Destination Connelly (27 page)

N
ora

W
e walk
into the upscale wine bar in downtown Chicago shortly after nine. There’s soft music playing. The lights are low. An oblong maple bar sits smack dab in the middle of the spacious room, providing the perfect centerpiece for the alcoves on the outer edges that contain plush couches and mismatched chairs. This entire place is perfect for small groups to gather or intimate enough for a couple to have after-dinner drinks. It seems like a place Connelly would have taken me.

Jesus, Nora. Stop torturing yourself. You’re his child’s mother. Nothing more.

“There they are,” Kam excitedly points, dragging me across the hardwood flooring, my heels clicking as I jog to keep up with her.

“They? I thought it was just the two of us.”

Damn her. Kam is famous for dragging me along to more than one party unannounced. I’ve felt like the awkward third wheel more than once. I didn’t want to come out tonight, but I didn’t have a valid excuse either since it’s Saturday night and Hazel sweet-talked her way into spending the night with Mira. Besides, Kam was absolutely relentless. She doesn’t like to be told no
.

“Kam…” I moan, trying to stop her.

She pivots and grabs my shoulders, shaking me slightly. “Look. You need to get out and make friends, maybe even get laid. And I know how close you like your circle. If I told you, you would have said no.”

I huff. The getting laid part is true. The making friends part is debatable.

“Now. Paste on a big smile and be your sweet self.”

“Fine,” I acquiesce. It’s too late now, anyway. “But I’m leaving early.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Seconds later we arrive in front of a group of stunning women, and…Landyn.
Huh?
I stand there, confused, as Kam runs around giving hugs to her friends. Landyn squeezes through the melee and throws her arms around me.

“What are you doing here?” she asks in my ear.

“Uh, I could ask you the same.”

She points to a jaw-dropping gorgeous brunette. “Addy’s my aunt and also my soon-to-be cousin-in-law, I guess. That’s kind of weird,” she mumbles.

I’m sure my face scrunches up in utter confusion, but before I get a chance to ask any more questions, Kam is once again pulling me by the arm into the middle of the group as everyone settles back in their seats.

“Guys, this is Nora Cantres. Nora, meet Livia Colloway, Alyse Colloway, Addy Monroe, soon-to-be Colloway, and of course you already know Landyn.”

Frozen.

That’s me.

And not the carefree “Let It Go”
Frozen
either.

I suppose had I confided in Kam about my epic fuckup with Connelly and Hazel I wouldn’t have gotten myself into this situation. She probably thinks she’s doing me some big favor by introducing me to his family so Connelly can win back the “redhead who broke his heart.” She’s a big believer in fairy-tale endings.

I quickly weigh my options.

Tuck tail and run or square my shoulders and make the best of it.

I’m so damn tired of running.

“Nice to meet you,” I say, holding out my hand to Addy. They’re each polite, which I guess is more than I could have hoped for. I’ve hurt their brother-in-law terribly and it’s natural to protect your family. When I get to Livia she doesn’t take my hand, but stands instead, enfolding me in her arms. You could have blown me over with a puff of air.

“It’s nice to finally meet the woman who brought Conn to his knees,” she whispers in my ear. “Congrats. Welcome to the family, Nora.”

“But I’m not—”

“You will be. Once he gets his head out of his ass.”

She’s obviously the optimist of the bunch.

Sitting down, she pats the open space between her and Kam, indicating I should take it. Not wanting to be rude, I do. I feel an instant kinship with this woman already. Her warmth puts me at ease and the other women quickly follow suit. I can see why Connelly’s brothers fell in love with them. I’m suddenly grateful Hazel will have them in her life, even if I may not.

“Did I miss something?” Kam leans over and asks quietly. Guilt, my very best friend, assails me again. Kam has known something is wrong, but she has respected my need to sort things out in my own head before talking to her.

“Yes, but I’ll tell you later. I’m sorry, I should have told you by now.”

“No worries, Lucy. We’re good.” My nonjudgmental friend. She has my back to the end. I love Kamryn so much.

Over the next hour or so, I learn all sorts of interesting facts about the Colloways. Gray and Livia have been married not quite a year and have four-month-old twin boys, Grant and Cash. Alyse is Livia’s sister and Asher’s wife. They were just married this past July and she’s expecting at the end of February. Addy is engaged to the elusive Luke, Gray’s twin. I never had a chance to meet Luke as there was some rift between him and his family by the time I met Connelly. They’re getting married in Maui in April. They all laughed about how Gray unintentionally paid for their honeymoon through a gift he gave Addy for helping him win Livia back.

And the story about how Landyn is Addy’s niece, but also the Colloway boys’ cousin is beyond bizarre. Novel worthy. And I thought my life was fucked up. I will give Landyn credit, though. She sure has her act together for all the shit she’s been through. I have a feeling what I’ve learned, though, only scratches the surface of what lies beneath. For all of them.

“So, Nora, how is Hazel adjusting?”

I look at Addy, wondering if she’s trying to bait me, but she’s not. She’s genuinely interested. “She’s pretty laid back, so she’s adjusting very well, actually. She loves her new school and has made a lot of new friends already. She’s so excited to be in the city with her beloved Blackhawks. She’s a hockey nut.”

“Hockey? She’s ten, right?”

I laugh. “Yes. My godfather is into hockey, so I think that’s where she picked it up.”

“When do we get to meet her?”

I face Livia not wanting to look at Kam. She’s not stupid. I’m sure by now she’s figured out the connection. “We’re taking things a little slow, letting her adjust to the whole news first. But soon.”

“Good. I’m excited to get to know her. The Colloways are a pretty close-knit bunch, in case you didn’t know.”

“I do,” I reply hoarsely. “And you won’t be able to keep her away once she gets her hands on Grant and Cash. She loves babies.” Zel has begged me for years to have another baby, even if we adopt. She wants a sibling so bad. I guess she’ll have to settle for cousins instead.

“So how are things between you and Connelly?” Alyse asks. “He’s pretty tight-lipped around us.”

Hmmm…let’s see. Awkward. Tense. Uncomfortable. Lonely, actually. Very, very lonely. Glancing at Kam who’s riveted to what I’ll say, I settle for, “Amicable.” Which is also not untrue. Connelly’s been nothing but polite to me during our brief interludes. Polite like one would greet their dry cleaner or hairdresser or a police officer pulling you over for speeding.

Very fucking polite.

“He’ll come around. Asher’s working on him.” She winks conspiratorially.

Before I can tell her that earth has a better chance of being taken out by a meteor than us reconciling, a familiar form catches my eye. And what I see burns me. Shreds me to pieces. If I looked down, I would not be at all surprised to see my heart beat through the gaping hole in my chest.

It’s Connelly.

And he’s not alone.

I’ve been emotionally barren for the last eleven years. Slowly freezing to death without the love of the only man I’ve ever wanted. I have Hazel, yes, but having the love of your child is incomparable to having the love of your soul mate.

Seeing Connelly with another woman attached to his arm is like a hot blade slicing through that frozen tundra and carving out the remainder of my iced-over heart. So many things have happened that should have squashed my hope of getting back together, but I’m too stubborn to take the hints. Or stupid. Now, any shred of irrational hope I’ve held on to all these weeks crumbles into dust, choking me on the caustic particles.

I want to look away, but I can’t. I’m riveted to the train wreck happening right before me.

I watch them wander over to the bar. He pulls out a chair for her. She gazes at him in awe as if he’s one of the seven wonders. He takes a seat next to her. She scoots closer. He orders her a drink. She won’t take her eyes off him. He gifts her with a panty-melting smile that crushes me. She runs her fingers playfully on his forearm. I can hardly breathe.

I hate her fucking guts. I hate knowing he’s out on a date with another woman. I hate that she’s touching him when it should be me. I hate that he’s not mine anymore. But more than anything, I hate that I just refuse to accept it.

It’s been close to two months now since Connelly and I have been intimate and all this time, I’ve wondered if he’s been with other women. I’d hoped against hope, not able to stomach the thought of his hands skimming someone else’s curves or his unmatched sexual talents making them weep with pleasure. It’s one thing to
think
he may be with another woman…it’s quite another to see it with my own two eyes.

Feeling something on my arm, I turn to Livia who has a sad, sympathetic smile on her face. I realize I have no idea how long I’ve been staring.

“I have to go.”

As I get up, though, Addy spouts, “You mean go get your man back from that blonde slut, don’t you?”

“No.” I shake my head. “No. He doesn’t want me. Clearly.”

“Nora.” Addy stands, gripping my shoulders. “He’s a man. And men are…well, their egos are made of tissue paper. His pride is wounded and he’s licking it. That’s all.”

“But what I did, Addy…it’s unforgivable.”

She smiles like I’m missing something. “Nothing is unforgivable, Nora. You’re human. You made a mistake. You owned up to it. Stop beating yourself up about it and woman up. Do you want Conn? Yes or no?”

“More than anything.”

“Then go fucking get him and make him listen to you.” She stares at me, eyebrows quirked in a dare. An hour is barely enough time to get to know someone but what I can pick up about Addy already is that she’s tenacious and full of fire. I like her. Tremendously.

“Okay. Yes. You’re right.” I want Connelly. It’s time I fight for him.

Before I lose my courage, I straighten my shoulders, beginning to close the twenty-five feet that separate Connelly and me, wishing it were more. I have no idea what I’m going to say when I just saunter up to him as if I have every right to him.
“Hey, fancy seeing you here? Who’s your slut? I mean, date?”
I think it will take everything in me not to punch blondie in her pixie face or gouge her eyes until they run with scarlet tears. I hope she has one hell of a major medical plan. She may need to cash in on that bad boy tonight. I’ve never struck another human being in my life, but all I feel is murderous the closer I get to them now that I can hear her high-pitched, fake laugh.

But my nonplan blows up in my stunned face when I’m within five feet. My skin heats and tightens and I swear I hear the collective gasps of the group I just left as the whole thing unfolds before my watery eyes.

Time slows—each drawn-out frame dramatically playing out.

Connelly turns his head.

The curvaceous seductress cups his face.

She leans up.

Shuts her eyes.

Plants an I’m-as-easy-as-my-dress-makes-me-look kiss on his full lips.

Which he returns.

The sand we bury our heads in sometimes is hot and dark and suffocating, but necessary for our emotional survival. Bring on the smothering darkness again, I beg of you.

Instead of making a beeline for them, I walk right on past and make one toward the door. Damn good thing I had my purse with me. I’m not sure I could have made that walk of shame back to the table to retrieve it.

Once I step outside, I see no cabs waiting by the curb, so I quickly make my way toward the end of the block, wishing like hell I’d held my ground and told Kamryn I needed to clean grout tonight instead of letting her talk me into coming out.

I fling my arm in the air, hailing a ride back to the loneliness of my three-bedroom suburban rental when I hear a rumbly male call my name. I look down the street to see Connelly jogging toward me at the same time a yellow cab comes to a screeching halt by my feet, missing my toes by barely an inch.

Ignoring the loud voice gaining on me, I start to open the back passenger door when it’s slammed shut from behind. Then I’m being spun around and pressed against the cold metal.

“Where’s Hazel?”
Of course
. He’s worried about our daughter, not me. The crushing blows keep pounding relentlessly into me.

“She’s with Mira. Hazel wanted to spend the night with her.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asks angrily.
He’s
angry?
He’s
the fucking one that’s angry?

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we were sharing our social calendars with each other now. I guess I missed the entry about your little tryst tonight with the golden sprite. My bad,” I bite sarcastically.

“Nora.” He blows out a frustrated breath. “It’s not what it looked like.”

“Really? Was she showing you firsthand how to tie a cherry stem with your tongue, then?” I glare at him.

He looks away guiltily. My anger rushes out of me like a valve that was turned on full blast. I just feel…empty. I hang my head, so damn tired of this emotional roller coaster I’ve been unwillingly riding for the last few weeks. I want off that fucker.

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Connelly.” I sound defeated. I think I am. I guess I needed a good dose of reality. Well, I got a big healthy, bitter spoonful tonight. I’ll never forget the acrid taste.

His finger slides under my chin. He forces it up. “What don’t you want to do anymore?”

“Any of it. I don’t want to do any of this anymore. I’m so tired of it all.”

“So am I,” he replies flatly. His eyes roam my face. I feel as though he’s cataloging every feature. Everything about his body language says he still wants me, yet he’s so goddamned irritatingly calm. It’s both confusing and exciting.