Deborah Camp (35 page)

“Didn’t do much good, I guess.”

“Well, he didn’t try anything for a few years, then he just jumped on me one day in my room. I grabbed a lamp and hit him over the head with it.”

Theo grinned. “Good for you.”

“That’s when he started drinking. Jack and Mama had terrible fights because Jack was drinking from Mama’s bottles. She screamed at him to buy his own.” She shivered. “It was awful hearing
them fight over a bottle of gin as if it was the most important thing in the whole world.”

Theo let go of her hands and pulled her back against him. He felt her tense up. “Lie back here and relax. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m your champion, remember?”

“Yes,” she said, releasing the word on a long, purring sigh. She tipped her head back against his shoulder and let her body mold itself against his. Then she snuggled closer as women do, and Theo grinned, loving that sweet adjustment of her body.

“Comfy?”

She nodded.

“Jack didn’t try anything again?”

“No. You know, Mama didn’t start drinking until I came along. She didn’t drink when she had Jack, but when I was about three or four, she started up. I remember once I fell and scraped my elbows and knees. I came crying to her. She washed my cuts, but she looked so angry. That’s the first time I remember her drinking. She poured herself a shot and drank it down, then another. She said that all my crying wore her out and she needed a drink to get through the rest of the day.”

Theo frowned, not liking the direction this was heading. “Now, Regina, you know that’s not how it was. You didn’t make your mother drink. She did that by choice.”

“I can understand it, though. When I was singing at the Gold Star, my nerves were tattered every night. I was so scared to get up on stage with all those strange men staring at me with their mouths open like they wanted to take bites out of me.”

Guilt ground his teeth together. He’d been one of those hungry-eyed strangers. “I thought you liked to sing.”

“I do … with others. I like singing in choirs, but
I have terrible stage fright and it’s pure torture for me to sing alone in front of an audience. That’s why it hurt so much when I forced myself to sing in the saloons. Suddenly, one of the things I most treasured had become unbearable. So unbearable that I started taking a nip before going on stage because it settled me, just like it settled Mama.”

Theo frowned at her. “Regina, you’re not your mother.”

She wriggled from his arms and stood, suddenly full of jerky, quick movements. “I know that. Oh, I feel like such a fraud!”

“A fraud? Why?”

“Because of all the lies I’ve told. Why can’t I just admit that Jack’s my brother? Why do I carry around all this guilt about Jack and Mama?”

“Guilt? Why, indeed? Why should you feel guilty?”

She bit her lower lip, struggling for the courage to expose her fears to him. “After that time in my bedroom, Jack got to where he couldn’t stand to look at me. Sometimes I’d catch him looking, and he’d turn his face away real quick, like I was some kind of monster.”

“He’s the monster, Regina. Not you.”

“But I made him uncomfortable. Just like I did with Mama. They started drinking because I—”

“Regina, stop it!” Theo bolted from the sofa, clutched her shoulders, and shook her gently but firmly. “You listen to me now. It’s not your fault. I thought you’d grown out of this foolishness. All your work around drunkards and their families should have made you see that nobody drinks because of someone else. They drink of their own free will. Quit seeing your past from your own tiny world and look beyond it. Your mother had problems. She was unhappy. Something made her drink besides you. You and Jack suffered because
of her drinking, but you certainly weren’t the cause of it.”

“She was so miserable after Papa left us. She drank even more after that.”

“It’s hard to lose someone you love.”

Regina shook her head. “She didn’t love him. She married him to provide for her and Jack. If Mama hadn’t started drinking, Papa would have stayed, though. She all but ran him off.”

“Did he love her?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “But I’ve come to realize Papa was wrong to just walk off and leave us with Mama. He knew Mama wouldn’t take care of us right, and sending money wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t.”

“Damn right,” Theo agreed, relieved to hear that she’d finally come to grips with her father’s selfishness. “I can’t imagine leaving a child of mine in a drunk’s care.”

“I don’t think Mama should have had children. She was too much of a child herself. As for Jack … well, I don’t know for sure, but he hates me. I know that.”

“Jack started drinking to make himself forget what a low-down, dirty jackass he is. He couldn’t stand himself, so he drank. He still drinks because he’s too weak to take a good look at himself. He’s bad. Bad to the bone, and he damn well knows it.”

She wrenched away from him. “Don’t be so quick to judge, Theodore. Remember that I’m cut from the same cloth. Remember that I liked liquor back in Dodge City. I started with a little and ended up drinking two or three shots a night. It was the only thing about that job I could stomach.” She pivoted sharply and bumped into the sideboard, where bottles of liquor glinted darkly. “And if I ever get married and have children, I
might pass this … this weakness right on to them.”

“There is absolutely no proof to that, Regina.”

“You don’t know.”

“I
know
. For God’s sake, I’m the son of the infamous Teddy Bea. I lost my father to a mean drunk. You don’t think I haven’t read mountains of literature about alcoholism and the chances of passing it on to the next generation? It’s not like passing on blue eyes to your son or curly hair to your daughter. Liquor might enter the lives earlier of children raised by parents who drink, but that doesn’t mean those children are going to choose the same path as their mother or father. If that were true, we’d all be scared to death to have children because we all have bad habits and flaws of nature.” He paused, struck by the irony of
him
lecturing
her
about the whys and wherefores of liquor.

“I’m glad you’re so sure. All I’m sure of is the pain that liquor can bring to people!” She moved to sweep the bottles off the sideboard, but Theo sprang forward and stopped her. “How can you have this in your house after what happened to your father?”

“A bottle of rye didn’t kill my father. The man who drank it did.”

“And if that man couldn’t buy a bottle in the saloon your father ran, then he would—”

“He would have gotten some off a moonshiner or made his own. Men and women will have their vices, Regina, whether they have to indulge in them openly in saloons or secretly in their homes.”

“I wish … oh, I wish …”

“What, Regina?”

“That I could have helped them—Mama and Jack. I wish I could have been stronger for them, better for them.”

He stared at her. Had she repeated this crazy idea so often to herself that she not only believed it but embraced it? Theo knew he had to break through to her, even if it meant blasting through her cozy, demented image of why her loved ones had all deserted her.

“Regina, you couldn’t have helped them even if you’d had the strength of Hercules. They didn’t want your help. You just weren’t important to them.”

She sucked in a breath and blinked as if her eyes were suddenly stinging, but Theo didn’t alter his course. He went straight ahead—right at her vulnerability.

“Not to your father or your mother or Jack. I understand that you wanted to make a difference in their lives—even if that meant you had to make yourself the reason for their drinking. But you didn’t count with them, Regina. You weren’t important to them.” He stepped closer, drawn by the pain so clearly etched on her face. “But you’re important to me, Regina Rose. You’ve made a difference in my life.” He fully expected her to argue with him. Instead, some of the pain left her face and a tender smile poked at her dimples.

“How is it that you manage to see right to the heart of me?” she asked in that forever-young voice that he had loved even before he’d come to love her.

Love her?
A stillness, deep and telling, overcame him. Did he love her?

“Something’s wrong?” she asked, resting a hand on his chest. “Did I say something wrong?”

He brushed aside his ponderous question to address hers. “Nothing wrong here, and there’s nothing wrong with you.” Theo ran his fingertips down the side of her face. “How anyone can look
at this face and not want to rain kisses all over it is beyond me.”

She sighed and closed her eyes. “That would be lovely.”

Gazing at her, Theo saw the offer clearly. His desire for her blew hot through him, but was tempered by his respect and tenderness for her. He kissed her lips gently, sweetly, coaxing a lazy smile from her.

“Like rain,” she whispered. “Feels soft like spring rain.”

He nuzzled her neck and pressed kisses behind her ears. All the while she stood perfectly still, hardly breathing.

“Regina, do you know what I want?”

She nodded, but that wasn’t enough for him. He held her head between his hands and made her look at him.

“I want to make love to you. What do you want?”

“You.” She didn’t bat an eye. “I want you more than anything in this whole world.” She covered his hands with hers. “And I don’t care what anybody thinks about it or if it’s right or wrong, or crazy or sane. For once in my life, I want something for
me
. I want you to make me feel beautiful and free and adored.” She smiled. “Adore me, Theodore.”

“I do,” he said. “God knows I do.”

She slipped her hands up his chest and he brought her lips up to his. Moaning low, she pressed against him and held to him tightly as the kiss deepened and passion ruled. Theo tore his lips from hers to drop kisses over her upturned face. She smiled, letting him indulge himself while she stood like a warm statue before him. A single tear rolled down her cheek. She opened her eyes and they sparkled with moisture.

“Who would have thought that such a rascal would be so gentle and kind?” she whispered.

“And who would have thought that Miss No-Nonsense would be so full of passion and fire?”

“I am?” She seemed surprised. “But only with you. I worked in a saloon, but I’m still a lady, Theodore. I mean, I’m still … I haven’t ever—”

“I know, Regina. I know.” He took her hand and left a kiss in her palm. “Come on.”

“Where?”

“This isn’t the place for a seduction.”

Her eyes rounded. “A seduction! I like the sound of that.”

He led her to his bedroom. She looked at the bed with apprehension, and Theo swept her up into his arms to give her something else to think about. His mouth flirted with hers as he carried her to the bed and laid her gently there. Stretching out beside her, he freed the first button on her bodice. She gasped. He chuckled.

“Are you going to do that every time I unbutton something?”

She laughed with him. “I’ll try not to. Kiss me, Theo. I love it when you kiss me.”

He was glad to comply as he continued unbuttoning her dress. He counted twelve, and he thought he’d never be done with them.

Regina tried to concentrate on the mastery of his kisses, but her mind kept returning to those nimble hands of his. He had unbuttoned her dress almost before she could comprehend it. Then his hand slipped inside to cup her breast and new sensations—so many they left her dizzy-headed—overtook her. In those moments she realized he was master of many talents. His deep, sucking kisses were only the beginning. Suddenly, she looked forward to the journey and let go of the heavy burden of her past experiences.

His hands were big and gentle, and his fingers were agile and cunning. Her breasts grew heavy with wanting and her nipples gathered into tight, throbbing pebbles. He bent his head slowly, tantalizingly, and his mouth osculated against her muslin-covered skin. She arched her spine and realized she wanted his skin against hers, his tongue on her aching nipples. Regina moaned and drove her fingers through his short, thick hair.

“Regina?”

“Hmm?” She thought she heard a smile in his voice.

“You’re going to have to help me, darlin’. I’m not sure I can get this dress off without tearing it. Of course, if you don’t mind, I don’t either.”

“No, don’t tear it! I have to go home in this!”

“It’s already dirty.”

“Dirty? Where?”

“On the back of the skirt. I noticed when you came into the meeting tonight.”

She frowned. “Jack.”

“Don’t talk about him or anyone else.” He put a finger to her lips. “Nobody in this whole world exists except you and me.”

“They’ll be looking for me back at the house.”

“It’s still early. Don’t worry about them. Think about yourself for once. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Yes.” She pulled the dress off her shoulders. He sat on the edge of the bed, watching. “Aren’t you going to take off something?”

He unknotted his necktie and flung it to the floor in a flourish. Laughing, Regina shook her head.

“Not enough.”

“No?” he said, then removed his suit jacket. “How’s that?”

“Better.” She scooted off the bed and pushed the
dress over her hips. She stepped out of it and draped it over a chair.
Is this really happening?
a voice inside her raged.
Am I going to bare everything to this man?
Her throat tightened and she cleared it noisily, catching Theo’s attention. Smiling, she shrugged. “I’ve got about a thousand butterflies in my stomach.” She looked at the flame in the bedside lamp. “Maybe if it was dark …”

“No, Regina. I want to see you.” He pulled her onto the bed again and removed her shoes. He rolled her stockings down her legs and kissed the dimples in the backs of her knees. “These legs,” he murmured, stroking from thigh to ankle and back up. “These beautiful long legs. I’ve had many a fantasy about them.”

She laughed, jerking her feet from his tickling fingers. He took off his boots and socks. His vest and shirt were next, and he watched her watching him as his hands drifted to his waistband. Regina held her breath, not sure what to expect. He unbuttoned the front placket and pushed the trousers down his slim hips. His thick, white underwear covered him from waist to knee, and Regina released her breath.