Dear Rose 3: Winter's Risk (14 page)

Not everyone. He swallowed. His throat constricted. “What if it’s not everything everyone needs? What if I want more?”

She didn’t meet his gaze. Instead, she peered out the window. “It sounds…interesting.”

“But?” He could hear that word coming on. He should have known that his life could never be simple.

“I don’t know if I can do it. I mean…be with you both at the same time. How would we even work it out?” She continued to stare out the window. “I’ve thought about a lot since being with Quinn. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.” She turned to him then and looked at him with doe eyes. “I’ve been trying to read stuff, and it’s not… I don’t know, Zach.”

Unsaid was that she didn’t think she could try to work it out. He read between the lines on that one.

“Can’t we keep it this way? It’d be easier. You have me, and you have Quinn, and I have you both. It’s simple.” She swallowed and glanced away. “I think it would be easier on us all.”

Which left him in the same spot he’d always been in.

Nowhere.

Chapter Seven

Quinn walked up to Josie’s door. Something hanging from the doorknob caught his eye. He blinked. Looked again as if he couldn’t tell what he was seeing. It was what he thought it was. Not your typical flyer for a west-end neighborhood like this. “M’kay.” He didn’t pick it off the knob but instead knocked.

Josie flung open the door. “Quinn!” She hit him with a furious fast embrace. She kissed him thoroughly.

Apparently he’d been missed. He could get used to this. “Guess you’re glad to see me?”

“Oh yeah.” She was beaming. “Oh my gosh. I was with Zach. We had the date, and things went perfectly. Let me take you inside and tell you about…” She turned, and her voice broke off as she saw the door. “What the hell?”

“I was wondering on that too. Get visited by the underwear fairy?” A lacy bikini panty hung on her doorknob.

She placed one hand over her mouth as the other shot forward to grab it. “Oh my God.” She sounded shocked and began shaking as if upset. It was the total opposite of her mood when she’d opened the door.

“What’s wrong?” He grasped her shoulders, trying to comfort her. “What happened?” He hadn’t expected her to get upset by the underwear. Weirded out, maybe. But not a reaction like this.

She clutched the bikini in her hand as though it was her lifeline. She scrunched it up and shook it at him. “Damn him!”

“What?” Quinn had missed something. He needed a road map. “What’s going on, Josie?”

She motioned him inside and shut the door behind him. She still clutched the panties in her hand. “Zach. He left them here.”

“They don’t look like his style. Little too womanly. Stretchy. Not to mention they might fit his cock, but nothing else—”

She finally interrupted him. “Quinn. The underwear are mine.”

“Thank God.” He waggled a brow at her. At least she wasn’t cursing like she’d been before.

She glared at him. “Quinn.”

“Sorry. Continue.” Whatever was going on was serious to her. Which meant it should be for him. Only he didn’t want to hear it. Hence the stalling for the explanation. He did a quick scan of her apartment. Yep, it was spacious and newer than his. But his had more character. He did like how the silvers and grays contrasted with the reds she’d decorated with. The walls were white. The sofa was gray. All the frames were silver with red-tinted paintings, and the accent pillows on what seemed like a comfortable couch were crimson.

“I took them off and gave them to Zach. After we were together, I asked him for them back, but he wouldn’t return them to me. Said they gave him hope this relationship would work.” She raised her hand to cover her mouth with an
eep.

“What?” Her expression was as if she’d just killed a puppy or, worse, a kitten. “What did you think of?” He didn’t want to hear it but had to.

She walked over to the couch and sat down. She put her face in her hands, and the underwear fell in her lap. “I told him…I wasn’t sure I could be in an ultimate threesome. With all three of us together at the same time.”

He swallowed before he walked across the floor and sat down too. The carpet was gray and soft under his feet. While he liked the hardwood in his apartment, this was probably not as icy on feet first thing in the morning. Another incentive to work this relationship out, though not a primary reason. He turned his attention back to the distressed woman in front of him, though he’d never been good with emotional females. For her, he’d try. “Why not?”

“I went online. And saw things. It was…well, some of was a turn-on, but I don’t know if I want to be taken up the ass.” She blanched, her entire face tensing. “It would be like a cucumber driven into your butt. And I read it hurt and that threesomes could lead to big problems.” She glanced at him. “I don’t know. I think it works best for us to be together like this. Not as a full-on threesome.”

Which was exactly what Zach hadn’t wanted to hear. No wonder he’d booked away from them. Zach was even more screwed up than Quinn in the bisexual department. He believed that because he thought of the other sex while fucking, it meant he could never be with one sex. “Okay, first of all, when you want to know something on a subject, you limit your search. Doing a full-out search, that’d be like typing in symptoms and trying to diagnose yourself. Cause God knows you’d decide you had bubonic plague or be dying or something.”

She laughed a little. She still had her arms wrapped around herself. “My uncle tried to diagnose himself over the Internet. He wound up going to the ER for gas. He was convinced he had something about to burst inside him.”

“Exactly. Second, do you know what websites you read this BS at?” He shook his head, thinking about all the garbage on the Internet.

“I don’t know. A few.”

“There are a lot of sites disguised as ‘helpful’ sites for the gay community that are homophobic. Stumble on one of them, and you’ll think anal sex leads to the desecration of the free world.” It was the truth. Someone would think all the ills in the world were caused by being gay.

She shrugged. “I guess I should have checked where the information came from. But I was freaked-out.” She paused and stumbled over her words. “I am freaked-out. I still feel guilty I like two men at the same time. I sometimes get weirded-out by the idea of being with you both at the same time.”

He reached over and picked up her hand. “It’s different. But that doesn’t make it wrong. It can be what we want it to be.” They could make this work if they wanted it bad enough. He believed that and refused to be swayed.

“You sound like Rose.” She pushed a hand through her hair. “I think she’s been telling Zach to give it a try. Been telling all of us to see where this leads and that relationships don’t have to be ‘normal’ to work.”

“She has a point, cupcake. With the right people, a threesome can work. A ménage, especially among people with Zach’s and my proclivities, can be a godsend.” It would be a wonderful thing to be with people who finally understood him. Who took all of him and didn’t freak out. He just had to work on both of them and get them to accept that.

She wrinkled her nose. “How do you know that? I heard you were in a threesome, but it didn’t work out. That’s not exactly a poster for the power of ménages.”

He let go of her hand. It had not been a good moment in his life, that was for sure. “I tried a ménage that was almost like this setup. Except the guy wasn’t hetero. He tried to be what he wasn’t. Because he knew I wanted it. But that’s one reason it didn’t go well. He got jealous. Which led to the girl getting upset. But it wasn’t like this. It was still different. And there wasn’t full-on play with that relationship either. It’s different from what we’re trying. Different from what we are talking about.”

“So the guy wasn’t bi, and that led to a lot of problems, huh?” She reached over and grabbed his hand.

“Yep. For all of us. He tried. He did. He tried to be what I wanted. That’s why it didn’t succeed. It wasn’t the ménage itself.” If things had been different, maybe they would have thrived. He’d always wanted to try again but hadn’t found the right mix of lovers. Until now.

“Well, Zach is bi.” She squeezed his hand. “He may not think our relationship will make it, but he likes guys and girls.”

“Yep. Yep, he is. Reluctant, but a perfect foil for this.” He reciprocated her touch. Somehow her pressure on his hand gave him strength. It warmed him. “As for how I know it can be as strong as a two-person relationship when I haven’t experienced a healthy one, I’ve known people who had them. A couple of ménages, actually. In different fashions. There’s also a group online. They talk about everything from what works and what doesn’t to hobbies.” He ran his thumb over her ring finger. “Like Rose said, it can grow to be something special. And it can be great for people like Zach and me.”

Josie blew out a long breath that was part sigh and part exasperation. “I don’t mind it this way. I’m not sure about going fully into a fully committed threesome.”

Quinn pointed to the panties she still held in her lap. Bet they’d smelled so good when she’d taken them off. Her scent had no doubt faded by now.

“What?” She glimpsed the scrap of material, and then her eyes came back up to gaze at him. “What?”

“Zach was telling you something.” Quinn understood the message. And the sentiment behind it. Josie might need a little more explanation.

“He doesn’t like my underwear?” She smiled a cheesy smile that was so full of it, it reeked.

Quinn didn’t say anything. Just stared at her. She knew. She might not know she understood, but she did.

“Kidding.” She took on a more serious mode. “What was he saying?”

Guess she needed to have it spelled out. “He needs a full-on ménage. And I don’t think he’d ever accepted that’s what he needed in his life before now. He’d always thought he could never get it. Now he’s finally ‘got’ that’s what he needs. And if we can’t do that, he’s not going to be with us. He can’t. It can’t work with his programming.”

She pulled her hand away and massaged her temples. “Oh, my head hurts from all this.”

So did his.

“What bothers you about being with two guys at the same time?” He leaned farther back on the couch. “Talk to Dr. Quinn. Not Medicine Bisexual.”

She didn’t even smile. “There’s taking one of you up the ass.”

He laughed. “You’re talking to a man who likes getting it up the ass. So I don’t see the big deal.”

“Doesn’t it hurt?” She pinched up her face and seemed paler. Was she scared?

So that was a big worry. Especially as she’d brought it up first. “If done right, it can be most pleasant. The only pain can be pressure pain and quite pleasurable. It takes lube and patience. Both of which Zach has in spades. I have plenty of lube. And I can be patient if I have to be.” He would be. With her and with Zach. Somehow they’d get each other to where they needed to be.

She looked away to another corner of her apartment. “I don’t know, Quinn.” Her voice was small. Shy. Not like the woman he’d seen so far at all.

“Aren’t you the least bit curious? About what it would be like to be between us? To be fully penetrated by two gorgeous guys working you in tandem between them?” He hardened at the mere thought of it.
Please let her be curious.

“I notice you threw ‘two gorgeous guys’ in there.” She shook her head, but she was smiling. A good sign.

“Yes. Do you deny that?” He arched a brow at her with a challenge. She better not.

“No. Never.” She glanced back at the same spot she’d been so interested in earlier. “I’m curious. But I don’t want to get hurt. And logistically, I think I could.”

“You won’t. We will see to that.” He placed his hand on her thigh. “And there’s plenty else we can do. There’s other places than ass to play with. Tits and pussy. You’re a wonderland.” That was true. She’d be fun to use as a playground. With Zach. His loins tightened more as he thought about it. “Don’t you think that would be pleasurable?”

“Yeah.” Her voice lowered. “I do. I’ve been thinking about it.”

“And I promise you, getting it up the ass… Nowhere as scary as it sounds. It can be quite…sensual.” The first time he’d thought about it, he’d been skeptical. Then he’d done it. And it was heavenly. He might not have often been a bottom, but he was enough to know he enjoyed that part of him.

“If you say so.” She still sounded dubious.

“Lube and patience. I’m telling you.” He stroked her thigh, wishing it were bare skin. “So what else bothers you about trying this relationship?”

“I… It sounds shallow.” She tried to hide her face against his shoulder.

He patted her head and inhaled her wonderful scent. “Tell me.”

“Other women are catty.”

Not what he was expecting, but he’d go with it. Like he understood. He nodded to urge her on.

“I knew they’d talk about me dating two men at the same time. That was a given. And it bothered me more than it should have.”

Did women do stuff like that? He tried to think back to his high school days.
Yep, guess they do.

“When I was in college, a woman I knew had an orgy.”

He blinked at her. “An actual orgy? More than two and a variety of dicks and pussies?”

“Yeah. You would not believe the rumors swirling. It got so bad she had to leave campus. Everyone thumbed their noses at her. She got snubbed by everything she’d ever been a part of.” Her gaze seemed troubled. Her shoulders drooped. “And now with Twitter and Facebook, it’s so much easier to pass around that kind of news.”

He patted her knee. “And you don’t want that to happen to you?” He understood. It was the same mentality that drove teenage girls to suicide when they were hounded by those with nothing better to do.

“No. I know it’s juvenile. I don’t like people talking about me like that. And they will.”

“You’re right. But do you want those people to decide your love life for you?”

“No. I don’t. But I don’t know how to…quell that.” She looked so lost. “I don’t know how to stop that in myself.”

“To quote Rose, who bastardized a Dr. Seuss saying, ‘Be true to yourself. Those who matter don’t mind. And those who mind, fuck ’em. They aren’t important anyway.’” He’d heard her say that when he’d first started dancing for her. Had always thought it fit a lot of situations.