Deadly Bonds (9 page)

“Ditto.”

She moved inside to pour a drink for him. He followed her, closed the door behind him and took his jacket off.

“I wanted to thank you again for that email,” he said. “And for stopping by the other night...staying to play chess.”

“I hope I didn’t overstep my bounds.” The memory of their past kiss, when she
had
overstepped
several
people’s boundaries, had her cheeks flaming. She turned and went to the refrigerator to get a second wedge of lime.

“Not at all. It meant a lot to Theo—” He stopped abruptly, as if he’d been about to say more. But when she looked over her shoulder, he was slamming back a gulp of tequila.

“Hey, be careful. That stuff’s more for sipping than shots.”

* * *

Holt didn’t want to be attracted to Sara. He didn’t want it with everything in him. But as she bent over the drawer in the refrigerator, he couldn’t help but notice the fine roundness of her ass. Not wanting to be aroused by her, he lashed out with sarcasm. “
There’s
the old Sara. Always did know the
right
way to do things. Elizabeth said that was one of the reasons she broke things off with you. You insisted you knew best.”

She handed him a lime wedge, then surprised him by nodding. “I admit I tended to think I knew what was right. Nobody could ever win with me.” She arched a brow at his shocked silence. “What? People can’t grow? I wasn’t trying to be controlling about your alcohol consumption. I was simply suggesting you slow down and pace yourself. And for the record, it was Elizabeth who established a two-shot limit.”

“Did she now?” The Elizabeth he’d met had been the life of the party, always flirting and laughing. He’d been shocked and flattered when the woman who’d captured every male eye in the room with her easy laugh and sexy confidence had come on to him. She’d admitted she’d been the partying type but was working to become more studious and focused. She’d told him he’d be a good influence on her. And when she’d become pregnant, it had seemed a natural move to get married.

Sara led the way to the couch, carrying her drink. “Most definitely. Any more than two drinks and you were at risk for some serious sinning or spinning.” She sat on one end of the couch, and he sat on the other. She bent her legs, pulling her bare feet up onto the cushion between him and her. Her toes were pink, just like that day at the picnic. Conservative, yet flirty. A reflection of the woman, though he suspected she didn’t realize she had that fun side. The hem of her skirt slid up her thigh, but she didn’t seem to notice. Instead, her lips curved as if enjoying some wicked memory.

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Which did it lead to for you?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“I’d bet spinning.” Sara was too controlled to let out her inner animal. Except with him, a decade ago. It had cost her dearly, he imagined, having lost her friendship with Elizabeth because of her impulsiveness...and he’d seen the price she’d paid on her face whenever he’d happened to bump into her. Between Spring Break and graduation, she’d dropped weight and turned pale. He’d blocked the thought of it...or tried to.

She laughed. “You might not want to place that bet. And you’re forgetting that stupid kiss.”

“I couldn’t forget the kiss.” His gaze shot to her mouth. Her lips were definitely meant for sinning. He dragged his attention back to her eyes, relieved she hadn’t noticed the chink in his armor.

Sara’s demeanor turned serious. “I had been drinking that night I kissed you, but that wasn’t why I did it.”

“No, it was to break up your best friend’s relationship. You saw me as a threat.” He hated the raw accusation he heard in his voice and immediately censored it. That was the past. “But we were all much younger back then.”

Sara studied him a moment. “Is that what you really believe? Or is that the line Elizabeth fed you?” Before he could form a reply, she shook her head. “Never mind. Tonight isn’t about old regrets. It’s about remembering Elizabeth.” She raised her glass. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” He did a quick sign of the cross with his right hand and she laughed again. He realized with a jolt that he liked the sound. How long had it been since he’d heard a woman’s laughter?

“To Elizabeth’s spirit of fun—may it remind us that life is precious, and meant to be enjoyed.” She took a sip of her tequila and he echoed the movement. The burn warmed his throat and tickled the back of his nostrils. He closed his eyes to savor the warmth. When he opened them, Sara was sucking on her lime wedge. She licked her wide lips. The sight stabbed him straight in the gut. “Your turn.”

He shook off the image of her lips and raised his glass. “To Elizabeth...” His voice cracked and he simply left it at that, then slammed back a large swallow. Sara’s eyes shimmered with sympathy.

* * *

“Tell me a story about her,” Sara said. “I missed so many years because I was an idiot.”

His lips twitched before he gave in to a half smile. “
Was
an idiot? Who says you’ve changed?”

“I do.” She pretended to be offended. “And what I say is always correct.”

“Ah, the old Sara.”

“The new Sara admits to her mistakes and moves on. Life is too short.”

“Hear, hear.” Holt saluted her with his empty glass.

She clinked hers to his. The warmth of the alcohol was working its way into her limbs, making them heavy and liquid, leaving her with a pleasant, if bittersweet, sense of reality. Remembering Elizabeth was painful but strangely liberating too. It affirmed what was important in life—spending time with loved ones and pursuing your dreams.

She went to retrieve the tequila bottle from the kitchen, refilled their glasses and placed the bottle on the table.

“So, what mistakes have you moved on from?” he asked.

“Well, there’s you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was wrong.” She settled on the couch again, braced her elbow on the back and propped her cheek on her hand. “About you, about your relationship with Elizabeth. It was stronger than I’d deluded myself into believing. Besides, it was none of my business.”

“You’re right on all accounts.” His gaze held hers. Five o’clock shadow darkened his cheeks. “But you’ve already apologized, so let’s move on.”

“I wonder what Elizabeth would say about this.” She gestured between the two of them.

“I think she’d be happy we put our differences to rest. For Theo’s sake too.”

Sara’s heart clenched. She stared into the amber liquid in her glass. “I love that boy. You’ve done a great job.”

“That was all Elizabeth.”

Sara stuck out her leg and nudged him sharply in the thigh with her toes.

His gaze went to them, then to her, amusement dancing in the hazel depths. “What was that for?”

“
Now
who’s being the idiot?”

“You?”

“Guess again. You’re Theo’s
father.
I seriously doubt you’ve had nothing to do with who he’s become. Hey.” She tipped her head until he met her gaze again. “You’ve been through the wringer. Not just this past year, but the year before, with all the chemo and radiation and the hospital visits...watching Elizabeth—someone so full of life that you wondered how the human body could contain it—slip away. It couldn’t have been easy.” It had to have been hell. Sara had only been around for the last few months of it.

“After Elizabeth’s death, I felt him disconnect.”

Sara smiled gently and Holt’s gaze fell to her lips. Though he hadn’t touched her, it felt like a caress. Her breath hitched. “Guys always want to rush out and fix things. Sometimes you can just let them be. Theo will let you know when he’s ready. Of course, you have to be around him in order for him to let you know when he
is
ready.”

He seemed to weigh her words. “Is that what he’s said in your sessions together?”

“Sessions?”

“Your weekly chess games. They’ve resumed, right? I hope so, because he really enjoys them. He’s determined to beat you. He’s been practicing every night on that game you gave him.”

She laughed. “I thought his technique had improved. The chess was a way to keep him close, get to know him. When he started getting in trouble, I thought I’d failed Elizabeth by not keeping better track of him.”

“I know the feeling,” he muttered.

Yeah, failure wouldn’t sit well with either of their personalities. “And he’s so smart and introspective, like you. I thought he might enjoy a game of strategy. So I started it as a way for me to get to know him. It evolved into some pretty good chats, especially about the storylines in his comic books. He’s really talented.”

Holt frowned. “He still hasn’t shown them to me.” He tipped his head back against the back of the couch. “I have to find something like that. A way to connect.”

“The connection’s there, Holt. It’s the timing that has to line up.” She realized her toes had migrated until they touched the seam of his pants so she bent her knees to pull them away. “He really is doing much better.”

“Because of you.”

“Maybe...but the passing of time helps too. I’m glad you brought him back for another year at the Academy, though.” She chewed her lip before plunging forward and asking the question that had bugged her for a year now. “Did you approve of Elizabeth’s decision to send Theo here?”

“Truthfully? Not at first,” he admitted after a long moment. “But looking back, it was a good decision. He needs the stability of a strong school, and a strong female influence. Two years ago, none of this was even on the horizon yet.”

“None of what?”

“The notoriety.”

“From your current case, you mean?”

“That, but also becoming known for what I do within certain circles.”

Her brow crinkled as she tried to understand what he was getting at. “You mean fellow professionals?”

“And serial killers.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.
Oh.
Over the past year, a couple of them started writing to me from prison. Nothing threatening. In fact, some were admiring, inviting me to interview them.” He gave a half smile, but his grim amusement quickly disappeared. “But it woke me up to the fact that I had a little boy who needed me to be both father and mother now. Being both has been a strain, and I see him pulling farther and farther away from me.”

He was becoming increasingly agitated as he spoke and she felt the need to touch him, to comfort him. She leaned forward across her bent knees and laid a hand on his arm. “Being a parent isn’t easy. You’re doing your best.”

“And yet our relationship is getting worse.”

She could see that the distance between him and Theo was hurting him. “He still needs you.”

“Not as much. Not anymore.”

“Don’t let his bravado fool you. Inside, he’s a scared kid who wants his dad to wrap him in a hug and protect him from the world.”

Holt examined her a moment. “You’re pretty in tune with these kids, huh?”

“Sometimes too much.” John Rochard definitely didn’t appreciate her being in tune with his kids. Neil needed a firm hand to hold him in line as he approached graduation. Jeremy seemed overlooked and was desperate for attention. He’d earn it in a healthy way—on stage, if he were allowed to. If he couldn’t do that, he’d choose less healthy ways. It was one reason she was fighting so hard. “Some parents don’t appreciate my involvement, but I decided long ago that I would be a hands-on, from-the-heart administrator.”

“I bet the kids appreciate your involvement.”

“I like to think so. And I like to think I’ve learned some hard lessons, wisdom I can share. I’ve worked hard to make a life I could be proud of, and that included mending fences with Elizabeth. And with you.”

He eyed her for a long moment before raising his glass. “To healing relationships—
all
kinds of relationships.”

She leaned forward and clinked her glass to his before they took the final swallows. The room spun a bit and she put her glass down. “I warned you two should be the limit. I think that was the equivalent of number three. Maybe four.”

“Guess we’ll find out if it’ll be sinning or spinning after all.” That heated glance was back, but he quickly averted his gaze and she convinced herself she must have been mistaken. Holt Patterson had disliked her up until a month ago. No way was he now looking at her as if he wanted to do tequila shots off her abdomen. Though he was being kind and forgiving, this was Holt My-Moral-Compass-Points-Due-North Patterson, after all.

“What brought you to the Academy?” His gaze was penetrating, as if it could see into her soul. She wasn’t sure she wanted to share the intimate details of her failed marriage, and the self-examination that had led her to this point. Even the tequila wouldn’t encourage that much revelation.

“The Academy was hiring at a time I was looking to come back home.” Even if her family was gone, it still had the feeling of home for her. “Of course, they couldn’t say it outright, but the board wanted a woman. Though it’s a boys’ school, they thought a female might encourage a gentler tone here. Things had gotten a little too competitive and nasty, and morale, as well as enrollment, was dropping. Before this, I’d worked my way up to principal at a public school and had the appropriate credentials.”

“Quite a different atmosphere here, I would guess.”

“Yes. But I needed a change of scenery after my life went to hell. My parents died, I was married, blinked, and then divorced.” Suddenly cold, she sat up and tucked her feet under her, smoothing her skirt over her legs like a blanket. She covered her awkwardness with a laugh. “See, I can admit to my mistakes.” One of the problems with her marriage to Dillon had been her constantly comparing him—though only in her mind, and she hadn’t even realized she was doing it at first—to Holt. “Dillon and I were completely wrong for each other...but then, I didn’t even know who I was at the time.”

“Elizabeth missed you, you know. All those years.”

“I’m glad she gave me the chance to be her friend again before...” Before she died. Sara shook her head and sent the room spinning again. “Boy, I think I’ve had enough to drink. I’ve turned this celebration into a somber occasion. Elizabeth would have had music blaring.”