Destined (46 page)

One day toward the end of January,
Laurie came running over to the store in the late afternoon, saying we needed
to turn on the TV in the sitting room. Nobody was in the store at the moment
anyhow, so Bella and Siri and I went in there with her. The others sat down
while I hovered in the doorway, keeping watch in case a customer appeared and
needed help.

Laurie wanted us to watch
Oprah
. She said we had to see it. The
guests today were teachers of something called “The Secret,” which I had never
heard of before. It was out both as a movie on DVD, and in book form, and these
people were doing public speaking engagements all over the world to spread the
word. It was a runaway, worldwide, self-help smash hit. Oprah Winfrey
introduced the show by saying that in one day, six different people suddenly
walked up and asked her if she had heard of it.

When Oprah first came on the air and
the cameras showed a head shot of her, Bella started to complain.

“My god,” she said, “What is she doing
to us? That woman looks way too good today!”

“She does look great with her hair
that way, it’s so romantic,” said Siri.

We all squinted at the screen,
examining Oprah thoroughly.

“She looks beautiful in that outfit,”
I observed.

“Yeah, but she looks too good, I mean,
we can’t do that, we can’t look that good!” Bella exploded, jumping up. “How
are real women like us supposed to pull that off? And what is she saying to us,
what’s the message? That we’re slouches if we can’t look that good, too?”

“Calm down,” said Laurie. “She’s a TV
star, that’s all.”

“I know,” Bella sniffed unhappily,
sitting down again. “I totally LOVE Oprah, I mean, I really do.” She looked
closer at the screen. “What the hell is that?” she asked, jumping up again and
pointing to Oprah’s eye.

“What?” Siri said.

“What’s that big fat black thing
there, on her eye? It looks like a caterpillar!” Bella said suspiciously. “Oprah,
what you got on your eye, my girl?”

“I think that’s her false eyelashes!”
Siri said, amazed, and we all giggled uncontrollably. Then the show started and
we were all completely swept away by the power of what was happening on Oprah’s
stage.

It was all about positive thinking,
and the power of visualization. The big “secret” was the fact that, just like
Tony had been teaching me, you could make things happen by thinking about them,
by imagining them to have already happened. They were calling it the “Law of
Attraction.”

I was very excited that something this
positive could be so successful with mainstream America. Of course, somebody
was also making a lot of money off it, the marketers who had packaged the
concept in such an attractive, mysterious way. But that didn’t change the fact
that people were willing to sit down and listen to this idea, which gave them
hope and taught them to be bold and try to change the world. At the first
commercial, I used the remote to turn down the sound and told everyone this,
saying that Tony had an old book called
The Power of Positive Thinking
by Norman Vincent Peale that outlined
the same basic concepts. Laurie mentioned that it also sounded a lot like the
principles behind the kind of magic that was used by witches like Starhawk.

When the show was over, Laurie asked
us what we thought.

“I think Oprah knows better than any
of the rest of them how this secret works,” said Bella. “My girl always walks
on the sunny side, you know what I mean?”

“Yes, she is a good example for us all
in that way,” said Siri.

“Even if she looks just a little bit
too good, sometimes,” Bella compromised.

“You’ll forgive her for that?” I
asked.

“Yeah, “ said Bella, “I guess she’s
gotta keep up with all the sexy actresses who come on her show. She doesn’t
want her boyfriend to start sniffing around Jennifer Lopez or anybody, right? I
mean, Oprah is beautiful, but she’s not a red-hot Latina!”

“Bella, who says a red-hot Latina is
any hotter than a red-hot African American?” I demanded.

“The red-hot Latina’s husband had
better say that, for one thing,” she grinned, striking a sexy pose.

“Well, that’s what it’s really all
about, isn’t it?” said Laurie. “What your partner thinks of as sexy?”

“Totally, true, yes,” we all agreed,
nodding our heads.

“Rolo doesn’t even like for me to wear
makeup,” said Bella coyly. “He likes me straight from the shower, with nothing
on at all!”

“Most men say they don’t like makeup,
but when it’s done well, they certainly respond to it,” Laurie observed.

“I guess it makes a difference whether
you’re expecting to be seen close up, or from far away,” I mused, remembering
stage makeup from my drama club days. “Maybe Oprah wears makeup for the camera,
but not when she’s at home with her boyfriend.”

“I sure hope so,” said Bella, “’Cause
those black crawly eyelashes look kind of itchy.”

“Somehow I doubt that she’s afraid to
look natural,” I said. “Let’s give Oprah the benefit of the doubt.”

“Yeah, she knew about ‘The Secret,’ so
she must know about this basic girl stuff, right ladies?” said Bella.

We all agreed that Oprah obviously
knew a lot of secrets, and a lot of girl stuff, probably more than we did, in
fact. Then Laurie headed back across the intersection, and the rest of us went
to close up the shop for another night, and go home to our families.

Henry and I had an interesting conversation
one day not long afterwards. We were sitting at the table together upstairs,
going over the year-end financial reports, which were due to be filed soon. We
were operating very nicely in the black, so Henry had decided to put some money
into remodeling the back of the building, where the old porch was sagging and
needed repair. Laurie had suggested we tear off the porch, blow out the back
wall of the showroom and move the seating area behind the coffee bar,
lightening the room with a bank of windows and putting in some nice landscaping
outside, maybe even a little patio. I loved the idea, and wanted to add an herb
and salad garden, so we could grow some of our own fresh organic ingredients.

“It’s better to invest the profits in
the building than pay it in income tax,” I advised Henry, sounding like I knew
what I was talking about. “It will increase the value of your business and your
real estate.”

“Yes, and I’m already getting a nice
tax credit for going solar,” Henry said thoughtfully. “But that isn’t what
really appeals to me about the idea, first and foremost.”

“Well, what does then?”

“I think if we are smart, we could add
a small gallery space, too.”

“An art gallery?” I was very
interested.

“What do you think?”

“I think I should call Lexi and get
her over here to take a look!”

“Very good!” Henry said, getting
excited. “I can see it now! A little passive solar greenhouse! Sculpture in the
garden! Wind chimes! Lawn art!”

“It’s a wonderful idea,” I said, “I’ll
get on it right away!”

“I’ll do some research on the
Internet,” Henry said contentedly.

Plans proceeded and we had some
drawings made of the proposed construction. Lexi came over to look at them with
me. We walked around outside behind the building and considered the available
space. There was a scraggly little grass lawn on the Crescent Street side of
the building that could be turned into a nice patio. Lexi said she had a great
connection for stonework. We came inside for an
espresso
and I spread the blueprints out on
the coffee bar.

“You know, Emily,” Lexi said slowly, “I’m
thinking about moving the gallery.”

“You mean, to Boston?”

“Yes. I’ve been looking for a good
location.”

“Are you selling your house?”

“No, I love my house, and we love it
here. We’ll come out on weekends,” she smiled. “Maybe we’ll even move back some
day.”

“I’ll miss you!” I said, surprised to
find that it was true.

“Well, I was thinking, Em. I wouldn’t
mind maintaining a presence out here, especially to continue showing my local
artists. What if you and Henry sublet the new space to Gladstone Gallery, and
you can staff it for me? I’ll pay you a commission on anything you sell.”

It was a terrific offer, and I knew
it.

“Wow, Lex, I’m flattered that you
would suggest it!”

“You need to think about it, I know,”
she said uneasily, taking in the stunned expression on my face.

“Well, not really, in a way.”

“No?”

“No, I just don’t think it would work
for us,” I said.

“Oh,” she said coldly, “OK.” She was
not happy with me, and turned away.

“I mean, Henry already has a whole
bunch of ideas of what he wants to do with the space. He’s very into it,” I
said earnestly, grabbing her by the arm. “I know he would never consider
subletting. But he does want to show any local artists who you think are
interesting. What if we compromise?”

“Well, what do you mean?” she said
hopefully, turning back toward me.

“What if you give us just a certain
number of pieces to show every month, your choice, and we sell them on
commission like you were suggesting? We collaborate on marketing? Share the
cost of any mailings or ads?”

“Done,” she said with a broad smile,
shaking my hand, and then we hugged.

What a change from the old days, I
thought. No temper tantrums, no shouting, no Lexi looking daggers at me and
hinting that my intelligence level was below par. She had certainly changed.
Or, had she? Maybe it was I who had changed. That was a thought. All the
details of my life were certainly different. What about my personality?

I decided that while I hadn’t been
watching, something must have happened to me. My whole outlook was different,
and the way I responded to things. I used to be so on edge with Lexi that I
took offense at the least little thing. Now, I felt I could dismiss anything
negative she said with ease, and turn her around, make her happy. I felt that I
was valuable to her, and it made me more secure. I was more secure in general,
actually. And that enabled me to be more generous and outgoing toward the other
people in my life. Which made them respond to me in a positive way, which made
me more secure still. It was like a self-fulfilling prophecy. It was an endless
loop of positive reinforcement, the snake eating its own tail, the phoenix born
again from its own ashes to soar and burn again, and then again.

Another example, I thought, of how we
write the future with choices we make now, and how everything that happens in
our lives really is within our sphere of influence, to some degree. Some people
are upset when you suggest they may have written the script of their life
stories themselves. They have troubles, and sometimes, terrible things happen,
and they don’t want to feel responsible for creating them. Or they want it to
all be up to God, or Fate, or some other Higher Power. They think mere humans
don’t have the ability to change things like that. But I could prove it. I had
changed myself, and by doing so, I had changed Lexi too, and I had completely
changed the future of our relationship. I hadn’t realized it at the time, but I
could see it clearly now.

When I was lying in bed next to Tony
that night, listening to his slow, relaxed breathing, I started to think about
all of this again. Would I even be here, with this man tonight, if I hadn’t
been able to stop something that happened to me ten years ago from continuing
to write my story today? I had been headed straight for another crash and burn
relationship, that night I had dinner with Laurie in the garden. I was ready to
run away again. But I was able to stop my typical scenario from reoccurring.
That meant, while the things we do today will definitely affect tomorrow, we do
have the power to choose differently and step onto another branch of the path
at the crossroads.

We have to come to terms with the past
in order to change the direction we are heading. The good times and the bad
times both offer us a choice, since we can control how we view them, how we
react.