Defy the Stars
Also by Sophie McKenzie
SPLIT SECOND
FALLING FAST
BURNING BRIGHT
CASTING SHADOWS
GIRL, MISSING
SISTER, MISSING
MISSING ME
BLOOD TIES
BLOOD RANSOM
SIX STEPS TO A GIRL
THREE’S A CROWD
THE ONE AND ONLY
THE MEDUSA PROJECT 1:
THE SET-UP
THE MEDUSA PROJECT 2:
THE HOSTAGE
THE MEDUSA PROJECT WORLD BOOK DAY SPECIAL:
THE THIEF
THE MEDUSA PROJECT 3:
THE RESCUE
THE MEDUSA PROJECT 4:
HUNTED
THE MEDUSA PROJECT 5:
DOUBLE-CROSS
THE MEDUSA PROJECT 6:
HIT SQUAD
Acknowledgements
: with thanks to Moira Young, Gaby Halberstam, Julie Mackenzie, Melanie Edge and Lou Kuenzler.
First published in Great Britain in 2014 by Simon and Schuster UK Ltd,
a CBS company
Copyright © 2014 Rosefire Ltd
Lyrics from ‘The Power of Love’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood appear by kind permission of Perfect Songs. © 1984. All rights reserved.
This book is copyright under the Berne Convention.
No reproduction without permission.
All rights reserved.
The right of Sophie McKenzie to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents
Act, 1988.
Simon & Schuster UK Ltd
1st Floor, 222 Gray’s Inn Road, London, WC1X 8HB
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to
actual people living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
PB ISBN: 978-0-85707-105-7
EBOOK ISBN 978-0-85707-106-4
Printed and bound by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon, CR0 4YY
www.simonandschuster.co.uk
www.simonandschuster.com.au
In memory of Nancy, Celia and Monica and the stories they told.
Is it even so? then I defy you, stars!
Romeo and Juliet
(Act 5, Scene 1)
1
Dad woke me in the middle of the night.
I opened my eyes to find his weather-beaten face looming anxiously over mine. The room was dark, though a faint light crept in through the open window.
‘River?’
I blinked, bleary-eyed, at him. ‘What time is it? What’s wrong?’
‘Just gone four,’ he said. ‘I need your help.’
I sat up, suddenly afraid. ‘What’s the matter? Is it Gemma?’
Dad’s girlfriend Gemma was pregnant, though her baby wasn’t due for another six weeks.
‘No, Gemma’s fine. I just don’t want to wake her. It’s that last Jacob sheep. She’s been in labour for the past hour. The generator’s gone down and I need you
to bring out some lamps. I’ve got to go straight back. Okay?’
‘Sure. I’ll be right there.’
Dad vanished. I sat in bed for a second, psyching myself up for the dash out from under the covers to get my clothes. It was always cold in the commune at night, even when the daytimes were
sunny.
I took a deep breath and threw back the covers. The air nipped at my arms and feet as I pulled on sweatpants over my pyjamas, plus two pairs of socks, a fleece and a jumper. Downstairs I slipped
on my boots and one of Dad’s woolly hats which was lying on the kitchen table. Not exactly a glamorous look, I thought, as I fetched the three hurricane lamps from their cupboard by the back
door.
I tried to make an effort at sixth form college, remembering to put on earrings and a bit of make-up before I headed off each day. I did that to show people – especially Dad – that I
was fully over my relationship with Flynn. It had ended last year when Flynn found out about a meaningless, two-second kiss I’d had ages before with his best friend, James.
I had only seen Flynn once since then – a few weeks later – when he’d sought me out for a few minutes to apologise for the way he’d vanished so angrily. Up until that
point I’d done nothing but hate myself, but afterwards I started to move on.
That was seventeen weeks, two days and three-and-a-half hours ago.
I filled the three hurricane lanterns with paraffin, lit them and headed out to the barn. The pre-dawn air was damp and cold, the grass at my feet glistening with dew. The barn was in virtual
darkness when I arrived, just Dad’s torch sending flickering shadows across the walls. The sheep was on her side, her belly twitching as the lamb inside moved. Dad was stroking her flank,
murmuring softly.
‘Come on, girl, you can do it.’ He looked up as I walked in. ‘I think she’s close, Riv. The miracle of birth in our own barn, eh?’
I rolled my eyes. Dad had always been a bit of a romantic hippy about stuff like birth and the cycle of life. He was in his element on the commune. Over the past year I had grown to like it too,
though I definitely didn’t see myself living here forever. I didn’t have strong feelings about where I would go or what I would do. But then, I didn’t feel strongly about
anything. Since Flynn had gone, nothing seemed to touch me in quite the same way any more.
‘Put the lamps over there,’ Dad said.
I placed the lanterns carefully, then squatted down next to him. The minutes ticked away. The sky outside was shot through with pink now, but still no lamb, although the sheep was clearly
getting more and more uncomfortable.
‘I think we’re going to have to give her a bit of a hand,’ Dad said.
I held the sheep steady while Dad felt for the lamb. He talked the whole time. When he wasn’t soothing the sheep, he was exclaiming about how amazing it was to witness birth like this. We
kept about fifteen sheep on the commune and so far this season only two others had needed help delivering their lambs.
There were tears in Dad’s eyes as he pulled the latest newborn free by her legs. ‘Wow,’ he said. ‘It never stops being miraculous, does it?’
I bent down to free some of the gloop around the tiny lamb’s mouth, then rubbed it vigorously with a handful of hay.
‘Never stops being messy,’ I said with a grunt.
Dad sighed. ‘You should get up to the house, River. I can finish here.’
I stared down at the baby. The first time I’d seen a newborn I’d been shocked by how ugly it was – nothing like the frisky white lambs you see bouncing around in fields. I knew
that it
was
amazing to witness a birth, so why couldn’t I
feel
that it was amazing? All I had felt for months, it seemed, was a dull ache in my chest. I wasn’t unhappy
any longer – I’d accepted Flynn wasn’t coming back – I just couldn’t seem to get really excited about anything either. Still, maybe that was what most people’s
lives were like, maybe this was normal.
‘Isn’t there a second lamb?’ I asked.
Dad shook his head. ‘Nah, just the one this time. It’s her first.’ He sighed. ‘Like it will be for Gemma soon.’
I sat back and yawned. ‘Well I hope you don’t have to pull my little brother or sister out by the legs.’
‘River!’
Dad grinned.
We sat, watching, as the sheep nuzzled at the baby and the little lamb started moving. It was properly light outside now. I could see the sun rising in the blue sky. It was going to be another
beautiful day.
I stood up and stretched.
‘Go on, go back to bed,’ Dad said. ‘You’ve got sixth form in the morning. Those exams coming up.’
I snorted. ‘Dad, it
is
morning.’
Dad checked his watch. ‘
Goodness,
it’s nearly half past six.’ He glanced at me, a guilty shadow flitting across his face. ‘I’m sorry, River,
I—’
‘It’s fine, Dad,’ I said. ‘I’ve got three private study periods today. I can take it easy.’
‘Good.’ Dad gave me a hug. He was yawning himself now.
‘Is everything okay?’ It was Leo. He was standing in the barn doorway, a slight figure casting a long thin shadow over the hay.
‘Yup,’ Dad said proudly. ‘One lamb, safely delivered. Come see.’
The three of us stood looking down at the lamb which was now struggling to its feet. Leo was already dressed in his clothes for college – black trousers and a long-sleeved top under a
cotton jacket. He’d obviously just showered as his fine blond hair was still wet.
‘Wow, that’s brilliant,’ Leo said.
Dad beamed at him.
‘Er, I’m making toast in the kitchen,’ Leo went on.
‘Excellent.’ Dad rubbed his hands together. ‘River, you go on ahead. I just want to make sure everything’s okay here.’
Leo and I walked up to the main commune building in a companionable silence. Leo was, at this stage, pretty much my best friend and in the same year as me at the local sixth form college.
‘Dad’s talking about moving out of the commune,’ Leo said, jolting me out of my reverie.
‘What?’ I turned to him, shocked. ‘Why?’
‘He and Ros want to move in together,’ Leo explained. ‘They’re talking about leaving the commune, going to another part of the country to live.’
‘Really?’ I was surprised. Ros, another member of the commune, had got together with Leo’s dad last year. They’d been sickeningly into each other ever since, but Ros had
always been adamant she would never live ‘in patriarchal monogamy’ with a man after her previous series of disastrous relationships. ‘How d’you feel about that?’ I
asked.
Leo shrugged. I was guessing it was hard for him to see his dad with someone else. His mum died just a couple of years ago and I knew Leo missed her a lot. I followed Leo into the commune
kitchen. It was empty, though the smell of toast wafted deliciously towards us. I headed for the sink and filled the kettle with water.
‘How I feel about it depends on you,’ Leo said.
I stopped, my hand on the kettle. Leo and I had grown close after Flynn and I split up. Leo made it clear around that time that he’d like us to be even closer, but he’d accepted our
friendship and I thought he understood that going out together just wasn’t an option. The whole issue hadn’t been mentioned for months, in fact, and I was seriously hoping Leo had got
over me.
‘Does it?’ I said, trying to keep my voice light. ‘Why’s that?’
‘You know why,’ Leo mumbled. ‘I need to know if there’s any point me staying for . . . for
us.’
I pressed the on switch on the kettle. Then took a deep breath.
‘We’re friends, Leo, and I really value that. But there isn’t an “
us
”. Not like that.’
‘What about in the future?’
I frowned. This was agony, really awkward. I knew that I should tell Leo I would never go out with him but it seemed too cruel to be so direct.
‘I don’t know, Leo,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry.’
Leo nodded, then he left the room. I buttered my toast and sat at the table. Why did life have to be so complicated?
After a while the rest of the commune appeared, each of them in turn trooping out to the barn to check on the new arrival. Gemma was the last to arrive. She looked tired, with dark rings under
her eyes. Her pregnant belly stuck out in front of her. It looked huge but then, as Leo had privately pointed out, that was partly because Gemma herself was so tiny.
‘There’s some post for you, River. I just saw it on the mat.’ She grimaced. ‘Sorry I didn’t pick it up but bending down at the moment is a nightmare.’