Desert Rogues Part 2 (86 page)

That surprised her. “What would you call it, then?”

“A conversation of little consequence.”

She didn't like the sound of that. They'd had a serious disagreement. Their first. Sure, it was bound to happen and she was okay with that. She just wasn't sure she liked him denying it had ever taken place. Had he not been affected or did he simply not care enough to worry? And did she really want to know which it was?

 

The evening passed in a blur of dancing, introductions and speeches. Kiley found herself feeling both welcomed by the guests and uncomfortable with being the center of attention. Phoebe assured her she would get used to it, but Kiley couldn't imagine that happening. Still, two months ago she would never have imagined marrying a prince, either, so who was she to say?

She excused herself from a large group and made her way toward the restroom. As she entered a quiet hallway, she felt someone touch her arm. She turned and was stunned to see Eric standing there.

“Why are you here?” she asked, sure this couldn't be good, and uncomfortable to be seen speaking with him.

“I had to talk to you.”

Oh, please. Was he really going to make a fuss now? “Eric, go away. There's nothing between us.”

“I don't care about that,” he told her. “I'm here because I'm worried about you.”

“That's a new one.”

“You're making a terrible mistake. Everything is happening too fast. You don't love this guy and he doesn't love you. You're reacting to what happened between us.”

He took her hand and stared into her eyes. “I can't tell you how sorry I am about that. I was such a jerk.”

She pulled free of his touch. “
Jerk
doesn't begin to describe it. I don't know why you're here, Eric, but it's time for you to leave. You're a cheat and a liar and I'm glad to be rid of you.”

She walked back toward the ballroom. She had a feeling that if she went into the ladies' room now, Eric would simply follow her, and she didn't need that kind of trouble.

“He doesn't love you,” he called after her. “Has he said it? Has he ever actually said the words?”

She shook her head and did her best to ignore him. What a creep. But as she spotted Rafiq at the edge of the crowd and saw him smile, she realized Eric was right about one thing. Rafiq had never actually said he loved her.

 

Rafiq sat on the deck off the bedroom and listened as Kiley told their dog all about her evening.

“I can see that in addition to learning about the history of Lucia-Serrat and the protocol of being a princess, I'm going to need some dance lessons. I think I stepped on a lot of toes tonight, which can't be good. You want to learn to dance with me?”

Fari yipped in agreement. Rafiq smiled as he thought of the tiny puppy twirling around a ballroom.

Kiley stepped out onto the deck and plopped down next to him. She'd changed out of her ball gown and into a silk robe. Her makeup was gone, as was her jewelry. She looked young and fresh and very beautiful. But her eyes were troubled and he wanted to know why.

“You are still angry with me,” he said.

“What?” She picked up Fari and set the dog on her lap. “Of course not. Why would I be mad?”

“Because of our conversation before.”

“You mean when you were being unreasonable and stubborn? I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.” She leaned back in her chair. “I think you're wrong. I think it's important for you to let go of the past and meet your father as the man he is today. If you could simply walk away from him and wanted to do that, I would support it, but that's not the plan. You're moving back to the island where the two of you will work in close proximity. I can't imagine that going well if you can't get the past behind you where it belongs.”

He liked that she held to her opinion even if he didn't agree with it. “Anything else?” he asked.

She shrugged. “You're not going to listen to me, which I accept but it makes me think you're not as bright as you look.”

“So you insult me now?”

“I don't mean to, but it
is
a happy by-product of our conversation. I also know I can't make you do anything about your father. You're a grown-up and much bigger than me, so force is out of the question. I hope you'll deal with it, but if you won't, I'm going to try to let it go.”

“Very wise. So what happened to upset you?” he asked. “Was it your conversation with Eric?”

She didn't act surprised that he knew about that. “I figured you saw us. What is it about that guy, always showing up everywhere? It's creepy.”

Rafiq was less interested in that than the reason she was unhappy. “What did he say?”

“Nothing important. I just wish…” She looked at him. “Do you love me?”

He'd known they would get to that question eventually. He reached for her hand. “I have chosen you to be my wife, Kiley. I wish to marry you and have children with you. I ask you to join me as we rule over my country. You will be much beloved by my people.”

She continued to study his face. “I get all that, but you didn't answer the question. Do you love me?”

“Is that so important to know?”

“It is to me.” Tears filled her eyes. “Can't you say the words?” she asked in a whisper.

Her pain burned him, but a lie would burn more. “There is more to a marriage than love. There is respect, passion, caring. I will be true to you. I will treat you with respect and be there for our children. Isn't that enough?”

A single tear rolled down her cheek. Fari whined, as if sensing the tension between them.

“Rafiq, please. You must love me a little.”

He rebelled against her attempts to weaken him. “How many times have we been together?” he asked, his voice more harsh than he would have liked. “How many times have I claimed you in the past few weeks?”

“I don't know. What does that have to do with anything? You can't seriously be equating sex with love. They're not the same at all.”

“Are you on any birth control?”

There was little light on the deck and yet he saw the color drain from her face. Her eyes widened as she reached down to touch her stomach.

“You think I'm pregnant.”

“I believe it is very likely.”

She shrank from him. “Is that all this is about? A child? Are you s-saying you don't care about me at all?”

“I'm saying I want to marry you, Kiley. I want to be the father of your children. Isn't that enough?”

She stood, taking the puppy with her and walked toward the bedroom. At the French door, she looked back at him.

“It's not enough. It will never be enough. How could you think I would settle for that?”

K
iley was up before dawn the next morning. She'd barely been able to sleep at all. Her mind whirled with too many questions and possibilities, but nothing could be answered until she knew the truth.

So shortly after sunrise, she rose and dressed and made her way to the garage. Twenty minutes later she'd driven to the twenty-four-hour drugstore and bought a home pregnancy test. As she drove back to Rafiq's house, she wondered why she hadn't thought it could happen to her.

It's not as if she were an idiot. She knew how babies were made, and she and Rafiq had been doing that a lot lately. Condoms helped, but they also failed. But getting pregnant had never been a reality for her. She'd gone on The Pill six months ago so she wouldn't have to worry after she and Eric got married, but she'd had a bad reaction and had been forced to go off it. She'd discussed other options with her doctor yet hadn't acted on any of them. In truth, she'd wanted to get pregnant quickly and start her family.

But not like this, she thought as she pulled into the garage and sat in the car. Not when she'd just found out that Rafiq didn't love her, that he'd only proposed to her because he thought she was pregnant.

What if she was? She knew enough about the laws of Lucia-Serrat to know that the child of a member of the royal family could not be taken out of the country without permission from both the biological parent and the Crown Prince. As neither Rafiq nor Prince Nasri were likely to agree to that, she was well and truly stuck. Unlike Rafiq's mother, she would never turn her back on her child.

Tears burned in her eyes. She blinked them away. She'd done enough crying in the night, weeping silently as Rafiq had slept beside her. Pain had ripped through her and a sense of betrayal so deep, she knew she would bear the scars forever.

She'd loved him with every fiber of her being, and he hadn't loved her back. The truth couldn't be ignored or wished away.

Nearly as bad, she'd been so
sure
that he was the one. How could she have been wrong twice in a row? Why did she seem destined to fall for men who would lie to her?

She didn't have an answer and she couldn't stay in the car forever. After picking up the small bag from the drugstore, she made her way into the house and quietly walked down the hall to the bedroom.

For the first time since moving in with him, she wished she had her own room. She wanted space and privacy. She supposed she could move back to her own apartment. If she wasn't pregnant, she would. She would take some time and figure out what to do. Unlike her feelings for Eric, which had died over time, she loved Rafiq with an intensity that couldn't be described. She didn't think she could simply walk away from him forever.

He had to care, she told herself as she paused outside the bedroom door. He couldn't have made her so happy if he didn't. There had to be something between them, something he was unwilling to acknowledge. After his past was he unable to admit to any softer feelings?

She didn't have any answers, and right now what she most needed to know was whether or not she was carrying his child.

She walked into the bedroom and was surprised to find the bed empty. The bathroom door opened, and Rafiq stepped out. He'd already showered and dressed.

“You were up early,” he said, his dark eyes giving nothing away.

“I couldn't sleep.”

He glanced at the bag she held. “A pregnancy test?” he asked.

She nodded. “Then we'll both know.”

“I'll wait.”

She crossed to the bathroom, then stopped and looked at him.

“Is that why you proposed?” she asked. “Because you thought I might be pregnant? What if I'm not? Do you care about me even a little? Is any of this about me?”

“What do you want to know?” he asked. “You came to me, Kiley. You asked to be my mistress. I did not seek you out.”

“I know.” She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them. “This was all my doing. You didn't force me. I thought I was tough. I wanted Eric punished and you were the best way I knew to do that. After a while I figured out I wasn't as interested in revenge as being with you.”

She thought about the arguments she'd had with Eric. How he'd pressed her to admit there was something between her and her boss.

“He used to claim I had a thing for you and I always told him I didn't. Looking back at how quickly I fell for you, maybe he was right. Maybe he saw something I couldn't see. I mean, what was I thinking? Asking to be your mistress? It's crazy. You're right, you didn't force me to do anything. Not even to fall in love with you.”

She paused, hoping he would say something to comfort her, but he didn't. There was only the quiet sound of her breathing.

She wanted to ask if he could ever come to love her, if she mattered at all, but she was afraid of the answer.

Ten minutes later she stared at the plastic stick and knew that her life had changed forever. There would be no going back to her old world, no moving out of Rafiq's house. She was bound to him as much as if they were chained together.

She washed her hands and dried them, then stepped out of the bathroom and faced him. “I'm pregnant,” she whispered.

Rafiq heard the words but didn't believe them at first. He'd known it was possible, but to have it confirmed surprised him. He would have thought fate would give Kiley a chance to escape.

He didn't want her to go, he acknowledged, if only to himself. But without the baby, he had no other means to keep her.

She would be a good mother. She would care for their child, perhaps even love it. He would be there, as well, to make sure his son or daughter knew that there was a safe place to grow up. He knew all the things he had missed in his own childhood. Those mistakes would now be undone.

“I am pleased,” he said.

“Really? I wouldn't think you were interested in a child. Will you love it? Will your baby matter?”

“Our children will be my world.”

She leaned against the door frame and wiped the single tear that spilled out of one eye. “That's not the same. You have to be willing to give up your heart. You have to love children with all that you have, no matter what.”

“As you will do,” he said, stepping toward her and touching her chin. “Be happy. You said you always wanted to be a wife and mother. I am offering you that. You will be my princess and you will want for nothing. Our children will have untold opportunities to see the world, to grow strong. I will be there for you, all the days of my life. I will honor you. I will never betray you or be unfaithful or cruel. Is that not enough?”

She looked at him, her blue eyes damp with unshed tears. “There is a particular cruelty in not loving your wife,” she said. “The kind that eats away at the soul.”

She could be stubborn, but he'd always known that. “We will travel. See things, do things.”

“You can't buy me, Rafiq. I'm not like your other women, remember? I'm not interested in pretty things.”

“But you carry my child.”

“That I do. Already I feel the chains tightening around my wrist.”

“You're being overly dramatic. We will be married and you will be happy.”

She stared at him. “No.”

How like a woman. “Your refusal to accept happiness is your own decision.”

“You misunderstand me. I'm not saying I won't be happy, I'm saying I won't marry you.”

Disbelief held him in place. Otherwise he would have gone to her. To do what, he couldn't say. “You have no choice.”

“Actually, I do. I might not know much about Lucia-Serrat, but I'm pretty sure there isn't a law that allows you to marry a woman against her will. Which means you can't make it happen without my agreement and I won't agree.” She swallowed and wiped away tears. “I won't marry someone who doesn't love me.”

This wasn't right, he thought. How dare she defy him? “You will not be able to take my child from me.”

“I know that. I haven't figured it all out yet, but I do know that I'm not going to marry you. And aside from convincing me you're in love with me, there's nothing you can do to change my mind.”

 

Rafiq battled fury for the next two days. While Kiley didn't labor over the topic, he sensed her determination. And try as he might, he couldn't seem to come up with any words that would convince her to see his side of things.

The prince and Phoebe seemed to sense the disquiet, for they spent much of that time touring the area, as if they wanted to avoid the house.

If Rafiq could have avoided it, he would. He hated that Kiley was so withdrawn. He missed her laughter, her pleasure in his company. In truth, he understood her need to stand firm on this issue. Unfortunately her principles brought her in direct opposition to his wishes. And he would win this battle, one way or the other.

“Aren't you going to the office?”

He looked up from his desk at the house and saw Kiley standing in the doorway. As always, the sight of her brought him gladness, followed by intense anger at her determination to be difficult.

“Eventually. I wish this resolved, first.”

She stepped into the room. “You probably shouldn't wait that long. There are things you need to take care of.”

“You won't marry me but still you worry about my work?”

She shrugged. “One has nothing to do with the other. Not marrying you doesn't make me care any less. It doesn't make me not love you.”

She moved forward until she stood behind the chair in front of his desk. “I've been trying to figure out what's wrong,” she said quietly, her voice filled with pain. “I have given my heart to you so completely that it's impossible for me to believe you don't want to do the same. You have all the symptoms of the condition, and yet you claim not to love me. And then I remember your past. What happened with your parents. Is that it, Rafiq? Were you hurt too many times as a child to believe in love?”

The question made him sound weak and he refused to answer. “My reasons aren't important.”

“They are to me. I comfort myself with the fact that this isn't personal. You wouldn't love anyone, would you? What are you afraid of?”

He glared at her. “I have no fear.”

“You have something. Is it being hurt? Is it that I'll go away? Because I won't. I don't want to. I'm not your parents. If you don't believe me, look to my family, at what I've been taught. My parents are as much in love today as when they were married. My sisters have wonderful relationships. I made a mistake with Eric, but even there I was loyal. He was the one who betrayed me.”

Her words hurt him as much as if she'd attacked him with a knife. “You will marry me.”

“No. Not until you can admit you love me. Because that's the irony of the situation. I think you do. I think I matter more than anyone has ever mattered and you're terrified of that. You're afraid of being hurt and abandoned. There's nothing I can say or do to convince you otherwise, so this is all about a step of faith. Are you willing to take it?”

He stood. “Do not presume to know my mind,” he told her coldly.

Her shoulders slumped. “Right. Because pride matters the most. Don't you get tired of always being right but always being alone?”

She turned and left the room. Silence surrounded him, pressed down on him, gutted him and he could not say why.

 

Rafiq transferred most of his operation to the house. He told himself it was so that he could spend time with his father and Phoebe, but in truth it was so he could keep an eye on Kiley. How long would she stay? When would she bolt for freedom?

That had to be her plan and he couldn't let her escape with his child.

He reviewed the oil reserve reports, stopping only when his father walked into the study and took a seat.

“Good news?” Nasri asked, nodding at the papers.

“Yes. The reserves are much larger than we calculated at first. Unlike other parts of the world, we will have oil into the next century.”

“That bodes well for our future economy,” the prince said. He leaned back in the leather chair and studied his son. “Do you see much of your mother these days?”

Rafiq shook his head and tried not to show his surprise at the question. “I have spoken with her twice in the past two months, but before that it was nearly a year since our paths crossed.”

“So you don't have regular contact with her?”

“No. There is no reason.”

The prince shrugged. “She
is
your mother.”

“She and I have a biological connection, but little else.”

“She was never warm or maternal,” Prince Nasri said. “But she was very beautiful. I remember the first time I saw her. She was filming a scene on the beach. I was taken with her beauty. She was older by five years. When I was seventeen, that made her seem a woman of the world.” He smiled. “I wanted her to be my first.”