Decadent (18 page)

The ejaculation went on and on, the pleasure multiplied, magnified. It had never been like this. Deke felt suspended, like these timeless moments of ecstasy would last as long as he could stay inside her. Keep her close.

But reality quickly intruded.

He withdrew slowly, and the moment he did, emptiness beat at him, urging him to get hard again, get right back inside her, and never leave. Kimber was what he needed.

Take her. Claim her. Keep her.

Shayla Black Decadent And then what? He’d seen what happened next. Lived it.

Still had nightmares about it.

Shuddering, Deke backed away and removed the condom. He made the mistake of looking at Kimber’s face. Her uncertain smile tugged at him.
Bullshit.
It tore a huge hole in his chest. She wanted to know if he was okay. She wanted to know if she’d rocked his world. No and hell yes, in that order. And if she stayed another hour, she wouldn’t be smiling anymore. She’d be fucked—literally. Now that he’d been inside her, staying out of her pussy
really
wasn’t an option. If she was still here in an hour, she’d be flat on her back. He’d be buried balls deep. And it would be a huge mistake.

Sex with a virgin, even one as practical as Kimber, usually led to visions of romance and white lace and matching monogrammed towels. It brought heartache, pain, and tragedy. She had no way of knowing that. She’d offered herself to him 161

spontaneously, and a terrible thought occurred to him: she had feelings for him, maybe even believed she loved him. She probably thought she could “fix” him.

Impossible. He wasn’t equipped to give her the sort of happily ever after she deserved.

Deke sighed. God, he felt like he was a thousand years old as he stood, snapped his pants, and put on his shithead hat. It was the only weapon he had to make sure he didn’t ruin her life.

He turned to his cousin. “You know, she’s a hell of a fuck, gives a killer blow job, can handle the needs of two guys, and barely break a sweat. Who knew that under that virginal façade and those fatigue pants there’d be a red-blooded woman?” Kimber stiffened and stared at him as if he’d transformed into a three-headed alien.

Shayla Black Decadent Luc frowned. “Watch your words.”

Oh, he’d watch them, all right—and make them as vile as he could stand to.

Kimber could
not
stay here. Or at least she couldn’t stay here and stay a virgin.

“Oh, no offense, kitten. I appreciate the offer of your virginity, but you should really save it for someone who wants it. You’re just not my type, you know.” She blinked, struggling to understand. “You said you wanted me. Too much.” Deke shrugged. “I had you. Your mouth, your ass. I ate your pussy, fingered it. I can live without fucking it.” God, had he ever told a bigger lie?

Hurt seeped into her eyes as she reached for her clothes and covered herself from his crude gaze. That expression gouged a hole in his chest.
Damn!
But she wasn’t packing her bags yet, and she needed to be.

162

“I know we told you to stay with us for two weeks, but I think you’re ready for whatever Jesse throws at you. I mean, if you want to stay to perfect your blow job, I’ll never turn down the chance to come in a woman’s mouth. Or if you want your ass opened wider so you can take more cock, I’m game to help with that.

Otherwise…I’m not sure why you’d stay.”

“Because she’s beautiful and special and we don’t just see her as another warm body,” Luc growled.

Deke tossed them a flippant gaze. “Sure. Yeah. I just figured… I felt done and assumed it was mutual.”

“Mutual?” Her mouth gaped open. “I just offered you my virginity! You said sinking into me would be heavenly.”

Shayla Black Decadent

“That just shows your innocence. A guy will say anything to get laid when he’s hard.” He shrugged. “I get that your virginity is some sort of prize to you, and I’m sure it will be to Jesse. I just don’t like being the one to break a woman in. It’s messy, there’s always pain—not the good kind. They’re always too sore for round two anytime soon, and you spend the rest of the time in their mouth or their ass, then they complain about being sore all over—”

“Shut your filthy mouth!” Luc grabbed his arm and squeezed. He looked ready to throw punches, and Deke welcomed the thought of pain.

He tossed off his cousin’s hold and watched as Kimber put on her clothes like someone dressing to escape a fire. She couldn’t get dressed fast enough. “And that’s all I am to you? When you look at me, all you see is a virgin?”

“Now? Yeah. I’ve had every other part of you. What else is there?” 163

Kimber fisted her hands at her sides, her face flushed and incredulous. “What happened to a woman being about her smarts and her moxie and her sexuality?” He reached out to test her, to touch her, and was not surprised when she jumped away. “You’re smart and you’ve got backbone. You arouse me. Deep down, you’re a sweet girl.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“I like raunchy,” he said apologetically. “I’ve been chasing this stripper. Ask Luc, he knows her. She’s got enormous tits. Ah, and she wears garter belts. That’s so fucking sexy—”

“And you’re not interested in tutoring me anymore?”

“What do you think you don’t know? What else do you want us to teach you?” Shayla Black Decadent Deke watched her thoughts race across her face, like she was searching for something to say, something that would make him take it back and eat his words.

Finally, she sighed. “You’re trying to run me off because you’re afraid of my virginity.”

“Why would I be? It’s not going to reach out and bite me.”

“I meant emotionally,” she bit out. “I’m getting too close to your defenses, aren’t I?”

Luc sidled up to her and put his arm around her shoulder. “You’re right, sweetheart. He’s being an ass, and he’d better stop now.”

“Look you two, I’m being honest.” He turned to Luc. “Didn’t I tell you before she came that I was hot and heavy after Alyssa?”

164

“Of the two of us, Alyssa does not prefer you. And I have no desire for her.”

“With you out of the picture, she’ll have to look at me.” He tried to smile brightly.

Damn hard when Kimber looked crushed.

“I’ve heard she has a waxed pussy. Sweet!”

She flinched, then tears glossed her eyes, gathering at the corners, threatening to spill. Yeah, he’d caused it, but he couldn’t bear to look anymore.

Making a great show of straightening the pillows on the sofa, he was unprepared when Kimber tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to her, and she smacked him across the face. Hard.

“If all this vile shit you’re saying is the truth, then you’re a first-class asshole and I wish I hadn’t come here in the first place. If you’re saying it so you can leave your precious scarred heart wrapped in ice, then not only are you an asshole, you’re a Shayla Black Decadent coward. Unless you get over the past, you’ll be alone for the rest of your life, because Luc will someday meet a great girl, get married, and leave you to rot alone.

Enjoy your misery; it’s well deserved.”

She spun and stormed away.
Victory.
And yet he’d never felt more wretched.

“Kimber…” Luc called after her departing figure, auburn hair curling around her back. “Sweetheart!”

She didn’t hesitate, much less stop. Instead, Kimber just marched out of the room, across the house to Luc’s room, then slammed the door.

Deke flinched at the angry sound of the door reverberating, shattering the tense quiet.

“You stupid son of a bitch,” Luc snarled. “I hope you’re happy.” 165

“No,” he said heavily. “But it’s for the best.”

“For who? Not me!” He pointed at his chest. “She was the best thing that happened to us, and you fucked it up. Why? Because you wanted her, and you wouldn’t take a chance that she wasn’t like Heather. She’s right; you’re a coward.” Luc tore out of the room, his heavy footsteps tracking toward his room and Kimber.

Deke hung his head. He
was
a coward. And he hated it.

He’d taken missions all over the world, assassinating power hungry generals in third-world shit holes, extracting hostages from fanatical terrorists, diffusing bombs ticking away their last ten seconds.

Kimber frightened him much more.

Shayla Black Decadent

“No, sweetheart. Please. Unpack and stay.” He heard Luc’s pleading words.

“Deke’s just being an ass. Stay with me.
I
want you. I’ll—”

“Luc, it won’t work. I—I need to go…”

The tears in her voice were shredding Deke’s guts when he heard her lift her car keys out of the dish in the foyer and open the front door. He walked to the corner and peeked around.

“Don’t leave.” Luc tried to soothe her with a soft touch.

“Tell me why he does this.” She swiped at the tears on her cheek. “Why he tries so hard to push me away? What’s eating at him?”

Deke tensed. Goddamnit, he wouldn’t put it past Luc to spill all his secrets to soothe Kimber and make her stay. And then she’d see him for the monster he was…

166

“That’s Deke’s secret to tell,” Luc said reluctantly.

“Then I can’t stay.” She marched for the door.

Luc grabbed her arm. “Don’t go. Please. Ignore him. Stay with me.”

“Deke doesn’t want me here. He made that obvious from the start, and I shouldn’t have barged in. Lesson learned.” Kimber caressed his arm, stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Thank you for all you’ve done. I think I know enough to please Jesse, and that was the point.”

“He’s a pop star with a transient life and a wild reputation. You’re a settle-down kind of girl who deserves a stable home and love. I care about you and I want to—” Kimber kissed his words away, softly. Deke could almost taste her regret and pain as he watched. Then she drew in a teary, shaking breath. “Luc, I’ve got to go. I care about you, too, but I can’t be here with him. It hurts too much.” Shayla Black Decadent
Oh, shit
.

She opened the door and turned back. Deke’s gaze connected with hers, and it felt like a battering ram crushing his chest. His cheek burned where she’d slapped him, and he knew that would be the last place she ever touched him. Hell, he was going to implode from the pain. He hurt so fucking bad.

Kimber didn’t say a word. She just shook her head, stepped out, and slammed the door behind her. His knees nearly crumpled. Deke turned and braced himself against the wall, closing his eyes against this hell.

Luc cursed softly, an ugly string of words Deke doubted his cousin had ever uttered in his life. He was in major trouble, no doubt. Luc had every right to be pissed. Kimber had every right to hate him. She couldn’t hate him anymore than he hated himself right now.

167

Shayla Black Decadent

CHAPTER
8

Kimber smoothed down a ripple in her jeans, flipped her hair over her shoulder, then knocked on the door.

Nearly five years. That’s how long it had been since she’d actually seen Jesse McCall in the flesh. She’d seen dozens of pictures. They’d talked on the phone, written countless e-mails. They’d shared parts of themselves over the years—what it had been like for her to grow up without feminine influence after her mother’s death, what it had been like for him to be thrust into sudden stardom. Her difficult classes. His demanding schedule. Her wishes. His dreams.

She’d planned for months to be with him so they could share all that together in person finally, maybe for the rest of their lives.

Now, she’d come here with mixed feelings, no longer certain what her future 168

held. She’d wanted to be with him for so long. But Deke, his anguish and need, his hunger and denial, haunted her. Kimber’s stomach twisted with pain. She pushed it down, hoping to achieve the numbness that had blanketed her for the past forty-eight hours.

Clear the mind. Deep breath. A little calm, but will it ever be enough?

For days after she’d left East Texas, Kimber had hoped that Deke would call and apologize, beg her to come back, tell her he was sorry for humiliating her. God, the hours of tears she’d cried…

Jesse had been the last thing on her mind.

From Deke, there’d been silence. Utter, hellish silence. Luc had called to check on her, and attempt to cajole her into returning. He’d even pleaded. But Deke wasn’t going to beg her to come back. According to him, he had a stiff dick for her, nothing Shayla Black Decadent more. Kimber didn’t believe it. She’d gotten too close to him emotionally; Deke had shed her in an attempt to protect her from something she didn’t understand. But he was also protecting himself.

After he’d thrown the offer of her virginity back in her face and all but announced he was tossing her over for a stripper was a hell of a time to realize that she loved him.

She shoved the thought and the chest-crushing pain aside as footsteps approached the door. She took a deep breath. The blessed numbness began to return.

Deke expected her to move on. So here Kimber was, at Jesse’s door, determined to follow through with her plan. She still adored Luc, but she had to get over Deke and carve out a future.

169

What else could she do?

The hotel room door opened. A stranger with a boyish smile stood in the doorway. Wavy brown hair. Blue eyes. He would have been white bread and apple pie—except for the big tattoo of a skull and crossbones on his biceps, his black eyeliner, and the bullring through his nose.

“Hi, I’m here to see Jesse.”

He stuck out his hand, pale and artistic. “You must be Kimber. I’m Ryan. I do backup vocals and write songs.”

She took his hand, shook it. “Oh, yes. He’s mentioned you many times. Nice to meet you.”

Shayla Black Decadent Ryan’s gaze roamed over her with subtle appreciation. “You, too. He said you were a gorgeous girl, but he was wrong. You’re a gorgeous woman, and he’s going to be surprised.”

Sending him a nervous smile, Kimber looked around the room. A suite. A very nice one in tasteful taupes and creams—and a view of Houston’s skyline that went on forever.

“Thank you. Is Jesse here?”

“Just getting out of the shower. He asked me to greet you since he got out of rehearsals a bit late and had to take an unexpected radio interview.” Ryan shrugged narrow shoulders. “Goes with the territory.”