Destined to Play (13 page)

‘Every time you feel it within you, think of me touching you and what is to come. In
the meantime, let’s have a few drinks to loosen you up so you don’t look like you’ve got
something stuck up your arse!’

He gives me a light slap on my backside and I tense causing the invader to assert its
position inside me and then my nipples instantly harden at the sensation. Damn! Jeremy
notices immediately.

‘God, I love your body, AB. It’s as if it talks directly to me.’

I congratulate myself for having eased back into conversation with my lab partners,
Josh and Sally, reasonably successfully for the past half an hour, trying to ignore
Jeremy’s winks and grins from the group beside us. I am resigned to the fact that the
invader will be there until Jeremy removes it, mostly because I don’t want to touch it.

And it doesn’t feel too bad, actually, not too bad at all, but I’ll never admit that to him.

We are in the midst of a very animated discussion when suddenly the fucking plug starts
to vibrate deep within me, causing me to jerk and throw my drink in the air. It lands all
over poor Josh. The feeling is absolutely like nothing I have felt before and is intense. I
try to apologise to Josh, but all I can do is hold on to the bar table, resting my head in
my hands as I break into a sweat and start panting. Fucking Jeremy better turn this
fucking vibrating monster off! The sensation is so strong I can’t even lift my head to
throw him a death stare.

‘Alex … Jeez … what’s wrong? Are you alright? Here, come and sit down …’

Sit down? God no. But how can I explain that to your nearest and dearest friends?

Thankfully, he stops it.

‘Really … I’m okay … I’ll be fine,’ I pant out intermittently.

Jeremy strides coolly over to my side, putting on a great show of looking concerned
for my welfare.

‘Alex, you don’t look well. Perhaps I should take you home?’

‘Yes, perhaps that is a good idea.’ I glare at him furiously for what he just did to me,
but for once, I completely agree with him. Another stint like that in public would
completely send me over the edge and I’m horrified to find myself in desperate need of
his promised orgasm. ‘Let’s go. Now!’ He senses the urgency in my voice and efficiently
gathers our belongings. We quickly say our goodbyes and promptly depart.

At home, he carefully, considerately, tenderly and lovingly deflowers my arsehole. It
doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. In fact, the more I relax, the more open I am,
and that gives Jeremy room to move within me. It feels tighter, strangely more intimate
than vaginal sex, as though he is claiming me, owning me completely. The sensations are
totally different, more focused on my lower back and my thighs, while my clit and front
passage are being teased and caressed to throbbing intensity by Jeremy’s expert fingers.

What more can I say? Except that something I feared so much needn’t have caused me
any anxiety whatsoever. Jeremy assures me such success can be attributed to the
appropriate preparation and planning. As we lie naked in bed together, we are in awe of
our bodies and the experience we have just shared together. Absolutely mind blowing.

Maybe I shouldn’t have fought him for so long on this issue … Oh well, either way, it
was worth the wait.

‘Guess what? I have decided what I’m doing my honours thesis on,’ I state proudly
as we caress each other with languid strokes.

‘Finally! Do share.’

‘I’m basing it on the writings of Sabina Spielrein, specifically examining the
connection between masochism and the ego in relation to the female form.’

‘Wow, AB. Pretty heavy topics. Has it been approved?’

‘Yes, just this morning. I’m really excited.’

‘Any reason you decided on that in particular?’

Jeremy looks directly into my eyes, eagerly anticipating my answer.

Suddenly embarrassed by the look in his eyes and the tone of his question, I attempt
to dismiss him by rolling on to my stomach and burying my head in the pillow.

‘Alexa? You’re not trying to hide from me, are you?’ He gently tries to pry me back
over. ‘Oh Alex, there is absolutely no way I am going to let you get away with this.’

Shit, what have I started here? Why on earth didn’t I just answer him academically
like I did with Professor Webster this morning?

He finally flips my body so I’m face up. He straddles my belly and starts to tickle me
mercilessly and I, of course, shriek in response. ‘No, stop, please, I hate it,’ I gasp out
between attacks.

‘No way, not until you promise to share.’ I’m trapped beneath him as his tortuous
fingers continue their assault.

‘Okay, okay, I can’t stand it, please stop.’

He waits patiently for me to compose my breathing, anchoring my hands either side
of my head so he has full view of my face. I decide to make it as fast and brief as
possible.

‘I’ve always had this fantasy of being completely restrained and blind and flogged
and pleasured and I want to understand the root cause because I’m deeply embarrassed
by it. There, end of discussion.’

He looks quizzically at me, a smirk on his face but his eyes wide. I silently beg him
to leave it be.

‘Interesting.’ He stares at me thoughtfully, the silence expanding between us.

‘Did you enjoy tonight, Alex?’

‘Yes.’

‘A lot?’

‘Very much.’

‘Did you expect to?’

‘No, not really.’

‘I am more than happy to be directly involved in researching any part of your
thesis.’

‘Thank you. I’ll bear that in mind.’

‘Thank you for sharing.’

And I can’t believe I’m off the hook.

‘Anyway, I’m thrilled that you are finally on your path of self-discovery. It means my plan is working exactly as I anticipated.’

‘Oh dear, there is nothing more ominous than you with a plan, Jeremy.’

‘Don’t sound so cynical, sweetheart. Look how far you have come already and we still have so far to go.’ He is just teasing me, I’m sure, although his reply is a little too enthusiastic to instil a large degree of confidence in my assumption. ‘Just out of interest, did you ever end up exploring the psychology of your hypotheses first-hand, like we discussed?’

‘No, Jeremy, I didn’t and besides, you would have known about it if I had.’

‘Oh, why is that?’

‘Do you really need to ask me that? As if I would do anything like that with anyone other than you.’

‘I can’t tell you how much that pleases me, Alexa, in so many ways.’ I’m not one hundred per cent sure what his comment implies but I am one hundred per cent sure I want to move away from this conversation, quickly.

‘Okay, far be it from me to put a dampener on this journey you have so carefully planned for me.’ I finish my coffee and place the empty container on the table.

I really need to use the bathroom after my coffee. This is going to be awkward. I can’t believe I have to ask him; it is so embarrassing. It is at these times that being dependent is just plain awful. But what choice do I have?

‘No problem, just in here.’ He guides me through a door. His hand threads through my legs and pulls a zipper down around my bottom, between my legs and up toward my belly. I can’t honestly believe he has just done that.

‘The toilet is right behind you. Oh, and don’t worry about your knickers. They’re French, for easy access.’ I can hear the smile in his voice.

‘I’ll leave you to it and wait outside.’

Is there one minutia of detail he hasn’t considered this weekend? Anything left unaccounted for? Probably not, he has always been a meticulous planner and obviously those skills have only been more finely tuned over the years. Zips and French knickers. Good grief! I wonder whether they are for convenience such as this, or did he have something else in mind? The thought shudders through me as I make myself focus on the task at hand.

‘Right, all set?’ he asks.

I nod.

‘Great, come with me. Let’s get you harnessed up.’

Oh crap
, is all I can think.

My feet remain anchored to the ground as my stomach embarks on another roller-coaster ride of anticipation, fear, calm, fear, calm, fear, fear …

‘Harness …’ I ask hesitantly. ‘And that’s a statement, not a question,’ I add quickly for clarification.

He leads me silently and blindly forward. ‘Don’t worry, you’ll love it.’

‘Love it? Love what?’ My voice turns suspicious, as I cast around for something that I love that involves a harness. I draw a blank.

Straps are placed over my shoulders as I hear ‘click, click’. I feel rough hands around my legs doing the same thing; around my waist, ‘click, click’. It’s all I can hear as my anxiety rises.

‘Jeremy?’ They don’t feel like his hands. I can smell stale cigarettes.

‘How does that feel, love?’ A strange man’s voice. I realise he is talking to me as one strap is pulled tighter and readjusted. I am tugged and pulled, clipped and then a final snap.

‘That’s better,’ the voice says. ‘Looks like you’re both set. Don’t worry, love, you’ll be right once you get into the swing of it. It’s only the first part that’s shit scary.’ He laughs and pats my shoulder as if to reassure me. My voice leaves my throat and is unable to protest that I can’t see through these sunglasses, just as my legs begin to liquefy. Swing of it? Shit scary for the first part? Although my mouth is attempting to shape the words, there is no sound forthcoming. I desperately try to make sense of what is happening minus the visual stimulation. I have clothes on; that has to be good, doesn’t it? But the zips, the access between my legs, the straps, the clips, they are all very, very worrying. My mind is filled with images of wild sex games and orgies.

How could he? Why would he? This is going too far. I can’t do this, I will never do this … It is not who I am. My breath is shallow and my mind freezes as panic sets in.

I hear someone’s voice.

‘Alex?’ It is in the distance somewhere. My knees buckle as my head spins and I struggle for air. I crumple toward my feet and am caught before I hit the ground.

‘God, AB, are you alright?’

‘No, I am not alright at all.’ I’m not sure whether my mind or voice speaks the words.

‘Just take your time, breathe.’ Strong arms around me keep me walking somewhere as my legs wobble beneath me. ‘It’s okay, I’ve got you, that’s it, one step at a time.’

Yes, one step at a time, that’s right, stop the feeling, stop the spinning. Good advice, my mind confirms, as we continue up some steps and along a little further.