Decadent (42 page)

Shayla Black Decadent She sighed. “One o’clock.”

“Great. Thanks!”

She rattled off the name of a hole-in-the-wall deli with a great little patio. It would be hot out there, but they’d be alone. And she could finally end this

chapter
of her life.

#

Deke nursed a cup of coffee and a hangover when Luc came barreling into the kitchen.

“Where is she?”

He took a sip from his cup, ingesting the bitter brew. “Gone. She took your car.” 392

“Damn! She said she was leaving, but I thought she’d at least say good-bye.”

“You want to tell me why she left? Why she spent last night in my bed, instead of yours?”

Luc shot him an incredulous stare. “You really are one screwed-up bastard.

Would you rather that I’d spent all night beside and inside the woman you love?”
God no.
He was fighting between the rational part of him that knew pairing her with Luc would be best for them both and the emotional beast lurking within him that wanted to kill any man who laid a finger on her ever again.

“I may as well get used to it now.” He smiled cynically.

“Don’t bother. Kimber won’t marry me.”

Shayla Black Decadent Deke flinched. Clearly, Luc had proposed. And the pain of losing the right to be her baby’s father was all over his face. What a horrible fucking mess. But Deke couldn’t bring himself to tell Luc that he was sorry Kimber had refused him. He was surprised, though. She seemed too practical to turn down a catch like Luc and raise a baby alone. God knew he was too much of a head case to help.

“She loves you, man. She’d rather be alone than be with anyone else,” Luc said.

How damn tragic was that? Deke shook his head.

“So it’s all up to you.”

Deke blinked and looked at his cousin as if he’d lost his mind. “Up to me to do what? I think I’ve done plenty here, and none of it good. If I do any more, things are likely to go from fucked up to catastrophic.”

393

Luc set his cup of coffee aside and yanked Deke from his chair, to his feet.

“What the hell are you doing?” Deke demanded.

“Resisting the urge to beat the hell out of you. Barely.”

“Bring it on,” Deke snarled, itching for a fight. Anything to take his mind off this shit.

“And give you what you want? No. I’m going to screw your head back on straight.

You are not going to leave Kimber alone and pregnant when you could make—”

“Could make what? Love to her? Not without you or some other chump there. I know my boundaries, and she deserves more than I can give her. She’ll get smart and eventually accept your offer.”

Shayla Black Decadent

“You better hope to God she doesn’t because I’ll break land-speed records to run her to the nearest Justice of the Peace.” He frowned. “If you don’t want that to happen, fix it.”

From that, Deke wondered if Luc would keep pursuing Kimber until he wore her down. He could be damn persistent.

“What the hell are you saying?”

Luc grabbed him by the shirt. “Get over your shit. Is that plain enough for you?”

“My shit?” He jerked away. “I’m just supposed to forget that I caused the death of a sixteen-year-old girl? Poof. Just put the guilt out of my mind and everything is hunky-dory again? Let’s throw a fucking party.”

“After twelve years—”

394

“After twelve years, Heather is still dead and it’s still my fault.”

“Goddamn it, it isn’t!” Luc growled. “I’m not going to win Kimber, but you still can. And you belong with her. She can heal you. You just have to face some realities about Heather and your involvement in her death.”

“I know the realities,” he said through clenched teeth.

“You know the crap her family fed you. You swallowed it whole. But think about it. About her. She was messed up. Getting pregnant was just one of her issues.” He shrugged. “So she had problems. Who doesn’t? But being pregnant was the biggest problem.”

“Wise up. What about her drug use? Or the fact her parents were divorcing?

Wasn’t she failing school? Two days before she swallowed that bottle of pills, she’d failed her driver’s test, right?”

Shayla Black Decadent

“She wasn’t a drug addict. Her parents didn’t end up splitting. She could have turned school around, and retaken her driver’s test.”

“She could have ended the pregnancy, too. It wasn’t like she hadn’t already told her parents. They’d offered to pay for an abortion. She didn’t kill herself because she didn’t want her parents to know you’d had sex. And she didn’t do it because she felt she had no other options.”

“You don’t understand how Heather was.”

“Yeah, I do,” Luc shouted. “The girl craved attention. I’m sorry she’s dead. It’s terrible and tragic. But she didn’t want to untangle her life. She was determined to punish everyone for not loving her the way she wanted to be loved. Her sister was a bitch to her. Her dad never had time for her. Her mom took so many antidepressants, I wonder if she even knew Heather’s name anymore. If you look in the dictionary under
dysfunctional family
, their picture should appear.” 395

“Yeah…” Deke sighed. “But being pregnant sent her over the edge.”

“No. What put her over the edge is anyone’s guess. She’d known about the pregnancy longer than her parents’ divorce, school, or the driver’s test. Any of those things—or none of them—could be the final reason she committed suicide.

She was a volatile, immature girl. You can’t keep being her martyr. You didn’t force the bottle of pills down her throat.”

That was true. If he’d been there, he would have stopped her. Somehow. But from all accounts, she’d been distraught about the pregnancy and determined to end it all.

“Your biggest part in this was an unfortunate condom and the way you behaved after she told you the news. It wasn’t as bad as the way you treated Kimber…but close.”

Shayla Black Decadent Deke froze. “What are you saying?”

“You reacted with fear and fury. You rejected her. Not the way a woman wants a man to behave when she says she’s going to have his child. If you’re worried about Kimber…leaving her to another man or to face this alone isn’t the way to ensure her emotional health.”

Put like that…no shit.
There was a big, heaping pile of reality.

“But more than that,” Luc went on, “are you really going to walk away from the woman you love and your baby because of a death you didn’t really cause over a decade ago?”

God, Luc made it all sound so simple, like he’d just been one tiny part of Heather’s messed-up life, but not the whole reason. Deke sat at the table again, grabbed his coffee, and stared into the black liquid swirling in his cup. Was it that simple? Years 396

had gone by. Who knew? Not him; he’d resisted thinking about it too much.

He’d never seen her suicide note, just believed the crap he’d heard. Heather’s mom had been the kind of woman who would have shifted blame to someone else so she didn’t have to look too hard in the mirror. Heather’s twin, Haley, had been a carbon copy of her mother. Maybe…what Luc was saying had
some
merit.

At the very least, the last twelve hours had proven how much Kimber was unlike Heather. After discovering she was pregnant and he’d handled the news badly, Heather had gone to an all-night bender, gotten shit-faced drunk, and slept with one of his best friends to spite him—then made sure he found out to punish him.

Kimber had refused Luc’s marriage proposal, cried herself to sleep in his bed, then quietly packed her bag and left. She was a lot more…together and practical. She simply went on with the business of living and rolled with the punches.

Shayla Black Decadent But knowing that still didn’t solve his problem. Even if he could just swallow all the guilt, that wasn’t going to make him normal. What if he couldn’t make love to Kimber, one-on-one, like a typical man? But he owed her conversation, assurances that he’d be a father and a friend and provide anything she needed financially. In time, she’d find a great guy. Deke winced at the thought and shoved it away. Okay, one day at a time for him, too. Until she made him face the reality of another man in her life, he’d probably pine for her, think of her as his. And wish he was a better man who deserved her.

“Why are you trying to make everything better between Kimber and me?” Deke turned his attention back to his cousin. “To make up for manipulating us? To get closer to the baby?”

Luc closed his eyes. “I deserved that. I…influenced you both to get what I want. I thought it was in everyone’s best interest, not just mine. Now, I’m trying to talk 397

some sense into you purely for your own good. Like you said a few days ago, I regard you as a brother. You should be happy. You deserve it after all this time and shit.”

Deke swallowed. That was probably the nicest thing Luc could have said to him in that moment. He wanted to believe it. He almost did… “Thanks.”

#

At one o’clock, Kimber sat on the patio of her favorite deli. The area was shaded by live oak trees and bordered a quiet side street, which would help with privacy.

She plucked at the tank top wilting against her skin, hoping that the heat would ensure that if they were gawked at, it would be purely through windows in the deli’s cool interior.

Shayla Black Decadent Ten minutes later, Jesse pushed his way out the door and onto the patio. He turned and waved. Kimber frowned, until she saw a scowling Call through one of the windows.

“He insisted on being around, in case a crowd follows. He’ll stay inside, though.

This lunch is just for us. Damn, it’s hot!”

Jesse stripped off his checked collared shirt, which he’d worn over a wife-beater tee that shouted “Life Sucks” in bright blue letters and enough bling to blind her.

He didn’t remove his sunglasses.

Kimber sighed, then spotted the waitress coming their way with two glasses of water. “Everything here is good.”

The young woman in low-rise shorts pretended not to recognize Jesse while she took their order, but the way her body tensed with excitement and her eyes kept 398

cutting in his direction…it was obvious.

“A turkey sandwich with sprouts and double cheddar on a baguette and a cola.

Sure, Mr. McCall.” Her voice was high and thin with thrill.

Trying not to roll her eyes, Kimber ordered egg salad on wheat and a side of fruit.

Then reluctantly, the waitress left them in peace. After a long pause, Jesse took a sip of water, then fingered the condensation on the exterior of the glass. “Thanks for agreeing to see me.”

“This is the last time until you accept the fact we’re not getting married. What possessed you to make that announcement without asking me first?”

“I just thought…we’d talked about it before. You’re a good influence, and I don’t like where my life is going.”

“Then
you
change it,” Kimber suggested. “I can’t do it for you.” Shayla Black Decadent He looked at her over the tops of his sunglasses. Wounded, bloodshot eyes pleaded as he took her hands in his. “You can help me. I’m stronger with you. You make me want to be a better person.”

“You have to want to be a better person for yourself. Not having me around is just an excuse not to change your life. If you really want to clean up your act, fire Ryan.

He’s trying hard to make sure your life is every bit as screwed up as his. Stop the parties. Start listening to Cal. He might be gruff and dour, but he’s trying to prevent you from self-destructing.” While perpetuating Jesse’s bad-boy reputation, which would sell lots of CDs and iTunes downloads, but that was another story…

“I’ll do it,” he vowed. “See, you’re smart. With you, I can handle things.”

“You can also handle them alone. You have to.”

He tore off his sunglasses to reveal a tired, crestfallen face. “I don’t blame you for 399

not wanting to help me. I behaved like a shit when you toured with me. I shouldn’t have fucked the blonde with Ryan. And the video…God, I felt so stupid. I’m sorry.

Really. It’s just…being near you made me crazy, but I didn’t want to touch you.

Every time I thought about it or tried, I felt like…a child molester or something.

Like I was going to ruin you, and you’re too innocent—”

“I’m not. Not anymore.”

Jesse froze. “The asshole on the phone, you gave him your virginity?”

“I fell in love with him, Jesse. I was in love with him before I came on tour with you. He did his best to push me away—”

“Sounds to me like he pushed his way between your legs,” he growled. “And where is he now?”

Kimber sighed. “Sometimes, things just don’t work out. Like with us.” Shayla Black Decadent

“Don’t say that. Come with me. We’ll take care of each other.”

“No. You’ll be fine without me. Just think smart. Do what you know in your heart is right. You got sucked into too much fame and money too young. What would your parents have wanted you to do? What do you want to be able to tell your children about this part of your life? Certainly not that you saw people snorting coke and having group sex in your hotel room. Or that you and one of your bandmates had anal sex with a total stranger. Do things you’d be proud of.”

“You’re really not going to change your mind, are you?” She shook her head. “I’m always available by phone or email. When you come through town, we’ll meet like old friends. I’ll always care.”

Looking sad, like someone had shot his dog, Jesse stood and made his way around the table, plucked her from her seat, and drew her into his arms. “You’re a special woman.”

400

Kimber smiled. Jesse covered it softly with his mouth. A kiss of friendship. Of good-bye.

Suddenly, an electronic
whirr
crashed into the quiet.

Footsteps—lots of them. Another electronic
whirr
. A flashbulb. Squealing girls.

Pulling away, Kimber blinked, stunned to find she and Jesse surrounded. A handful of photographers frantically snapped pictures. Young women looking barely legal jumped up and down, several proving themselves braless, as they stared at Jesse in worship.

“Can I have your autograph?” one asked.