Defiance (22 page)

Chapter Twenty-Five

A week passed, a full week that saw Tru tattooing more women in the shop, Aimee getting better, no ambushes from Kian and a general sense of optimism in Defiance.

Lance gave Caspar a wide berth. Roan didn’t approach her at all. Then again, neither did Caspar. Mathias and Bishop stayed with her, Rebel with Luna, and she was still back in the guesthouse because she refused to go below in the tube.

Most of her time was spent between watching Caspar help train Defiance’s next generation and the hospital room with Aimee. She’d talked her friend into a tattoo—Tru would cover up the scars as soon as the doctors gave the okay for it.

“You know...Lisbeth told me I could work here,” Aimee told her.

“And?”

“I think I’m going to do it.”

“Proud of you, Aimee.”

Aimee waved her off. She was still pale, tired easily. Tru couldn’t imagine the hell she’d gone through—but she knew via Lisbeth that Aimee had terrible nightmares.

“Did you forget—sun’s out today,” Aimee said. “Heard the nurses talking about it. They’re going to wheel me outside.”

“Good. We’ll sit together.”

“No,” Aimee told her with a firmness that surprised Tru. “You go make up with Caspar.”

“Aimee...”

“You’re screwing this up, Tru. And you have to do what I say. I’m lying here, healing. I get scared when Hammer comes too close to me. I’m a mess. So, for me, please...enjoy the sunlight. Give Caspar what he needs from you. Please.”

“For you,” she said.

“Kind of kinky,” Aimee replied and Tru bent down and kissed her forehead.

“You and Hammer are going to be just fine.”

“Tell him that,” Aimee muttered, but her eyes were already closed, her finger on the morphine pump.

Tru drew the covers back over her friend and left the infirmary. She found Caspar near the main clubhouse, shirtless, despite the chill in the air, on his knees fixing his bike. She could make out the Defiance tattoo on his back, watched the muscles bunch under his skin as he worked, doing something to the wheels and then the engine, moving fast and sure, like he always did.

Rebel said something to him and she heard Caspar’s laugh, watched him throw a wrench to Rebel, a perfect arc. Rebel laughed back. Someone jacked the radio up loud and Caspar began bouncing his head to the music.

Luna was there too. She wasn’t laughing or dancing but she was there and Tru swore she saw a small smile on her friend’s face when Rebel said something to her. Others were laughing and dancing, because they were waiting for the sunshine. The mood lifted, just for that moment. Everything was still horrible and wonderful at the same time and, Chaos or no Chaos, MC or no MC, it would always be like his.

For the few hours the sun was out, an unofficial truce was called. There were hours and days and months of fucking darkness to wreak havoc. But when the sun came out, you didn’t waste that shit on things you could do every single second of every other day.

Sun time was sacred. It had been that way when she was with the Kill Devils and it was like that now, especially after being stuck in the tubes during the storms for the past days.

She’d had time to think about everything Caspar told her. They’d shared everything about their families. It was all on the table.

Can’t have everything
,
Tru.
Sometimes
,
it’s about protection
,
sometimes it’s lust
,
but you can’t have it all.

She marched up to him. He stood, stared at her.

“You know I’ve been watching you,” she told him.

“Want a medal?”

She frowned. “No. I want it. All of it.”

He eyed her suspiciously. “What’s that?”

“The crazy, all-consuming, completely fucked up, can’t see straight anymore love story.”

He reached out, stroked a hand down her cheek. “And you deserve that, baby.”

She waited for him to add that he couldn’t give that to her, but he wrapped an arm like steel around her waist instead. One shift and she was over his shoulder and he was carrying her past the clubhouse.

She fought because she felt she was supposed to. Fought because she shouldn’t like this caveman approach, but she did. Made her wet between her legs and he knew. The way he grinned at her when he set her down beside his bike told her he knew. Everything.

Just then, the sky broke open. The sun was immediate, hot against her skin, making her blink. He pulled her against him, cock hard against her belly, leaned her ass against his bike while holding her steady against him. Caught between him and the bike, he held her, steadying her enough so she couldn’t really do much more than hold onto him.

Only then did she remember that they weren’t exactly alone. There was a group of people who’d been drinking and partying while waiting for the sun to come out. They were close and maybe not exactly watching...but they could.

She went to pull away from him but couldn’t. His body pressed hers, covered it as his hand went between her legs outside of her pants and rubbed. He undid a couple of buttons on her shirt, nudged down the tank top she wore underneath to suck on a nipple.

She was going to come, right here.

She wasn’t exposed, but she’d never been more exposed in her life. The air was cool, her skin was hot and a groan caught in her throat as her belly clenched.

Why are you holding back?

This was the man she loved. Told him so, whispered, “I love you,” for his ears only and watched his face light up. Beautiful in the sunlight. And then he pressed against her harder, his rhythm more forceful and she yelled out his name, loud enough to wake the dead as her climax shuddered through her.

She figured it had to be obvious what was happening, if nothing more than from the way her fingers dug into the leather on his shoulders, her leg wrapped around the back of his, the way his head dipped to her breast and her head fell back. But crying out his name had certainly left no doubt.

The hoots that rang out into the air a minute later confirmed that. She buried her face against his chest, until she felt something press into her hand. She looked up and saw Rebel walking away. Looked down at her hand and saw a new 8 Ball patch.

“Guess that’s mine,” he told her. His eyes snapped with a heated fire. “Get the helmet on. Takin’ you for a ride.”

She supposed the bitch seat moniker was never more appropriate than right now. Her legs weren’t steady, hands trembled as she pulled the helmet on, strapped it under her chin.

He was already on without a helmet. Once she was secure, he roared away, the bike tilting as he took the sharp turn out of Defiance’s gates.

He was always in control.

The vibrations made the recent orgasm feel like it could grow more from the rumble of the seat. She gripped his waist, was riding the bike and riding him, all the tension focusing on that spot between her thighs she needed him to relieve.

The sun beat down hot against her bare arms and she wanted to strip for it, even though she never wanted to leave this bike. She loved the speed, the wind, the freedom.

She loved Caspar. She tightened her arms around him and laughed, letting the sound get carried away with the wind. She swore she heard him laugh too.

It wasn’t long before he was driving through a winding path, coming out between some boulders into a private area by the beach. Or where the beach had once been. That had long eroded, and the tide was miles and miles away, far enough for her not to panic at the sight of it.

He was helping her off. While she took off the helmet, he was laying several blankets down on the ground, directly in the sunlight, stripping off his shirt and then his jeans, smiling at her.

“Know you’re not keeping those clothes on, yeah?”

She didn’t hesitate, her body still needing from before. She tossed her tank toward him, then slid out of her jeans, basking in the warmth of the sun before he was pulling her down next to him. She rolled, so she was on top of him. For a moment, she put her head against his chest and they simply lay there, getting warm and sweaty.

If the Chaos had never happened, she might never have appreciated this.

If the Chaos had never happened, she might never have been here, with Caspar, like this.

“I never thought I’d be grateful to something that almost killed me,” she told him finally.

“Still believe that a woman can’t have all of that here?”

She’d never meant her words to be a challenge. But challenge met and answered. She’d been wrong the entire time. “You changed me, for the better. And the Chaos changed me, but you...you imprinted on me. It started that night I watched you come.”

“Wanted it to be you.”

“Because you wanted me on my knees in front of the crowd.”

“Because I wanted you to show everyone I was the one you picked. Knew it couldn’t happen. Knew I wasn’t in your league.”

“You were wrong. You were always in my league,” she told him. “You scared me. Woke me up.”

“Made you wild, yeah. But you had to find your way. Better for you to come back to me.”

“You knew. You always knew.”

“Some things, you know.”

“If I’d come back sooner...”

“I’d have protected you.”

“I didn’t want you to have to do that. These are your guys. Your MC. You had it hard enough.”

He looked surprised that she’d thought of him. “Never have let you bond with Roan. Would’ve objected. Killed him if he tried to touch you.”

“Did you think about me?”

“I knew you made it. Knew you got out. Had to be your decision to come back in. All yours.”

“Because you won’t leave.”

“Can’t. Won’t. Same thing.”

It was. “I think women in Defiance should be able to earn their own 8 Ball patch,” she told him lazily.

“Guess we should practice makin’ that happen.”

His hands slid over her bare ass, then pressed her to him, his cock rubbing her sex. She sucked on a nipple, played her tongue along the barbell as he groaned. She sucked harder—he groaned louder. Thrust up against her.

“Babe, you’d better put me inside you in a second flat or you’re losin’ this position.”

She complied, because she wanted the sun on her back, didn’t want to lose this closeness for even a second. She reached between them, her fingers circling his arousal. She pressed him inside of her, realizing she had the control now.

But she didn’t want to wait. She sat up a little, brushed her sex with his cock. And then she pushed down, taking him inside of her in a swift movement that made them both still. She was wet, but she was still tight and he was big, and her breath came in quick gasps as she adjusted to him. She was so full, with him.

He held her hips as he encouraged her to move. Excitement tightened her belly and everything was building inside of her. His eyes looked see-through in the sun, so beautiful against his rugged face...

She came as she stared at him, before she’d even realized the orgasm had been approaching that fast. It clenched her belly, curled her toes.

While she was still coming, he rolled her to her back, drew her orgasm out with his thrusts and his own climax, as he shouted her name into the daylight.

* * *

“We’re going to make it better there, for all the women. Want you to help me,” Caspar told her as they soaked up the last of the sunlight, still naked, with Tru still on top of him. “Sex is one of the last good things we still have. Gotta keep it that way.”

Caspar had always been able to find more than enough sex. He was the bad boy, set apart from the others because of his scar, his outsiderness. Because his bastard status had been announced unashamedly to the world, because he’d fight anyone who pissed him off, even if it wasn’t a one on one battle.

Caspar never fucked and told, but the rumor mill among the girls at school was vivid and fast.

“I’ll help. Thank you, for understanding. I know it’s different, that you don’t know what it’s like to feel that fear. And I was lucky. I wasn’t raped but—”

“I was.”

She stopped dead, almost couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. “Say that again.”

“I was raped.” His voice was tight, his expression a cross between rage and sadness. “Held down. Taken. And that will never happen again, not to me or the woman I’m with.”

Not the woman I love
. He wasn’t there yet, not with words anyway, but the fierceness with which he held her told her differently.

She thought back to when she’d run from Hugh. She’d been crying, hating that he’d seen her in a moment of weakness. Hated even more that he bore a look of pity.

But she’d misjudged that, blinded by her own anger and fear. It hadn’t been pity at all. No, it had been understanding.

“Who did it to you?” she asked, unable to keep her voice from shaking with anger. “You tell me and I’ll kill them for you. I swear on everything I love, I’ll kill them.”

He stared at her, for the first time in weeks, his eyes softening as he did so.

All she could think of was the entire time she was telling him what her father had done to her, he’d known worse pain and suffering. Her father had touched her—violated her—but he’d pulled back and contented himself with beating her instead. If he’d ever actually followed through with his threats, she might’ve killed herself. Or him.

And Caspar hadn’t said a word to her, not out of embarrassment, because he looked unashamed at what had happened. There must’ve been more than one and they must’ve done more than just held him down. Because the man in front of her had always been able to fight off his fair share of attackers.

“How old were you?” she managed to breathe.

He raised his chin. “Fourteen.”

It had happened here, in Defiance. And she was sure it had only happened a single time. “What did you do?”

“I took care of it. It was older boys. No one you’d remember. I took care of them.”

“Will you let me take care of you, Cas?”

He stared at her. “Job’s still yours.”

Chapter Twenty-Six

Tru showered, not caring that the water was only lukewarm. The heat of the day was still on her skin, and everyone in Defiance seemed to seep in the sunshine and good mood that surrounded the day. She was sore but she smiled when she thought of the reason.

Things were good.

She turned the water off, heard the door to the house open. She grabbed the towel, wrapped it quickly around herself and stuck her head out of the bathroom, finding Trixie standing in the middle of the room.

“Can’t pretend you’re not here,” Trixie called.

“I just finished my shower. I didn’t hear you knock,” Tru said as she came out of the bathroom.

“Because I didn’t,” Trixie said pointedly. “Heard you and Caspar put on a nice show today for the compound.”

“Nothing anyone around here hasn’t seen before.”

Trixie gave a tight smile. “Glad to see you and lover boy are still getting along.”

Tru pulled the towel more tightly around her, pushed through her wet hair with her fingers. “I am too,” she said, pretending Trixie’s words were a compliment where she knew there wasn’t one.

“You’re taking care of him? Because from where I’m sitting, he’s doing all the taking care of and you’re still doing all the taking.”

Tru opened her mouth but Trixie held her hand up. “Know you don’t want to listen, but you have to. You chose Caspar over Roan, fine, I can get over that. You always were like a daughter to me—I know you believe that. But you’ve got to get it through your head, girl—gotta take care of your man. Stop giving him shit to worry about. Stop filling his head with things you want to change.”

“Why didn’t you help my mom?” she demanded.

“I don’t get involved in family squabbles.”

“It was more than that and you know it.”

“Your mom could’ve had it all, Tru. She didn’t want it, and what’s worse, she screwed with Hugh’s head. Our men...you can’t do that to them. Gotta leave them clearheaded to protect us.”

She’d heard that argument put several different ways, and while she understood the sentiment, especially from Caspar, coming from Trixie in regards to Lance, it turned her stomach.

But she kept her mouth shut about knowing Lance was behind Aimee’s rape and the other beatings, because Caspar would deal with that.

Caspar wouldn’t have known it was Lance if you hadn’t helped.

She comforted herself with that small victory, at least until Trixie told her, “You know your man’s been talking to Kian.”

“He’s been defending the club from Kian,” Tru corrected.

“Sweetheart, he’s been meeting with the head of the Kill Devils, making plans behind his own MC’s back. He’s the one responsible for everything happening around here. Bad enough he killed Paddy, and no matter what he claims, we all know he did that for you. But meeting with Kian—several times—and then all of these ambushes? That’s your man trying to take down the club.”

“Caspar wouldn’t do that.”

“‘’Course he would. He doesn’t love this MC, not the way he should. He’s been working against Lance and Si and Roan for a long time now. Heard he was the one who took you out of Defiance. Let Hugh worry himself sick.”

Tru’s temper flared. “Hugh shouldn’t have goddamned touched me.”

Trixie shook her head sadly. “Your man’s gonna find himself in a world of trouble. MC’s turning against him for what he’s done. He doesn’t even realize it. But you can get him on the right path, baby. You’ve got to try...for your own sake. Because when Caspar gets kicked out the door on his ass, you’re going right behind him.”

Trixie didn’t wait for Tru to comment, just turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind her. Tru let the conversation turn itself over in her mind while she dressed, towel dried her hair.

Finally, an hour later, Caspar came into the house. Tru’s skin felt burnt and tingly from being naked in the sun for hours. Her cheeks were warm to the touch and Caspar’s eyes seemed to glow with the color he’d gotten on his face. He’d showered and changed into green cargo pants that hung low on his hips. If he wasn’t wearing the tight blue thermal long-sleeved shirt that molded to his body, she’d be able to trace the cuts of muscles along his hips.

She could see the outline of the barbells in his nipples through the shirt. Saw the tattoo of the nautical star on the back of his hand and the compass she’d tattooed on his shoulder—
his true north
, he’d told Mathias when he thought she couldn’t hear.

He had food from the diner and a huge kiss for her. She let it all out in a rush.

He stared at her. “What’re you doing, Tru?”

“I’m telling you what Trixie told me—aren’t I supposed to share this with you?” she asked and he gave a small nod of concession. “So everything she said, that’s the truth?”

“Her truth, but yeah, she’s right.”

She tried to breathe, tried to understand what the hell was happening, how to reconcile the man who’d held her in the sunlight, the man who understood Aimee’s plight...how he could hurt his own club. “You went against the club—you made a deal with Kian!”

He stared steadily at her. “You think that about me?”

“I don’t know what to think.”

“Gotta believe in me, babe. Gotta trust me more than you trust yourself.”

“Did you make a deal with Kian against your club?”

“You tell me, since you know so much about it.”

“Dammit, Caspar—you have to tell me.”

“See, the thing is, Tru, I goddamned don’t.” He pointed to the bags. “Have your dinner before it gets cold.”

He was out the door before she could stop him. She went to follow him, but he’d done that disappearing into the darkness thing he was really good at and Mathias stopped her from following him.

Mathias signed,
Can I talk to you inside for a minute?

“Sure. And you can eat with me too,” she told him. He followed her inside, where she unpacked the food and laid it out on the table. There was enough for an army, and Mathias took some fries while she dug into a burger.

“I’m sure you heard the fight,” she said around a mouthful of delicious food.

He nodded.
His deal was for the club
,
Tru.

“How?”

Kian wanted Paddy gone.
Caspar wanted you safe.
They wanted to keep the lines open for pharmameds and tubes
,
but they needed to make it look good.
And yeah
,
Kian used your secret against Caspar
,
because that’s what these guys do.

“Shit. Shit, Mathias.”

Yeah.

“But Lance and Kian?”

Caspar knows that.

“Because of Kian?”

Because of Kian.

“So all of this...all of this was planned? Caspar knew what Kian was going to do?”

Mathias nodded.

“Mathias, I’m an idiot.”

Little bit.

“Thanks.”

Now
,
the real war begins.

Because Lance was hurting his own MC, letting everyone think it was Kian...and then he planned to expose the ties between Kian and Caspar. But Caspar knew everything, and now, so did all the Defiance men, they knew Lance hurt his own, knew he was trying to sell the patents to benefit himself and not the club.

They knew who their real leader should be. And now, Caspar was going to let them know the real reason why.

“I’m scared, Mathias.”

“Not scared, you’re not livin’.”

Caspar’s voice.

“He’s been there the whole time, hasn’t he?” she asked Mathias, who shrugged. She turned to see Caspar, leaning against the doorjamb.

“Up to speed, babe?”

She went to him, buried her face against his chest, waited a beat and let relief wash over her when his arms went around her, banded like steel. “Don’t let me go, Caspar.”

“Told you, could hold you here with one arm.”

“I gave Mathias your food,” she whispered and Caspar’s chest shook. When she looked up, he was laughing.

“Was plannin’ on feeding him anyway.”

With that, Mathias grabbed a burger, gave a quick sign to Caspar that said,
We’ll leave in ten
, and went outside.

Caspar kept her tight against him while he spoke. “Goin’ to war with our own. Not sure if Kian’s gonna try to take advantage. Only trust him so much, you know? But he gets us meds, we get him tubes and pay him well for the meds.”

“What do you need from me?”

“Think I got it.”

She smiled. “Can Aimee and Luna stay here with me until this is over?”

“Think that’s a good idea. Not sure keepin’ you here is best, though.”

She opened her mouth then closed it. “Whatever you say.”

He laughed then, long and loud. “That’s not a natural statement comin’ from your mouth, babe. But I appreciate the sentiment just the same.”

“I don’t like rules, especially the unwritten ones that say I need to let myself be controlled by my man.”

“Suppose I want to control you? Suppose I ask you for that?”

“And in return?”

“I give you fucking everything I’ve got.”

How could she ask for more?

“I’m not Hugh or Lance. I’m not Si or Roan. Hope you know that.”

“I do.”

“Not gonna be like what happened to your momma.” He pulled her close. “Not the way my dad wanted me raised.”

“Can we really make it different?”

“Be different for us. Our friends. For Lance and Roan? Not sure how that’s gonna play out.”

“You’re going somewhere with Mathias now?”

He gazed at her. “
We’re
goin’ somewhere with him,” he corrected.

* * *

The fire burned brightly, just another dot of smoke and red in the night. Bonfires were commonplace during Chaos, an easy way to throw light, to cook, to generally feel less alone.

But tonight, the fire in front of Caspar had a much deeper significance. Tru was with him, and so were Mathias and Bishop.

Mathias was burning the end of an iron poker. After several minutes, he took it out to look at the red end.

“Too big,” Bishop said and Mathias nodded. He let it cool in the air as Bishop passed him another iron poker. Mathias stuck it into the fire, pulled it out and Tru could see that it was a much smaller branding tool, with a small circle.

It would still hurt like hell, but the pain would be worth it.

Caspar had never had a true kinship or brotherhood. Not like this. Before Mathias and Bishop got here, he didn’t know how much he’d missed out on. Hadn’t realized how much Rebel or Hammer had been watching his back.

This was how it all started. Men, saving each other’s lives. That trust of putting your life, your secrets in someone’s hands...

But having Tru be a part of it, that made it different. This was their change. It had been a long time coming.

There would be more, but this circle, this would be where it all goddamned started.

“Give me two,” he told Mathias, who signed,
Why?

He glanced at Tru as he answered the man. “Because I’ll take her pain. Always.”

“Then you’ll have to let me take yours. Promise that,” she said, her voice fierce.

“Promise, baby.” He stripped his shirt off. He’d be the first one branded, taking two of the marks on his inner arm by his wrist. Two small circles with a bigger significance than anyone could imagine.

The smell of scorched flesh was strong. He blinked back tears, stared up at Tru who seemed to be doing the same. The pain was worse than almost anything, but not worse than losing her, so he endured it.

When Mathias had finished, he did Bishop’s brand, and then Bishop did his. The two men were stoic. Solemn. Their traditions, their own kinship ran so deep that Caspar got the feeling if one of them died, the other would drop too. That’s how connected the men were.

Mathias signed to her.

“Says he’ll tattoo a brand on you,” Bishop offered. “Good for you to have the mark.”

She smiled and then stilled. “We’re not alone out here.”

Caspar glanced up and saw about twenty of his men waiting, Rebel and Hammer at the forefront of the group.

“Told them to come. Bring anyone we thought we could trust.” Caspar stood and waved them in.

Rebel said, “We weren’t followed. Lance and Roan are out tonight. Si’s with Liv.”

The men gathered around in the clearing and Caspar told them, “The last thing I want is the club split. Stronger together. Need one another.”

“Then you and Lance better kiss and make up,” Rockhead suggested, until Mathias threw an actual rock at his head, which shut him up for the moment.

“Some bad decisions comin’ out of the clubhouse,” Rebel told them. “Me an’ Cas try to stop it, but we keep losin’ the vote. The next one, we could lose the patents for the tubes for good to the fuckin’ Irish mob.”

“Not. Happening.” The brand still burned like fuck, and the fire it lit inside of him would drive him to do anything he needed to in order to stop Lance from fucking their future over.

“Don’t get it—his future’s our future,” Hammer said fiercely. “What’s the deal?”

That, Caspar hadn’t been able to figure out. Sure, there was quick money involved, but hell, this was half of Lance’s father’s dream. “There’s something bad comin’ down the pipeline. Something Lance knows and I know...Kian’s seen it too. Paddy and Lance wanted to get in bed with it. Kian and I want to stay as far the fuck away as we can and our MCs are getting drawn in further and further. And I won’t fucking have it.”

His anger flared. “Sometimes, you make deals with the devil. Sometimes, you deal with the devil you know to keep other evil out. Kian’s a devil I know,” he finished. “This is what’s happening. Not gonna be pretty or easy. Don’t know if Lance is stayin’ or goin’ after everything goes down. But shit’s gettin’ worse before it gets better.”

He also didn’t know how the hell to tell Hammer who’d raped his woman. But he’d have to do it now, in front of these men and let the chips fall where they would. And when he finished and the look in Hammer’s eyes was fiercer than anything he’d ever seen, he knew he’d done the right thing.

“You do it, Caspar...you do it or I will,” Hammer said.