Deadlocked 8 (6 page)

Annie’s expression was tense, and her lips
pursed, but she didn’t argue. She just said, “Fine. If that’s your
decision.”

Laura was about to say something, but she
hesitated. I suspected that she’d come up with a hundred different
reasons to delay us, but she acquiesced with a solemn nod. “When
were you thinking of leaving?”

“As soon as you say yes,” said Annie.

“And are you taking Harrison?”

I nodded and said, “If you’re okay with it.
The group he wants to check on is west of the airport. It shouldn’t
take us too far out of the way.”

“Did Billy give you a map?” asked Laura.

“Yes,” said Annie tersely. She was still
ruminating on Laura’s decision to pull her out of the battle
against Jerald. I know that Annie had been driven by revenge, and
not having the opportunity to attack the man that killed Kim was
torturing her.

“And he drew you a few paths out to where
you’re headed?”

Again, Annie was curt, “Yes.”

“Just know that Jerald’s people are going to
be out there looking for you.”

“It was me he wanted,” I said. “If I end up
getting caught, then maybe he’ll stop hunting the rest of you.”

Laura scowled at me before saying, “Let’s not
test that theory. Especially not when my daughter’s tagging along
for the ride.”

“We won’t get caught,” said Annie.

“Give me one more night,” said Laura as if
pleading with us. “Will you do that for me? Let me have Abe get
your gear together, and leave tomorrow morning as long as it’s not
snowing. I’ve got a bad feeling that winter’s not quite done with
us yet.”

“If that’s what you think’s best,” I said
before Annie could respond. I knew that Annie had been hoping to
leave this morning, and had already packed the gear we would take.
I didn’t think it would hurt to wait another day, even though my
new partner was anxious to set out.

Annie sighed, but relented. “Okay, we’ll
leave in the morning.”

Billy Hendrix

I tried to stand, but fell right back down
into my wheelchair.

“You can do it,” said Jill as she stood
before me, her arm draped over her bulging belly. She insisted that
she was only six or seven months pregnant, but she looked ready to
pop to me. Of course, I’m no expert on pregnancy.

“I can’t,” I said, dejected as I fell back
into my chair. “I fucking can’t, Jill.”

“Bullshit,” she said. “I saw you walking
around earlier, when you and Abe were getting things together for
Annie. If you can get up and walk around for him, then you can damn
well do it for me.”

“That’s different.”

“Oh yeah?” she asked, more annoyed than
intrigued. “And how’s it different?”

“I was helping get them ready for their trip,
that’s work. That’s important.”

“And this isn’t? Am I just wasting my time
here trying to get you healthy? Is that what I’m doing?”

“Jill, that’s not what I meant.”

“Sure it is,” she said as she crossed her
arms and glared down at me. “That’s exactly what you meant. You
don’t give a shit about what I’m trying to do for you.”

“Oh my God, Jill,” I said, weary of the
argument that had just gotten started. “That’s not what I meant and
you know it. For crying out loud, I thought one of the benefits of
getting pregnant was that you got off the rag for a few
months.”

She guffawed, and then shook her head. “You
did not just say that to me. I will pick you up out of that chair
and beat your pimply white ass for…”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I said with my hands
raised. I chuckled and then leaned forward to grab her hands. “Come
here, Jill. I’m sorry.”

She stayed obstinate and angry, but I managed
to get her hand and pull her a step closer to my chair. I
apologized again, and she stared down at me with a dour
expression.

“You test my patience, Billy. You really
do.”

“Women have been telling me that my whole
life.” I set my palm against her belly. “How’s our little Hero
doing?”

“Kicking and spinning like a lunatic,” she
said as she let me press gently against her stomach. “Clyde says
I’m further along than we thought.”

“Really? By how much?”

She shrugged and set her hands on either side
of her belly as she looked down at it. “Not sure. I never used to
have a set cycle, which is part of the reason Levon and I thought
we were having trouble having a baby. I always assumed I was broke
or something. I used to go for months at a time without a period. I
can’t tell you what sort of hell that made my life when I was a
teenager, back before the world went to shit. I constantly thought
I was pregnant.”

“Does Clyde have a guess how far along you
are?”

“He acts like he knows, but honestly I’ve
been paying more attention to what Rachel thinks. She was a midwife
back in the Red days, and she thinks he might be seven months
along.”

“He?” I asked, picking up on her use of the
pronoun.

“Rachel thinks it’s a boy, but we don’t have
any way of knowing for sure. She says she’s never been wrong
before, but I’m trying not to get my hopes up.”

“You want it to be a boy?”

She wavered her hand, but then nodded, “I
guess so, but it doesn’t really matter. I’d be just as happy with a
little girl. Hero always said that if he had a boy he’d name it
Mark, after his brother. I sort of got used to it.” She set her
hand on her belly and drew a circle with her palm. “Whenever I talk
to him, I always call him Mark. It makes it easier. You know?”

I did. The idea of a miniature Hero coming
into the world made his loss seem a tiny bit more manageable. “He
might still be out there somewhere.”

She closed her eyes and sighed. “I think the
two of us are the only ones still holding out hope for that,
Billy.”

“Well, the two of us know him better than
anyone. He taught me a long time ago not to count him out.”

I shouldn’t have brought him up. I could see
the despair in Jill’s expression, even though she was feigning a
smile. Her mood darkened as she continued to stare down at her
belly. “He would’ve been such a good dad. Can’t you just see him?
This poor kid would’ve had a million movies to watch. I bet Hero
would’ve had Mark watching Star Wars before he was out of
diapers.”

We both laughed and I said, “I can guarantee
it. Hell, he’d probably have the kid schooled on every Tarantino
flick before he could even walk.”

Jill groaned before chuckling in agreement.
“I can promise you there would’ve been some fights about that. I’d
end up turning into the movie police, always yelling at him to stop
showing our kid ‘R’ rated stuff.”

“Did he ever make you watch his Japanese
cartoons?”

“The anime stuff?” asked Jill. “Oh yeah. He
was obsessed with it.”

“I remember one time when we stumbled into a
trader that had a box full of those movies. Hero just about shit
himself he was so excited. There was one director in particular
that he loved. Me-ah, something or other.”

“Miyazaki,” said Jill, knowingly.

“Yeah, that’s it. He loved that guy.”

Jill nodded and offered me a quick smile
before glancing back down again. She took a long breath and then
said, “I miss him so much, every damn day.”

“Me too.”

“I always promised myself that if I ever had
a kid, I’d make sure it had a relationship with the father. That
used to be so important to me when I was growing up. It kills me
that I’m not going to…” she stopped, silenced by sudden tears.

“Jill,” I said as I reached out to her, but
she turned and started to walk away.

“I should go.”

“Jill, wait.” I tried to wheel my chair over
to her, but the locks prevented me. I flipped the levers that held
the wheels in place and then rolled quickly after her. “Wait.”

“No, I need to go,” she said as she continued
towards the door.

I stopped the chair and flipped up the
footrests before slamming the levers back down that placed the
stoppers against the wheels. I set my feet on the floor and said,
“I’m standing. Jill, I need your help. I’m getting up.” Truth be
told, I could probably manage to walk if needed. Unbeknownst to
Jill, one of the scavengers had brought back a bottle of
prescription pain killers that I kept to help me ignore my back
pain when needed. Jill and Clyde insisted that I not take these
types of pills for a variety of reasons, the most important being
that I could damage myself by masking pain. Of course, I’d been
doing that for years.

“Billy,” she said in protest as she paused at
the door.

I kept pushing myself up. “I’m going to get
up, and then I might fall face first on the floor if you don’t help
me.”

“Billy, stop playing,” she said, and I heard
the glimmer of amusement in her tone.

“I’m not playing. Look at me. I feel real
weak, Jill.” My legs wobbled as I forced myself up. It was only
partially theatrics.

She walked over to me with a sideways grin.
“You’re a pain in the ass, Mr. Hendrix.”

I clasped her shoulders when she was close
enough and she gripped my waist to support me. I pulled her in for
a hug, which she hadn’t been expecting. I held her tight and said,
“You’re never going to have to worry about that kid having a
father. Okay? That baby in your belly’s going to have a whole lot
of people looking after him.”

She held onto me, and after a long moment she
whispered, “Thanks.”

* * *

Laura insisted that we not make an affair out
of Annie and Ben’s trip. Despite our attempt to keep her departure
a secret, word quickly spread and we were deluged with a variety of
requests. Some of the Rollers wanted to set out on their own
scouting trips, and others were angry with me for not allowing more
frequent scavenging trips, saying that if Annie could be trusted to
be gone for a week then they should be allowed to search Castle
Rock with more regularity. The Vineyard refugees wanted permission
to go home and dig for valuables, and when we explained that it was
too dangerous they promised that they wouldn’t get caught, as if
they could guarantee such a thing.

I was curt with them, but Laura was more
even-keeled and considerate. Over the past few months I’d come to
accept that she was a better leader than I’d ever been. For me, it
was hard to accept when someone didn’t fall in line with my plans,
and I wasn’t good at listening to other people’s viewpoints. Laura,
on the other hand, was quite gifted at making people feel like she
truly wanted to hear their opinions before she explained why they
were wrong. I don’t have that sort of patience.

“They’ll be back in a week,” said Laura as
she stood at the doorway to her room. I was inside with Zack,
Annie, Arthur, and David as Laura spoke to someone in the hall. We
were being consistently interrupted every few minutes as the rest
of the people in the building buzzed about the implications of
Annie’s trip. “We can decide then.”

The person in the hall tried to argue, but
Laura was quick to end the conversation. “We’ll talk about it at
the meeting tomorrow. Okay? Thanks, Deb.” She closed the door, and
then turned around to face us with an exasperated expression.

“I’m starting to think the reason you didn’t
want us to go wasn’t because you were worried about me,” said
Annie. “It was because you didn’t want to deal with all this
shit.”

“You’re not the only one that’s looking
forward to getting out of this place for a while,” said Laura. “I
think everyone’s at their wits end.”

“Cabin fever,” said Zack. “It’s been a long
winter. It’ll be good to start getting some of these folks out to
New Vineyard.”

Another knock came at the door, and Laura’s
posture deflated. The door opened a crack and Clyde leaned in.
“It’s Jill and me. Can we come in?”

“Oh sure,” said Laura, clearly happy to see
him instead of yet another complaining Roller or refugee. “Come on
in.”

Clyde opened the door and waited for Jill to
come in before closing it. These rooms hadn’t been designed to
accommodate more than a few people comfortably. We all crowded in,
some of us on the beds and others on the floor. Three pillar
candles provided our only light as our haggard group gathered.

“Troops are getting restless,” said Clyde and
the rest of us groaned in agreement. “They’re pushing to send
scouts out…”

Laura stopped him, “No business. Not
tonight.”

“But we…”

Clyde was interrupted again, this time by
Zack, “No business.”

“I just wanted to get everyone together,”
said Laura. “To get our family together. As much as I love the
Rollers, you guys are the ones I think of as family. If nothing
else, we sure do manage to fight with each other like we’re
related.”

She smiled in my direction and I nodded in
agreement. “No doubt about that.”

“I wanted to get you all in here for two
reasons,” said Laura as she went to stand beside Zack, in front of
the dresser that was on the wall that the beds faced. At one point
there had been a television mounted on the wall, but it had long
ago been taken down and replaced with children’s drawings. “First,
to say goodbye to Annie. As you all know by now, she’s going to be
headed off on a scouting trip tomorrow morning.”

We all responded with a muted
congratulations, as if we wanted to pretend we were living in a
bygone era and were asked to say farewell to a child on her way to
college. David was the only one that didn’t already know about his
aunt’s departure, and he reacted with pointed concern. Annie had to
promise him that she would be careful, but he didn’t seem
convinced.

“Your auntie’s going to be fine,” said Laura.
“There’s no one else in this whole building that I think has a
better chance of charging out into the wild and coming back without
a scratch.”