Deception Island (29 page)

He pointed to a large polystyrene box beside the door, and addressed her guard. The guy shrugged, and reached for it. Gabriel and the other goon watched listlessly as he pulled out a bottle of water and handed it over. Rafe took a gulp, and passed it to Gabriel. Her guard got out another bottle and chugged, shutting his eyes. Diversion. She didn't know what the hell was going on with Rafe, but she wasn't about to waste an opportunity. She reached down, sliced the ties behind her ankles and resumed her position. If anyone looked too close, they'd notice the plastic lay too loose over her foot. Rafe
must
have known what she was up to. Had he distracted the guard on purpose?

His eyes pinned hers. Deliberately, he trailed his gaze to her guard, then back. He repeated the eye movement, this time following it with tiny movements of one finger—pointing to her, then her guard. He wanted her to take out the guard?

He drew the finger up to his neck and patted it against his skin. He rolled his eyes to Gabriel and then the other guard, then returned focus to her. He raised his eyebrows. A question—did she follow? Her face heated. So he would take out Gabriel and his guard while she was busy with hers? The pilot could wait—he couldn't fight
and
fly. Was Rafe planning to hijack the helicopter?

She gave him the slightest nod she could. Adrenaline prickled under her skin. His face reassumed its default robot expression. At some point it'd become a facade. When? No doubt about it, he was screwed up, but he was present enough to know working together gave them a better chance of escape. At least this meant he wasn't in league with Gabriel. Not that his loyalties lay with her, either. That stung, but she'd get over it once she was free.

Watching the men, he surreptitiously held up a palm. Wait for his signal. He nestled his face into Theo's hair and spoke softly in French. The boy jerked awake, rubbing his face and looking around him dully, before sinking back against his father. Holly could feel his relief. If she could help it, his ordeal would soon be over.

Rafe pushed the hair off his son's face.
“Tu comprends?”

“Oui, Papa,”
Theo whispered groggily. His hair was plastered to his head in damp curls.

Rafe kissed his son's forehead, letting his eyes drift closed. A second passed. Two. His chest rose to full capacity and sank. Something squeezed Holly's heart. How hard would it be to knowingly put your child in danger when you'd just got him back in your arms? He'd do anything for that kid.

Including: betray and kill me
.

Through the door, a fringe of snow-white beach came into view. Rafe wrapped his arms around Theo's back, so his right hand was visible only to Holly. He splayed his fingers.
Five
. He tucked in his thumb.
Four
. She gripped the knife.
Three
. She'd rather shove the guard out the door than spill more blood, but the blade was good backup, at least.
Two
. She filled her lungs.
One
.

Chapter 30

Holly leaped up and launched a flying kick at her guard's head. He stood, and her heel struck his stomach, the impact coursing up her leg and drilling him into the side of the chopper.

Over her right shoulder, Rafe was a blur. She registered Theo dashing into the corner she'd just left. Shouts echoed through the hull.

As the guard gagged, she powered a knee into his nuts. He squeaked but wrenched her arm, spinning her. Her back smacked into his chest, and his arm wrapped around her throat. Crap. She rammed an elbow into his belly. He flinched but tightened his grip, crushing her windpipe. Damn, she'd have to get dirty with the knife.

She jerked her right hand over her shoulder and stabbed at his head, cringing. She caught only air, but he raised his arms to defend himself, releasing her. She pivoted. The chopper banked, sending her flying backward into Theo, driving him into the wall. The guard grabbed a bracket on the other wall, his legs flying. Theo yelped, his face squashed against her back. G-forces pinned them.

“Sorry, kid.”

The chopper lurched. The guard lost his grip and smashed on top of Holly—right onto her outstretched knife. His eyes widened. His hands went for her throat, as if he hadn't figured out a blade was sunk to the handle in his gut. She twisted it. His hands tightened, wringing the breath from her. Beneath her, Theo wriggled. She tried to arch up—the poor kid was taking the weight of both of them.

The helicopter righted, but still the goon squeezed. She gagged, her vision pinpricking. Blood trickled from one side of his mouth. Finally, his hands weakened and he tumbled down her body and slumped to his knees, the knife still embedded. Air scraped back into her lungs. He teetered and collapsed forward. One twitch and he was dead.

In the doorway, Rafe and the other goon wrestled. Gabriel leveled a handgun at them. She launched forward, tackling the warlord's legs. Something dense slammed into her back—Theo, joining the fight. A gunshot exploded through the hull, followed by silence. The floor jerked. Shit.

“Rafe?”

The helicopter dropped, taking her stomach with it. Rafe yelled, his words gurgling in her blown ears. She looked up. His goon had vanished. The pilot lay slumped over the controls, the windscreen sprayed red. The recoil had shoved Gabriel into the fuselage. He juggled to regain his grip on the handgun.

Rafe shouted again. Her brain registered:
Jump!
He grabbed Theo and spun him up onto his back. A rifle hung from his shoulder. Holly listed toward them. Theo clasped his hands around his father's neck.

“Holly, now!”

Rafe held out a hand. As she stretched up to take it, the chopper jolted, plunging him out the door, with Theo. Holly went to follow, but the floor tipped. Bracing her thighs, she fought up the slope, like on a boat in high seas. The helicopter tossed sideways, thumping her onto her back. Gabriel slid into her, cracking the gun barrel into her injured temple. Her head burned. The chopper lurched again and righted. A mechanical wail rang through her brain. Or was it coming from her mouth?

She caught the edge of the door with her left hand. The helicopter dipped and bounced, sending her swinging as she grappled to get a grip with her right. The world went into a spin, g-forces catapulting her out the door, wrenching her shoulder nearly out of its socket. The chopper spiraled like some demented carousel. She should let go. Gabriel flew past, into space, his shout surging and fading. The polystyrene box pelted her face on its way out.
Let go, you moron
. Wind belted her eyeballs. The ocean rose up fast, whipped white by the churning air. She released her hand.

Her shoulder crunched into the skid, flipping her onto her back. She hit the surface of the water with a slap and plunged into cold liquid, jolted immediately by the force of the helicopter crashing down beside her. Kicking hard, she fought through the wash until her lungs caved, forcing her up for air.

Treading water, she spun, her head gyrating as though she'd been spat from a washing machine. Her panting sounded like it was coming from someone else, far away. The helicopter floated on its side. An island lay maybe a mile away. It looked tiny. She turned almost a three-sixty before she spotted Rafe and Theo, clinging to the polystyrene box. Rafe had a rifle aimed at her. He shouted something indecipherable.

Shit. She dropped under the surface and pulled herself down and away, in the direction of the island. A muffled series of explosions sounded above her—or did she imagine it? Rafe had lost the killer-robot face, but who knew what was going on in his brain?

She swam underwater until her chest pinched, surfaced just long enough to gulp in oxygen, then changed direction before popping up again. She braced for gunfire but no shots came. One of her shoes had come off. She yanked off the other, and continued toward the island in a crazed diving zigzag. A few times she thought she heard distant shouts, but with her buzzing ears and water slapping all around, she couldn't be sure—and she wasn't stopping long enough to check. Salt stung her wrist and her bullet wound and found a dozen other cuts and scrapes to torment. Her knee held together okay, as long as she kicked with straight legs.

After an age it felt like swimming through cement. She'd pass out if she kept rationing her oxygen, and the island didn't seem to be getting any closer. She'd have to risk a rest.

She heaved in a breath, then swam as far as she could sideways, underwater. She surfaced quietly, rapidly blinking the water from her eyes. Only a bump of fuselage remained of the helicopter. Next to it were three figures. A wave rose up, obscuring her view. She ducked under the swell and broached again. Her blond hair would be a beacon.

She squinted at the figures. Theo clung to the box. Rafe had one arm wrapped around the polystyrene, and the other around...Gabriel. She dived under another wave. When she surfaced, Gabriel was gone. Dead? Rafe raised his head, his gaze barreling into hers. Eyeing up his next target? She wasn't going to wait around and find out.

She dived. Her best hope was to get to the island and pray the inhabitants were friendly. Was she even getting anywhere? The outgoing tide tugged her backward with every stroke, her knee burned with each kick, and her arms ached. At least Theo would slow Rafe down.

She chanced a look behind. The choppy swell hid her from Rafe, most of the time. The sun opened a gap in the clouds, creating blinding reflections. Her muffled hearing somehow amplified her pulse, making it boom in her head. A wave slapped salt water up her nose. It burned its way through her sinuses.

The island looked further away than ever. Ah, screw it. She'd never make it at this pace. She'd have to break cover and swim freestyle. If she was having trouble spotting Rafe, he'd struggle to see her, too. No doubt he was a crack shot. If he intended to kill her, at least it'd be all over before she knew it.

She swam on, the events of the past few days rattling through her mind—the night Rafe grabbed her from the boat, the shark, the plane, the island, the pirates, the hammock, the helicopter, Gabriel, Amina, Devi, the explosion of relief in her chest when Rafe had appeared in the jungle. It was all a confused tangle. She'd have plenty of time to figure it all out once she was entrenched in her cottage by the sea. Her number one priority was to get there.

The change of stroke upped her momentum. Instead of pulling her back, the waves surged her forward. Fatigue clawed her. She ignored it. She settled into a pattern—four or five strong strokes in between waves, then rest and ride the surge. Her eyes stung. Something scraped her elbow. She flinched. A wave picked her up and dragged her along a ragged rock, gouging her side. The pain barely registered.

Not a rock. A reef. She hadn't been paying attention to the changes in the waves. She scrambled to her feet before the next surge, and launched herself into a break in the coral, the water swirling light-brown with sand. Forcing her eyes open underwater, she navigated past swaying smudges of lime and burgundy. The water calmed, the going got easier. Ahead, orange and blue blurs flitted and darted.

A minute or two later, she beached in the shallows, her body pulsing with relief. She crawled to the water's edge and flipped onto her back, gulping air with a strangled sob, willing her burning muscles to cool. She'd be hurting tomorrow—if she saw tomorrow at all.

Movement along the beach caught her eye. Rafe pulled Theo clear of the waves and threw the box up the sand.

She stumbled to her feet. No time to rest. She no longer knew who was on which side. The world tipped. Damn. One swim and she'd lost the land legs she'd only just found. She staggered up the beach, eyes fixed on the tree line. A muffled shout—her name, close behind. She wasn't stopping to let him get a clear shot. A wave of sand seemed to rise up, and she pitched forward. A shadow blocked out the sun. She rolled.

Rafe leaned over her. Shit. She kicked out, ready to fight with whatever energy she could squeeze out. He caught her feet, flipped her onto her stomach and pinned her like a butterfly.

Chapter 31

“Holly, it's over,” Rafe rasped.

No kidding. No way could she fight anymore. “Make it quick,” she mumbled into the sand.

“Make what quick?”

“Kill me.”

“Merde.”

He eased his grip, and she rolled over, squinting as he crouched above her. He looked like Rafe again, her Rafe, his brown skin dappled with drops of water, his eyelashes wet. Her chest ached.

Her mind wasn't fooled.
You hear me? You're not fooled
. “Don't you plan to finish the job?”

“You're delirious. Wait here.” He took off down the sand, toward Theo.

Wait here
. If only she had an alternative, but her body was finished. Her chest and arms started to shake.

It seemed like Rafe was back before he left, Theo with him. He knelt beside her and wound an arm down her back, pulling her into a sitting position. Something touched her lips, wet and cool. A water bottle. She grabbed it with trembling hands and guzzled.

“Get away from me,” she croaked, closing her burning eyes.

“Holly, it's me, Rafe.”

“I don't know who you are.”

“Mon Dieu.”
Warm skin touched her cheeks. She eased open her eyes. He was cradling her face, so gently she could cry. “I'll get you help.”

“I don't want your help.” Dr. Jekyll had returned, but she wasn't buying it. “Just leave me. I'll find my own way out of here. I won't talk.”

“
Mon chou
, you're not thinking straight. You've been through so much.”

She pulled away his hands, feeling the fight return to her body, and forced herself up on her elbows, grimacing. “Oh,
I'm
not thinking straight? You just tried to kill me—twice. No, three times.”

His jaw dropped. “You know I was faking, with that pistol? For Gabriel?”

“Don't give me that. You were going to that place you went to before—that...trance. You were descending, turning into the devil Gabriel said you would become, the machine you warned me about.”

“You are right, I
was
turning, but—”

“You were going to kill me.”

“Yes, but—”

“Sorry, I don't think there can be a ‘but' when you're trying to kill someone. I could see it in your eyes. You pulled that trigger—on a loaded gun. If it hadn't jammed, or whatever—”

“Holly, I knew the gun wouldn't work. It was the same one the pirates had brought to Penipuan—to Deception Island. The sons of bitches double-crossed me—sold me a working one, then switched it with that piece of junk. It's old and crappy and not something Gabriel's men would bother with, so when they put it in my hands, I realized what I could do to get us out of there.”

He planted his hands on her shoulders. She shuddered. Oh, God, did her body want his touch, his comfort. But she was putting her mind in control, for a change. She shrugged him off.

“How could you possibly have been sure? I saw the guy hand it to you. You had your eyes closed.”

“I knew the gun, Holly. I know guns, and this one had nicks in it, scratches. I recognized them.”

“How did you know they hadn't—I don't know—fixed it before they gave it to you?”

“All they did was check it was loaded. I knew it wouldn't fire. The mechanism's broken. Holly, you don't seriously think I'd kill you, after...everything?”

“Rafe, you were unrecognizable. And then you shot at me, after the chopper went down. If I hadn't dived—”

“Mon Dieu.”
He swiveled and sat, heavily, next to her. Theo nestled in beside him, seeking out Rafe's huge arm and dragging it around him. Rafe pulled him tight. Holly's heart tugged, despite her better judgment. “This is what you think of me. You think I am a monster.” He pressed his free hand into his eyes.

She sat up. “What am I supposed to think?”

“I thought there was something between us that...transcended...” He shook his head, slowly.

“So did I.” She didn't bother to keep the pain from her tone.

“You don't trust me.”

“Well, Jesus, of course I don't. You kidnapped me, you tried to strangle me and you tried to shoot me—three times.”

“Why do you think I saved you from that soldier, in the jungle?”

“I don't know—because you figured you might need my help?”

“Holly, I... I knew Gabriel would stop me from shooting you—you were worth too much to him. I knew his greed would win. I just had to be convincing enough to make him believe that I
would
do it. Gabriel wanted to believe me—to believe in me. If that hadn't worked I would have found another way to keep us all alive. I didn't think I would convince you, too. I believed—hoped—you thought more of me than that, after...” He rubbed the spot between his eyes, as if he was trying to clear a headache. Sand as fine and white as flour dusted his face.

“Oh, it was convincing, all right.” She was in danger of believing his explanation. Hell, she was in danger of throwing her weary body on his and sucking up all the comfort she could handle. She straightened her spine. “And what about when you fired at me on the water?”

He dragged his hands over his stubble. The rasping sound made her heart twang with a memory of their night in the hammock. “I wasn't aiming for you.”

“Sure looked like it.”

He groaned. “I was aiming at Gabriel. He was behind you, about to shoot you. I told you to dive, and you dived.”

She narrowed her eyes. Patches of salt were drying on his tanned forehead, pinching the fine lines together. He looked ten years older than the night they'd met—and he'd looked haunted then. Still imposing, but...hurt and vulnerable. She tore her gaze away and forced herself to focus on the white-capped ocean.
Don't fall for it
.

“You don't believe me.” His voice was guttural.

Her throat tightened. She didn't want him hurting—how stupid was that? “I saw you with him afterward, by the wreckage.”

“He was dying.” Rafe's voice cracked. “My shot found its mark. I held him until death came. I couldn't get his body to shore as well as Theo, so I let him go.”

Her eyes pricked. Theo stretched up and whispered something in Rafe's ear, eyeing Holly. Rafe murmured back. He had an answer for everything, and it sure sounded like he was telling the truth. But how could she know? She was a failure at reading men she'd fallen in love with.
Was
she in love with him? She wanted to be—which was the craziest thing of all—but a boulder was sitting right on her heart and not letting her breathe. She wanted to believe him, but she didn't want another broken heart.

Crap. Maybe the problem wasn't Rafe, but her.

“I told Gabriel...” Rafe trailed off. He stroked Theo's fringe upward and swept it to the side. The move looked habitual, and it probably was—a solo dad taming his kid's hair, like he might do each morning before school. His Adam's apple bobbed. “I said I was sorry, that I wished to God I'd taken him with me that day, when I was rescued from the militia. It was my biggest mistake—and I've made many. I should have gone back.” His voice faded.

If she kept looking at him, it'd break her. But she couldn't help it. His eyes watered. Oh, God—Rafe, crying? She gulped down a squeak, her own eyes burning.

“He said, ‘So do I, my brother.' There was no bitterness in it, just longing, and...regret. And that was it.”

“I'm sorry,” she said, automatically. And she
was
sorry—not for Gabriel's death, because he damn well deserved it, but for the pain and loneliness of his youth, and for the guilt and sorrow Rafe carried. “If you feel responsible, you shouldn't.”

“Seeing those scars on his body—that nearly broke me. He's right. I abandoned him, just like I've all but abandoned Theo for most of his life.” He leaned his forehead on his son's crown. Theo snuggled in deeper, as if claiming ownership. Her throat was too strangled to manage comforting words. Rafe remained still as a rock. After a silent minute, he turned to her, his eyes crinkled with concern. “It nearly killed me to pull that trigger on you, in the compound, even though I knew the gun wouldn't fire.”

“It nearly killed
you
?”

He laughed curtly. “
Ma chérie
, you should know, I did nearly go into that dark place. So much of what Gabriel said was the truth, a truth I've hidden from myself for too long. But I knew I wasn't the machine he believed me to be—that you still believe me to be. I managed to stay present, because I found my kill switch. You know what it is?”

She shook her head, unable to talk.

“You. I
was
falling into that hole, I
was
battling these demons. But then I thought of you and I felt this lightness right here.” He punched his chest, making Theo flinch. He kissed the boy's hair. “This goodness. And it grew. It brought light with me into the darkness. I knew I'd fallen in love with you, and that meant I was truly human. With Theo, I've always doubted that feeling. I've always thought it was merely a basic animal instinct, no more than the protectiveness animals feel for their young. I once felt it for Gabriel—now I know why, because we are brothers.
Were
brothers.” His glistening eyes captured hers. “And now I feel it for you, but in a wholly different way. More urgent, more powerful, more hopeful. I've never known whether I can trust that feeling of...love...as a real emotion.”

The word
love
sounded unpracticed on his tongue. That alone made her stomach melt.

“Holly.” He gulped. “Meeting you, knowing you... You make me feel something I've never felt. Now I know that what I feel for Theo is not just protectiveness, but real love. It goes so deep inside. It's the same way I feel about you.”

She whimpered and clamped a hand to her mouth. He was laying
everything
out, and it was everything she yearned to hear. So what was stopping her blurting out what she also knew to be true—that she loved him with every atom of her body? That she did trust him, and she knew in her heart his version of events was true? Maybe all the doubts of the last few hours were just panic at what was really going on—she'd fallen in love with this guy and was afraid of giving in to that feeling, of making herself vulnerable again.

“You don't know if you can believe me.”

She shook her head, tears blurring her vision. Holy cow, she wanted to believe.

“What does your heart tell you?”

“To believe. But I don't trust my heart, Rafe. It's led me astray before. It got me locked up for six long years. How do I know this is real, this feeling that I—I want to always be with you?”

He grabbed her hand, sending little shocks up her arm. She didn't pull away.

“Listen,” he said. “Both of us have learned from bitter experience not to let our guard down. But now I know there's one voice we can trust, and that's the one in here.” He relinquished her hand and gently touched her chest, over her heart. Goose pimples radiated from the spot. “It's that voice that saved me just now, that brought me back from the brink. In the militia, I turned off all emotion, and in the Legion I was taught to act without passion, warned that it is a danger. Today I discovered it can be powerful in a good way. What does
your
voice tell you?”

It told her to give herself to him completely. She chewed her lip. Was she ready to take that risk?

“Holly, I'm in love with you—and I never thought I'd say that about anyone and mean it. I certainly didn't think it could happen this quickly. But I trust this, more than I've ever trusted anything. I never want to be without you—you're the most incredible woman I've met. You're brave and you're smart and you make me feel human—and believe me, that's the biggest compliment I could give anyone.” He dropped contact. “I understand if you don't feel the same. I'd deserve that.”

She sought out his hand and squeezed it, wanting to acknowledge the depth of what he was sharing, even if she couldn't reciprocate.

Or...could she? What would that be like? She felt like a beached whale being crushed by its own weight.

“You know, Holly, I'm not the only one who has been sending mixed messages. Perhaps the only reason you went all sugar and honey on me was to trick me into helping you survive.”

She sat up straight. “No! Well, to start with...yes. But then...”

His lips curled into a grin.

“You're teasing me! At a moment like this?” She couldn't help smiling back. His jab was strangely comforting, a reminder of the bond they'd formed, of the chemistry that zapped between them.

“Then what?” he prompted, pinning her under his gaze.

She swallowed.
Out with it, Ryan
. “Then I realized there was an honorable man beneath the facade.” She looked at their linked hands, hers small and freckled, his brawny and brown. “A strong man who understood me like no one ever had. A man I felt I could give everything to, who would keep it all safe and keep
me
safe. I didn't know if it was real or not. And then at Gabriel's compound, with the gun, I thought—”

He dislodged their hands. With one finger, he drew a line from the base of her throat to her chin, tipping it up toward him. She shivered.

“It
was
real, Holly. It
is
real. I don't know if normal people get this feeling all the time, but I certainly don't. I know we have something powerful here. Something that transcends all the pain of the past. Something that can make us both stronger and better. Together.” He stroked her cheek with his callused thumb, wiping her tears. “To be honest, I don't know how this is all going to work out. I don't know if I'll still have a place with the Legion, or whether I want one. I don't know if I'll be able to return to Corsica, now they know what I am—what I was. Right now, there's only one thing I know—that I have a home, I have somewhere I belong, and it's right here with Theo and you. If that's all I have left, it is enough. I will never run again. Now, I'm sticking with the people I love, for good.”