Delayed Penalty: A Pilots Hockey Novel (27 page)

“Shit.” I bent down to grab it. “Sorry, KK.”

“I have an anti-destructo case. We’re good. What happened?” Kristen asked.

I covered my eyes with my hands and shook my head, my shoulders shaking.

“Oh, Aud.” Kristen scooted closer and wrapped her arms around me. I was still shaking when she brought my head into her lap and stroked my hair. She dropped her voice to a soothing tone. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” I said between sniffles and gulps of air. “It’s over.”

“Don’t say that.”

“He was with another girl. I heard her.”

Just then there was a knock on the door, and I suddenly remembered asking my brother to hang out tonight.

“That’s Jay.” I wiped at my eyes again.

“I got it,” Kristen said, unraveling herself from me.

“I brought popcorn and one of those sappy movies you girls seem to like.” Jason greeted us, holding out a huge bucket of popcorn straight from the movie theater. The gigantic grin on his face dissolved when he saw me. “What happened?”

“Chick flick is out. Did you bring the one about the jackass ex?” Kristen asked, moving aside so Jason could slide by.

“Where they realize it was a misunderstanding, get back together, and live happily ever after?” Jason asked, a hopeful smile on his lips, taking Kristen’s seat next to me on the couch.

I shook my head and rubbed my forehead, hoping to ease my mind and stop the tears. I didn’t want Jason to see me as a sobbing mess of a person.

“Who answered?” Kristen went straight back to our conversation as she walked to the kitchen.

“Gribov.” I took the bucket from Jason’s hands and inhaled the buttery fragrance. “He said horrible things. True things.”

“That ass-hat? He’s been trying to break you and Aleksandr up since before you were together. You remember what he said at the arena, right?” Kristen came back with a bowl and scooped up some of the popcorn. Then she took a seat on the floor at my feet.

“I know.” I nodded. “I know Gribov is a fucking jerk, but he’s right. I’m the one who wrote that stupid poem. I’m the selfish one. I’m the one who messed everything up.”

“What poem?” Jason asked, digging the bowl Kristen had brought him into the popcorn bucket.

Jason wasn’t caught up on everything that had happened with Aleksandr. I’d asked him over for some brother and sister bonding time, since I hadn’t seen him in a while, except for a few lunches at the diner.

“After I found out I was his translator, I wrote a poem as an outlet for the feelings I was having being attracted to him, but knowing nothing could come out of it because he was my client. He found it, and I had to admit I’d written it about him. He didn’t believe me.”

“That sucks,” Jason said. “He’s got to understand it was old. You explained it to him, right?”

I shook my head. “Haven’t had a chance. He won’t answer my calls. I just called him from Kristen’s phone. It didn’t go well.”

“Because Pavel Gribov is acting as his personal answering machine,” Kristen said.

“Gribov is a prick. He’s so jealous of Aleksandr it’s ridiculous.” Jason shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“How so?” I asked. Pavel Gribov had been one of the better players on the Pilots and had taken those skills into the NHL. He’d already had three goals and an assist. Aleksandr had yet to score, but had gotten two assists so far.

“Beating Aleksandr is a personal challenge for him. Aleksandr was the better player when they were in Russia. When they were drafted, Aleksandr went in the second round, Gribov didn’t go until the fifth. Aleksandr was the Pilots leading scorer and assistant captain. And Aleksandr always got more”—Jason stopped midsentence—“attention.”

“Female attention?” I asked. Jason’s pause hadn’t fooled me. I knew Aleksandr had plenty of that before we met.

“Enough with the stupid jealous crap, Aud,” Kristen chastised. “You with the bunnies and him with the band. Both of you are so scared of being with someone, you both sabotaged it.”

“Right, but he was with someone else, and I’ll never go back to him. He knows how I feel about cheating.”

“I haven’t known him long, but he and Landon are really good friends, and I know that he is seriously in love with you. I can’t believe he would cheat on you.”

“Technically, he wasn’t even cheating since you guys broke up,” Kristen said.

I held up a hand and swallowed a sob. “I love you, KK, but I’m not in the mood for technicalities right now. If it’s that easy to be with someone a week after we broke up, I’m better off without him.”

Kristen nodded, but wouldn’t relent. “You’re right. I mean, you don’t want a relationship with a guy who leaves the bar to drive you home, and then climbs in your window to make sure you’re alive. Someone who happily accepted a punishment from your mean-ass grandfather for hurting your feelings. Someone who loves you enough not to replace the necklace you wear that belonged to your mom, but to add to it so you wouldn’t have to take off something that means so much to you. And you,
for sure,
don’t want to be with a guy who gets pissed because you originally thought of him as just a fuck and not relationship material. I would definitely throw away a guy like that. Especially over a stupid poem.”

“It was stupid. Really badly written.” I nodded. Ignoring all the excellent points she’d made. Why was I the type of person who dwelled on the negative? Four out of five dentists recommend Trident gum. Why did I believe the one who didn’t?

“Auden.” Kristen lowered her head, scrunched her eyebrows so they pointed down in the middle, and looked up so only the bottom of her irises showed. I call it her evil face because it’s so creepy.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space
creepy.

“I don’t know how to fix things, KK. I just know how to run away.”

“This might be the time to learn.” She pretended she was getting up. “Want me to go get my Barbie tool kit?”

“ ‘Barbie tool kit’?” Jason asked.

I laughed, thinking about the pink toolbox she’d busted out on the first day we met in our freshman dorm.

“Her toolbox and all the tools in it are pink. No joke.”

“I believe that.” Jason nodded, taking in Kristen’s outfit: a hot pink Under Armor jacket and black yoga pants with matching pink stripes down the sides.

“Aleksandr won’t answer my calls. Gribov has him convinced I’m a selfish tramp who’s sleeping with all my bandmates. So what do I do?”

“What do they say? If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it’s meant to be?” Jason asked.

“Guess the poetry gene runs in the family,” Kristen said.

“I didn’t mean for it to rhyme. It just came out that way.” Jason threw a handful of popcorn at her.

“Hey!” I wrapped my arms around the bucket and held it away from Jason. “Don’t waste. This is the good stuff.”

I never thought I’d be laughing after realizing I’d just lost the love of my life. Then again, I never thought I’d be sitting in my apartment eating popcorn and talking about relationships with a brother.

“Should I put this movie in now?” Jason held up the chick flick he’d brought with him.

“No offense, but we need a man-hater movie. Let me check my stash.” Kristen jumped up and ran to her room.

“Hey, Auden,” Jason said quickly.

“Yeah?”

“I just, thank you.” He chuckled. “It means a lot to me to hang out with you.” He paused and lifted his eyes to meet mine. “It’s funny how life works out sometimes. I never had a desire to know my biological family, now I couldn’t imagine life without you.”

Tears filled my eyes. Just as I was closing the door on the man who I thought would be my family, in walked my brother, who in just a few short weeks, already was family.

Funny how life works, indeed.

Chapter 26

“What’cha doing?” Kristen asked, sliding a lemonade across the table to me and setting down a drink and a small salad for herself. She had just finished up her shift at Peak City. I’d come over straight from band practice to wait for her shift to end.

“Thanks.” I shoved my empty glass to the side and pulled the new one closer. “I’m trying to write a letter to my grandparents.” I looked up with heavy eyes. “It’s for an assignment, but instead of making up some bullshit thing, I wanted to use real life.”

“You’re the only person I know who puts any thought into their assignments.”

“It’s kind of a requirement for my major.” Which was somewhat true. Most people could take themselves out of the equation. Though my ultimate goal was to help others, especially children affected by a traumatic event, I sometimes wondered if I chose to major in social work as a way to heal myself. Probably should have picked psychology.

“What’s got you stumped?”

“Can’t think of the right thing to write.”

“You’re speaking to them now, aren’t you?”

“Um.” I sunk my teeth into a roll, then pointed to my mouth and shrugged. The old can’t-talk-when-I’m-chewing excuse.

“Can I be honest with you without you pushing me away and never talking to me again?”

I nodded, though my stomach lurched in preparation of what she’d say. So far, only Aleksandr and Kristen could call me out without me blowing up. So far.

“Seriously?” She stabbed a piece of lettuce with her fork. I felt bad for the poor iceberg leaf, but was glad it hadn’t been my hand.

I nodded again, the dry roll scraping my throat as I tried to swallow the large chunk I’d bitten off.

“You should write an apology for being such a jerk to them about this Jason thing.”

“What?”

“Look, I agree with you to an extent. How they handled it was shitty. I get that you’re hurt and upset, but you can’t push them away and pretend like you can live without them. Because you can’t. They are your rock. Your tie to family. Your everything. And, not to be morbid, but they won’t be around for much longer. So get over it.” She shoved a forkful of salad into her mouth as if emphasizing her point.

“I don’t know how.”

“Don’t know how to apologize?” She hadn’t finished swallowing before spewing her irritated interjection, and bits of lettuce sprayed onto the table. She brushed her hand across it. “Sorry.”

“I don’t know how to start. I’ve been a jerk since they first took me in,” I admitted before taking a sip of lemonade.

“Well, that’s understandable, considering what happened, Aud,” she told me, her tone softening.

“Yeah, but I was totally two-faced. I was this good student who never got into trouble and would go out of my way to help everyone at school, and then turned into Medusa when I came home. I felt like my grandparents ignored everything I felt when I tried to talk about it. Everything they did ticked me off.”

“I’m sure they were just trying to make life as normal for you as possible. I can’t imagine it was easy to raise you when they were still grieving their daughter. There have been thousands of parenting books written, but I doubt there were any books on how to raise you.” Kristen smiled, but it was hollow and sad. “I’m sure they were trying to do the best they could with the resources they had, you know?”

“How could I have never thought about that before?” I asked, rubbing my eyes with my fingers.

My heart ached for my grandparents in a way it never had before. I was selfish. So wrapped up in my anger about growing up without my mother that I never stopped to think about how it affected them.

That they hadn’t been able to protect my mother must haunt them every day. All the time and effort they’d spent as parents worrying and sheltering their daughter when she was young didn’t stop her from being murdered. It was suddenly easy to understand why they were excessively protective of me.

Why hadn’t they learned? Worrying hadn’t made a difference. They couldn’t stop it. All their protective intentions couldn’t save her. Or me.

“Because you were a child. Children are selfish. Teenagers are selfish. The world revolves around them, right?” Kristen smiled again at me, shaking her head. “We all thought that way, not just you. You’re pretty mature, but you were still a child, Auden.”

“I should have realized. Should have given them a break.” I pulled my glass back to my lips to cover the fact that my eyes were filling with tears. “I was such a complete jerk to them.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You wouldn’t have realized any of this at the time. You can’t see the full picture until you’ve taken a step back and looked at it from the outside.”

“It makes so much sense.” I marked a huge
X
through the superficial words I’d written. I couldn’t work on it now. I’d have to figure it out once I got a handle on the emotions flooding me.

“And just think, you still have time to make it right.”

“Thanks,” I told her, closing my notebook and shoving it in my bag.

“What else can I solve for you? World peace? Global warming? I’m on a roll.” Kristen held up her drink, and I clinked my glass with hers.

“I’ll let you decide where we’re going out tonight.”

“How about tomorrow? Tonight you’re going to Detroit.”

Chapter 27

Face-planting was not how I usually started my days. Evidently I was so startled by the loud rapping on my door, and disoriented by my surroundings, that I’d rolled right off my bed. I lifted my head and wiped the drool off the side of my mouth, before realizing I had fallen onto the familiar hardwood floor of my childhood bedroom.

When I’d arrived at my grandparents’ house last night, they hadn’t been home, which was odd, because they didn’t have a very active social life. I waited up until eleven p.m. before I’d wandered into my old room and collapsed.

Reluctantly, I got to my knees and lifted myself up. When I opened the door, Grandpa stood in front of me with a sandy brown shoe box in his hand. I stepped aside, and he swept past me. He looked around my room before taking a seat on my bed. I couldn’t remember the last time Grandpa was in my room. Standing in the doorway, a hundred times, but in my room? Not since I was a child.

He patted the bed next to him, and I sat down. He seemed calm. At least I wasn’t getting yelled at—or smacked.

Grandpa removed the lid of the box and pulled out a picture. My mom stood behind a microphone on a stage at Our Lady of the Lakes High School, the place we’d both attended. The wall behind her was blurred out since she was the focal point of the picture, but I could make out a banner, balloons, and streamers.