Desire Me Always (9 page)

She forced herself to stand firm as he pulled on his shirt and faced her. She refused to be tossed aside from his businesses because she was relegated to the role of wife. Didn't he see that she needed to be important to him in all things? His secrets had the power to drive a wedge between them, and now they were locked forever in marriage. His running would make them both miserable in the long run.

She clenched her fists so hard her nails dug painfully into the palms of her hands.

“Do you regret your choice?” he asked, voice wavering as though he was afraid to know or, perhaps, more afraid of what her answer would be.

She hated the distance that separated them; it was like a chasm suddenly split into the ground, keeping them apart, but she could not go to him. She needed to stand her ground, be strong. “No. Never that. Never think that, Nick. I wouldn't have said yes, had I believed us wrong for each other. This was meant to be. We are meant to be together. I believe that with my whole heart and soul.”

He approached her and slid his hand down the length of her arm. Their fingers entwined before he led her over to the edge of the bed. She didn't sit.

“What is it you need to know?” His gaze was steady and focused. She saw resolve there too.

“We should be direct and honest with each other, if nothing else,” Amelia said. “That is not borne of becoming your wife but of mutual respect. Out of the love we share, don't you agree?”

“Yes.” Nick enfolded one of her hands between his, not looking at her.

“Earlier, you said my attendance was not required when Huxley arrived.”

“You're more than entitled to enjoy your time here and leave business matters to me after the week you have had.”

“Coddling me will not help me heal from the ordeal with Mr. Shauley and the inspector.”

“It's my job to protect you, Amelia. That was a promise I made to you, one I take earnestly. I failed you when Shauley slipped you out from right under my nose. If you think I can forgive myself for that, you don't know me as well as you believe.”

Amelia rested her hand against his face. “And I have told you a hundred times that what happened, happened. It was no one's fault except those who intended to harm us.” She skimmed her fingers over the lump that hadn't fully healed on his head. “You didn't escape unharmed either.”

“I will heal. But the horrors they put you through, the things you had to endure . . . ”

“You forget that I'm rather resilient. That I can bounce back to a state of sanity far quicker than most, thanks to my brother's cruelty. I will not let my fear rule me or sway my decisions. I thought you understood that.”

“The failure I feel will not abate so easily.”

“All the more reason to love you, Nick.” She kissed him lightly on the lips, jerking back before it turned into another sweeping, heated moment they couldn't pull back from a second time. “Tell me something honestly.”

He nodded.

“Do you expect me to be excluded from the business with Caldon Manor or just the unresolved issues with your past that constantly haunt you?”

A perplexed look stole over Nick's expression. Amelia couldn't believe how relieved she was to see that her question was unexpected.

“I trust very few people, Amelia. The last thing I want to do is bring someone else into our home. Or to have another deal with Caldon Manor. I have old business that I need to attend to. Something in which you do not need to be involved.”

“What if I told you that you needed to involve me?”

“That I cannot allow.” Nick traced his thumb over her chin. “I might have coddled you some this past week. I want you healed. I want Shauley taken care of so you never have to look over your shoulder for him. So you always feel safe. In time, the dust will settle, but for now, I want nothing more than to keep you safe.”

“Are you so sure Mr. Shauley will come back into our lives?”

“I know he will.”

“Why? What does he want from you, Nick?”

“Revenge.”

“For what? You were youths when you last knew each other.”

“What happened might have been a lifetime ago, but some things are hard to forget and to forgive. Besides,” he said, his hand lowering to her shoulder, “Shauley can never show his face in England again without being arrested. That was all my doing, and he'll feel the need to repay me for the blemish I've exposed in his character.”

Curling her arms around his shoulders, she went up on the tips of her toes and pressed her lips to his. “Then my hiding does nothing. He will either try to get at me again, or he won't. But his partner is dead, and I think he'll find another way to get at you than through me. If there is anything I learned of him, it's that he's smart. And pulling the same trick twice is too risky for the man, half crazed or not.”

“It's still not a chance I want to take. You mean the world to me, and there is nothing to live for without you in my life.”

“I refuse to be kept in hiding until Mr. Shauley is caught. It's no way to live, and you know that for the truth.”

“It hasn't stopped me from trying.”

He wrapped his arms tightly around her in a hug that didn't let up. She rested her cheek against his chest and inhaled the masculine amber scent of his cologne. It was comforting and arousing. She couldn't stop from splaying her hands over his chest.

“How was your afternoon with Meredith?” he asked.

She had hoped he wouldn't ask.

“She's very direct.”

“I've only ever spent time with her in Landon's company. She is generally a woman of few words around me.”

“Do you like her?”

“She is Landon's wife. I can't imagine his marrying someone dislikable.”

“She loves him a great deal.”

“I don't doubt it. They've known each other a long time, long before they were married.”

“She thinks I will cause her husband problems, put him in danger.”

Nick narrowed his eyes. “How so? If she should be worried for her husband, I'm the only person she needs look toward.”

“My darling warrior and gallant knight.” Amelia kissed him again, this time with more heat to it.

“I will speak to Landon.”

“And tell him what?” Amelia walked away from him and took a seat on the chintz sofa that was adjacent to the fireplace in their room. “I adore that you are so fierce when you feel someone has offended me. I can handle Meredith.”

“Now who's fierce?”

“You taught me well. And really, it doesn't matter, as we will be here another day at most and we must focus on more important matters.”

“The school?”

The direction of his thoughts brought a smile to her face. “Yes, the school. I'm rather thrilled about the entire prospect. And I know it won't be completed for a couple of years yet, but it's something I'm so proud to be a part of.”

“And I know you will do fabulous work together on this school, Amelia.”

“Your sister too.”

“She'll handle the school, the teachers, the enrollment. You have been involved from the start. And will be involved in every process to get it to a state where it can be used as a school.”

She gave him a shy smile and turned her face away.

Nick came toward her and placed his finger on her chin to turn her gaze back on him. “Suddenly bashful, my blushing bride.”

“You give me too much credit when I haven't done anything yet.”

“You were part of the negotiations. That deserves credit, and I only give credit if it's due.”

“Thank you.” She took his hand in hers. As much as she'd like to laze about in their room in marital affairs, they had some errands they should attend to while they were in Highgate. “Can I ask a favor?”

“Anything.”

“I met someone on my walk through the wood today. An elderly monk.”

Nick pulled out of her hold so quickly from the sofa that she nearly toppled forward onto the floor before she caught herself.

“Nick?”

“Stay away from him.” His response was firm . . . even angry.

Amelia followed him, because she was not letting him run away from something that clearly upset him. “You cannot simply order me about.”

“Goddamn it all, Amelia. You don't know the trouble you have caused.” He walked over to the bed and picked up his waistcoat, pulling it on in haste.

“Explain it to me instead of constantly running away from me, instead of ordering me to do something. Because I won't listen if I don't understand your concern.”

“He's a danger to you, as surely as Shauley is.”

“He's nearly seventy and hardly spry enough to cause me any harm.”

“Yet he did nothing to save the boys in the school. He watched as each of us was violated. He watched.” Nick smacked his hand down on the writing desk, punctuating each and every one of his angry words. “What more do you need to know so that you understand the kind of vile man he is?”

Nick paced away from her, picking up his jacket and slipping into his boots. Clearly agitated, he donned everything with quick efficiency.

“If you walk out that door, I will follow you.” With a violence she'd never felt, she tried to dress as quickly as Nick had, but before she could button up her bodice, he was already reaching for the door. “Don't you dare leave like this, Nick!”

“It's for your own safety.” He paused as though having second thoughts on leaving. She nearly released a breath of relief. “I'm sorry, Amelia. I have to do this on my own. If I could lock you in here, I would, but I'm giving you the opportunity to stay put and keep out of this.”

Then he left.

Infuriated by the entire scene, she picked up her silver brush and threw it hard against the door. The hell he would leave her when she wanted nothing more than to help him, support him, and be there for him, as a wife should be.

The hell she would be told what to do when she could see how much the revelation of her meeting the monk tore up Nick inside.

S
omething thudded hard against the door a moment after Nick closed it behind him. He cringed internally. He would pay for this. Amelia would be livid, and she'd want answers when he came back—that's if she were even willing to talk to him at that point. Her anger wasn't what mattered right now. Her safety came above all else. And he'd be damned if that bloody monk would stick his greasy claws into Amelia. He had to put an end to both men's reigns of terror.

He told himself over and over again that it was better to deal with the monk immediately, but he'd waited. What he really wanted was to be back in London, not holding here in Highgate, letting his memories of this godforsaken place consume him. He wasn't sure how his hatred for this place would ever be overcome and wondered on his sanity for buying Caldon Manor.

Revenge.

Tying up loose ends.

Two very important things he needed in order to move on from the nightmares that haunted him.

The stable hand, a boy of ten with sandy blond hair, slender, and tall for his age, looked up from the saddle he was cleaning. “What may I get you, sir?”

“Same horse I had this morning, if you wouldn't mind.”

The boy saddled up the horse, while Nick waited impatiently. He paced, unable to stand still and wait. Thoughts tumbled over in his head on what he would say to the old man he had recognized the other day. The old man Amelia had mentioned. Nick had brought her here, he reminded himself. There was always going to be the chance she'd meet the very people on whom Nick wanted revenge. There was always the likelihood that she would guess at his game and hate him for the ugliness the revenge created inside him.

“Here you are, sir.”

The black beast from his morning ride bobbed his head as he walked toward Nick. Nick rubbed him between the eyes and rubbed his hand down his strong neck. He took up the reins and walked the animal from the stable.

Nick stopped and turned back. “I have one question,” he called out to the boy.

“Yes, sir.”

“Where does the monk live?”

The boy explained the location of a small cabin tucked along the boundaries of the wood—and far too close to Caldon Manor, as far as Nick was concerned.

It was time to face his demons.

He thanked the stable hand and mounted the beast that rode like the devil out of the inn's courtyard, almost as though he felt Nick's black mood and wanted to ride away from its darkness.

It didn't take Nick long to find the dirt road that led to the monk. As he cut through the border of the wood, the cabin came into view. A far cry from the grand residences the vicar and his followers had when the boy's school was underway. And fitting they should end up living like an old witch in the wood.

“Is someone home?” Nick called out in a booming voice that seemed to echo around the small clearing and front garden, loud enough to send nearby songbirds into flight.

Smoke billowed lazily from the chimney, so someone had to be here. Nick walked his horse around the perimeter of the house. He needed to make sure there were no traps, that no one lay in wait for Nick to be at a disadvantage so they could overtake him. There were no such things in play here, only his active imagination of the various scenarios that could unfold now that his enemy was within hand's reach.

“I've come to speak with the vicar,” Nick said, still on his horse and standing near the door.

With one final glance around the clearing that was fast falling into dusk, Nick dismounted. He tied his horse to the fence that lined the garden and walked over to the front door.

The cottage was small, perhaps only one room, judging by the length of the walls on each side. The grounds were kept neat, with basic tools lined up against the house for gardening needs: a hoe, a shovel, and a rake. Ivy grew along the base but not up the side. Someone spent a great deal of time outdoors tending to this place. The walls were stone, the roof thatch but not waterlogged or weighed down with age, even after the showers that had washed through Highgate not an hour past.