Defect (15 page)

He opens his bag and pulls out a bottle of water. “Thirsty?”

I accept it and take a long sip, tilting the bottle back. “So, how am I doing?” I ask, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

He looks down
, and I swear I see a smile tug at his lips. “Ah, actually you’re in first right now.”

“Oh.”

“Not what you expected?”

“Not at all.
After the wolf …”

“
You
got the wolf?” He turns to me suddenly.

“Yeah.”

The look of concern on his face slowly fades, once he sees that I really am okay. “I was hoping Bryce would get it.”

“You mean
there was only one wolf?”

“Yeah.
There are a few other animals they’ll release, but just one wolf. Your ranking will be higher if you finish well, since you’ve received the most difficult challenge.”

I consider it for a moment. I pick up the knife lying between us
. Will looks away when I lift my shirt to tuck it back into my waistband. “You know, a gun would have been more helpful.”

“I w
as worried you’d hurt yourself.”

I’m stunned for a second that he actually considered it.
“You were more worried about me handling a gun than you were about me taking on a wolf with my bare hands?”

“Not with your bare hands –
I gave you a knife.” He smiles. “And that wolf didn’t stand a chance.” He believes in me too much. It makes my stomach cramp with nerves. I want him to believe I’m this person he thinks I am, yet I’m terrified I’m not; when he discovers the truth, I’ll be letting him down.

I shudder when I remember what I did to the wolf. I’m glad he doesn’t ask what happen
ed.

“Are you cold?” he asks.

“A little, not too bad,” I lie. The temperature has dropped rapidly since the sun went down.

“It’s okay to be cold, Eve. You’re allowed to show
some
weakness.” He shrugs out of his jacket and places it around my shoulders.

“Um, thanks,” I mumble.
I pull it closed in front of me. It smells like him. I breathe in the scent, trying to be inconspicuous, but after smelling nothing but dirt and trees all day, the scent is comforting and wraps me in warmth. “So won’t you get in trouble if they see your dot next to mine – I mean, shouldn’t you get going?”

He sits up straighter. “
No. I’m the only one on overnight duty tonight. But you’re right; I probably shouldn’t stay too long anyway. Just in case.”

I play with the bandage on my hand, tightening the tape.
I sometimes find myself forgetting he’s in charge.

Will notices and reaches for my hand. “Let me see.
” He turns my palm over and unwinds the tape. The cut is stained with dried blood, and even in just the moonlight, I can tell it doesn’t look good. Without dropping my hand, Will reaches into his backpack. He removes a jar of medication. He unscrews the lid, and the minty smell of it makes me smile. He scoops some up and dabs it gently across my cut. His hands are huge, and strong, yet his touch is soft, careful. It surprises me. When the cut is covered with the balm, he re-wraps my hand with a clean bandage.

We’re quiet for a few moments, just listening to the sounds of the woods at night. The trees creak and groan in the light breeze. The leaves rustle on the ground. The stars are mostly muted, but the moon is bright enough to see by. My mother always loved the moon. It’s kind of an odd thing to love. But sometimes, I’d catch her at the window, just staring at it, letting it bask her face in its bluish
glow. I tip my chin to it and close my eyes, making a silent wish for my mother.

“You’ve never asked about how I ended up here,” Wills says, pulling me from the moment.

“Nope,” I say.

“Aren’t you curious?” He shifts so he’s facing me. His eyes on me are too much. My cheeks flood with heat. I turn so I’m looking out into the woods.

“Ah, not really. I heard you hold the record for staying in training for three years. The rest, I don’t really care about.”

He nods, looking thoughtful, trying to find whatever it is I’m focused on in the woods.  “Well, if you want to know, I’ll tell you. That way, there won’t be any secrets between us.”

I turn toward him. “No. That’s okay; I don’t want to know. We’re more even this way.” I smile. “Since we don’t know what’s wrong with me … I don’t need to know what they found in you.”

His face turns serious. “There is nothing wrong with you.”
I’m quiet for a few seconds, considering his words. He is the only one here who believes that, and it’s nice to know there’s someone who thinks so. “Well, if you change your mind, the offer stands – you can always just ask,” he says.

“Maybe instead you could tell me about your life before you came here
,” I suggest, realizing I really don’t know much about him.

“What do you want to know?”

“Anything.”

He’s quiet for a second, like it takes considerable effort to remember back to his life before this place.
“I have a brother, Stephen, who’s fifteen. He’ll be getting his mindscan in a few months.”

I nod, unsure what to say. I know if Stephen does get stuck here, Will
will look out for him, just like he’s done for me. And suddenly, I know why Will had chosen to stay here rather than get assigned to another post. He’s waiting to see what happens with Stephen. The goodness I see in him, the strength he has – I now see it from a new angle. He’s doing it for his brother.

I begin to understand Will
’s – and even Kane’s – hardened exteriors a little more. This place makes you forget all the good stuff; you’re forced to leave your old life behind. But I’m starting to realize, if we let them take that from us – they win. And I don’t want to let them win.

“You have siblings?” he asks.

“No,
it’s just my mom and me.”

He’s qui
et and I sense he wants me to continue, to fill the silence around us with the little time we have together. He clears his throat. “So, um, tell me about your mom.”

I decide to trust him, and tell him the truth.
“She wasn’t like normal mothers, but in a lot of ways, she was better. She had endless patience for playing games with me. One night we decorated the whole house in butterflies cut from tissue paper. We kept them up for a whole year, before we needed a change and redecorated with hearts.” I smile lightly at the memory. 

“But in other ways, she was hard to be around. She was distrustful of the government, though she would never say why. I still don’t understand why she wouldn’t have explained it to me. Maybe she just thought everything would turn out fine with me, and I’d never know her past.”

“I’m sure she was doing what she thought was best for you.”

“Maybe.
Even the name she gave me – Eve – she chose from the bible story. Another strong woman who thought for herself, she’d said. And we all know how well that turned out.” 

He chuckles. “She sounds strong. Like you.”

“I guess.” Before this place, I’d never thought of myself as strong, but now, I’m not sure what to think. I do what I have to do to survive. That’s all there is to it.

“So you never knew your father?” he asks.

“I didn’t even know his name until I came here.”

He
nods, a sad look in his eyes. It was uncommon to grow up without both parents, but I didn’t want his pity. I didn’t want him looking at me like there was something wrong with me.

“I used to ask about him,” I explained. “But it made my mom sad, so eventually I stopped asking. Since my mom wouldn’t talk about him, I used to make things up about him.”

He glances my direction, raising an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“I imagined that he liked to jog first thing in the morning. And that he would make scrambled eggs when he got back and quiz me on my homework before school.” I smiled at the memory.
“You probably think that’s strange.”

“No.
Not at all.” He bumps his knee against mine, and I can tell he’s telling the truth. We sit in silence for several minutes, listening to the sound of branches swaying in the light breeze.

Will looks down, and though he’s trying to be subtle, I can tell he’s checking his watch.

“Do you have to get going?” I don’t mean for it to happen, but there’s disappointment in my voice.

“I can probably stay a little longer.”

I’m not sure which of us moved, but before long, we’re sitting closer, trying to draw body heat from each other. Though I’m sure it’s painfully obvious what I’m trying to do, I inch just a fraction closer. “I guess it is kind of cold out here.”

“Yeah.”
He rubs his hands together. “Here, give me your hands.” I hold them out and he takes them, pressing my hands in between his. They completely enclose mine, and I warm up quicker than I would have thought possible. “That better?” he asks.

I don’t trust my voice to answer, so I nod.

We’re quiet for a few minutes, looking out at the darkened forest. Will eventually breaks the silence. “Do you ever wonder if there’s more to all this?”

Surely he doesn’t mean this life we have here.
It feels like a dangerous conversation to have, even whispered in the darkened woods.

I let myself entertain the possibilities of his question.
“Before I ended up here, no. I was probably more excited than most to get my mindscan – coming to the bright, shiny compound on my birthday – it felt incredibly normal, like something you could count on, you know?” He doesn’t respond. ”But now, I’m starting to question it, too,” I whisper.

He looks over at me. He
doesn’t take a quick glance and turn back to the woods like I expect. He just continues watching me. I grow uneasy under his gaze and shift on the log. Something in the woods makes a sound, drawing his attention away from me.

“Sometimes I want to be different,” he says.
“To be … stronger.”

“You’re th
e strongest person here.” Now I’m the one staring at him, trying to understand what he means.

“No, I don’t mean physical strength. I mean thinking for myself, doing what I want instead of what they tell me.”

My stomach clenches as his low voice washes over me. I feel the same way, even though I’m afraid to admit it. I need to be a soldier. There’s no time to feel anything else, but I want what he does – to be strong enough to have both. Strong enough to compete here yet brave enough to be soft and vulnerable, too. My mother’s words come back to me then, as if whispered from the moon.
They can only take what you give them.

Will picks up a twig from the ground and twirls i
t between his fingers. “I thought I turned off all the feeling in me a long time ago. But seeing what they did to you …” He doesn’t finish.

I swallow and press
my hands together. I’m speechless, unsure what to do, what to say, what to even think.

Will looks down,
suddenly uncertain. I’m not sure if it’s because I want to be strong like he does, but I slide over just a fraction toward him. “You can come closer.” He lifts one arm, and without thinking, I slide under it, letting him pull me snugly to his side.

I lean my head against his chest and feel it rise and fall as he breathes, his heart keeping beat with mine.
It’s hard not to notice that I fit perfectly in the crook of his arm, my head nestled under his chin. His body heat instantly warms me up.

I fold my hands in my lap and run my finger along the chip – ever present, always reminding me of my fate, even when good things are happening. “I know we have the chips and all that, but how come they do this test outside the fence?”

“We’re not
really
outside the fence.” I look at him trying to figure out what he means. “The whole city is fenced,” he says.

I nod.
“Yeah, I mean that goes without saying.” I guess I just take for granted that towns and cities throughout the country are fenced in to protect us from the Radicals. I’ve never given it much thought, but now I find myself wondering why people would have fled during the Medical Revolution rather than get a mindscan. And though it isn’t common, occasionally there are news stories about fifteen-year-olds escaping over the fence. It shocks me how little I know. Growing up, I was never the least bit curious about life on the other side of the fence, where life amongst the Radicals was surely rampant with crime. But now, after my freedoms have been stripped away, nothing intrigues me more. “Will?”

“Yeah?”
His face is so close to mine, I can feel his warm breath on my cheek.

“What’s beyond the fence
?”

He stiffens and pulls back from me just slightly.
His eyes are serious and scan mine. I hope I haven’t said something wrong. “Shh. Get some rest.”

I let my eyes close, too tired to argue and drift asleep against
him.

*
**