Death Knows My Name (Memory Keepers) (16 page)

Even his well-toned forearm was a work of art, I thought as his skin dance over muscles when they tensed up fluidly.

“Devon, I apologize for threatening you, however subtly, earlier. It was not called for and I am regretful of it.” His eyes met Devon’s in a steady unwavering stare.

My heart did a little girly flutter. He was trying to fix it. I knew otherwise he’d still be seething over what Devon said.

Oh my God, I love you, I happily thought while beaming up at him.

His eyes briefly flicked over in my direction. “You are thinking out loud again, so we both heard you.” Embarrassed, I shrank down in my chair.

“I was so totally kidding. I don’t really gush like that in my mind. I was just trying to break the tension of you two’s dueling testosterone and . . . I hate you both!” I finished as they both erupted in laughter.

“It’s okay, God knows I love you too. Trust me,” he said with a wink.

My eyes widened. Oh my God, did He really know? Like literally. Had Eric spoken to God? And if that question alone wasn’t enough to make me awestruck, the fact that they had spoken about
me
was. Holy shit. Little orphan me, a nothing in the grand scheme of things, being spoken on God’s lips. That notion almost knocked me flat and crushed me under its weight. What did knock me flat on my ass was that someone like Eric would or even could love me. I was, well, me.

That is exactly why I love you, because you are you.

My grin widened and I had to take a sip of my maybe spit-spiked drink to stop it from cracking my face open it was so big.

“You are forgiven, but only if you forgive me for being such a shit hole earlier. I’m just . . . I’m so used to having to protect her from everyone and she has had all these new people who I’ve never seen before coming around and it’s just . . .  Look, there is no excuse. My bad, man.”

“It’s forgiven and forgotten.” Eric gestured as if he were wiping dust from his hands before he reached for his water and drank.

I don’t know what it was, but at that moment I could sense something change in Eric. He didn’t tense up, but something radiated from his body in waves. I reached for his thigh to get his attention discreetly. He turned his head slowly to me and I saw it. His eyes had changed. He had to call someone and I knew he didn’t know how to excuse himself without Devon thinking he was rude or still mad. I made a show of grabbing Devon’s arm and checking his watch. I couldn’t care less about the time. Eric just had to get out of here before Valience had to collect the poor person’s soul. After seeing the difference between them, I didn’t want anyone to suffer Valience’s brutality especially for a reason as dumb as Eric being stuck at a table with us.

“Babe, it’s almost 2:00. Shouldn’t you be going if you are going to get to work in time?”

Eric nodded gratefully. “I really should. Thank you.” He stood up stiffly, as if he were actually dreading going. That was odd, he usually didn’t hesitate when he had to go. “I will stop by later.” He paused. “If I can. It may be late. It seems like it is going to be a rough day.”

He bent and kissed me softly his tongue caressed my bottom lip. I parted my mouth to welcome him if he wanted to go deeper and explore my mouth. His tongue started to but he stepped back briskly. I wasn’t sure if it was Devon sitting there and if he didn’t like an audience or what. “Shit. I really have to go. Sorry. Will you be okay?”

“I will be fine. Don’t apologize. Go,” I assured him. He was acting weird, as if I were inclined to be clingy. Or he was getting clingy. I really hope not. Actually, I found it kind of hot. I stared after him as he strode to the door and disappeared out of it.

“I love it when he stays, but I love to see that man walk away,” I murmured to no one in particular.

“You are disgusting, did you know that?”

I nodded. “Come to think of it, Devon, I think I did know that.”

“What happened to that sweet little girl I grew up with?”

“Uh, I am pretty sure your little brother corrupted her. Now she is an insatiable perv,” I informed him with a laugh.

Eric came back through the door to the table. “Sorry, I forgot to leave you money so you could pay.” He dug in his pocket, withdrew his wallet, and handed me a crisp fifty. “Okay, this time I really am going.” Before he left, he gave me a deep, longing look. “Mayne?”

I stood up. Something was wrong, but before I could ask, he took me into his arms and held me close. His warmth all around me he sighed reluctantly. Just as suddenly, he released me. Then he was out the door again and gone.

“Dude is weird.”

I nodded in agreement as I sat back. “Yeah, but he is so damn sexy. Have you seen his ass?”

“Hell no. And if you ask me shit like that I will never talk to you again.”

I laughed. “Fine. You are no fun.”

I set the money down, folded my hands, and faced Devon seriously. It was time to get down to business. “So, tell me. What do you think of him? Did you like him?”

Devon groaned and leaned back against his chair. “He is kind of, I don’t know. Does it really matter what I think? Either way you are still going to be having monkey sex with him, so what does it even matter?”

“Don’t be chicken shit and try to cop out. Answer the question,” I taunted him.

“It is kind of strange. I can’t put my finger on it. I can’t decide what to make of him. He’s a little too . . . serious. Like for you. Especially for you. He seems like he follows the rules to the letter and punctuation. I don’t see how you two are going to last long. I mean, once you get over the sex, what do you have in common?”

Fuck you
. That is what I wanted to say, but, hell, he was right. Shit. What did we have in common? We loved each other. Right? I think we did, but that could just be the sex . . . no, I was sure I loved him because it was even before the sex. For some reason, as different as we were, we did fit. We did work.

“We both have a heavy sense of honor and duty and if you laugh at that, Devon, I swear I will punch you so hard in your nose. I swear . . .” I noticed Devon was no longer listening because he was too busy glaring at whoever just walked in.

I swiveled in my seat to see who it was. Tammy and Michael. They spotted us and offered a wave and a smile. I waved back, but Devon just sat there scowling.

“You really need to chill out with this Tammy thing. She likes Michael, so back up and back off,” I scolded him.

“This is really none of your business and does not concern you, so I’d appreciate it if you’d not try and tell me what to do. Or tell me who I can and cannot sleep with.” His voice was cold and he didn’t even bother looking at me when he spoke.

“Devon, just—”

“Mayne!” His head whipped my way, the anger very clear on his face. “I just told you to shut the hell up about it. Do not make me tell you again.”

“Dude, chill out! She’s my friend and I don’t want you to hurt her. You can’t treat her like your other girls. You can’t just use her up one night then throw her out and never see her again. This girl is sweet and it would hurt her and it would ruin my friendship with her. Can you please just drop it?”

Devon laughed and shook his head. “You are really unbelievable. A real piece of self-centered work. Does it ever occur to you that other people are living their own lives right alongside you on this planet, or are we all just little props and supporting cast to you?”

I gulped. I had no idea what was happening. Devon had never spoken to me this way. He’d always been there to pick me up and support me. Was he right? I wanted to bury my face in my hands and cry, or sob into the table. But this time I would not cry in front of Devon. If he wanted to change the way he spoke to me, I would change the way I responded to him. I wouldn’t cry, not today and not ever again. It hurt like hell.

“Screw you, Devon. Keep acting like a complete jerk today, why don’t you? Don’t pretend I’m not right. You sleep with girl after girl, night after night, but never the same girl twice. I don’t want that for Tammy. That isn’t healthy, just in case you didn’t know.”

“Yes, and catching hepatitis from the tattoo voodoo cult member is the epitome of health, right? I seriously think he has freaking brainwashed you. You have become someone I don’t even know. I mean, you have always been selfish, but now you are just being stupid.”

“I have not been selfish!”

“We both lost our parents, we both lost our brothers, and I lost my best friend, too. We have both lost enough people, but when you go to self-wallowing you seem to forget that. Don’t you think I’m afraid, too? That I will get close to someone else and she would die too? I broke up with your sister because I was too afraid I’d have to lose her. Did you even know we dated? No! Because you were too busy thinking the
sun revolves around you
.”

I choked back my building tears. So that was why Rebecca moved away. I never understood, but then again Devon was right, I never did ask. I never even knew they dated. I was . . . I couldn’t even form thoughts, my mind kept whispering Devon was right. How could I argue with the truth? I was about to push away my resolve not to cry and bawl my eyes out and beg Devon for forgiveness. Why had he put up with me all these years, if I was so horrible? Because he loved me, and I was his best friend’s little sister. And I was the love of his little brother’s life. Was that all? And now had he had enough of my whining? Would Eric get tired of me too?

Someone put a hand on my slumping shoulders. “I think you need to cool it and take a few breaths, man. Put yourself on a little time out. You are yelling at your best friend who so happens to be a woman. You are a grown man, you should know better. It’s uncool to yell at a woman.” Michael. He must have heard us arguing. I guess we had gotten pretty loud.

My face burned along with my eyes. Could things get any more embarrassing? I don’t think I’d ever want to show my face in this place again. It fit: Devon and my favorite eatery gone just like our friendship.

“You really need to just worry about getting into one woman’s pants at a time,” Devon replied snidely. “I was not yelling at anyone, and if I was, it does not concern you. Mayne has a mouth, she can defend herself.”

“Not when you are sitting here bullying her she can’t.”

“Michael, I’m okay. Go enjoy your meal with Tammy.” I said the last part with a pointed look at Devon.

Michael squeezed my shoulders then left.

“Devon, fine. I get it. I’m a bad, horrible, and selfish friend, but what the heck is your problem? Michael is your friend. This can’t just be about Tammy and jealousy.”

“What do you want to hear? That this is about you? Of course you do, right?”

That did it. Tears sprang from my eyes in a steady stream. “Shit,” I hissed, as the first tears splashed through my eyelashes, and I wiped at them vigorously.

Devon’s face softened and his eyes flared with guilt as the tears dripped to my cheeks. The damage he had done evident on my fingers as I tried to hide that I was crying. “Oh my god, Mayne, I’m sorry. Don’t—”

My phone rang its ridiculous ringtone, interrupting Devon’s words. I didn’t care anyway. I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. He had hurt me too bad. Later, I would mourn what we had and the ending, but right now, I was crying in public and I needed to focus on stopping. That meant answering my phone and ignoring the ache where the hole in my heart was.

“Yes,” I snapped into the phone more forcefully than I intended.

A soft little sniffle on the other end. “Auntie Mayne?”

“Anya? Is that you?” I asked, confused.

“Yes, ma’am.”

She sounded as if she had been crying or she still was. My spine snapped up straight. Something was wrong. My wide eyes looked into Devon’s. He leaned forward.

“What’s the matter?”

Pissed off again, I waved his words away remembering that we were no longer the same as we had been before. I turned my back on him. I had to support myself now. I had to be there for my niece, Anya.

“Anya, what’s the matter? Why are you crying, doll face?” It’s what I always called her on the very rare times I did see her. Devon was right. I was selfish. That’s why it hurt me so bad, because it was true.

“Mommy used to tell us how you couldn’t be around us because you were too sad since Uncle Brian and Uncle Dante died. So I know you’d understand. I need you, Auntie.”

I don’t know when I stood up, but I had. I grabbed my purse and pushed the money Eric left toward Devon. Anya needed me. Had Becca been hurt?

“Doll face, I’m on my way. Is everyone okay?”

“My school bus crashed today, Auntie. I was sick and Mom wouldn’t let me go to school. Everyone . . . everyone died. My friends—” She burst into a new round of fresh tears.

“I will be there tonight, Anya.” I hung up the phone and charged down the street to my apartment.

Chapter 17

As I was walking home, so many thoughts darted through my mind. I fought unsuccessfully, not to dwell on what the hell had just happened. First, Devon attacked Eric, and then me. Why? Okay, so he might have been right about me being somewhat self-absorbed, but I so did not deserve that. And now here I was worrying about what he had said when I needed to worry about my niece. I shook my head as if too shake away what happened this afternoon at brunch.

By the time I arrived at my apartment, I had already called and booked the soonest flight to Bellingham, Washington. It wasn’t a long flight. In a little over 6 hours I’d be there. It was an expensive flight setting me back a grand. Shit, I really couldn’t afford that on my coffee shop paycheck.

“Oh no.” I groaned. I put my forehead against the door as I reached into my pocket for the keys. Was I going to have to quit my job if Devon and I were no longer friends? It would be way too awkward. I again shook those problems off telling myself,
One problem at a time
. I pushed open the door.

I could always ask Eric for a ride, but as soon as I thought about it my blood ran cold. The last time was terrifying. I admit, a large part of it had been Valience. I was not sure if he was still a threat to me, even if we did have some sort of truce. Besides, it was just creepy, even before I felt Valience. I remembered the cold fingers pulling at my waist at the same time as I remembered the heat from Eric’s touch. My body responded, starting with a spark down low inside of me to the point that I blushed, heat flushing my latte-colored skin even though I was alone. I had to get myself under control. I was all over the place.

As soon as I stepped inside, a tail-wagging Jim hopped up against my legs to greet me. That was another problem. Who the heck was going to watch Big Jim? Gah! I pushed the door closed with a little too much force, resulting in a slam, but it didn’t pause Big Jim’s welcome home dance. I had to smile at his enthusiasm. The fact that he didn’t have his leash let me know Eric walked him recently, even if he weren’t here now.

Smiling, I bent and scooped him into my arms. “Hello, Baby. I missed you, too. I am going to have to be gone for a few days. I just have to ask someone to watch you because we hate those stinky old kennels, right? Yes, we do.”

Yes, I was baby talking my dog, but I was having a bad day and coddling him helped. I snuggled against his furry face before I sat him back down on the floor, pulling my phone from my pocket. It had one bar of charge left. I’d have to charge it before my plane left.

I scrolled through the call log until I found Tammy’s number. Tammy answered on the first ring.

“Oh my God! Are you okay? You stormed away so fast Devon must have really gotten you pissed. He sat there for a long time after you left looking so broken, it was sad. Why are you two fighting? It seems unnatural. Peanut butter and jelly don’t fight.”

“Tammy,” I said, laughing. “Wait, which one am I, peanut butter or jelly?”

“Peanut butter,” she said without hesitation. “You are sort of dry and stick to the roof of the mouth and bitter. A little annoying if you have too much. But so damn good.”

“A little annoying? Bitch.” I laughed again. “It’s really because I’m black, right?” I teased.

“No, it’s because Devon is purple, obviously.” I could hear the eye roll in her tone. “And sweet,” she whispered into the phone.

I gagged. “Anyway, Tammy, I have to go out of town for a few days. I can’t bring Big Jim with me. Is there any way you could stop by and make sure he is fed and has fresh water? Maybe walking once a day, too? I can have someone else stop by and walk him the rest of the time so it wouldn’t be a multi-times a day favor. I’d really appreciate it.”

“Sure. No problem. I’ll do it in the morning on my way to work.”

“Okay, um, Devon has a key. You can get it from him and don’t worry about returning it to him.” I frowned.

“What’s going on between you two? Do you want to talk?”

She sounded genuinely concerned. See, at least someone liked me and didn’t think I was selfish.

“Tammy, I really can’t right now. I have to try to catch this flight, but thank you so much for agreeing to take care of Big Jim. This really means a lot. And if he doesn’t hump your leg in thanks, I promise I will when I get back.”

She laughed. “You are sick. Be good, girl. Bye.”

I hung up, giggling, and went off to start packing. I realized while packing that I wasted so many years keeping my family at arm’s length, trying to protect them from some nonexistent curse. But then again, what was I supposed to think? Okay, it was insane to think I was cursed, but when you’re mourning numerous amounts of people, you just want it to stop. Your mind comes up with a bunch of silly theories.

Now I just think of all the time I wasted. All those times I could have held on to the only family I had left. When you’re an orphan like me, bounced from foster care to foster care because you’re above the “ideal” adoption age, you hold on to every chance at family you come across. Like the one person who met me with open arms and didn’t just see me as another check coming in, another rival for space in the already crowded house, or even another face to pound or girl to fondle. My foster sister saw me, brought me close to her, and treated me as if I really mattered. She treated me like a part of her family and not just some parentless tough girl with too jagged edges to come near without being cut.

I was her sister. She let me into her life. She made me an aunt to her children and never let me push her too far away. She held on. I began throwing clothes into my suitcase. I was pissed! I should have been able to embrace that love. Instead, I was forced to try to push that one show of kindness away in a misguided attempt to protect the ones I loved.

Damn it! I didn’t mind being a Memory Keeper. I really don’t mind it at all. What I did mind was the fact that they’d let me flounder without a clue what I was doing allowing it to tear me apart. I’d alienated everyone and became a reclusive outsider looking at the world from the wrong side of the window’s glass.

I loved Eric with all my heart, but he was a part of this deception. He knew the pain I was going through. He also knew what I had done 10 years ago and he still didn’t intervene. He didn’t step in and tell me it was all happening for a reason. He could have prepared me for the line of people I was going to lose. Instead, Eric and all of Heaven and Hell let me believe something was wrong with me, that I was the reason. For some reason I saw Devon shaking his head at me as if I just didn’t get it. But I didn’t pay it any attention. I was too busy investigating the guilt that tugged at my heart.

I was mad at Eric, but I wouldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to hurt him. He’d want to know how I felt, and I felt angry. Anger toward him and the ones he serves. Was that possible? Was it possible to love yet hold so much resentment toward him? I took a deep breath, slammed my suitcase, and yanked it shut. I slid it along the ground to the living room and heaved it over the hump leading out the front door so the cab driver could get it when he arrived. I had no time for these feelings right now, whatever they really were, love or hate. Just as I had no time for thoughts of my fight with my only lifelong friend. I had to get to my sister and my nieces.

A happy thought drifted to the front of my mind and I smiled as I waited on the steps for the cab that would drive me to the airport in Devon’s stead. I no longer had to keep a distance from my girls. That was my silver lining. I had my sister now and I had two little girls who loved me enough to jack up my ringtones. I wondered what ring tone they’d give me this time. Last time I was in Bellingham Aurora and Anya spent hours searching for the “perfect” ringtone for my calls. They’d decided on The Wonder Pets. I couldn’t wait to see what they chose this time.

By the time I climbed into Becca’s car, I was tired. I tried to sleep on the plane but I’d only fidgeted about unable to get comfortable. I had too much on my mind. Even though I said I wasn’t going to think about Devon, how could I not with our history? He watched out for me. Always had, and before today, I would have said always would. Humph. I crossed my arms and leaned against the back of my chair, hard, in a pout.

“What’s the matter, little Montana?” Becca glanced in my direction then quickly back to the road. She knows how nervous I get riding in cars and how I hate when people take their eyes off the road. It’s freaking dangerous. I know it really stems from my parent’s accident, but since I am not a shrink, I don’t really care the reason. When I’m in the car, eyes on the road, hands at 10 and 2. Please, and thank you.

I sighed. “Nothing.”

“How is Devon?”

I grimaced. Now it all made sense why she always asked about how he was doing. I used to think she was being nice and concerned about a neighborhood guy. “We are fighting.”

“Oh jeez, Mississippi, what did you do, sleep with him?”

“What? Ewl no! Why would you ask that? Why would we be fighting if I slept with him? If we were screwing, he would not even want to fight with me. I am good, Rebecca!” Then I gagged at the thought of us together. “Oh. I think I just threw up in my mouth even talking hypothetically about this. I mean, I slept with his brother, Becs, and you are freaking in love with him. That would be awkward.”

“What!” she shrieked at the top of her lungs.

I grinned in response, trying to turn away from her so she wouldn’t see how pleased I was with her reaction.

In the faded reflection in the window that I was looking out, I saw her watching at me.

“Eyes on the road, please.”

“If you want my eyes on the road, then stop throwing random, shocking, shit out there. Besides, the light’s red,” she added as an afterthought. “Now, start talking.”

I giggled. “Devon told me you two were quite an item back in the day. Before you became an old, married hag, of course.”

“Oh, of course, before I was an old hag. However, that does not mean I am in love with him. We dated. We had sex a few times. But I am apparently not as good as you claim to be,
Mayne
. He dumped me like a few months later. I thought we were starting to have something real but obviously I was wrong. Whatever it was, it was not love. There was no time for all of those messy emotions.” She grinned. “Just messy sex. What that boy could do with his tongue, my body, and honey.” Her grin grew wicked. “Let’s just say—”

“Let’s not say anything else, please. I beg of you. You’re married!”

She laughed. “I wasn’t then, Miami! What, you can’t stand the taste of your own medicine?”

“Bite me.”

A slow smile spread over her face. “Mmmm, he did that well too.” She winked.

“I am telling Mr. Signeey all of this, Ma’am. What will he think when he finds out his wife was such a skeez and is still reminiscing about it?”

“I met Luke when I was still with Devon. He was Dev’s lawyer. He helped him buy the lounge and did the paperwork for both the bar and lounge.”

“How come I didn’t know any of this? And you, you little skank! You dated the man’s broker?”

“You were sort of out of it, M-state. And all is fair in: when you dump me I can do what the hell I want, jerk!” We both dissolved in laughter.

I missed Becca. We had always gotten along even though people thought we were so different. They assumed because Becca was a stellar student she was so straight-laced, but we had similar taste in humor. We’d been able to share a laugh from the start. When others cringed at me and my antics, Becca was amused and stood by me. I had been the only one she could let loose with, but I imagine she was able to be herself with Devon, too. He had a way of accepting people for who they were. It’s probably what had drawn her to him. There was no need to guess what had drawn him to her. She was tall and curvy in a slim and athletic way. She had deep red hair with soft, rolling waves. She’s a ginger, but she had deeply tanned skin and blue eyes.

Don’t get me wrong, Becca wasn’t just gorgeous, she was also whip smart. She graduated top of her class an entire year early. If I didn’t love her so much and if she wasn’t who and how she was, I’d be insanely jealous of her. However, Becca had a way about her that sucked you in and it was impossible to hate her, and more than that, it was impossible not to love her.

As we pulled up to the front of their house, I let out a sigh. All the good humor from the moment before drained completely away in an instant. I turned to face my sister.

“How is she, really?”

Becca turned to me looking, for the first time this trip, like a mother. It made her look older.

“She is trying to be strong, trying to be brave. My God she reminds me of you. So small and perfect and the sadness in her eyes. She thinks she was meant to die too, but she escaped.” Becca swallowed hard. “Mayne, she’s right. If she hadn’t been coughing and wheezing all night she would have been on that bus and she would be gone! If I had let her go like she begged. She didn’t want to miss the field trip they were going on. She would be gone. I can’t help thinking this, how close I came to losing my girl, my little girl. I just lost Mother.”

“Rebecca, listen to me. No one, and I mean no one, can escape death. Anya is alive because she’s meant to be. I know this for a fact because if she were not meant to still be living, she wouldn’t be. It is that simple.”

“You called me Rebecca, you must be serious right now, M-state. Woah.” Her lips quirked into a tiny smirk.

“Big deal, you called me Mayne this entire car ride so that’s the topper. I win. Now stop crying and let’s go inside.” I stuck my tongue out and opened the door. I hopped out and called back over my shoulder. “And grab my bag, would ya? Thank you,
Rebecca
!” I darted up the lawn and bounded up the stairs until I stood on the porch looking at Becca struggling to get my bag. She stopped and threw her hands up in surrender.

“I’m married, Luke can get this crap. This is why I have a husband,” she said as she reached me. As she pushed past me, she added, “You should look into getting one.”

“Please. My man is perfect without the H-word attached to his name.”

“Oooh.” She teased. “Your man?” She laughed at me as she unlocked the door.

When the door opened, I don’t know what I expected to see. Flowers maybe? There were always flowers and plants accompanying death. I don’t know why, but people always felt the need to send them. As if those things with their stunted roots in potted soil could help grief. They didn’t. I didn’t see any plants anywhere and I let out the breath I was unwittingly holding. I stood there inside the door, my mind chanting to itself.
It’s not about you and it is not your parents this time
. It was hard to remember that fact when I looked around at this house so full of little girl energy. Anya was a little older than I was when my parents died, or maybe not. At that moment, I couldn’t remember.