Defending My Mobster (BWWM Romance) (5 page)

“Wh-what?” Nia looked absolutely shocked and her words came out as a stutter. Roman, though, simply smiled before opening his mouth while I watched the scene with a growing pit in my stomach.

“You said you weren’t interested in Angel so I figured I’d surprise you,” he told her. When her eyes flew to me and her mouth gaped open I clenched my hands into fists. If she wasn’t interested in me that meant she was leading me on. The betrayal hit hard and I was suddenly reminded why one night stands were the best option. After all, good girls were just bad ones that hadn’t been caught.

“You’re a two timing slut, you know that?” I snarled. Grabbing Roman’s attention, my words made Nia’s face crumble before she finally croaked out a response.

“He’s lying! Angel! That’s not what I said!” she told me. Stalking across the floor, the only connection that made itself known was that Nia had been talking to Roman behind my back. It stung hard. On top of that she was trying to slander him, a man I’d known all my life.

Getting in her face, it was surprising how fast something so good could go so wrong.

“Really? What did you say then? You know what, I don’t care. I’m leaving,” I snarled viciously. I was so angry I didn’t even bother with my jacket as I pushed past Roman and into the hallway. After everything I’d told Nia, all of the chemistry I thought we had, she’d still done this to me.

“Angel! Shit, man,” he seemed startled.

“Don’t, okay Roman? Just don’t,” I told him.

Chapter 5 - Nia

Staring out into the hallway, I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I was right after all, Angel wouldn’t believe me over his cousin. My heart pumped ice through my chest and my fingers shook violently. What the hell just happened!

That bastard killed the relationship I had just been settling into, and he did it with a sick smirk on his face.

What hurt the most was Angel hadn’t given me a chance to explain.

Slowly closing the door, tears spilled down my face and I didn’t try to stop them. It was the first time I really acknowledge that I liked Angel. I liked him a lot. It was a sort of pain I had not felt before.

After a few minutes of standing in my now empty apartment, I moved to sit on the couch and covered my face with my hands. Just a few more seconds and I would’ve kissed him. If I hadn’t opened the door everything would be fine. I would be with Angel.

Roman planned all of this, the thought came crashing down on me hard. The conversation we’d had earlier, it was all part of his plan. What plan, I wasn’t sure, but he did this on purpose. The knowledge, though, only made me cry harder because it was preventable. I had done nothing, ignored it and it had caused this.

It didn’t take long for my moment of weakness to dry up, and I stood up slowly to go turn off the stove before the burned meat in the skillet started a fire. The last thing I needed was more trouble, since I seem to be attracting it.

Holding my cell phone to my ear, I counted the rings as Angel’s name lit up on the screen. When he didn’t pick up, I left a message. Five restless minutes later I called again, and he didn’t pick up a second time so I left another message. Three phone calls and three messages later I gave up. There was no way Angel would talk to me tonight. Hell, there was an entire possibility that he’d never talk to me again, period.

“Nia, it’s Mark, you didn’t call in today so I’m just checking on you. Call the office okay?” Message machine.

“Nia- you missed court today. What’s going on? Call me.” Another message.

“Nia, seriously, call me. You haven’t been to work in almost a week, everyone is worried about you,” was another one.

Mark’s messages played all at once, a total of five, but this was the first time I worked up the energy to check my messages. I deleted them all though. I knew that moping around and ignoring my job was a bad idea, especially when it was over a guy, but the experience nearly a week ago had been traumatic for me. Shoving day old Chinese noodles into my mouth, I set my phone down and tried to conjure up something, anything. All I felt, though, was alone and empty and betrayed. They were feelings I didn’t have much experience in, and that only made it worse. It was a devastation I had not thought possible.

Who knew that having an almost boyfriend break up with you over a lie would hurt so much? I certainly didn’t. I may have broken a record for the quickest heartbreak, I thought. Wouldn't that be something.

“Nia, they’re talking about firing you, you have to call me.” Another message.

“Nia, your office was cleared out today. I’m worried about you.” I ignored this one too.

Lying in my bed, I took a deep breath of Angel’s jacket. After a week and a half, it started to smell more like me than him. It was Wednesday, or I think it was, but everything blurred together lately. Mark left me a message every day, but for the most part I ignored him. His wasn’t the voice I wanted to hear.

Angel’s absence was acute and I didn’t know what to do with myself. It was a good thing I had a trust fund, and saved up money so well since I was now out of a job. I could wallow in misery for a long time on my savings. I was actually giving it serious consideration too. Why not, I thought. I don't have anything or anyone else to worry about.

After a while, though, the hard pounding on my front door made me get up. Walking sluggishly through my house, I couldn’t even fathom who it might be. Even my talk-happy neighbor stopped trying to come over after I ignored her for two days straight. Wrapping trembling fingers around the doorknob, I pulled open the barrier to come face to face with Angel.

He didn’t look like he wanted to be here if the sneer on his face was anything go by.

“I came to get my jacket,” he said. I didn’t care if it was pathetic but my eyes closed at the sound of his voice and I realized how much I missed it.

“Angel… p-please let me explain…” My crackling voice told me exactly how far I’d fallen. It was rock bottom. There wasn’t any lower point.

“Just shut up, I’ll get it myself,” he said. Pushing past me roughly, Angel glanced around before stalking towards my bedroom while I stood there immobile. It hurt to breathe and my knees were weak.

“You’re pathetic, you know that?” he accused me. That voice, the one that was so tender and nice, was now hard and cold and distant. When I finally managed to move, though, his words hit me like a physical blow. Angel was going to walk out the door forever if he didn’t give me a chance to explain.

Shutting the door and locking the locks as he walked across the living room, I turned around to open my mouth. Standing in front of the doorknob, he would have to go around me to get to it. I even held it with my hands for good measure.

“Move. Now,” he ordered.  Shaking my head at the command, I gulped harshly. Angel looked ready to punch something, and maybe that something was me. It was scary yet I did not care.

Watching him clench his hands into fists was one of the most intimidating gestures I had ever seen. Even that did not move me though.

“Nia, move.”

“N-no… Just one minute, one minute,” I tried to tell him. I wasn’t sure where the person I used to be had gone. I’d never begged for anything before but one minute seemed so precious.

“Get out of the way,” he growled. Shaking my head hesitantly, it was easy to be terrified of the fire in Angel’s eyes. His hand shot out to grab my arm harshly and he took a step forward with that same sneer on his face.

“You’re disgusting, look at you. I can’t believe I ever liked you,” he said.

“H...he came to my office, he told me not to get involved with you. I said, I said that I wasn’t interested in having sex with you… Angel, please… Roman was lying. Please believe me!” I begged. This was my last chance. If Angel walked out the door I would never see him again. The thought made my blood cold. I had no job, no willing family, no one. He was it, and as sad as it was, if he left me like this I wouldn’t be able to go on. I felt defeated as I never have before.

Two dates, and a four week acquaintance, that was all it took for him to become so important to me. It was kind of scary, honestly. Maybe I had a dependency problem.

“Move before I do something I probably won’t regret,” he threatened.

“…I need you. Please don’t leave me. I can’t live this way,” I said. The tears I had been trying so hard to hold in were falling in torrents down my cheeks. Angel’s grip on my bicep slackened, and I wrapped my arms around myself before slowly side-stepping.

“I can’t… I can’t do this anymore,” I whispered.

“Nia,” Angel said hesitantly.

Shaking my head furiously, I covered my ears with my hands and crouched into a fetal position.

“Just go away. It hurts too much. It hurts so bad. Make it stop. I just want it to stop,” I cried.

Rocking back and forth, I was so close to feeling nothing it was almost a blessing. My career was down the drain, the only man I’d ever really liked hated me. Again I dreamed of doing nothing and feeling nothing. That would be the perfect solution. Sit around all day, eat, sleep and do nothing. It requires less thought and feelings. That would work perfect. My whole life gone in an instant.

All because of Roman. The wormy bastard had ruined my life in less than two minutes.

“What’s the point of living if no one loves me?” I asked. Angel might not have known, but my father was dead and my mother hated me. My uncles and aunts ignored me because my father left his money to me. My job was all I had and now I don’t even have that. The husk of a person I’d turned into was shameful, and everything that had once driven me was gone. My desire to help people vanished when I was so completely betrayed by the person that said I could ask him for anything. So why bother trying, I wondered. I just did not want to give a shit anymore. It hurt too much.

Maybe the people I had helped avoid jail were out there, repeating their crimes. Probably, I thought.

Maybe everything I believed was wrong. After all, Angel didn’t even bother to hear my side of the story. Likely I thought.

“Nia, don’t talk like that,” he said softly. A rueful smile crossed my lips at Angel’s slightly accented words.

“Why not? You don’t believe me, you don’t take my calls or answer my texts. You’re someone to me, and just like everyone else, you abandoned me. Because your cousin set me up. Because he set me up and while you were walking away, he smiled like he wanted this to happen,” I was sure that was true. So sure and I hated Roman for it.

“Who am I supposed to trust if I can’t trust my own family?” he asked. Standing up to whirl around faster than I should have, I ignored the swaying of my body to start screaming.

“Me! You’re supposed to love me! To trust me! Don’t trust anyone but me! Didn’t you learn that growing up? Don’t trust anyone! Anyone but me! Why is that so hard? Why am I not enough for you? You left me! You did these things to me and now I’m different! Look at me! You took everything from me and I should hate you but I don’t because you…! You were supposed to kiss me and make me fall in love with you and we were supposed to be happy together! One more minute! One more minute and I was going to give in! Does this look like someone who didn’t care? You! You’re so stupid!” I finished in my self-despair.

Angel watched me as I panted for air and tried to keep myself on my feet with wide eyes. Yelling took a lot of energy and a diet of Chinese food and pizza didn’t supply that much. After a moment though, when he didn’t say anything, I turned around to go to my room.

“Just get out. I can’t do this right now, I can’t do this ever, and I can't ever stop,” I told him. I had given up and did not know what was going on anymore. I did not know what I was saying, I did not know how to care, I thought.

I made it to my bedroom before finally collapsing into a heap on the floor. It was cold and hostile but I embraced it. I felt like it was an inevitable end to my life at this point.

My keening, broken sobs were unstoppable.

Chapter 6 - Angel

Nia’s expression was one that’ll haunt me for the rest of my life. I had never stopped to think about how badly she would be hurting, or if she was telling the truth and Roman had been lying to me. Standing in front of her front door, though, I knew I couldn’t just leave her like that.

Over the past two weeks I felt empty and a huge hole had formed in my chest. It was absolutely nothing to the pure devastation I had just witnessed. Part of me wanted to think it was all an act but even I knew that faking that kind of emotion wasn’t possible. For the first time since that fateful Friday night I realized how horribly I’d messed up. I had made my share of mistakes in my life but this one... this one took the cake.