Defending My Mobster (BWWM Romance) (25 page)

The kiss-and-make-up session with her didn’t do for me what I’d hoped it would. She had been happy that we were back together, that everything was fine now. She’d felt like she’d taught me a lesson by showing me she wouldn’t just stick around out of kindness. But I’d felt like the hole inside of me hadn’t closed. In fact it gaped wider.

And the reason was standing outside in the road, waiting for another man to take her home, because I had been too pathetic.

I sighed.

Vanessa had just gotten a call from Tamika, telling her that they’d found her father’s will. A filing error on their part, apparently. She wanted to meet with her at her father’s ranch.

“I feel like I’m going to faint,” Vanessa said. “Everything was taken away from me, and now it feels like I’ve gotten it all back in a big rush. Like a giant wave, smacking me down.”

“I’m happy for you, darling,” I said, feeling everything but. I had to snap out of it.

“You’ll come with me, won’t you?”

“What?”

“To the ranch? To talk to them about the estate. I really want you to come.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Van. I have so much that I need to do around the ranch… I haven’t done nearly enough today.” The truth was I hadn’t done anything at all. I trusted my manager would have the place under control. It felt like my whole world had been slightly skewed since Tamika had arrived.

“Oh, please, Noah. It won’t be long, I promise. Just until we’re done talking, and then you can go again.”

“I really don’t want to do this,” I said.

Vanessa’s face fell and her eyes became deep and serious. “I can’t believe you’re doing this. It hasn’t been five minutes since we sorted things out between us, and you don’t want to come with me. You know how important this is to me. Why isn’t it important to you too?”

“It’s not personal, Vanessa.” It was, actually. “I just can’t do this right now.”

“It’s about her, isn’t it? Your fight last night about her… you don’t want to come because of her.”

“That’s not what it’s about.”

“I think that’s exactly what it’s about,” she said, and I looked down. I felt guilty, and the moment I did it, I knew she thought so too.

“Fine,” I said. There was no way I was getting into an argument about Tamika. I was still trying to figure out what it was that I was feeling, never mind having to defend her in an argument.

Defend her? What was I saying?

“I guess I can take some time off to come,” I said and Vanessa bent down and kissed me.

“Thank you so much,” she said.

We drove to the ranch in separate cars. I was in my truck so I could leave again the moment it was over. Vanessa planned on staying much longer and then coming back once the day was over. I had no idea how she was running her school in Kerrville, she was here so often these days.

We pulled into the tourist ranch and the manager bounded out with a big smile plastered across her face. She had a quick word with Vanessa, and then she disappeared again. I was relieved. I didn’t like the woman, even when I was in a good mood.

I wasn’t in a good mood.

A silver Mercedes came down the drive way and parked in front of the house. Tamika stepped out of it. She was wearing different clothes than that morning, an expensive looking suit with matching pencil skirt and a blouse nearly the color of her skin. She looked smart and important, and the car rounded off the image. When she saw me she froze for a split-second, but then she extended her hand to Vanessa without showing any emotion.

“Shall we go inside?” Vanessa suggested, nodding toward the house. She walked first, Tamika followed. I walked in after them.

We sat down at the long table in the kitchen. No one else was there, even though I knew there were lodgers at the moment. Vanessa folded her hands on the table and looked at Tamika expectantly.

“I’m just going to get down to business, shall I?” She opened a briefcase and took out a stack of papers. “As I mentioned before, we found your father’s will. In it he appoints you as the Executor, which means from here on out the estate is your responsibility.”

Vanessa breathed a sigh of relief and happiness, like she hadn’t heard this news already. “What about the division of assets?” she asked.

Tamika flipped through the papers, her eyes scanning over the fine black print, and nodded slowly. “Yes, it seems you’re mentioned in the will, but that’s not my division. A lawyer will be in contact with you soon. In the meantime Aaron will still be here to answer any questions you may have. I have his contact details here for you.”

“Thank you for this,” Vanessa said like Tamika was the one that had personally arranged it.

“It’s not my doing, but in any case you’re welcome,” Tamika said professionally. She handed the stack of papers to Vanessa. “There are a lot of things that still need to be done around here. I made a list of everything we’d already done in the office so you can pick up where we left off, and Aaron will be able to help with any of the legal things you get stuck with. Other than that, there’s nothing left for me to do other than wish you good luck.”

“What’s happening to you now?’ I asked, speaking for the first time. Tamika looked at me like she hadn’t realized I was there. Her face was a careful expressionless mask and I had no idea what she was thinking. She was bullet proof as ever, the sensual, emotional, warm person from last night gone.

“I’m going back to Lafayette. There’s always more work and my boss wants me back at the office.”

I nodded slowly. Vanessa smiled and we all stood up. When we walked toward the front door, her cell phone rang.

“I’m very sorry, I have to take this,” she said to Tamika. She put a hand on my arm. “Will you show her out?”

I wanted to say no, but I nodded. Tamika turned and walked toward the door. Vanessa answered her phone and disappeared into the adjacent lounge. I was left alone like man-in-the-middle. I wanted to run away from both of them. Instead I followed Tamika.

“That’s a nice car,” I said, tracing the sleek lines of the car with my eyes.

“It belongs to my boss.  Well, I suppose it’s a rental.”

“Better than the one you guys drove here.”

She shrugged. “He wanted me to drive it here so I could keep up our image.”

“The company image?” I asked. She nodded. “Why would that be a problem?”

“It’s a long story,” she said. She looked around the ranch and sighed. For a moment her mask dropped and she looked so sad I felt like it was my job to do something about it.

“Is he upset with you?”

“He’s upset about my unprofessional conduct. I’m not supposed to sleep with clients.”

“I’m not exactly..." I stilled. Her boss knew she’d spent the night? “I never really pegged you as the type to kiss and tell,” I interrupted myself.

“I didn’t kiss and tell..." she started but I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment.

“What the hell is all this to you? A trip down memory lane that you get to share with your new pals later?”

“Noah, that’s not what it’s about at all. I didn’t want to come down here.”

“No, of course you didn’t.” I was angry now. “Why would you come back to the good-for-nothing man you left behind, and the life where you groveled in the dust, when you have so much better now?” My blood boiled in my veins. I’d had about as much as I could handle.

“You’re not being fair. I didn’t have much of a choice, but if you think about how things were when we left, do you blame me for not wanting to come back? It was bad enough having to pick myself up after you decided I wasn’t what you wanted anymore. It’s worse that I had to come back so you could rub in my face how amazing your life became after I left. And now I have to deal with it all again. Damn it, Noah!”

It was the first time in all the time she’d been here that she showed any emotion at all. It was refreshing. And it was heartbreaking. I had no idea that it was how she felt. And somehow, knowing that it had been so bad for her, made it all that much worse. She looked like she was going to cry.

“I find out that you replaced me. It takes one night for you to manage to fool me again – one night! – and the next morning it’s a repeat. You replace me again the moment things don’t go the way you want it.”

I wanted her to stop. I wanted her to pull herself together before she started crying. I didn’t do well with women crying, especially if it was my fault. And I had a feeling that this was all my fault. That I really hurt this woman, the girl I’d loved. Still loved.

“What?’ I heard a shrill voice behind me. I turned and Vanessa stood on the porch, cellphone in hand. She stared at us, jaw dropped, eyes pained. I didn’t know how long she’d been standing there; how much she’d heard. Tamika looked up at her, too.

“Sorry,” she said to me, and ducked into her car, slamming the door. She started the car and pulled out, turning down toward the gate and driving out of my life. I wanted to run after her. I wanted to beg her to stay. I wanted her to save my heart from shattering all over again.

But Vanessa stomped down the porch steps and stormed towards me like hurricane, eyes spitting fire.

“You what?” she sneered at me. She pulled her hand back and slapped me so hard my head spun to the side. The skin on my cheek smarted where her hand connected with my face, and I knew it was going to go red in about ten seconds. I turned my head slowly back to her.

“You good-for-nothing son of a bitch!” she yelled. “I’m hardly out of the picture before you sleep with someone else? What the hell is wrong with you?” She was pretty good at putting all the pieces together. Tamika hadn’t even said it outright. I rubbed my cheek.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I say to Vanessa. She frowned at me.

“The hell you can’t. Who do you think you are? You can’t just throw away a relationship as long as ours and tell me you don’t have what it takes. When are you going to grow some balls and be a real man?”

I stilled. So this is what she thought of me all this time? It was nice to finally hear the truth. It made me that much more determined.

“You slept with her when you went to her hotel, too, didn’t you?” Vanessa asked. She looked like she was about ready to attack me. I nodded slowly. What was the point of hiding it?

“I did. I’m sorry.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself for another slap, but when it didn’t come I opened them up again. Vanessa’s eyes were filled with tears. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she looked like she was going to collapse on herself.

“I’m sorry for doing this to you, Vanessa,” I said, and I really meant it. “The fact is that I thought I could carry on. I thought that if I worked really hard at erasing everything in my life that resembled the life I’d had with her, I could forget her. But the fact is I can’t. I haven’t managed to deal with her leaving. And it’s not fair to you.”

She took a deep breath and I knew she was fighting her tears. She was only half-succeeding. Tears spilled onto her cheek, tracing two wet trails down to her chin.

“I’m really sorry,” I said to her, and got in my truck. When I towards the gate, following the same route Tamika had taken, I looked in the rearview mirror and watched Vanessa get smaller and smaller, surrounded by a cloud of dust. I wondered how it was so easy to drive away from a five year relationship.

I didn’t go home like I should have. I didn’t go and speak to my ranch manager that had had to do everything without me checking up on him once.

I drove down to O’Malley’s just off Junction Highway. When I walked into the pub, Jake was sitting at one of his own booths eating. He had a healthy dose of French fries on his plate and he was mopping up ketchup with each one before it disappeared under his thick moustache.

When I walked in he looked at me with raised eyebrows.

“I haven’t seen you here in a while,” he said with his mouth full, and swallowed hard. He took a sip of water from a beer mug. “Are you looking for someone?”

I looked around the pub. In fifteen years the only thing that had changed was the size of Jake’s belly. I sat down opposite him and took off my hat, dropping it on the seat next to me.

“Do you have family?” I asked him. All I knew about ol’ Jake was that he’d had this pub since I was young, and everyone knew where to find O’Malley’s, the Irish pub in the middle of nowhere that served good cowboy food to good cowboy people. Jake snorted.