Dearly Loved (5 page)

She smiled. “I’ll be back in a few hours then.”

“Thanks, Merrie.”

***

Meredith went about her rounds with an air of distraction, glad that the workload was lighter tonight. Talking with David affected her in a way she wouldn’t have imagined. Sure, she’d been a sucker for him in high school, but that was so long ago. A twelve year absence should’ve at least tempered the attraction—and heartbreak should’ve killed what was left.

I’ll have to be on guard and not interpret David’s friendliness and charm for something more—especially now when he’s so vulnerable and I’m familiar, convenient, and present
. Of course, she’d do everything in her power to see him heal. Beyond that, she’d resist the impulse to open her heart to him again.

Meredith’s resolution was tested as her break neared. The desire to see David overwhelmed her. It didn’t matter that she’d scarcely thought of him over the past several years. He was back in her world, and for better or for worse, she had a need to see him. The moment her break began, she went to his room.

Meredith found him fast asleep, and decided not to honor his wishes by waking him up. She brought the chair close to bed and sat down, keeping her hands firmly in her lap. Gazing at his form, she found it hard to believe he was once again in her life, as intrusive as the first time, with as much aplomb as ever. A reluctant smile tugged at her lips.

She said a prayer for him, giving thanks that he survived the accident, as well for his continued recovery. After some hesitation, she included a prayer for herself, for wisdom of feelings, her ambivalence about him. It was almost a certainty that when he’d recovered, her usefulness would be at end and he’d cheerfully go on his way, unaware of the hurt he’d leave in his wake—just like before.

Having my heart broken over David Steller once is more than enough, thank you very much
.

Four

By the time Meredith walked in the front door the next morning, she felt drained from the emotional battles she’d fought in her heart and mind. She craved sleep, sleep, and more sleep.

Bitsy greeted her with his usual enthusiasm and proceeded to roll over and do several of his tricks, seemingly needful of her praise. She felt a pang of guilt that he was home alone so much. She stopped to pet him, planning to take him to the park before her next shift.   

After several wet puppy kisses that made it past her guard, Meredith opened the bag of Chinese food she’d bought on the way home from a twenty-four hour corner restaurant near the hospital. As she arranged a plate, she noticed the light on her answering machine flashing. Leaning across the kitchen counter, she hit the Play button with the end of a chopstick.

“Hi, my name is Clayton Roberts and I’m responding to your ad about the West Highland Terrier. I have reason to believe he’s the one we lost. Please give me a call…”

Meredith grabbed a pen and managed to scribble the phone number on a napkin before the message ended. She sank onto the chair, aware of the click and whir of the answering machine while it reset itself. Her appetite fled as the call exerted its full import.

Bitsy has to go away
.

She glanced at him. The little dog lapped at his water dish, then looked up at Meredith with a dripping white beard.
Bitsy would no doubt love anyone who feeds him and gives him a modicum of attention. There’s nothing special about me
.

But even in the short time she’d had him, he’d eased the clinging feeling of loneliness permeating her life of late. For a minute, she fantasized Bitsy would reject this Clayton guy, staunchly remaining by her side. Or that Mr. Roberts would discover Bitsy was the wrong Westie.

Meredith sighed. I have to face the fact I’ll be dogless very soon
. The vet had told her Bitsy was an expensive pure breed and most likely not a stray. A burning sensation developed behind her eyes and tears rolled down her face.

Bitsy scrambled onto her lap and burrowed into her arms while she sniffled. The familiar ache in her heart deepened when she thought about the loss of a relationship with David, past and future, the death of her parents, the work schedule that made it difficult to socialize.
How much more will be taken away from me?
Meredith knew her logic was flawed, but right now, all she could do was blubber like a baby.

***

An hour later, Meredith perched on the edge of the couch, waiting for the inevitable ring of the doorbell. On the phone, Mr. Roberts had correctly identified Bitsy’s age and told her about a heart-shaped birthmark on his tummy.

Bitsy, squeaky clean from a bath, stretched himself across her lap, giving her full access to that birthmark. Meredith absently rubbed his belly, trying to remember if she’d gathered all his things. She didn’t want any reminder of him left behind. Besides, she worried it might be unnatural to be so attached to an animal. Perhaps his absence would force her to develop more than nodding acquaintances with people.

She’d only been attending church haphazardly. Sunday mornings were difficult, due to fatigue. Since she never really caught up on her sleep for the remainder of the week, she found herself nodding off during the mid-week services.

The sound of the doorbell made Meredith jump. Bitsy dove off her lap and danced around the door, yapping wildly. When she opened the door, she found a dark-haired man wearing wire-framed glasses and an outfit looking like it came straight from The Gap. Beyond him she could see a white Mercedes parked behind her Saturn.

The man smiled and held out his hand. “I’m Clayton Roberts. You must be Ms. Ambrose.”

She shook his hand, noticing he had beautiful hazel eyes. She invited him inside her living room.

When Clayton saw Bitsy, he hunched down and held out his hand. “Do you remember me, Snowflake?” He glanced up at Meredith with a grin. “My daughter picked the name.”

Bitsy approached him and gave his hand a cautious sniff. When he licked his hand a bit, Clayton picked him up. Bitsy seemed content in his arms, his little pink tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. Meredith bit her lip as a wave of sadness washed over her.

“This is wonderful,” he said. “My daughter will be thrilled. She’s cried herself to sleep every night since he disappeared.” He gave the dog a gentle pat on the head. “I was gone on a business trip when it happened and wasn’t able to check the paper until I returned. And my father thought Snowflake had been stolen, so he didn’t check either.” He sent Meredith a warm smile. “Thank you, Ms. Ambrose for being willing to give him up. I can see you’ve taken excellent care of him.”

She stretched her mouth upward, but her smile felt more like a grimace. “No problem. I’m glad your little girl will have him back.” She motioned toward the kennel and bag full of his food, leash, and toys.

“I had signs posted in my neighborhood offering a reward—”

Meredith shook her head. “No thank you. I'm just glad he's going back to his real home.”

She gave Bitsy one last pat on the head before Clayton walked out the door. Waving while he drove away, she reminded herself this was for the best.
A little girl’s world will be right again. I’m an adult, accustomed to change. I’m mature. I can deal with it
.

Fleetingly, she considered going to the mall and buying another puppy, but in the next moment, decided against it. Part of Bitsy’s appeal was that he’d come to her. At the time she’d considered him a blessing from the Lord. Now, he seemed to represent just another disappointment.

***

The following day, Meredith floated on her back in deep end of the pool with her eyes closed. The soothing liquid lapped at her skin and eased the tension from her body. As her stress level dissipated, she was able to get a better perspective about Bitsy’s departure, along with the other difficulties in her life.

I have my health, and a good job. All my physical needs have been met. I have no right to throw myself a pity party and I have no one to blame but myself for my hermit-like existence
.

She wondered what had changed. She’d always been a loner, even before her mother died.
So what’s my problem?
Meredith remembered it had been some time since she’d been in regular fellowship with other Christians.
I’ll stop putting off church. Maybe there are meetings at a different times
.

What else could she change? Maybe night work had finally caught up with her. Would it make a difference if she worked days? Meredith decided to look into it.

At least it’s a start
. She floated for a while longer before beginning her laps.

***

The following night at work, Meredith decided to take a peek at the hospital job board. Once she’d considered pursuing a more normal life, she hadn’t been able to get the idea out of her mind. After perusing openings within the hospital, she found an ad for a position as a Pediatric nurse, prepping juvenile patients and assisting in recovery from surgery.

It was from six thirty in the morning to about three or four in the afternoon, Monday through Thursday, since that was when most of the surgeries were scheduled. The salary, though less than for a weekend float, was sufficient. She knew she could change her volunteer schedule at the Red Cross to Saturdays, so that wasn’t a hindrance. The notion appealed to her and after a quick prayer for guidance, she decided to apply.

That done, Meredith had a quick bite in the cafeteria before heading to David’s new room. As expected, he was sleeping when she slipped into the darkened room. Meredith looked around in amazement at all the new floral arrangements crowding every available space. She peeked at the card of a particularly huge bouquet and saw it was from KVL News.

“Merrie? Is that you?”

She turned around and saw David making a groggy effort to sit up. She hurried to his side and placed a hand lightly on his chest. “David, please rest,” she said, using her most professional nurse’s tone.

He sagged against his pillows and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he gave her a tired smile. “Whatever they give me makes me dizzy if I move too fast.”

“So don’t move so fast,” she teased. He looked so endearing, with his tousled hair and sleepy eyes.
Steady, girl
. “How are you feeling? I’m worried you’re not getting the rest you need with all these visitors you’ve been having.”

He let out a big sigh. “Okay, I guess. I’m getting impatient being bound here this way. I have a job to start, that is unless KVL gets tired of waiting.”

“They won’t. You’re probably a bigger draw now that you’ve been in an accident.”

David gave her a lopsided grin. “You might be right. I can always count on you to keep my ego in check.”

Meredith laughed softly. “Very funny, Steller. You know what I mean.”
See, this isn’t so hard
. She noticed his returning smile fade. A moment later, his eyelids began to droop. Meredith eased away from the bed, readying to leave.

“Where are you going?”

“Shhhh, David, you’re so tired you’re talking with your eyes closed. I’ll come back at a better time.”

He reached out and grasped her hand with an intensity that surprised her. “Please stay.”

“Okay, but just for a few minutes.” She sat in the chair next to the bed and tried to ignore the way her heart reacted at his words.

“You didn’t visit me last night, Nurse Ambrose.”

“I did, but you were asleep.”

Something flickered across his features. “Were you going to wake me up tonight?”

“Rest is more important.”

“That’s my Merrie. Always so practical.” His voice just above a whisper, was touched with amusement.

Meredith could see his meds were gaining the upper hand as his eyes closed and his breathing deepened. She watched him sleep for a few minutes, thankful he was doing so well. Looking down at her hand in his brought that familiar fluttering in her chest. She remembered admiring his heavily veined hands when she was a teen. Then again, there wasn’t much about him she hadn’t admired.

She blew out a breath and tried to withdraw her hand, hoping not to wake him. Meredith was startled when his fingers wrapped more tightly around hers. Glancing at him, he appeared to be sound asleep. She gave her hand a little tug.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“David,” she said, exasperated, “I need to get back to work. Besides, you’re starting to cut off my circulation.”

“Oh, sorry.” His grip relaxed, freeing her hand. “I guess now that I’ve seen you again, I don’t want to let you go.”

Meredith caught her breath. But as he drifted back to sleep, she firmed her lips into a thin line, not daring to read anything into his words. He himself had said she was a familiar face.
Leave it at that, Nurse Ambrose
.

***

When Meredith put her key in her front door lock the next morning, she heard a man’s voice. It took her a minute to realize it came from her answering machine. She burst through the door, into the kitchen, and grabbed the phone.