She hadn’t really seen him genuinely laugh or smile in so long. “Fine, we’ll talk, but not right now.”

“Why not?” she asked.  “I thought you could tell me anything, kid. I’ve known you since you were in diapers. You aren’t that big a mystery.”