Defining Us: The Calvin & Eric Story (69 Bottles) (35 page)

Despite my hold on his cock, he slides down the wall I pinned him against so that our faces are mere inches apart from each other. “Then take me. Take what you want from me. Have it all, it’s yours.” His voice is filled with a conviction that drives my need for him higher than I could have thought possible.
 

I release my cock and grip his neck, pulling him into me for a kiss full of desperation and all the pent up frustration from all the years of denying who I am. His answering kiss is equally as determined. We’re both crossing a precipice that we never could have thought we’d ever reach. A cliff that has taken us years to reach. It all unravels, and it’s all laid out before us, ready for the taking. That door is wide open, he’s waiting for me to step through it.
 

I pull back from the kiss. “Strip,” I tell him and his eyes grow wide, but soft as he stands up. His cock is right back where it was moments ago and I can’t resist the urge to lick it. His motions falter as he tries in vain to remove his pants.
 

“I can’t if you don’t release me.” His voice is husky, full of lust. I shiver and release him while he sheds his boots and then finally his jeans and socks.
 

He takes his cock in his hand and I groan, watching him stroke his cock in time to my own strokes. We’re both tugging and pulling, feeling the desire blossom and grow between us and I know, in this moment, nothing will stop me.
 

I can see worry in his eyes. He’s concerned that I’m backing out of this, I’m not, but he needs to see that. He sidesteps me, going for a bag on the dresser and unzipping it. From the bag he pulls out a sleeve of condoms and a bottle. Lube, I’m guessing. The idea of seeing that on the dresser makes me think that he has wanted this all along. The idea is exciting to me in a strange way.
 

He says nothing, but turns and walks toward the bathroom, returning with two towels in his hands. He walks toward one of the beds, his bed. Before climbing up, he lays out one of the towels across the bed, then he climbs up on top of it without a word. I watch him closely as he settles on his knees, giving me access to watch as he grabs hold of his cock. “Fuck.” This time I’m the one groaning.
 

Watching him on his knees, face down, his hand stroking his cock is…wow. I’m not sure I have the right words. He’s not looking at me and I’m not sure if that is in embarrassment for what he’s doing or if it is to keep me focused on what he’s offering. Either way, I don’t care.
 

I get up, straightening, releasing my cock long enough to pull off my t-shirt, kick off my boots and throw my jeans down my legs, stepping out of them as I step toward the dresser. Laying out before me is a bottle of lube and five Trojan’s and I rip one off the strip. Fuck, am I really going to do this? Can I do this?
 

Don’t think about it.
 

Just do it.
 

I give myself a little pep talk before grabbing the lube and turning around.
 

He hasn’t moved and his hand has slowed on his cock, no doubt keeping himself on the edge. I shiver as I approach him.
 

I feel the bed dip between my legs and I shudder in anticipation. Something has fired off in him tonight and regardless of the end result, I have to give this to him. Regardless of the consequences we will face when it’s over. I shiver, excitement coursing through my veins, outweighing any other emotion I could possibly imagine feeling, like fear.
 

I’ve never gone this far with a guy. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t done other things, like toys, fingerings, things like that, but not this. “I’ve never had anyone like this before,” I admit, feeling the need to tell him, hoping to ease some of the nerves I feel rolling off of him.
 

“Never?” he breathes.
 

I release my cock and push myself up so that I can turn and look at him. “No one, not ever.”
 

There is a smile playing on his lips. “Good.” He leans down and kisses me. “I’m glad,” he says as he backs away from me, looking down at my body. I watch as he shudders too, his nipple rings bouncing and his nipples hardening. He sets something down, the lube, against my leg and I can see him put the condom between his teeth and rip it open. Something shifts in him. I’m concerned momentarily that something is triggering him, but rather than going south, things start to go north. He’s altered his expression, hardened himself. Steeling himself for what he’s about to do as he pulls the condom from its wrapper.
 

I get the urge to roll it on him myself, but I let it slide, for now. I don’t want to push him into having me do something he isn’t ready for.
 

Then he freezes completely.
 

“Cal?”
 

He doesn’t answer. He’s not panicking, he’s just…I don’t know. “Calvin?” I ask him again and finally his eyes meet mine. There is a concerned fear in his eyes. “Talk to me?” I whisper.
 

“I…I don’t know how to do this,” he says and I smile in relief.
 

“Have sex?” I tease him.
 

He snorts. “No, I know how to do that, but…this, I’ve never…”
 

I raise an eyebrow at him. “Done anal before?”
 

I watch as he turns bright red before shaking his head.
 

“It’s no different than…well you know, except, well, it’s a lot tighter.”
 

His eyes dart to mine. “How would you know?”
 

“Just because I’ve never had anyone up there doesn’t mean I’ve never-” I stop the thought cold in its tracks, not wanting to bring up previous encounters. I turn around, facing him. “Look, if it’s too much, too fast, it’s alright,” I tell him and reach for his hand. He flinches slightly but then comes back to me, his eyes meeting mine.
 

“I…I really do want to do this, Eric, I just…”
 

“Shhh, it’s alright,” I tell him as I pull the condom from his hand and reach over, throwing it on the nightstand. “Come here,” I tell him and he starts to come back to me, though we’re both still hard and I feel like I’m going to get blue balls. I ignore them in favor of comforting him, helping to bring him back to me. I lay down, holding out my arm, giving him a place to lie and he does.
 

For the first time, we’re both still naked and I do everything I can to will my erection away.
 

I wrap my arm around his back. “Listen to me,” I tell him, “We have plenty of time for this, it doesn’t have to be tonight, it doesn’t have to be right now.”
 

“I know it’s just-” He pauses.
 

“Just what?” I ask him.
 

“After tonight, today, all the talk about not telling anyone, Addison approaching me, then Dex, I just, I felt like I needed to prove to you that I really do want this.”
 

I huff. “By having sex with me?” He nods. “Ah, Cal, no, no, no, not like this. You don’t owe me anything, Calvin. I’m aware of what it is that you want.”
 

“Then why did you leave?”
 

I sigh, “Because my gut reaction was to find some guy in the bar and make you jealous. Then I realized that while you may not have been able to help yourself with her, I could certainly help myself with some other person. Believe it or not, Cal, I understand what’s going on in your head. Yes, I was jealous, but I was jealous for all the wrong reasons.”
 

“What were those?” he asks the logical follow up.
 

I put my hand on top of his. “Because she had your attention.”
 

He looks up at me and counters, “But she didn’t.”
 

I smile slightly. “I know that now, but I didn’t at the time. I let my idea of how things should be between us get in the way of us being us. Being who we are.”
 

“I think we need to tell them,” he tells me with a serious look in his eyes.
 

“I think they already know,” I retort. “But I think you’re right. I think we do. I thought, this morning, that we could just fall back into a ‘normal for us’ routine around our friends, but it is obvious that we can’t. I think we just need to let them know that we’re working on it, that there may be times where things go smoothly and other times where they might not so much.”
 

“Like in public?”
 

I nod. “I’m pretty sure they already have us pegged as something more than what we were before the break, but it would probably be better if we confirmed it for them. As far as everything else, well, we deal and tell them if we need to, but I don’t think we will. I think any one of them would understand that while they may have had that instant connection, you and I are not so lucky.”
 

“But we have that connection.”
 

I smile wide at him. “Yes we do, but they don’t need to know that,” I tell him.
 

“Okay,” he tells me softly before snuggling back into his special spot against me.

CLIMBING back on board the bus wasn’t exactly as exciting as we’d expected it to be, at least not for me. Being back on board means going back on the road and it means that Eric and I are forced to sleep apart. Talon, Kyle and Addison all have the master bedroom at the back of the bus. The room was Talon’s before, well, before this whole tour began. The other ‘room’ is now occupied by Dex and Raine, leaving Eric and I in our racks toward the front of the bus. Tori has moved over to the other bus with the rest of the security detail, but we still have to sleep with one on top. Leaving one rack open for the occasion where one of the bodyguards gets stuck on board. Which happens frequently.
 

At least now I can climb all the way up top instead of falling into my bed on the bottom. It also means that I get to sleep on top of Eric. I shake my head in silent laughter as for some reason I find that funny.
 

We have a show in a couple hours, but we’re all working on moving back in beforehand so that we can take off after we’re done in the greenroom. Somewhere along the way there was a unanimous vote of driving on to Seattle right away, giving us a couple extra days to roam around before we play our set. Then it’s Portland and finally back to close out the tour in Los Angeles.
 

Five more shows…then what?
 

The idea brings me up short. Yeah, the band isn’t going anywhere and we have a new album to record, but, fuck. I try and think about what I did before this tour started and well, I’m coming up empty because right now, all I can think about is Eric and where are we going to go when we’re not forced back together like this.
 

The idea sends a bit of fear through me. What if once this is over, he’s done? What if I’m just a bored infatuation? I shake my head. I’m an idiot for even thinking that.
 

Suddenly the hair on the back of my neck stands up and goosebumps fly over my skin and I know why almost immediately. Eric is on the bus and I smile as I throw my bag up on my bunk. “You’re gonna sleep on top of me?” he whispers in my ear and I shiver as his breath flows around me.