Designing Woman (The Sloan Brothers Book 2) (13 page)

He stood up and stood next to the bed, his eyes blazing and his hands shoved in his pockets.  I suspect to keep himself from wringing my neck.  I thought I jumped to conclusions, but I had nothing on Anton Sloan.

He turned his body as if to head for the door, but then he turned his head towards me.  His eyes looked defeated and beaten and for that one moment, I hated myself.  I never believed that I manipulated him.  I still don’t believe that.  If I had, I never would’ve given him a key.  I never would have put myself out there for his random midnight panty raids.  He forgot that I’d also said that I hadn’t slept with anyone else but him since we met.  That was a handy omission on his part.

“You’re just like the rest of them Mel’, only you’re sneakier and your motive isn’t as obvious.  You’re still a liar though and I still got sucked into it.  You’re good.  I’ll give you that.”

I folded my hands in my lap as I sat upright, ramrod stiff.

“So are you.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that I still haven’t slept with anyone but you.  Meaning that you still admitted that you love me.  Meaning that I was right all along.  You will do anything and everything to avoid a connection with me that might mean something.  It didn’t matter what I said or what I meant.  You were going to twist it to your advantage anyway, and find yet another reason to push me away.  You know why?”

“No.  Tell me why you think I’m pushing you away when I’ve admitted that I love you?”

“Because that’s just it Anton.  You don’t love me.  You can’t.  Not the way that I love you, and you never will.  Love is a concept for you.  It’s an emotion for me.  It’s a commitment that I make whether I want to or not, because you can’t choose who you love.  You collect women like wheat pennies.  Telling me you loved me was a way to gain forgiveness because your family is mad at you and you didn’t want the holidays to be uncomfortable.  You’re the liar here.  Not me.”

“Well thank-you for clarifying that for me.  I guess I’m too stupid to think for myself.  Take care of yourself Mel’.”

“You too.”

Then he left.  In more ways than one.

I’m now at the point of hating the color green.  Also, if I never hear another Christmas carol I’ll die a happy woman.  This is bullshit people.  The setting is idyllic.  A snow covered farmhouse in the Connecticut countryside.  All we need is a fucking sleigh pulled by Clydesdales.  Yes, Clydesdales.  Know why?  Because at least they might have brought beer.  There aren’t enough pain pills in my little brown bottle to dull what I’m feeling.  What I’ve felt since that first night.  I should never have walked through the door.  I was happier alone at home.  I could have ordered Thai take-out and watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” until I wanted to puke.

Now, I’m incapacitated on the sofa with my leg propped up, watching everyone open gifts they’ll never use, pretending like they’re thrilled.  How many breadmakers, gift cards, and pairs of argyle socks can one person own?  I buy gifts all the time.  I buy things for people that I know well enough, that the minute I see it, I realize it’ll make their lives easier or more fun.  I am not a last minute shopper.  I’ve been hoarding these gifts like a squirrel hoarding nuts, waiting for this moment.  I want to be giggly and bubbly and joy filled, but Anton sucked the joy right out of me.

The joy-sucker is seated across the room, as far from me as possible, trying not to look in my direction.  This is how it will be from now on and I know it.  We’re gonna spend the rest of our lives avoiding family functions that the other one will attend because we can’t even be comfortable friends anymore.  He’s convinced I’m a lying manipulator, and I’m convinced he’s an emotional vacuum hiding behind some weird phobia involving attachment to another soul.  This sucks putty balls and he’s about to open my gift.

Deacon and Dorothy are seated on the floor, having taken on the chore of passing out gifts and gathering wrapping paper into a large, environmentally unfriendly, trash bag.  They handed the gift to Anton and he was too busy talking to Pierce to read the card attached.  He has no clue who it’s from.  This should be good.

He has no clue that I overheard him say something at Deke and Dor’s wedding several months ago.  A group of macho he-man types were talking about extreme sports and hobbies, and one of them talked about rock climbing.  He was bragging about this rock-face he’d climbed that rose over two-thousand feet and what a rush it was.  One of the other guys talked about repelling and bungee jumping.  Deacon and Anton chimed in that they’d always wanted to take a trip together to Costa Rica to go zip-lining over the rain forests there.  They’d never had the money and now they didn’t have the time.  The look they gave one another made me think for a long time afterwards.

Anton took the lid off of a thin, flat box and reached in to find a thick envelope.  His curiosity peaked, he opened the envelope and I saw the joy that had been missing in his eyes the last few days.  I couldn’t help but smile.

“Holy shit, this must’ve cost a fortune!  This is a week in a high end resort, dedicated to zip-lining adventures in Costa Rica.”

Deacon’s head flew up and his eyes were glued to his brother’s.  Here came the fun part.

Anton looked at him and handed him the second itinerary included that had Deacon’s name on it.  Deacon took it out of reflex, but his eyes remained on Anton, who was clutching his own packet in his hand.

“There’s two of them Deke.  One with your name and one with mine.  Airline tickets, suites, zip passes, everything.  Someone did us a solid.  Someone knew what we’ve dreamed about.”

Deacon couldn’t stop grinning, then he pulled Dorothy to him in a bone crunching hug.  She hugged him back, but laughed.

“Thanks for the hug babe, but it wasn’t me.  I had no clue you wanted to do this.”

“If it wasn’t you, then who?”

He looked around the room while Anton searched through the wrapping paper for the card.  They both found the culprit at the same time.  I was grinning at Deacon who was grinning right back, when Anton read the card.

“Melody.  This is from Mel’.”

He looked at me and for a moment, I saw his eyes soften.  I couldn’t bear it so I looked down.  When I looked back up, the ice shield was back in place and he was putting his gift back in the box.

“Thanks Mel’, but it’s too extravagant.  I can’t accept this.”

“The fuck you can’t.  I overheard you two talking about it at the wedding and I booked it when I got back to the city.  You two are leaving the first week in March.  Dorothy’s staying with me so Deacon can sleep at night, and you two are taking a much needed vacation.  It’s only a week, but I’m sure you can pack a lot into that week.  You need to do this while you’re young and can enjoy it.  Once the baby comes, Deke won’t have the free time he has now.  Go and enjoy it.  You both know I’m right.”

Deacon hugged Dorothy again and I could hear they were having a mumbled conversation.  The only part that was clear was Dorothy saying, “She’s right, you should go.  You need this and I’ll be fine. You’re a flight away if I need you babe.  Go.”

Deacon uncrossed his legs and rose without using his hands.  I hate people that can do that.  I’d face plant if I ever tried that.  He crossed the room and knelt in front of me.  He pulled me forward and wrapped his arms around me, then kissed me on the cheek.

“No one has ever given me anything like this before.  I know you’ll take good care of her, so I’m accepting for the both of us.  Once the baby comes, I’m reciprocating with a trip to Paris for the two of you.  If you don’t like Paris, pick an island.  Thank-you Mel’.  You’re an angel.”

I let a tear fall and hugged him hard, whispering “you’re welcome”, and he was.  He worked harder than any man I knew and he deserved this.  Probably more than Anton.  Speaking of which, I heard him mutter from across the room, so I knew everyone else heard it too.

“Angel?  Broken angel maybe.”

I smiled at Deke and then looked at Anton.

“I’m not too broken to fly over there and fix it so you’ll still be picking plaster out of your ass on New Year’s day buddy.  Go with your brother and behave yourself.”

He never thanked me, but he didn’t return the gift either.

I bought Ayla her own serger, because she adored the one at work, but was afraid to touch it because Sean hovered over it.  She went crazy.  I went a little overboard on Grant and Bree’s gift, but I’d had a banner year and it’s only money.  The ten acres adjoining their property had gone on the market.  They were worried about who might buy it and what they might put there.  Grant had always hoped he could plant wildflowers for the bees, but he couldn’t justify buying it because of the upkeep.  The boys had offered to buy it for him, but he hesitated and told them no.  I suspected it was out of pride.  Whatever.  He opened the flat box and it was the deed to the land.

They both looked up thunderstruck and stared at me with eyes so full of meaning and questions, I was starting to squirm.  I blushed and said the first thing that came to mind.

“Plant your flowers.”

That’s all it took and it was the perfect thing to say.  They clutched one another and tears filled Bree’s eyes.  It was hard to watch because they’d come to mean a great deal to me.  It’s a rare thing that you’re in the right place at the right time for the perfect opportunity, and you have the money to make a dream come true.  I’d managed that for them and it was the best gift I’d been given that day.

I managed total victory and everyone was thrilled with what I’d given them.  Then it was Pierce’s turn.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t waiting for this one.  My eyes were dancing and it was all I could do to keep still.

He read the card and grinned at me.  I grinned right back.  My grin was for an entirely different reason than his, but he didn’t know that.

He lifted the lid on his flat box, pulled out an envelope and read the gift voucher.  His face turned beet red and he narrowed his eyes at me.  I kept grinning and then I winked.  He quickly put the voucher back in the envelope, put the envelope in the box and returned the lid.  Dorothy asked the question.

“What did you get?”

“Nothing.  It’s a class.”

“A class?  What kind of class?”

“It’s a six week course actually and it’s private.”

I started laughing so hard I couldn’t catch my breath.  It diverted the attention from Pierce and he used the opportunity to slink up the stairs to hide his gift.  Everyone started questioning me, and I held my hands up in a “stop” gesture.

“Nope.  It’s a private joke between Pierce and I.  It’s personal and if he wants you to know, he’ll tell you.”

Ayla looked at me and furrowed her brow.

“Is it a gag gift?”

Picturing him learning how to use a ball gag had me howling all over again and I fell to my side, holding onto my waist.  They had to stop guessing or I wouldn’t be able to breathe.

After witnessing Tony in full Dom mode, I knew our Teddy Bear had a lot to learn.  I travel in some interesting circles and asked the right questions.  A friend hooked me up with a guy that owned a sex club just outside of the city.  It was exclusive and two nights a week they ran a two hour course on the proper and safe ways to practice Domination and Submission.  They taught you about planning scenes, how to use toys, and how to develop the relationship you needed to have with your Dom/Sub.  They took it seriously and I couldn’t help myself.  Pierce was signed up to start in March.  He started the week the other two left to play Tarzan in Costa Rica.  His reaction had been priceless.

Here I thought Christmas had been rather depressing, New Year’s Eve was turning out to be intolerable.  Austin and I rode home from the farm with Deacon and Dor’, Ayla and Pierce rode home with Anton.  Our relationship never improved after the first night.  He begrudgingly accepted my gift, probably because Deacon was so excited about it.  But I received nothing in return and got a brief, “Thanks” for the trip.  It didn’t matter.  The gift was given because I knew they’d enjoy it and had always wanted to do it.  I expected nothing more than what I got.  Where Anton was concerned, I was learning.

Everyone was invited to the Monkey for New Year’s Eve.  Austin was having a private party for family, close friends and his regulars, to thank them for a profitable year.  He hired a band and a caterer and it promised to be a fun night.  I declined.  I knew everyone else would be there and that suited me just fine.  I knew where they’d be, so they wouldn’t be dropping in on me.  I used my foot as an excuse and cited all the activity over Christmas.  I poured it on thick and they all said they understood.  What they didn’t understand, was that I wasn’t quite ready yet to see Anton there with his latest conquest.  We’d been so close to finally getting our act together and he couldn’t do it.  He managed to admit his feelings, but I wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to act on them.  I was beginning to lose faith.

Let me take a moment here to pontificate on something.  Everyone always seems to go on and on about “hope”.  I’m here to tell you folks that hope is nothing without faith.  You can “hope” that the Cubs will finally win the Pennant, but without “faith” in the team, you might as well be hoping for a time machine for Christmas next year.  Never gonna happen.  Faith in something or someone goes hand in hand with hope.  I use to have “faith” that Anton would come around, and I had “hope” that he’d do it sooner rather than later.  I was losing the faith, so the hope didn’t matter.

I put my nest together on the sofa.  Nobody was better at nesting than me.  If you ever go through a breakup or a failure of some kind, I’m the friend you want to call.  I tossed the duvet off my bed over the upstairs railing, along with 3 pillows.  I butt-scooted down the stairs, having figured out almost immediately that THAT was the way to get downstairs quickly.  I made up the couch using two pillows on one end and one in the middle to prop my leg on.  Then I went to the kitchen.  I knew that the take-out places would be swamped tonight, so I’d planned ahead of time.  I had deli stuff, chips, dips, ice cream and cheese cake.  I had my favorite wine, rum, coffee, and soda.  I even had three kinds of beer, because Austin still lived there and would eventually be home.  Didn’t want to exclude my roomie.

I made a sandwich, then carried my food, snacks and two bottles of soda to the coffee table.  I arranged the food, drinks and remotes where I could reach them from my little nest on the sofa.  The snow was hitting the windows and it felt good to be home.  The farm had been nice and it would have been nicer if Anton hadn’t shoved his head up his own ass, but there’s nothing like home.

I powered up the TV for the festivities and my cell rang.  I thought I’d talked to everyone.  They shouldn’t be calling me, they should be at Austin’s, drinking him dry and dancing their asses off while I watched the rest of the city go nuts from the comfort of my jammies and sofa.

“Yo.”

“Mel’, it’s Austin.  Want me to come get you?”

“Nope.  I’m good babe.  I’m hunkered down on the sofa in my p.j.’s with pillows and a blanket, eating myself stupid and watching TV.  Everything okay there?”

“I wanted to thank-you for your gift.  They installed them while I was gone and they’re perfect.  How did you hear about them?”

“Some guy on TV.  He does a reality show about saving Bars that are about to go under.  He installs them in just about every bar.  I thought they were cool and something you could use.  Taps that fill pre-measured pints from the bottom that fast have got to be handy.  Are they working out alright?”