Demonic and Deserted (Eternally Yours Book 4) (14 page)

“Gah!” I cried, reaching for the wine. “I need to wash that taste out of my mouth.”

Aedan snatched the goblet out of my hand. “No, you don’t.”

I whimpered, knowing he was right, but the taste was so awful. I just knew my farty dog breath would be magnified, too. “Bleh, bleh!” I spit more residue into the napkin. “Anyone have some gum or mouthwash?” I pleaded as I looked around the table, but the other creatures ignored me as they slurped up their food. “Omigod.” I stomped a paw. “Hell sucks so bad.”

Sarge shook his head, snickering. “You just figuring that out?”

“Shut up, Santiago,” I growled.

Oh, God, the look of repulsion in Aedan’s eyes made me want to crawl under the table and never come out. His fiancé had just eaten maggot dog chow. There was no telling what that stuff was going to do to my insides, but I feared it would be far worse than eating a plate of gluten-filled brownies. I could only imagine flaming farts of doom coming out of my anus tonight, which made me kind of glad the Devil had forced Aedan and me to sleep in separate rooms.

I let out a low rumble when I saw the cat sluts approaching. Two of them flanked Aedan, tickling his face with their fluffy tails, and the third one leaned over Sarge with her tail wrapped around his shoulders.

“That bitch doesn’t have any manners.” The albino cat slut said with a throaty purr while running her pale hand across Aedan’s chest. “You should sit with us.”

“Yeah,” her friend who looked part Siamese giggled behind her hand, batting her slanted eyes at Aedan. “We’ll show you a good time, and we don’t have fleas.”

“Get your hands off my man,” I said on a growl so ominous, the sound threw me off guard. I jumped from my seat, grabbing both of their wrists and jerking them off him.

“Back off, maggot breath.” The albino she-bitch hissed, raking her claws down my arm.

I howled in pain as blood pooled around her claw marks. Instinctively, I bit her earlobe, shredding it as I snapped my head back and spit a chunk of her ear on the floor.

She let out an ear-splitting screech, clawing at the air as I jumped away. She clutched the cavity that was once her ear, blood splatter marring her white fur, while her friends flanked her. Oh, so this is how the kitties wanted to play? Three to one? All I had to say to them was, “Bring it on!”

A ruckus rose up around us as creatures slammed tankards and goblets on the table before chanting, “Fight, fight, fight—“

I spun around. Aedan and Sarge were glaring at me like I’d just gotten my hand caught in the cookie jar.

The hall went silent at the sound of a horn from across the room. I looked up at the dais to see the Devil pointing his staff directly at me while a bull creature stood behind him, blowing into a long horn that resembled a seashell.

“Bravo, Ashley,” he said in a sing song voice as he waved his serpentine wand at me. “You have acclimated to your new species quite well.”

I swallowed back a lump of bile, or maybe the maggot meat was fighting its way back up. Either way, I had this sickening feeling in my gut the Devil was about to fuck with me.

He splayed his arms wide. “My subjects have asked for a fight, so let us give them one.”

The crowd broke into raucous cheering, and my knees weakened. Oh, yeah, he was fucking with me. I realized slurping down squirmy demon chum wasn’t going to be the low point of my day.

The Devil silenced the beasts with a wave of his wand. “In order to make it fair, instead of one cat against one dog, let’s pit three cats against one dog.” He waved his wand toward the bleeding albino and her two friends before breaking into a wicked grin. “After all, everyone knows dogs are more vicious.”

Aedan grabbed my elbow, thrusting me behind him. “You can’t do this.”

I peered around Aedan’s shoulder, whimpering as he and the Devil were locked in a stare-down. Somehow, I knew Aedan would lose that match.

The Devil arched a thin brow, looking over Aedan as if he were no more significant than that stuff crawling around on my plate. “I can’t, can I?”

He snapped his fingers, and two bull creatures snatched up Aedan and Sarge, holding them in headlocks. My heart plummeted as Aedan and Sarge struggled against their captors, their faces turning red as the beasts wedged their meaty arms beneath their chins.

“Lock them in their chambers,” the Devil commanded with a sneer, “and don’t let them out until the match is over.”

“Nooo!” I howled as I tried to chase after them, but two more bulls stood in front of me, blocking my path with huge spears. Fuckity, fuck, fuck!

I spun around at the sound of a soul shattering hiss followed by an ominous purr that shook me to my core.

The tabby cat pulled out a freaking huge knife from behind her back, eyeing me intently with a wicked gleam in her eyes. She looked like an Amazonian Garfield. The Albino cat produced a machete and the Siamese pulled out a dagger. What the heck? This was so not a fair fight.

The bulls parted, giving me a clear view of my tormentor.

I pointed at the felines, all lined up while waving their weapons. “But they’ve got knives!” I feared my protests would do no good. Why did I have the idiotic idea I could reason with the Devil?

The Devil folded his arms, giving me the smug once-over. “You should have brought a weapon.”

I threw up my hands. “I didn’t know I’d be in a showdown with three cats.”

“Ahhh,” he snickered, waving a finger at me as if I was a wayward child. “But this is hell, and you must always prepare for the inevitable fight for survival.”

That bile in my throat burned hotter than Hades as I fought to keep tremors from wracking my body. “Survival?”

“Oh, yes.” He laughed. “This is a death match.”

Surely, he was joking. We were on the bottom level of hell. It wasn’t like we could get any deader. Besides, he was supposed to be bartering with God for my soul. How could he strike a deal if I was deader than dead?

I scratched the back of my neck, studying his features for any signs that he was bluffing. “A death match? We’re already dead.”

“My dear, you don’t know death until you feel the burn of the dragon.” He pointed to the windows, which were no longer fields with bunnies, but melted people pressing against the glass while in the distance a fiery dragon was devouring souls.

Well, shit. If only I could clink my heels three times and take the first elevator out of here. Speaking of which, Cam sure was taking his time getting us help. Now would have been a good time for our rescuer to make his appearance. 

The crowd had parted for us, giving the felines plenty of room as they stood with legs braced apart while waving me forward.

I leaned over a table and snatched up a carving knife. It wasn’t as big as the weapons the cat sluts were wielding, but it would have to do. I turned back toward the Devil. “You’re a real dick, you know that?” I didn’t care if he cursed me again. In the world of dicks, the guy was a shriveled up hairy nut sack and a teensy tiny micro penis covered with festering boils.

He had the nerve to laugh. “Oh, Ashley. How I admire your spirit. Don’t worry. As soon as our Heavenly Father comes to his senses and allows me back into heaven, I’m sure you will be freed from your fiery prison.”

“Yeah, sure.” I growled. “God’s just going to let a sick fuck like you back into heaven.”

His smile vanished as he glared at me from eyes that reddened like hot coals. Good. I’d pissed him off. It wasn’t like my day could have gotten any shittier. I turned my back to him and heaved a sigh, resigning myself to my fate as I did my best to recall some of Jackie Chan’s signature moves. Considering I’d only made it to yellow belt in Tae Kwan Do, I doubted it would do much good.  Luckily, I had one thing in my favor. I was part dog, and my canines were bigger than theirs. I balled up my hands, loving the feel of my bulging biceps. I was also probably a lot stronger. All I had to do was keep from getting my head chopped off, and maybe I had a chance.

The tabby with the big blade was the first to come after me, charging with a yowl and then a hiss. I dodged the first blow and then the second, but yelped when her blade nicked me on the shoulder. Every time she swung, I had to jump back several feet. That’s when I realized I’d never get within cutting distance with my tiny knife. I tucked the knife in my belt and knocked Horny Hitler out of his chair. I held the chair in front of me while circling the cat. Her friends stood on the sidelines, growling at her to charge me and go for the throat, and I wasn’t about to wait around for her to turn me into dog chow. I spun around her with a “Hiya!” smashing the chair across her back.  She stumbled forward, landing on one knee and dropping the knife to the ground.

I snatched up Tabby’s knife as the other two felines charged me, teeth barred and weapons raised. When the Siamese jumped into the air, weapon angled down at my heart, I threw the big blade at her. She howled when it lodged in her shoulder, spinning around while trying to pull out the knife.  

Albino Bitch hit me before I had time to duck. I howled in pain when her blade sliced open my cheek, making my face burn with intensity. I tumbled forward, falling spread eagle onto a table. A donkey creature spun around, acting as if he was going to kick me off the table, but I rolled out of the way just in time as his feet smashed the albino’s teeth in.

Blood and fragments of yellow fangs shot everywhere as she dropped her weapon and rolled onto the table, covering her mouth with a shrill scream.

The other two cats had gotten up, and they both looked as if they had a demonic case of PMS. That would have explained their bitchiness. I smelled blood in the air, and it took me a moment to realize it was mine.  I warily eyed the cats as we circled each other. They’d both procured new weapons, and they were out for blood.

A sharp whistle caught my attention, and I turned just long enough to see Aedan rushing into the hall, blood dripping down his nose, and two big bull beasts pounding the ground behind him.

“Ash!” he hollered. “Catch!” He threw the poker stick to me just before the bulls tackled him with a bone crunching thud.

I screamed and tried to race to his aid, but the screech of a rabid feline at my back forced me to spin around.  Flipping the switch, I thrust the poker forward just as the tabby was about to pounce me. The flaming stick went right through her chest and out her backside.

Ouch. That had to have hurt. The cat was damn heavy. So she wasn’t just fluffy. She was a fat-ass. I jerked the glowing poker out of her chest and stepped aside as she fell to the floor with a grunt. I advanced on the Siamese as she walked back, pulling the Albino bitch with her.

I did my best to keep my cool as I continued to push them backward while they hissed and tried to slap the poker out of my hands. I subtlety eyed the sliding metal doors leading to the inferno outside.

I had no idea where I’d gotten this surge of self-confidence, but I liked the ass kicking Ash. I felt like a cross between Jackie Chan and Scooby Do, only the Scooby snacks were most likely tainted with ecoli and who knows what other demonic bacteria. 

After I’d backed them within ten feet of the doors, I dug beneath my belt, unsheathing the table knife. I sent a silent prayer to the Big Man upstairs, because if this plan worked, I’d be the most badass fallen angel ever to grace the halls of hell.

I swear all time stood still when I threw the knife over Siamese slut’s shoulder, and I could practically see it flying through the air in slow motion. When it barely missed her pointed ear, she laughed through a snarl. I guess she thought I’d been aiming for her head, but I had a much bigger prize in mind. I had no idea if the blade would hit my intended target. I was never good at sports, particularly the bloody, mutilating kind, but as I watched that object spin handle over knife, I knew it was going to hit the button to the outside doors. It had to.

When the sharp end landed right in the center of the glowing button on the wall, the doors slid open. I jumped to the side, tumbling out of range when a fiery dragon head poked inside, opening his huge maw. The cat bitches shrieked, digging their nails into the slick floor as the dragon latched onto their feet and pulled them out the doors. The Tabby wandered aimlessly, a mixture of shock and horror reflecting in her eyes as she gaped at the crowd while clutching her bleeding cavity. She must have been in serious shock, because she hadn’t turned around to see the demonic serpent had swallowed her friends and was waiting for her to be his next meal. She stumbled next to a chair, leaning against it for support before demons shooed her away. I turned the flare up on my wand, using it to push her toward the dragon.

How did she not notice it? That dragon had to have been the most formidable creature I’d ever seen. 

Recognition flashed in her eyes, and she hissed and spat at me while I continued to advance. She didn’t see that I’d pushed her into a trap until it was too late. The dragon’s jowls opened wide as he waited patiently for his next meal. Jeez. This was too easy. It was like feeding mice to a snake. By the time Tabby felt the flames licking at her heels, it was too late. She spun around with a scream as the dragon descended, turning her skin to coal almost instantly. I almost felt sorry for the bitch. Almost.

A bull man rushed to the wall, jerking the knife out of the button. It was only after the doors closed shut that I released a pent up breath. I turned on my heel and ran toward Aedan.  At least, I tried to run, but fear had solidified my legs into deadweights. A bull-man with a twisted horn was lying on top of Aedan, pressing his face against the cold marble.

“Get your hooves off my fiancé,” I commanded, and then pressed the end of the poker stick into his ass. He jumped up, howling, running into the crowd while rubbing the circular brand on his hairy bum.

I knelt beside Aedan. His purple eyelids were swollen shut, his face was a bloody mess, and his left shoulder drooped.  I feared his ribs were also broken by the way he clutched his side and the rapid rise and fall of his chest as he breathed through a wheeze. He literally got the shit kicked out of him by a half ton bull just to get me the poker. Talk about devotion. He might have been a man, but he had the heart of a loyal canine.