Decadent (18 page)

Dinner went better than Lachlan's arrival did. Not only did Cormag keep close to him the whole time, refusing to let them eat at the table so they could be in contact, but he admitted to the full events of that day. Waking up beside him, going to work in a good mood and in an even better mood after their texts to one another.

With Konnor's arrival everything had gone downhill. He'd gone straight home after seeing him, claiming he was sick, only to get home and throw a hissy fit, as Lachlan had said. He'd been angry with Konnor, with himself, with Lachlan for making him feel so much and he'd snapped. He'd scattered everything off the table, switched off his mobile and thrown it across the room. Then, his real low, he had dug out a four pack of beer from the fridge and sat down to drink them in self pity.

What Lachlan claimed he was more heartbroken about was the way he'd admitted to seeking out his secret box of memories and soaking in the terrible things that had been said and done to him. Because of Konnor and the alcohol he had convinced himself that it was all his fault. And that the only way to save Lachlan from being tainted by his past was to break up with him. He had convinced himself that Lachlan would lead an easier, happier life without him.

It had taken Lachlan barely a few minutes to reassure him that none of it was true.

To seal the end of all the past hatred and to say goodbye to the bad memories Lachlan talked him into burning his souvenirs. They were nothing but reminders of the hatred he had been victim to. He was better off without them. So he had started a fire in the log fire in the living room and, bit by bit, dropped in old mementos of his past.

With each item he threw into the flames he talked about the event or item involved, as Lachlan had asked him to. It was apparently a healing technique, to purge everything at once, and he was astounded to admit that it had helped. Talking about all those stupid things had made him realise how much baggage he'd been carrying around inside him, for absolutely no reason. H
e wasn't a child anymore and he didn't care what people thought about him. For some reason, though, when it came to Konnor and his accusations, he felt like a teenager again. Judged, put under pressure, bullied and unwanted.

What stunned Cormag into silence was that he felt better even before they were incinerated. It was Lachlan that cured him. He had saved him from his own self-destructive behaviour and thoughts. Not only was he being taken care of emotionally
, but physically as well, as he was given strong coffee and a dinner of grilled chicken, vegetables and potatoes. It turned out that Lachlan could cook if left alone in a stress free environment.

And Cormag realised, as he watched him through the night, that all Lachlan ever seemed to be doing was trying to make him see how strong he was now. He
wasn't
that person anymore and he was old enough and strong enough to stand up for himself, emotionally as well as physically. He didn't have to take that kind of shit anymore. So he wouldn't. With or without Lachlan, whatever their future held, he would never go back to being that scared, insecure boy who thought he wasn't enough.

After dinner they lay on the library floor while Lachlan read out loud. Cormag felt his soul lighten just by being with him. As if everything bad that had ever happened to him was undone by Lachlan's voice. He was soothed and comforted; he found a solace with him that he had never felt before. In those private moments, nothing mattered but each other.

***

At nine o'clock Cormag disappeared into the bathroom for a shower, leaving Lachlan to change for bed. He had taken care of all his homework while Cormag called his work to say he'd be back in tomorrow and generously offered to do the dishes. He couldn't have been happier to see him back to his normal self.

Walking in and finding him in the state he'd been in had been terrifying. He had truly thought that he was about to lose the one person outside of his family who understood him. But he'd made Cormag decide where their relationship was going, in no uncertain words. And he wanted them to be together so Lachlan used that reassurance to make a few tough decisions.

I need to talk to you tomorrow. First thing. It's important.
He sent the text to Konnor's phone and waited for a reply. It didn't take long.

Il meet u @ur lokr.
He text back in a way that Lachlan knew meant he was in a good mood. He was using that text talk that he hated so much and probably thought he was going to say that he and Cormag weren't together any more. But he was in for a rude awakening if he was naïve enough to think he had a say in his relationship.

No. Out at the gates. It's private.
He decided he didn't want a massive crowd near him. But he also wanted an escape plan if things didn't go to well.

Ok.
He knew he'd made an impact then, because Konnor only ever gave one word answers when he was confused. Having got what he wanted he switched off his phone, changed out of his clothes and headed for the bathroom. There was one more thing to do tonight.

Lachlan stepped into the shower behind Cormag and instantly caught his attention with an easy touch on his arm. Cormag turned, looking entirely unsurprised. For the longest time they showered together, soaping each other up and washing it off, even washing each other's hair. It was simple
, but necessary to give them time to connect in a new way after their almost break-up.

Lachlan found that he actually enjoyed himself. It felt heavenly to have Cormag's fingers massaging his head and the base of his neck. But eventually they moved past their new connection into reconnecting in other ways. A feather-like kiss on the shoulder turned into playful nip on the neck, leading into appreciating the fine muscles and ripples of Cormag's chest. He had never been completely naked with another man before, but he had a feeling Cormag needed that connection right now. And so did he.

Soon enough they were kissing hungrily with Cormag backed up against the cubicle wall. Lachlan allowed his fingers to go exploring, feeling every muscle of his arms, chest and back. He knew that exploring anything below the waist was a bad move; Cormag would either take it as pity or his attempt to rush things along because they had 'almost' broken up. He wasn't that stupid and he wasn't naïve either.

He enjoyed kissing Cormag and even if that was all they ever did, that could be enough. He would never want to rush their relationship, but he wanted Cormag to realise that although they had decided to become real boyfriends and use that term, it didn't mean they had cursed themselves. So it was bad timing that Konnor chose the next day to be a total shit head, but it was a coincidence, nothing more.

***

Cormag didn't know how he did it, but somehow Lachlan knew that he needed to feel the connection they had together. He had been surprised when he first joined him in the shower, but he understood why. He cared more that he had instigated the whole thing out of the same need to be with him than he cared about anything he was doing. But he did love it all the same. Especially since he enjoyed having his naked body pressed up so close to him. Eventually though, he had to break from the kiss and try to make some sort of protest.

“I want us to wait before we do anything else. At least a while. I think it's important,” he urged. Unsurprisingly Lachlan smiled and kissed him.

“I know,” h
e agreed with such a content, unfazed attitude. He didn't look at all bothered and that was another thing that astounded him. He loved how laid back he was about their relationship.

“What do
you
want?” Cormag asked, needing to know what Lachlan was thinking.

He shrugged.
“I don't care. I'm with you, that's all that matters. But, since I am a total and complete virgin who believes in waiting for the right person,” he said teasingly, paused in the worst place. “I'm ready to move this along when you are,” he admitted.

“And you're sure?” Cormag was surprised.

“Yes. It will happen when it's meant to happen, but I do think it's more meaningful once you know and you've said you love someone and they love you.” Lachlan smiled with the words, wrapping his arms around his waist. He was a little more fragile after Konnor's actions and words that day, so he was more grateful than he could put into words that he was being so honest. It was important that he knew how much he meant to Lachlan and that he knew how much he meant to him as well.

“So as soon as I make a declaration of love I'm getting jumped, is that it?” Cormag laughed in approval. He quite liked that he was being serious, rather than joking. Lachlan never lied to him and he was always honest about how he felt. He didn't think he would ever get used to it.

“Just about,” he agreed, treating him to a lingering kiss. “Now, are you taking me to bed or what?” he asked.

“Are you
going to put some clothes on?” He smiled, giving him an interested all over look of approval. He wanted to take Lachlan to bed for more than sleep, but he also enjoyed not taking their relationship to that next stage. He liked the anticipation, the sense of love and commitment they were giving each other by waiting. It was exciting with Lachlan. And it didn't hurt that he had an incredible body that deserved a hell of a lot of attention.

“Yes, I
am,” he confessed unashamedly.

“Then yes, I'm taking you to bed now.”

After some playful drying off in the bathroom and hot, eager lips kissing hot, eager lips, they made their way into the bedroom. Everything was slow, meaningful and sensual as they focused on each other, right into bed. Neither had any plans except being close to each other.

“Love,” Cormag sighed as he lay over Lachlan, brushing his fingers over his forehead to brush aside his hair. “If I ever start talking about us not being together ag
ain, you go on and ignore me,” he advised gently. He never wanted to even think of breaking up with Lachlan again. It was too painful to contemplate life without him, even if it was the start of their relationship. Time meant nothing compared to how strongly they felt for one another. The length of a relationship had never proven anything before.

“Hmm. I could have you committed. Or arrested for breaking my heart. Surel
y that has to be a criminal act,” Lachlan teased him, since he seemed to know that it helped.

“I would say so,
” Cormag agreed. He brushed his thumb across Lachlan's lower lip thoughtfully. He knew how close he'd been to losing him, to making the biggest mistake of his life, all because of a childish kid who couldn't get over himself. He was never going to let Konnor near him again. “You're really special to me, Lachlan. I promise I will never give up on us again. No-one else will ever have a say in our relationship,” he promised, refusing to allow anyone to put him in that dark place again.

Lachlan had taught him to let go of the pain and horror of his teenage years and his early relationships. He would never have to think about those things again. And he would never let Konnor get the better of him again either.

“I know. I'm going to talk to Konnor tomorrow. He will never bother us again, I promise.” It sounded like Lachlan was going to take care of everything. He knew he couldn't take much more of the emotional bullying Konnor was putting him through, so Lachlan was going to deal with it. This time he was going to let him.

“But I don't want you to l
ose someone so important to you,” he objected lightly. Lachlan held his face in his hands, focusing him on the conversation so that there was no chance that he would misunderstand.

“You
are important to me. My future is with you, not Konnor.
You
are the key to my happiness.” He made his point crystal clear. There was no way Konnor was getting between them. He might have been his friend, but he was being selfish and even Cormag knew it. He was putting his own opinion before their friendship, before Lachlan's feelings and before
his
feelings. He wasn't taking anyone else into account. All he was doing was trying to keep everything the same. But things had to change. The world wouldn't have gone anywhere without change or evolution. This was Lachlan's.

“You're such a romantic, you know that? I love that about you. You're such a young guy with an old soul. There's no-one as special as you.” Cormag approved, enjoying a last kiss of the night.

“I certainly hope not.” Lachlan smiled, as they settled down. Cormag lay his head on his shoulder, falling asleep to the feel of fingers in his hair. A part of his brain that stayed awake longer than the majority did, told him that his poor boy wasn't going to get any sleep. Not until he spoke to Konnor and let him know that he would never hurt him again.

Lachlan had convinced Cormag to take a long lie, waking him only as he was ready to leave for school. Since his boss thought he was sick any way he would get away with being half an hour later into work. He would need all of his mental energy to fix the mess his volunteer student had made with the photographs. He'd even agreed to ask if he could bring home one of the boxes so they could work on it together over the weekend.

Lachlan had admitted to his dad's one condition, about staying home all weekend, but he had a feeling neither of his parents wouldn't mind if Cormag dropped by or stayed over in his room for once. It would let him get to know his parents and let his parents see how sweet Cormag was.

He grabbed a quick breakfast before leaving and headed straight for school. His mind was set on one task and he wasn't going to settle until that task was complete. He found Konnor where he expected to find him, standing inside the school gates with their group of friends. He was laughing and joking around.

Seeing him so comfortable only infuriated Lachlan all the more. He had no right finding joy in Cormag's misery, especially since he was the cause of that misery. The moment he was close enough to him he dropped his bag and gave Konnor a push into the gate behind him. Silence descended and all eyes turned to stare at him. But no-one said a word.

“How could you? I told you what Cormag had been through so you go and accuse him of trying to use me? You accuse him of being some disgusting pervert only out to corrupt me?” Lachlan asked angrily, keeping a low bite to his tone so that he didn't draw too much attention. Since their awkward friendship over the last few days it was only their close friends who were surprised by their fight. The rest of the school had been waiting for it, but no-one cared enough to linger.

“He is though,
” Konnor insisted, with a whine that said he didn't understand.

“No! Cormag cares for me, whether you can believe it or not. I told you what happened to him so that you could understand how much he'd suffered…so that you would understand that he would never mistreat me. I did
not
tell you so you could use it against him,” Lachlan shouted the words at him, not caring who heard him anymore. Even after all he'd done, Konnor was still defending himself and claiming that Cormag was the aggressor in their relationship.

“But you know what? On Sunday, we agreed that this whole 'seeing how it goes' thing wasn't working for us. He's my boyfriend and that's not going to change no mat
ter what you do or say about it,” he continued, letting his hurt and his anger all converge into one last fight. From that moment on he wouldn't care enough to argue with him. “I want a life with him, Konnor. I want love and intimacy and sex. Not now or soon, but when we're ready. I want that
with him
.”

Konnor's eyes practically burned a hole right through him at the revelation, but he didn't care. He was falling in love with Cormag and Konnor had better realise that, before he rang the death knell in their friendship.

“As much as you think this is all about sex, it's not. We're waiting until we've been together longer, until we know that we love each other. We want to wait until it's something we can't fight any longer,” he shouted, full of passion and fury. He felt untamed, impossible to control. He was going to stand there and scream at Konnor until he apologised or he ran out of steam and stormed off. He didn't know what frightened him more.

Coly took a step closer, placing a calming hand on his arm so he didn't do something he would regret. Almost instantly Lachlan calmed to harsh breathing and a scowl, attempting to speak in a contained voice. “I care about him, Konnor. More than I've ever cared for anyone. Cormag is
the one
. He is the only one I ever want to be with,” he explained how he felt, honestly and openly. He didn't care who heard him. He wasn't going to deny how he felt or keep it hidden for Konnor's sake.

“You can't know that! You barely know him…you haven't
even been together for one week,” Konnor argued angrily.

“It doesn't matter.” Lachlan was so calm as he said the words that Coly's hand gripped his arm a little tighter. “It's not how long we've been together that dictates how we feel for one another. It's who we are when we're with each other. Cormag makes me a better person. He makes me feel free; like there are no rules for anyone in the world to fo
llow. With him, I can be myself,” he confessed, with genuine sadness.

“And you can't with me?” Konnor asked incredulously, in a hurt tone that he didn't quite  understand. Why was he acting the victim after he'd completely victimised Cormag all over again with his cruel accusations?

“No, I can't. Which you've made clear these last few days,” Lachlan confessed the truth, no matter how much it hurt. Konnor had shown his true colours and they put a distance between them that no apology, no mended fences could reach. He had poisoned their friendship with jealousy, hate and selfishness. It had been slowly dying since the day he met Cormag. It was only now that it was suffering the final, horrifying death throes.

“If you really accepted me, if you were my friend then it wouldn't matter who I fancy or who I date as long as I'm safe. Instead you're trying to take away the one thing that makes me truly
happy. I won't let you do that,” he said, wanting to cry. He could see the same need in Konnor's tear-filled eyes. He wanted to reach out and grab hold of him so that he couldn't let go. To tell their friends to bugger off so that they could have a moment in private to talk. But he couldn't have any of that. Lachlan had made up his mind.

“So what? Are you going to see us when the other one isn't around? Because that's not solving the probl
em,” he objected.

“I know it isn't.” Lachlan sighed as he felt the heaviness in his chest. But he had to do this. He had to go through with it, for his own sake as well as Cormag's.
He couldn't be torn in two anymore and that would be all Konnor would do to him. He would keep tugging him in one direction while his heart longer to go in the other. “I'm sorry. You've been my best friend for as long as I can remember, but I can't do this anymore. I can't be with you and know that you're judging me. I can't be around you, knowing that you think I'm some sort of perverted freak because of how I feel,” he said.

***

Konnor lowered his gaze to the ground and backed away from Lachlan. He couldn't believe he was doing this; that he was choosing Cormag over him. What happened to the last twelve years, their promise that they would never stop being friends? “What are you saying?” he asked, his eyes filling up even though he didn't want to cry in front of his friends. Lachlan was the only one who had ever seen him cry before.

“I'm sayi
ng that we can't be friends anymore. I won't let you keep hurting him like this. I nearly lost him because of you and I won't risk it again. If you can't accept who I am now, if you can't accept Cormag and how I feel about him, then I can't have you in my life,” Lachlan said, tears spilling over his cheeks as Konnor looked away. “Stay away from the museum. Stay away from Cormag. And stay away from me,” he demanded, before grabbing his bag and leaving.

Konnor needed some time alone to process what had happened, but he couldn't find the will to move. He was frozen, trapped inside his head, hating himself, knowing all along that he'd been wrong to go see Cormag. He'd known before he even stepped foot in the museum that he couldn't control what came out of his mouth and that it would end badly. But for some stupid reason he'd done it anyway. He had pushed Lachlan into a corner and expected him to cower before him. That would never happen now.

“Well done. If your plan was to break them up then you failed magnificently. All you've done is force him to choose between you…and newsflash: he chose Cormag,” Coly snapped in anger.

He didn't need to hear it, but he couldn't even lift his gaze from the ground to look at his so-called friends. Now they were choosing Lachlan over him?

“And considering how you've been acting since they met, I can't say I'm surprised.” He sighed and took off, heading across the parking lot and into the main building.

Konnor swallowed back his emotions as all of his friends took off after Coly and Lachlan. That made it crystal clear; he was an outcast now. Everyone hated him all because he couldn't accept Lachlan suddenly becoming something he had never been before. Was he the only one who thought he was moving too fast, that he was setting himself up to get hurt? It seemed that way. He couldn't stick around and see it for himself. He couldn't go into school and have to sit beside him and see Lachlan around every corner. He couldn't see the hatred and contempt in his friends eyes.

He grabbed his bag and left the school grounds. He didn't care about classes or exams or anything. He was alone and from now on, that was how he was going to stay. Lachlan had proven it; letting someone in was just him asking to get hurt. He wouldn't make that mistake again. He would
never
let anyone into his heart again.

***

Lachlan said the words that broke apart his friendship with Konnor even though a part of his heart was breaking. He would get over the injury in time, but it wouldn't be easy. He had watched a tear fall from Konnor's eye and felt his own eyes welling up in response. As soon as that moment came he knew he couldn't stick around and let everyone see him fall apart. He couldn't stand there and watch him cry. As much as he hated what he'd done, it was Konnor's own fault. If he tried to understand and adjust. If he tried to give Cormag a chance…

He truly appreciated the support he got from his friends. They all agreed that he'd done the right thing, choosing the positive feelings Cormag made him feel over the negativity and hatred that Konnor had brought into his life. They were going to try to be there for Konnor as he tried to adjust to his decision. They had only agreed because he asked it of them, because he refused to leave Konnor in the state of depressed loneliness that he had tried to place Cormag in. It wasn't right to do that to another person.

When the lunch break came Lachlan walked to the nearby farmer's market and picked up two cheese burgers from the stall, along with some water and a poke of chips they could share. He headed straight over to the museum to find him hard at work. Cormag was sitting at his desk, typing on the computer when he knocked on the open door; he even smiled when he saw him. It was such a relief to see him like himself again that the words blurted right out of his mouth without meaning to.

“It's done,” h
e said, moving into the room and closing the door behind him. Cormag frowned at his words, before accepting the lunch he'd brought them both.

“What is?” h
e asked, confused.

“I told
Konnor we can't be friends anymore. I won't let him keep hurting us,” Lachlan explained as he took the chair in front of Cormag's desk and settled down to eat.

“Lachlan, I will never try to tell you how to live your life, but…I n
ever wanted to come between you,” he promised.

But it wasn't his fault that he'd torn apart a friendship of twelve years.
“I know. But you didn't; he did,” he corrected his assumption kindly.

He wasn't going to say that Cormag had no part in the decision, but in truth it was a small part. What had happened between him and Konnor went beyond who he was dating and into the complexity of his sexual orientation. He felt something Konnor couldn't and refused to understand so he lashed out at him to try to make it unreal. It hadn't worked.

“If he can't accept me now he isn't truly my friend. Whatever friendship we had in the past means nothing if he's willing to sabotage my future.” He smiled with his words, trying to reassure Cormag that he had done the right thing. One day he would get over the loss. Maybe not completely, but enough to get on with his life.

“You said I shouldn't be afraid to tell you things. Well, there's something I need to say now,” he claimed, surprising him. He dreaded it, hoping it wasn't something bad.

“What?”

Cormag put his burger down on the desk before walking around it and perching on the corner in front of his chair. “Your mum said you could go wherever you wanted, since you're old enough. Well, I want you to keep some stuff at my plac
e,” he confessed.

“Really?” h
e asked, feeling excited and hopeful of hearing the request again. This was a big move; this was giving him a drawer or a side of the closet and his own bathroom stuff there all the time. This was one step below moving in together, wasn't it?

“Yes. I'm not scared any
more. You're it for me. I never want anyone else,” Cormag said.

Lachlan wondered if he knew that he was one step away from saying 'I love you'. But no matter how irrational it seemed, it made perfect sense to his heart. He knew what he felt and what he wanted. He was going to trust that instinct.

“Me neither,” Lachlan promised he felt the same.

“And this i
sn't moving too fast for you?” he asked, checking that he was comfortable with the unusually fast progression of their relationship. Lachlan gently caught his tie and pulled him in close, until their lips were almost touching.