Delphi Complete Works of Anton Chekhov (Illustrated) (406 page)

REVUNOV. What? Who’s dull?
[To MOZGOVOY]
Young man! Now suppose the ship is lying by the wind, on the starboard tack, under full sail, and you’ve got to bring her before the wind. What’s the order? Well, first you whistle up above! He, he!

NUNIN. Fyodor Yakovlevitch, that’s enough. Eat something.

REVUNOV. As soon as the men are on deck you give the order, “To your places!” What a life! You give orders, and at the same time you’ve got to keep your eyes on the sailors, who run about like flashes of lightning and get the sails and braces right. And at last you can’t restrain yourself, and you shout, “Good children!”
[He chokes and coughs.]

A GROOMSMAN. [Making haste to use the ensuing pause to advantage] On this occasion, so to speak, on the day on which we have met together to honour our dear...

REVUNOV.
[Interrupting]
Yes, you’ve got to remember all that! For instance, “Hoist the topsail halyards. Lower the topsail gallants!”

THE GROOMSMAN.
[Annoyed]
Why does he keep on interrupting? We shan’t get through a single speech like that!

NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. We are dull people, your excellency, and don’t understand a word of all that, but if you were to tell us something appropriate...

REVUNOV.
[Not hearing]
I’ve already had supper, thank you. Did you say there was goose? Thanks... yes. I’ve remembered the old days.... It’s pleasant, young man! You sail on the sea, you have no worries, and
[In an excited tone of voice]
do you remember the joy of tacking? Is there a sailor who doesn’t glow at the memory of that manoeuvre? As soon as the word is given and the whistle blown and the crew begins to go up — it’s as if an electric spark has run through them all. From the captain to the cabin-boy, everybody’s excited.

ZMEYUKINA. How dull! How dull!
[General murmur.]

REVUNOV.
[Who has not heard it properly]
Thank you, I’ve had supper.
[With enthusiasm]
Everybody’s ready, and looks to the senior officer. He gives the command: “Stand by, gallants and topsail braces on the starboard side, main and counter-braces to port!” Everything’s done in a twinkling. Top-sheets and jib-sheets are pulled... taken to starboard.
[Stands up]
The ship takes the wind and at last the sails fill out. The senior officer orders, “To the braces,” and himself keeps his eye on the mainsail, and when at last this sail is filling out and the ship begins to turn, he yells at the top of his voice, “Let go the braces! Loose the main halyards!” Everything flies about, there’s a general confusion for a moment — and everything is done without an error. The ship has been tacked!

NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA.
[Exploding]
General, your manners.... You ought to be ashamed of yourself, at your age!

REVUNOV. Did you say sausage? No, I haven’t had any... thank you.

NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA.
[Loudly]
I say you ought to be ashamed of yourself at your age! General, your manners are awful!

NUNIN.
[Confused]
Ladies and gentlemen, is it worth it? Really...

REVUNOV. In the first place, I’m not a general, but a second-class naval captain, which, according to the table of precedence, corresponds to a lieutenant-colonel.

NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. If you’re not a general, then what did you go and take our money for? We never paid you money to behave like that!

REVUNOV.
[Upset]
What money?

NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. You know what money. You know that you got 25 roubles from Andrey Andreyevitch....
[To NUNIN]
And you look out, Andrey! I never asked you to hire a man like that!

NUNIN. There now... let it drop. Is it worth it?

REVUNOV. Paid... hired.... What is it?

APLOMBOV. Just let me ask you this. Did you receive 25 roubles from Andrey Andreyevitch?

REVUNOV. What 25 roubles?
[Suddenly realizing]
That’s what it is! Now I understand it all.... How mean! How mean!

APLOMBOV. Did you take the money?

REVUNOV. I haven’t taken any money! Get away from me!
[Leaves the table]
How mean! How low! To insult an old man, a sailor, an officer who has served long and faithfully! If you were decent people I could call somebody out, but what can I do now?
[Absently]
Where’s the door? Which way do I go? Waiter, show me the way out! Waiter!
[Going]
How mean! How low!
[Exit.]

NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. Andrey, where are those 25 roubles?

NUNIN. Is it worth while bothering about such trifles? What does it matter! Everybody’s happy here, and here you go....
[Shouts]
The health of the bride and bridegroom! A march! A march!
[The band plays a march]
The health of the bride and bridegroom!

ZMEYUKINA. I’m suffocating! Give me atmosphere! I’m suffocating with you all round me!

YATS.
[In a transport of delight]
My beauty! My beauty!
[Uproar.]

A GROOMSMAN. [Trying to shout everybody else down] Ladies and gentlemen! On this occasion, if I may say so...

Curtain.

A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS

Translated by S.S Koteliansky

Although this play was a failure on stage, Chekhov later returned to the material when writing
Uncle Vanya
, which went on to become one of his greatest successes in the theatre.
 
Therefore this very rare version of the play has been provided for the reader’s consideration.

Anton Checkov and Olga Knipper, his wife, on their honeymoon

CHARACTERS

ALEXANDER VLADIMIROVICH SEREBRYAKOV (A RETIRED PROFESSOR)

ELENA ANDREYEVNA (his wife, aged twenty-seven)

SOPHIE ALEXANDROVNA (SONYA) (the professor’s daughter, by his first marriage, aged twenty)

MARIE VASSILIEVNA VOYNITSKY (widow of a privy councillor,

the mother of the professor’s first wife)

GEORGE PETROVICH VOYNITSKY (her son)

LEONID STEPANOVICH ZHELTOUKHIN (a wealthy young man who has studied technology at the university)

YULIA STEPANOVNA (JULIE) (his sister, aged eighteen)

IVAN IVANOVICH ORLOVSKY (a landowner)

FYODOR IVANOVICH ORLOVSKY (his son)

MIKHAIL LVOVICH KHROUSCHOV (the Wood Demon) (a landowner

who holds the degree of doctor of medicine)

ILYA ILYICH DYADIN

VASSILI (ZHELTOUKHIN’S man-servant)

SEMYON (a labourer employed at DYADIN’S flour mill)

ACT I

The garden of ZHELTOUKHIN’S estate. The manor house with a terrace; in front of the house, on a platform, there are two tables; the large table is set for lunch; on the smaller table are placed zakouski (hors-d’oeuvres). Time: A little after two o’clock.

SCENE I

ZHELTOUKHIN
and
JULIE
come out of the house

JULIE: You’d better put on your grey suit. This one does not become you.

ZHELTOUKHIN: It doesn’t matter. Nonsense.

JULIE: Lennie dear, why are you so dull? How can you be like that on your birthday? You are naughty! . . .

(Laying her head on his chest.)

ZHELTOUKHIN:’ No sentiment, please!

JULIE (through tears): Lennie!

ZHELTOUKHIN: Instead of all these sour kisses, all these loving glances, and little shoes as watch-stands, which are no damned use to me, you’d better do what I ask you to do!

Why didn’t you write to the Serebryakovs?

JULIE: Lennie, but I did write!

ZHELTOUKHIN: Whom did you write to?

JULIE: I wrote to Sonya. I asked her to come to-day without fail, without fail at one o’clock. Honestly, I wrote to her!

ZHELTOUKHIN: And yet it is past two now, and they’re not here. Still, no matter! I don’t care! I must give it all up, nothing is to come of it... Only humiliations, and a rotten feeling, and nothing else... She doesn’t take the slightest interest in me. I’m not good-looking, I’m uninteresting,

there’s nothing romantic about me, and if she were to marry me, it could only be out of calculation ... for the sake of money!

JULIE: Not good-looking! . . . You’ve a wrong opinion of yourself.

ZHELTOUKHIN: Oh, yes, as if I were blind! My beard grown from there, from the neck, not as beards should grow. . . My moustache, damn it . . . and my nose . . .

JULIE: Why do you press your cheek?

ZHELTOUKHIN: It aches again under the eye.

JULIE: It is a tiny bit swollen. Let me kiss it, and it will go.

ZHELTOUKHIN: That’s silly!

ENTER ORLOVSKY AND VOYNITSKY.