Death Wish (23 page)

Seeking a fix from one another was not only dangerous, but it was also stupid. We would find no saving grace in that; it could never repair what we had destroyed. That path only lead to the senseless pursuit of gratification until it consumed us. Arys’s darkness threatened to devour not only me, but Shaz as well.

I could hear the beat of his heart, rapid and strong. It would take such little effort to spill his blood. Just one bite. The cold power of the undead swelled inside me. Shaz taunted my senses. He was all I could feel, see and smell. I wanted to taste him.

Shaz pulled back to meet my eyes, a challenge shining in his. In a foolishly bold move, he held my gaze and bared his neck in invitation. A growl cut the silence. I zoned in on the pulsing vein in Shaz’s throat, and nothing else existed in that moment. I moved fast, my lips against his neck, fangs ready.

Before I could sink my teeth into my white wolf, I was violently jerked away. It was sudden and disorienting.

Arys’s shout snapped me back to reality. “Alexa, don’t.” 

My pulse thundered in my ears. Shock gave way to dismay. Shaz shook his head, his expression one of confusion and remorse.

“I was waiting for this to happen,” Arys declared with a grim expression. “You two had to realize eventually that you are exactly what the other is craving in a fix. But, I’m not going to let it go down this way. You’ll just kill each other.”

“You won’t let it go down this way?” Shaz spat scathingly. “I’m not a fucking charity case for you to step in and save, you condescending bastard.”

His immediate fury alarmed me. Shaz wasn’t known for his temper; he never lost it without good reason.

“Settle down, pup. I don’t mean to step on your pride.” Arys was unaffected. He merely regarded Shaz as if waiting for him to get it out of his system. “My concern is for Alexa. Would you prefer me to allow her to do something she’d regret for the rest of her life?”

The muscles in Shaz’s clenched jaw twitched. Crossing his arms over his chest, he shook his head but didn’t speak. He was pissed at himself, not Arys. I could relate.

I jumped in before Shaz decided to get snappy again. “Can we not do this right now guys? I’m not in the mood for the macho bullshit. Although, maybe if you were both shirtless and lightly oiled, I could warm up to it.”

I did not succeed in getting the tight smile from Shaz I’d been hoping for. Arys raised a dark brow as if considering my idea. “It’s not a bad plan,” he said with a wink. “Something to consider.”

Shaz looked from Arys to me, his gaze trained on my neck. I swallowed hard. I knew what was coming. Instead of directing his inquiry to me, he spoke to Arys.

“Those bites, they’re not from you, are they?”

“No. We’ve had a bit of an interesting night ourselves, pup.” Arys made a sweeping gesture, indicating that I should take over.

“We’ve had a hell of a night, Shaz.” I showed him the dragon burnt into my flesh and recounted the earlier events of the evening.

Shaz listened patiently while I spoke. While describing the demon sacrifice I’d witnessed, Coby shuddered and muttered, “Sweet Jesus.” It was a scary new world for him, for me as well, as far as demon sacrifices go. I wouldn’t forget this night any time soon.

“So you allowed this to happen, Lex?” Holding my wrist, Shaz examined the ugly demon brand. His disgust was thinly veiled. “You accepted it for Kale. I don’t even know what to say to that. Frankly, the only word that comes to mind is stupid.”

The bitterness that dripped from his words was alarming. I jerked my hand from his grasp, recoiling in shock. His judgment stung.

“That’s harsh, Shaz. But, thanks for letting me know what you really think.” I turned to leave, calling back over my shoulder. “It wasn’t so long ago that you were begging me to spare the life of your forbidden lover, or have you forgotten already?”

I had fully expected Arys to read me the riot act about my decision to save Kale. I had not expected Shaz to be so ruthless and hypocritical. They acted like abandoning Kale to Shya’s personal punishment was the obvious, easy choice to make. Kale and I may have crossed the line in our friendship, but he didn’t deserve to die because of it. And, I would not allow either of them to make me out to be the bad guy for sparing him.

* * * *

The scent of burgers on the barbecue was mouthwatering. The sun dipped low over the horizon in a burst of pink and orange decorating the western sky. It was gorgeous, and I marveled at the myriad colors. I savored every sunrise and sunset these days.

The low murmur of male voices came from the deck where Shaz and Coby manned the barbecue. After the insanity of the previous night, I was in great need of a normal evening. Things had been strained between Shaz and me since I had stormed off last night. Despite the obvious awkward tension, we were doing our best to fake smiles in all the right places and pretend that we weren’t falling apart.

“He’s cute.” Kylarai leaned in close to breathe the words, her grey eyes on Coby. “But, does he ever talk?”

We sat side by side in lounge chairs on the lawn below the patio where Shaz and Coby stood. Watching the sunset, we sipped strawberry daiquiris and anticipated Shaz’s amazing burgers.

“Not really. Although, we didn’t have much of a chance to talk the night my house burned down. He wolfed out in town last night. It’s been hard for him.”

“Aw, how tragic.” The little smile playing about Kylarai’s lips was nice to see. Since Julian’s death about a month back, she’d been slowly overcoming her grief. She needed time to heal, of course, but seeing her smile was both a gift and a relief.

Tonight was the perfect night for a barbecue and a run. I couldn’t wait to shed my human skin and be wolf. After spending the majority of my time surrounded by vampires, it was heavenly to be here with my wolves. It felt like home.

I gazed longingly past the fence to the farmer’s field beyond. Just a short jaunt across it was the tree line, the entrance to the forest that we called home. Kylarai’s house was perfectly situated on the edge of town, the ideal place for a werewolf to have the best of both worlds. 

After debating with myself over whether I was too lazy to get up and get a refill or not, I left the comfort of the lounge chair and climbed the deck stairs to the kitchen door. Shaz followed me in, sliding the door shut behind us. I gave him a quizzical look as I opened the fridge to hunt down the daiquiri pitcher.

“What’s up?”

“Coby is a pretty nice guy once he gets talking. Very reluctant with the wolf stuff.” Shaz leaned on the counter, watching me. “I think he’ll be fine. He just needs to accept that he’s a wolf now. It’s always denial and resistance in the beginning.”

I nodded, pouring the delicious strawberry concoction into my glass. “Coby can handle it. The fact that he’s still sane works in his favor.”

Shaz’s gaze was drawn to the faint vampire bites on my neck, and my stomach turned. I looked away, but it was too late. I caught the judgment in his eyes before he could hide it.  Falon, Juliet, and now Shaz, I was getting pretty tired of that expression.

I forced a smile and turned to go back outside. Shaz stepped in front of me, blocking my path. He pulled me against him, and his musky wolf scent filled me. Holding me close, he nuzzled me, rubbing his face softly alongside mine. Though genuinely affectionate, his actions displayed dominance. Without saying a word, Shaz had made it clear that he was the Alpha male and that he considered me to be his. I felt his wolf’s claim over me, and I bristled.

He didn’t want last night to come between us, but our dilemma just wasn’t that simple.

“I love you, Lex.” 

I touched the side of his face and nuzzled him back. “I love you, too.”

Before he could delay me further, I pushed by him and disappeared outside. I knew there was more he wanted to say. This wasn’t the time or the place to bring up personal issues.

Kylarai was seated at the table in the far corner of the patio. I slid into an adjacent chair and tried to smile pleasantly when Coby set a tray of cooked burgers before us. He avoided my gaze, glancing at Ky instead. Shaz joined us a few minutes later, and successfully, we all faked our way through dinner.

“So Coby, what kind of work did you do? Is it something you’d like to continue?” With a little shrug and an embarrassed smile, Ky added, “I mean, when you get back on your feet.”

“I sold insurance, and I hated every moment of it. Being the suit and tie sales pitch guy never did fit me so well.” Coby was so soft spoken that his low voice was almost a murmur. “I kind of always wanted to be a tree hugger. An environmental activist or something, you know? I doubt it pays well, but it would be rewarding.”

Kylarai gripped her burger tight, causing it to drip sauce onto her plate. She stared off wistfully toward the forest. “I used to fantasize about working for Greenpeace. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I ended up in law instead. Not even juicy criminal law. Just boring old divorce court nonsense.”

Coby studied her, his hazel eyes taking in her delicate mannerisms as she tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. “You must get a bird’s eye view of how ugly things can get. It must at least give you a new appreciation for love. I mean real love, the kind that would never end up being a fight over a house or kids.”

“Well… I can’t say I know a lot about that. Not firsthand anyway.” A shadow passed behind Ky’s eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

 “Me neither.”

A moment of strange quiet settled over us. I watched two sparrows flittering in a tree in the yard. They made me long to be one with them, an animal of the earth, a part of nature. I longed to be wolf.

Shaz picked up the conversation by telling Coby a little about our past in this town. He carefully edited out some details about Raoul and Zoey. The way Shaz told it, we lived a sitcom life with laughter and joyous times. I paused, my burger momentarily forgotten as I stared at him in wonder. Was his story for Coby’s benefit, or did Shaz really remember it that way?

Maybe I saw things all wrong. Perhaps it wasn’t as bad as I remembered. Yeah… right.

“Anybody else as eager as I am?” Shaz was drawn to the forest, his gaze locked on the beckoning expanse of trees in the distance.

“Yes.” I felt the wolf pacing inside. I was done with going through the human motions of supper and drinks. It was time.

Coby grew nervous. His anxious energy prickled along my skin. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“You can.” Shaz gave him a friendly pat on the back. “The beauty of it is that you don’t have to fight it right now. It feels better when you can just let it happen. I promise.”

I understood what Coby was going through. The change made you vulnerable. I met Shaz’s gaze. “We’ll go on ahead. You guys can catch up.”

 Leaving Coby in Shaz’s capable hands seemed like the best plan. He was already a nervous mess. Having Kylarai and I present wouldn’t help. In the beginning, when I’d first changed, I’d been alone. It took a long time to get comfortable with other wolves.

Hoping to avoid adding to Coby’s distress, I descended the deck stairs and disrobed beneath the raised patio, out of sight. Kylarai joined me, stretching her lithe frame before dropping to the ground. She was wolf before her paws touched the grass. The change came much easier over time. Embracing it, I savored the way it felt as the wolf burst forth. It took only seconds for my body to re-knit itself into wolf form. A brief explosion of pain quickly faded away to bliss.

I trotted along behind Kylarai as she slipped through the open back gate and into the field. The sun had dropped low enough to give us the cover of near dark. We made our way toward the trees, pausing here and there to sniff at the scent of another animal or check out the gopher holes littering the field.

My thoughts were simple when I was wolf. I could easily allow the human side of me to fall away, and I was happy just to be.

We had just blended in amid the trees when I cast a glance back toward the house. It was tiny in the distance, just one of many that backed onto the field. My keen eyes easily spotted Shaz’s white fur. An ash brown wolf flanked him. Coby would be just fine. I was sure of it.

I launched into a light run. Raising my nose to the wind, I breathed deeply of the scents of the forest. Fertile earth, fresh pine and an assortment of other smells filled my nostrils. I was home.

We lingered near the clearing in the middle of the woods, waiting for Shaz and Coby to catch up. It didn’t take them long. Coby’s eyes were wide and alert, but otherwise he seemed comfortable in his wolf skin. He paused to sniff everything as he went. The new scents and keen senses could be overwhelming at first, but they were intriguing.

The scent of coyote was fresh. They’d passed through not long ago. They had a tendency to avoid us, so we didn’t come across them often. For the most part the local coyotes lingered on the other side of town, creeping only close enough to be heard at night when they raised their voices in yips and howls.

Hoping to ease Coby into our world, we playfully stalked small night critters. Following the scent of a field mouse, I tracked it to where it hid in the long grass, hoping to go unnoticed. I pounced playfully, a few feet from the mouse, sending him scurrying away as fast as his little legs would carry him. He was a cute little thing, beady eyes and all.