Defying Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC Series Book 3) (6 page)

Everything and everyone is getting to me. I hate how Louie hovers, I hate how everyone pretends like nothing happened, I hate how close everyone is, but I especially hate how much I hate myself and the life I have. I just wish it would all go away. I just want to fade into the background and not be anywhere anymore.

The bell over the shop door brings me out of my thoughts. I’ve been working a few hours here and there at the shop, doing my old job, but I have to share my hours and duties with Sara. It bothers me more than I know it should, but it’s like I’ve been replaced by Sara. And I hate her for it.

“Hey, Low, how are you doing?” Sara asks in her happy, sing-song voice. How the fuck can anyone be that happy? I mean, really.

“Fine,” I say, hoping she moves the fuck on fast instead of trying to talk to me more.

“Okay then, well, good. Maybe I won’t have such a busy night then and I can get that inventory done for Dani,” she says with a smile.

Her statement has me looking up at her in confusion. “You’re here to work?” I ask in an angry voice, though I do try to hide it. Okay, that’s a lie. I don’t care if she sees it.

Why can’t she just back off now that I’m back? I mean, it’s not like she really needs to work since she has Toby to take care of her. Me, I have no one to spend my spare time with or a man to support me. Not like I’d want that, but still. She has everything, while I have nothing. Zilch. Zero. Diddly-fucking-squat.

“Oh, ah, yeah, I thought it was my night to work,” she starts, and by the ongoing look of anger on my face, she starts to back up and stutter. “B-but, ah, i-if you would r-rather work it, t-that’s, I’m mean, I’m g-good with that. I can just go home.”

Standing up too fast that the chair practically slams into the wall behind me, I grab my things. “Forget it. I’ll just grab my shit and be gone,” I say with venom that shouldn’t be directed at her, but it is. And she can sense it considering she looks like she could cry.

If I had a heart, I’d care that I hurt her feelings. But it’s dead. Like everything else in my life.

Just then, Louie walks in the room and takes one look at Sara and rushes over. “Sar-Bear, you all right? What happened?” he asks, crouching a little so he can look her in the eyes, then glances over at me with a look of anger of his own.

“We got a problem here?” he grits out.

I don’t wait for Sara to comment, I just stand up and grab my things. “Nope, no problem, boss. Sara here is my replacement; in
all
areas, it seems.”

I hear Sara’s breath hitch and can practically feel the anger and frustration coming off of Louie in waves, but I ignore it all and walk right out the front door. No sense in going up to the apartment, it’s not mine anyway. It was once Dani’s before she found purpose and people to love her and take care of her. Then it was Sara’s, until she found the same thing. But it was never mine, and never will be.

Hailing a cab, I jump in and tell the driver to just drive, but don’t miss seeing Louie out of the corner of my eye storm out of the shop and rush over to the cab right before we drive away.

I should just have him take me to the nearest bus station or drive until he’s out of gas, but I know I won’t do that. What can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment. I live for the pain, it seems. Not like there is anything else in this life to live for. At least being here, I can make people feel
some
of the pain and anger I feel daily. It’s the little things, right?

Chapter 5

Louie

I have no idea what is going through Harlow’s fucking head anymore. Sometimes, it seems like she’s her old self again, smiling and talking with Dani and I, and then it’s like someone hits a switch and she turns into this raging bitch who couldn’t care less about the people around her. The people who fucking care about her, who are there for her if she would just give us the chance, if she would just talk to us and tell us what happened to her. We all know something happened, there was a reason why she left in the first place, but there’s more.

And that shit that she just pulled with Sara is whacked. She’s fucking lucky Toby wasn’t here to see how Harlow just treated her. Granted, I know she must feel weird around Sara, not knowing her and all, and I’m sure it’s an adjustment to be back and have to share a job that was solely hers in the first place, but what the hell does she expect? She’s the one that fucking up and left without so much as a “fuck you” or “kiss my ass.” Doesn’t she know that if she would have just told us why she had to leave or what was going on, that we would have stood beside her every step of the way? That we would have helped her?

“Did I do something wrong?” Sara whispers almost to herself.

Walking up to her, I pull her into a hug. She’s been through so much, she’s been hurt so badly, and it kills me to know that I was one of the people who did that to her. I may not have been the worst or the main cause of her pain, but I was a part of it. The things I said, how I acted, I know it cut her deep. But I’d also like to think that we’ve come a long way since then too. She’s one of my best friends now, like a sister to me.

“No. You didn’t do anything wrong. Harlow is just in a bad place right now. She’s hurting and the only thing that probably makes her feel even a sliver better, is to make others feel as miserable as she does. I’m sorry she acted that way toward you, Sara, but I promise, she didn’t mean it personally,” I say as I hold her, hoping I’m not telling a lie.

I shouldn’t promise that, especially since I have no idea what is going through Harlow’s head right now, but deep down, I know Harlow doesn’t mean anything by it. She really is just in pain and she’s acting out. Fuck, I know that feeling better than most. I
lived
it. Breathed it for the longest time. I just need to bring her out of it, get her to talk to me, tell me what’s going on or what happened. I can help her, I know I can. She just has to let me.

“Do you love her?” Sara asks as she pulls back and looks me in the eyes with tears in hers.

Her question throws me off for a minute.
Love
? Do I love Harlow? No, I don’t think so. I care about her and feel for her what I’ve never felt for anyone, even Dani, but I don’t love her. You can’t love someone who isn’t around, someone who leaves you and hurts you in ways that you can’t even describe.

Sara must see my thoughts painted all over my face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”

She tries to pull away, but instead, I pull her into one last hug. “You never have to apologize to me, Sar-Bear. It’s just, before she left, things were good. Like, real good. I was starting to feel like I wasn’t alone in this world anymore. I mean, I know I have the club and all my brothers, and Dani even, but sometimes, I still felt alone. But when she started working here, it was like none of that mattered, or maybe all those feelings just disappeared, I don’t know. But then things got complicated, and before I could figure it out or fix it, she left. She just walked away from all of us, with just a note saying she didn’t know if or when she’d be back. No explanations, no goodbyes. Just
gone
.”

I think back to the way it made me feel when I saw that note. I remember thinking that it was no big deal, that maybe she just needed some time and would be back. Maybe not the next day or the next week, but she’d be back soon. But
soon
never came.

“And now she’s back and instead of feeling like all is right in the world, I feel like there’s still this dark hole inside me. What if what I was feeling before she left wasn’t real? What if it was just a cover? And this, this feeling of darkness, is the real me? I’ve always been dark, and when she was here, it was like I finally had this light shined on me. I’m sure you’ve heard all about Dani and me, and even if you didn’t, there’s no need to rehash it now, but I didn’t even feel that way with her. So, what if that light, that
good
feeling I had, was just a joke…a lie? I mean, if it wasn’t, shouldn’t I have that light back now that Harlow is here again?”

I hate having all these questions, all these unanswered what ifs or whys. I’ve never been the type of guy to question things or feelings. I just went with what I was feeling and let it take hold of me. But now…now I just feel lost. And angry.

Shaking my head of those thoughts, I look back at Sara. “So you asked if I loved Harlow. She’s inside of me, that’s for sure, but it’s not love.”

***

It’s been a week of pure hell. Things have not gotten better with Harlow; they are getting worse it seems like every second of every day. It’s feels like a race to see who the fuck is gonna snap first: me, Dani, Blaze, Toby, or Harlow. Everyone is at their breaking point. Me, because I have no idea what the fuck is going on with her and I’m pissed that she’s keeping me out. She barely even fucking talks to me these days, unless it’s one word answers, and even then you can tell she’d rather cut her own tongue out if it meant she wouldn’t have to talk to me. And let’s not forget the anger that never used to be there. She’s venomous to everyone around her, even the customers. I can’t figure out what happened to make her this way.

Dani, surprisingly, has been the most patient with her. I don’t know if maybe Harlow has told her something, anything, for Dani to be so lenient about her actions. Shit, if you saw the way Dani was a few years ago and the way she is now, you would think that she had a twin because it’s like night and fucking day. She doesn’t yell or get upset with Harlow for any reason. She always says that it’s okay and she just needs to get used to things or that we have to understand that she obviously went through something and we just have to give her time. Fuck that noise, I say.

Blaze, if it weren’t for Dani, would have probably gone ape shit crazy on Harlow by now. But instead, Dani just tells him to take a walk or to go into her office. The past couple of days, as soon as she sees one or the other coming into the same room, she rushes Blaze out of there before either of them can say anything. She knows he’s had enough. Fuck, I think she knows we’ve all had enough, but we don’t know how to get through to Harlow. We don’t know what we need to do to get the old her back, or at least have her talk to us about what’s going on.

Toby was patient the first few days, but the more he saw the cold shoulder that Harlow was giving his wife, he was done. Now, whenever Harlow is in the same room with him, he just glares and then walks out. And if Sara is in the room, he makes sure that he drags her along with, though she never fights him. It’s wearing her down the way Harlow is treating her, but like Dani, she thinks it will all pass and she’s too fucking understanding. She said that she knows what it’s like and after some time, things will go back to normal. Again, fuck that.

And then there is Harlow herself. She doesn’t talk to anyone unless she has to. She snaps or barks at people, including customers, when she does talk. Sometimes, I even feel like she’s baiting us to see how far she can push until we finally do snap. I don’t know what she thinks will happen if she does succeed in that, though. Does she think we’ll just tell her to fuck off and leave again? That we don’t want her around? If that’s what she thinks, she’s fucked in the head. Maybe it’s time for some tough love. I don’t know but something has to give. And finally, the day comes when it does.

Sitting at my desk, I’m going over my schedule and list of clients and what they want done for the next week. I like to figure out what needs to be sketched out beforehand or what I need to make sure I’m prepared for each client and job.

I have a guy that wants a black panther that looks like it’s climbing on his ribs, around his side, and up onto his back. Now, I’m a great fucking tattoo artist, but my style is a little different. But Dani, on the other hand, can be very versatile with every style of tattooing, so I think it may be a good idea to get her opinion and possibly even some coaching on this one. I know this guy wants it as lifelike as possible, so I need to be on my game and make sure to cover my ass on every angle.

“Dani,” I yell, hoping she’s not with a customer, but knowing even if she is, they won’t care. Our clients are great like that. We are professional in all the areas we need to be, but we still like to keep a very, I don’t know,
homey
feel to the shop. We treat all of our clients like our friends, like family. Even if that means joking around and fucking off around them. They love it, and it makes things easier on those that work here too.

A few minutes pass, and Dani still hasn’t answered me, so I decide to get her here another way—pissing her off, one of my favorite things to do to her.

“Dani! Stop fucking your old man in the storage closet and get your ass over here.” There, that ought to piss her off
and
get her to come here. Though, she may not be as willing to help me out now, but I’ll deal. I’ll just play the “clients deserve the best, so they come to the best” card with her. Gets her every time.

Not even three seconds pass before I hear her kick something and storm in my direction, cussing me out the whole way.
This is gonna be fun!

She comes storming into my room, and the second she sees the shit-eating smile on my face, she gets even more pissed! It’s a hilarious sight, but scary too. I’m man enough to admit a pissed off Dani scares me.

“What’s up, buttercup?” I say in a sugar sweet voice, hoping to annoy her more. I don’t know why I push her buttons, but I do. I just can’t help myself sometimes.

With her face red with rage and her eyes blazing with mirth, I realize I love this girl. I love her in a way a person loves their best friend, in a way that a brother loves a sister, in a way that I never want to see her hurt but always happy. I already knew I cared about Dani, but after everything that went down between us I guess I was afraid to admit I loved her, for fear that no one would get that it was a different kind of love, myself included. But now I see the difference. You can love someone you aren’t
in
love with, and that’s okay.

Before she can say anything to ruin my revelation, I get up and grab her up into a crushing hug, no longer afraid to show or tell her how I feel. “I love you, Dani Girl,” I say into her hair.

Instantly, I feel her deflate before she wraps her arms around me too, squeezing me tight. “I love you too,” she answers back, tears evident in her voice.

“Oh, you have
got
to be fucking kidding me,” I hear from the doorway.

Letting go of Dani, we both turn to see Harlow standing there, looking at us both with confusion, anger, and unmistakable pain in her eyes, but she quickly covers the hurt with contempt.

“Harlow, what are you doing here? You aren’t scheduled to work today,” Dani says in answer, which was the wrong thing to say, and she knows it too when she watches the rest of Harlow’s sanity leave her eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I interrupt something by showing up unexpectedly? I didn’t realize I couldn’t come here on my day off, but I see now why you wouldn’t want me here,” Harlow says to both of us, but then she directs her gaze solely on Dani. “So tell me, how does it feel to have all the brothers slaving for you?”

“Harlow, I don’t know what you think is going on here, but you’re wrong. And of course you can come by on your day off. What is the matter with you? Ever since you came back, you’ve been off your rocker,” Dani says while keeping her calm. I think she’s finally had enough too, or maybe this time Harlow has gone too far.

“Off my rocker, huh? Didn’t know you were keeping such close tabs on me and how I’ve been acting. But I’m sure you have your reasons,” Harlow says as she looks back and forth between me and Dani.

I step forward to put myself between the two women, knowing this is about to get outta hand and fast, but Dani puts her hand on my shoulder, stopping me. And of course, Harlow zones in on that one touch.

“Oh, I get it now. It wasn’t enough that you fucked him once, you had to come back for more, am I right? Or,
maybe
, Blaze isn’t giving it to you like he used to anymore. Having kids must put a huge strain on your sex life, huh? So since you aren’t getting it enough from
your man
, you have to get your rocks off elsewhere, so you come to the good ol’ dependable Louie. Isn’t that what you called him, Dani—dependable?”

Harlow barely finishes that sentence before Dani quickly steps up to her and slaps her, hard, across the face. The force of the hit causes Harlow’s face to jerk to the side, and her whole body goes with it.

Dani moved so fast I didn’t even see it coming, so I’m sure Harlow was surprised as fuck. And holy shit, that slap must have hurt like a bitch, my ears are ringing from the sound of it alone.