Defining Us: The Calvin & Eric Story (69 Bottles) (51 page)

I didn’t throw up that day, and I haven’t any day since then. Though there have been a few minor things that have triggered little episodes, they pass quickly and sometimes without even Eric noticing. Being with him has brought me the greatest joy, and being with him, free of my demons is better than anything I could have ever asked for.
 

Deciding we wanted our own place, together, after only a month, seemed heady and weird at first, but then I realized that this relationship has been ten years in the making, so why not. I’m putting my condo on the market and Eric has broken his lease. Though it was nearly up anyway. He and I were the first of the band to move to Los Angeles back in the day. It was where I wanted to go, and looking back on it now, Eric just naturally followed me out here. I bought while he leased. It’s working out in our favor now.
 

We found a great house, along the beach, not too far up from Malcolm’s. A place we frequent often. We’ve even brought the rest of the gang there and had a blast. I think Addison and Raine are working their magic to give Malcolm what he wants, which is a private 69 Bottles event.
 

Jessica has become a regular presence in our life. After the stunt I pulled in the dressing room, she surreptitiously passed me her number before the show and while I never used it, it was nice to have that connection to Eric if I needed it while we were separated.
 

Tonight the entire gang is coming over for a house warming party. The sun is setting low on the horizon, but our uninhibited view is enough to make anyone the happiest person in the world. Eric comes out on the patio where I am and wraps his arms around me as we watch the sunset together while we wait for our friends. “I love you,” he whispers in my ear and I smile, leaning my head back against his shoulder.
 

“I love you too.” I turn in his arms, wrapping mine around his neck and bringing him to me, slanting my lips over his in a warm, promising kiss.
 

My phone ringing in the house interrupts us. “Ignore it,” he growls.
 

“It could be one of our friends.” I release him and he reluctantly lets me go and I dart into the house, answering it before I even look at the number. “Yeah?” I answer. A habit I picked up from Eric.
 

“Calvin?” A woman’s voice comes over the line, she sounds frail and upset.
 

“Yes,” I say with hesitation before I pull the phone back from my ear to look at the number and there it is, the area code I’d hoped to never see on my phone again. “What do you want?” I snap.
 

“My name is Mary-Beth Pickens, I’m a friend of your father’s.”
 

“I remember your voicemail. What can I do for you, Mary-Beth?” I ask and now Eric is standing in my line of sight and he’s fuming. I understand why he would be, everything between us finally balances out and now this.
 

“You’re father passed away tonight, Calvin, I’m so sorry.”
 

The words slide over me and I sit down in the chair behind me and Eric comes over, taking the phone from my hands. “What’s going on, Mary-Beth?”
 

I can no longer hear the other side of the conversation. “This is Eric, have arrangements been made?” There’s a pause while he listens. “Alright, we’ll be in touch. Thank you,” Eric says before hanging up the phone and setting it on the table a little too roughly.

“CAL?” I ask again.
 

“Yeah?” he says when he finally snaps out of his daze.
 

“I’m going to go call everyone and tell them not to come.”
 

“No, don’t, please?” he asks. “We’ve been planning this for a couple weeks and I’m alright, I just need a minute.”
 

I look at him, trying to assess him from more than just a lover perspective and it’s hard. He looks all right, but I’m hesitant. “Are you sure?” I ask.
 

“Yes Eric, I’m alright, I promise.” he stands up and kisses me softly. “I knew it was coming, I guess I just hoped that I wouldn’t hear about it.”

“Well, I’m not entirely convinced that this Mary-Beth knows much about your history with your father. I think she thinks she means well.”
 

“She does, she means well. You asked her about arrangements?”
 

“I did, I guess I needed to know if there was a reason you had to go.”
 

“Oh.” He’s still a little dazed. “I can’t go, Eric. I won’t.”
 

“I think you need to reconsider that idea,” I tell him.
 

“Eric, I love you more than life itself, but please, don’t push me on this. I finally feel like everything in my life is going right, I, fuck,” I watch as he runs his hand over his head, “I can’t go back there and relive all that history. I don’t know what it will do to me.”
 

I smile at him. “I think it will give you the chance to have the closure you need, to finally seal off all those loose ends. Please, promise me you’ll think about it?”
 

He sighs heavily and hangs his head. “Alright, I will think about it, but not tonight. Tonight is about us and our friends. Just give me a few minutes to compose myself and I will be better.” The plea in his voice is matched by the plea in his eyes. He kisses me chastely once more before heading upstairs to our bedroom.
 

I can’t help but watch after him and I wonder if he’s just numb or if the reality hasn’t set in. Either way, I will stand by my decision that he needs to go, but I also know that I need to respect his decision to stay here too. It might have been wrong of me to suggest cancelling tonight, but in doing so, I woke him up from his daze and maybe having friends here will be enough to bring him around.
 

I go into the kitchen, pulling the marinating steaks from the fridge and add some of the extra sauce before taking them out to the grill.
 

As soon as I set the plate down, the doorbell rings. I smile when I hear Calvin coming down the stairs, and when I look up, my Calvin is back, the numb daze is gone and I smile. “Good?” I ask.
 

He smiles wide. “Good.”
 

We both walk to the door, opening it to find Dex and Raine on the other side.
 

“Hey,” Raine says cheerfully, looking around as she and Dex come in.
 

“Hey, nice digs,” he says as he hands me a bag, obviously put together by Raine. “Wow, you guys, this is really nice.”
 

“The one next door is available, you know, if you two are in the market,” Calvin teases and he gets the glare of death from Dex. “Oh come on, you’re married now, you can’t stay in that small as fuck studio apartment forever.”
 

“Yeah, true, we can’t, but well, I hadn’t thought about it, I guess.”
 

“Don’t let him lie to you. He’s been shopping houses since before we got off tour,” Raine says from the dining room.
 

We all laugh and I close the door.
 

It isn’t long before our doorbell is ringing again, this time with Cami, Tristan and their son Jaden, followed by Addison – who’s showing off an ever expanding baby belly, Talon, Kyle, Mills, Beck, Casey, Tori and Rusty and before long the alcohol is flowing, the steaks are cooking and the food is being eaten up. Calvin really is a good cook and Talon makes no qualms about ribbing him for not cooking while on tour. Calvin is equally as playful. You’d never know that just a couple of hours ago he got a phone call telling him his father passed away.
 

We eat outside, on the patio, overlooking the water with tiki torches lighting up the space and surrounded by great friends, good laughs and good eats. This is truly what life is all about.
 

It’s nice to see everyone be themselves. Tonight we’re not 69 Bottles, tonight we are friends and we are family. Tonight we are everything that should be special about the bonds we’ve formed.
 

As the night winds down, Cami, Tristan and Jaden are the first to leave. It’s getting late and despite our offer to let Jaden sleep in our room, they wanted to take him home. As our friends file out, I notice Calvin getting a little more distant. The facade of playing host is wearing off and reality is washing over him slowly.
 

Dex, Beck, Raine, Rusty, Tori, and Mills are the next to leave followed by the trio of Addison, Talon and Kyle. Leaving us with just Casey.
 

“I’m really happy for you guys,” Casey says to me as we’re standing on the patio. “It’s a great place. Perfect for the two of you.” He smiles wide.
 

Calvin joins us on the patio then, but I can tell that the numbness is winning. “You okay?” I ask him.
 

He shakes his head.
 

“What’s going on?” Casey asks.
 

Calvin nods at me, giving me quiet permission to tell Casey what happened. “You remember that number?”
 

“Yeah?” Casey says curiously.
 

“That number was from Calvin’s father’s house back in Iowa. It called again tonight and Cal answered it without looking.”
 

“Oh? And? Who was it?” Casey asks, looking between Calvin and me.
 

“It was a friend of Calvin’s father. He passed away tonight.”
 

Shock crosses Casey’s face. “Why didn’t you cancel?”
 

“Because, that’s not how I’m wired,” Calvin chimes in. “It was a great escape, but with everyone leaving, it’s wearing off.” Calvin’s voice is sad.
 

“Well, I’ll get out of here. You guys need to get your plans together and,” he turns to me, “Take care of him.”
 

“Casey?” Calvin asks.
 

“Yeah?” he turns toward him.
 

“Would you mind staying here, until we get back?” Calvin asks. My heart flutters. He’s completely shattered but the pain he is feeling is bringing him around, forcing him to focus on what he knows he needs to do. Seeing him react like this, as twisted as it may sound, warms my heart. I was so concerned that he’d just let this roll off his back, let it go and move on, only to regret it down the road.
 

“Of course. When do you need me here?”
 

“I don’t know. We haven’t even started looking into tickets or anything,” I tell Casey.
 

“Let me call Mills, see if he can help.”
 

“No, don’t. This is my business, we can handle it.” Calvin doesn’t hesitate.
 

“Why don’t you just be here tomorrow around noon, unless we call you sooner?” I tell Casey.
 

“Absolutely.” He nods. “I’m really sorry, Mouse.”
 

“Thanks.” His voice is barely audible and Casey gives me a concerned look. I nod, letting him know that I got this, we’ll be good and he lets himself out.
 

I go over and sit next to Calvin. He’s falling apart right next to me. “Come here,” I tell him and he snuggles into me. I wrap my arms around him and he falls to pieces.
 

It takes about twenty minutes for him to settle himself back down and all I’ve done is hold him. I don’t really know what to say to him and sometimes the quiet comfort is all one person needs. He sits up and whispers, “I’m sorry.”
 

I brush the hair off of his forehead. “Nothing to apologize for, Cal.” I kiss the forehead I just cleared. “Why don’t you go upstairs, let me finish up out here and I’ll get the house locked up and be up.”
 

He nods numbly and stands up, disappearing into the house. I take a deep breath to find my center before I finish cleaning up the last of the glasses from the tables and then lock up the patio. I put everything into the sink and lock the front door, turn off lights and I head upstairs.
 

When I walk into our bedroom, Cal is curled up in a ball on top of the bed. He’s changed into his flannel pants and my heart just breaks seeing him so shattered like this. I know, deep down, the anger will come. It’s just a matter of when, but I know he needs to deal with this in his own way. Whether it’s by talking or by quietly managing his emotions.