Deliver Us (50 page)

Strong? Capable? Sane?

“’Cause it feels really fuckin’ good to let go, and give in, and see what he’s gonna do to me. But just because I’m the sub doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to get my Dom to do what I need him to do. It’s all mind games. But he loves me and knows me well enough to
get that
about me. Sometimes he wins the game, sometimes I win. But I trust him and love him enough to let him win sometimes. It’s not so scary, you know. Not when you’re with someone who would sooner throw himself in front of a bus than cause you real harm.”

He lets Gabriel go, but Gabriel doesn’t move. Not right away. He stays there, hands planted on the brick, eyes lowered.

“That’s what makes it different than being raped or assaulted. You give your
permission
, and it’s all done with
love
.”

Gabriel stays there, hearing Kyle recede another step.

“Look, I’ve gotta get back. Do you want me to tell Dare you stopped by?”

Nodding, Gabriel finally turns around. His head is bowed, and he looks more wrecked than Kyle’s ever seen him, even more so than that day after the incident with Micah.

Kyle is shocked silent when Gabriel cups his jaw with one hand and kisses him once, softly on the lips before turning and hurrying away down the alley.

“Hey.”

“Um, hey. What’s up?”

“Can I borrow something?”

“Like what?”

“Your vacuum bed.”

“Kinky.”

“Shut up, dude. Can I?”

“I guess. Should I bring it over, or do you want to use it here so that we can watch?”

“I’m gonna pretend that you’re joking.”

“Whatever gets you through the day, Gabe.”

“Yes, bring it over.”

“You know, they’re not that expensive, only about five hundred bucks. Or you can make your own. It’s not that hard. Even
I
could do it if I wanted to, so I know
you’d
be perfectly capable of....”

“It’s not something I think I’ll need to use more than once,” he interrupts.

“Whatever. Give me an hour. I’ll be there.”

“Thanks.”

Darrek is glad to be home. It’s only four o’clock in the afternoon, but the day had seemed long after getting word from Kyle that Gabriel had been by but hadn’t waited around for him to go on break. He wonders about the reason for the spontaneous visit and the odd look on Kyle’s face when he’d shared the news. All Darrek wants to do is throw open the truck’s driver’s side door and run into the house to seek Gabriel out, and ask him what’s up. He wants to feel him in his arms and pretend everything is okay. He wants to get a beer and relax, maybe out back while Sierra sniffs out the gopher holes in the yard.

Darrek is glad to be home, but he doesn’t do what he wants to do. He doesn’t get out of the truck and go inside. He just sits there, in the driveway, and waits for his enthusiasm to die down. Slowly, the urge to take Gabriel, hold him close, and kiss a smile onto his lips, fades back.

Getting himself under control, Darrek finally exits the vehicle and goes up to the front door. Putting himself in a submissive mindset before he’s even inside, Darrek zips his lips and bows his head, ready to be silent and obedient for his Master.

It didn’t used to be like this
, he thinks. It used to be about letting Gabriel make Darrek feel things he was too afraid to feel. It used to be about release. But now, all it feels like is tension and pain.

He shuts the door quietly behind him and sets down his bag, hangs up his keys.

“I’m home,” he calls out, leaving the formality of ‘sir’ or ‘Master’ implied but unspoken. The resignation is audible in his voice, however. Darrek wants Gabriel to hear that he’s not going to argue with him. Not tonight.

He hears footsteps on the stairs, descending them and approaching him where he stands. Automatically, Darrek’s hands link behind his back and he keeps his gaze fixed to the floor beneath his feet as he senses Gabriel getting nearer, smells his cologne faintly in the air.

Gabriel’s hand reaches up toward his face and Darrek closes his eyes. Fingers skim over his cheekbone, circle down around his chin, tilting it up.

“Do you know what a vacuum bed is? What it’s for?”

“No, sir.”

“It’s complete sensory deprivation. You lay flat inside an envelope of fourteen gauge latex rubber and get zipped inside. When the motor is switched on, it sucks all of the air out, pulling the latex tightly to your skin from head to toe like shrink wrap. You are blind and mute and all you can hear is the whir of the motor. You can’t move, can’t do anything. Your only connection with the world is the breathing tube in your mouth.

“Now, the one I have upstairs, and all set up, ready to go, is unique. There have been...
modifications
... to it. Because it’s more fun if
something
is left exposed to be played with.”

A hand cups Darrek’s cock inside his jeans, squeezing around it.

Sighing unevenly, imagining what it will be like to be inside such a device, the helplessness and vulnerability of being immobilized and desensitized while his master torments his genitals, Darrek struggles to find his voice again.

“Y-yes, sir. Whatever you’d like.”

Gabriel’s hands fall away, and Darrek feels him pull back, putting space between them.

There are a few moments when nothing happens, and because Darrek’s eyes are still closed, he doesn’t see the wide, glassy look to Gabriel’s darkly framed light gray eyes, or the way his whole body begins to tremble in something close to panic.

Then it’s Gabriel who can’t find his voice. He waits until he’s fairly sure it won’t break before speaking, saying, “Come up to the bedroom.”

Nodding, Darrek’s eyes peek open and he follows Gabriel’s turned back as they walk upstairs.

As he passes through the doorway, he catches a glimpse of the black framed structure on the bed’s mattress. What appears to be PVC is stretched in a rectangle within the latex bag, approximately the size of a twin bed.

His first thought is that he should get undressed and maybe take a shower before they get started, but he’s distracted by the realness and intimidating appearance of the device.

Gabriel’s voice startles him from his musings, and at first Darrek doesn’t notice the shift in his tone, the way his voice raises an octave and quivers on every other word.

“I thought it might be more comfortable on the bed instead of the floor. Not that I’d know how much of a comfort that’ll be. I’ve never been inside one of these before. They’re a really effective way to take all power away from someone, though. Really... uh... effective.”

Darrek ignores the dull ache in his heart and opens his mouth to ask if he should get undressed when he sees that Gabriel is shirtless and now undoing his pants as well.

“What are you... um... what would you like me to do?”

“Take a look at the motor. See if you understand how the controls work.”

Struck dumb, Darrek simply stares at Gabriel and sputters, “Um, why?”

“’Cause I won’t be able to answer any questions with the breathing tube down my throat, will I?”

Darrek literally recoils like he’s been slapped. Then Gabriel is stepping out of his pants and sliding his boxers down as well.

“No! Gabriel,
no
. I’m not gonna let you do this.”

He finds his feet and is next to Gabriel in a flash, holding his arms still and pulling his underwear back up.

“Dare, I
really
didn’t want to have a big talk about this beforehand, ’Cause I’ll probably chicken the hell out if I do.
Listen to me
. I trust you and I love you,
so much
sometimes that I feel like it’s tearing me in half....”

His voice breaks on the last few words and now Darrek can feel him shaking, can see the helpless look in his eyes.

“I need this from you. I need it, and I want to feel you, just you. Show me how good it can be. Show me, and hurt me, and torture me, and make me feel so fucking good like I know that you can until I can’t even take it anymore.”

“I will
never
hurt you, Gabriel,” Darrek hisses, wiping a stray tear away from his cheek as Gabriel kisses the side of his clenched jaw.

“I know, baby,” Gabriel says gently. “But you know there’s a difference between good pain and bad pain. I’m not afraid of good pain.”

Seeing Darrek’s gaze drifting over to the black latex again as he envisions having Gabriel under his power like that, Gabriel pulls off his boxers and kicks them away.

“Can’t I just hold you? I just want to hold you, Gabe. Let me make love to you and take some of this horrible shit away.”

“I can’t give you that yet,” he confesses. “My head is still so fucked up, and I’m done taking things out on you. This scares the hell out of me, but I can’t move forward without conquering that fear. If you do this for me, and show me that it’s not something to be afraid of, then maybe I won’t be so scared all the time. Please, Darrek? Do you want me to beg? Because I will, if that’s what it takes.”

No longer able to bear the wide-eyed, innocent terror in the face of someone usually so very strong and capable, Darrek folds Gabriel into his arms. Breathing him in and kissing his temple, Darrek murmurs, “Okay. I’ll do it. But this is going to change
everything
. You know that, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.”

“If you need me to stop, hum three times fast and then two times slow. Gabriel?”

Gabriel doesn’t respond, nor peel his eyes away from the ceiling. He doesn’t look down when he feels Darrek tug his dick and balls through the reinforced hole in the rubber sheet. He just hums once around the breathing tube already in place and waits to be zipped up.

Darrek frowns at the minimal response and leans down over him, getting in Gabriel’s face and kissing the bridge of his nose once. It gets him to meet Darrek’s eyes, and when Darrek says, “I promise you a
really
strong drink after this. Okay?” Gabriel laughs around the rubber tube.

It makes Darrek feel more confident. It’s time to get started.

And then Gabriel is being zipped up. The world is blacked out. The end of the tube is threaded through the small hole made for it, and he’s sealed inside. The motor begins to whir loudly, and the latex gets tighter and tighter around him, front and back. He tries to stay still, but his hands twitch and toes curl all on their own and his nervousness intensifies. But then it gets harder to move. Gabriel can’t even twitch.

He’s stuck. Hugging his eyelids, the arc of his nose, his nostrils, the necklace against his throat, in between each of his toes, the material feels poured onto him, more liquid than fabric. That’s when the wave of panic grips him, and his breathing comes fast and harsh through the rubber tube pursed between his lips. His heartbeat pounding under every inch of his skin, he focuses on trying to calm down and relax. It helps when he feels hands—Darrek’s big hands—stroking down his body, tracing every line and curve.

When those hands fondle his exposed flesh, Gabriel knows instantly how hard he already is, and fights not to be embarrassed by that.

The touches are gentle at first. What feels like the edge of Darrek’s thumbnail traces down the center of the underside of his dick, scratching lightly over skin and the pulsing vein. It traces back up to the crown and scratches over the head, wriggling into the wet slit until Gabriel feels his dick jump in Darrek’s hand and
god
he’s so close already and they’ve only just started.