Dead: Winter (3 page)

“But no newcomers?” I had to ask. Dr. Zahn was the type who only revealed things under direct questioning. I think it has something to do with her being a military doctor for so long.

“No.” She looked as if she were about to say something, then stopped.

“But…?” I tried to lead her.

“It’s just that Jon seems distracted and Sunshine seems antsy about something.”

“I’ll see what’s up,” I sighed. “Just let me pull out these last few pieces.” I looked down into the pit at the fully intact ribcage that I’d been about to grab before the doctor showed up. The cart was already brimming with bones; they would all be busted up and hauled away.

“Also, I need to see Melissa tonight for her baby check up.”

“Will do…and you’re sure that you don’t mind Thalia and Emily being there?” Both girls were, for all intents and purposes, my daughters. I’d rescued Thalia the night the whole zombie thing star
t
ed, and Emily had been entrusted to me by her father when he had us abandon the military outpost-slash-small town that went by the name Serenity Base when it was believed that a massive horde might be coming.

It had.

“I think it is a fine idea that Melissa has the girls with her,” the doctor said. “And it wouldn’t hurt for you to make an a
p
pearance as well.”

“Isn’t that sorta private?”

“Husbands and boyfriends used to go to these things all the time…it is actually quite normal; b
e
sides, I doubt there is an
y
thing I’ll be checking that you haven’t seen.”

Leave it to the good doctor to put a blunt edge on som
e
thing and hit me over the head with it. “I will be there…but I don’t really see the point.”

“Steve,” Dr. Zahn let loose with a sigh of obvious exasperation, “normally you are a good guy. You have a great heart, and it is obvious how much you care about everything. So how can you be so clueless about this?”

“I don’t—” I started, but she cut me off.

“Exactly! You don’t get it. This is a stressful thing in the best of circumstances. We left those ci
r
cumstances behind a long time ago. Pregnancy is not going to be easy. All the medical marvels we took for granted are gone.”

I felt like a complete tool. So, besides the fact that I am an entirely clueless father to a pair of o
r
phan girls, I can add “Idiot Husband” to my title.

“I’ll be there, Doc,” I assured. Dr. Zahn knew I was serious when I called her by title.

I watched her walk away, and then returned to work. After all, the bones weren’t going to come out of the trench on their own. God, please don’t let them come out of the trench by the
m
selves.

Almost on cue, one of the heads rolled so that the face—or rather where the face would be if there were still flesh on the skull—stared up at me with empty eye sockets. The mouth opened and closed—a charred hunk of what I assumed to be the tongue twitched back and forth. Not all the heads had su
f
fered sufficient damage to affect the brain enough to immobilize the zombie. Picking up the long poker nearby for just such circumstances, I thrust down, e
f
fectively spearing the head and added it to the pile in the cart.

After another hour of sifting, I was ready to pack it in. Putting all the gear in the cart, I grabbed my cane and was ready to head up the hill. I was looking forward to the day I wouldn’t need that damn thing anymore. I have no idea what sort of ther
a
py people went through before, but I’m pretty sure Dr. Zahn makes some of the stuff up just to torture me. Of course it could’ve been worse when I fell off that picnic table and broke my leg trying to deal with a few zombies that had been led inte
n
tionally to our little hideout. From what I was told, I was real close to joining the herd.

“Steve?” Ian’s voice called from the other side of the wa
g
on.

“Right here,” I answered and gimped my way around the open back end of the bone-laden cart.

“Jake and I want to make one more trip to La Grande in the morning,” he said, reaching over to fasten the bone-picker s
e
curely. “We can take the cart on our way out if you’d like.”

“Super,” I agreed. “And I need you to do me a favor while you’re out.”

“Name it.”

“I need you to find me something special for Emily; her birthday is coming up. Also, baby things…not just for Melissa and me, but for Teresa, too.”

“Yeah…” Ian let the word hang for a moment. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about the baby si
t
uation.”

“You mean what are we gonna do if we get mobbed and have to make a run for it?”

“That’s putting it bluntly, but yes. I don’t want to sound like a dick but…”

“If it comes to it, you will be expected to do what it takes to survive.”

“That sounds good.” Ian stopped walking and turned to face me. “But you know there is no way some of us can simply take off and leave you, Melissa, Teresa, Jamie and the girls to die. Throw in two babies? It isn’t gonna happen. And I don’t know anybody who is here with us that would willin
g
ly leave you guys behind if it came to that.”

I listened to what Ian said, but it took me a moment for the gravity to really hit me. Melissa’s and Teresa’s pregnancy weren’t just an issue for those of us intimately involved; our situation had an i
m
pact on everybody here.

Crap.



“I’m not saying that I want you to give up the baby,” I i
n
sisted.

“Then do you mind telling me what the hell you
are
sa
y
ing?” Melissa fumed through her tears.

“What I’m saying is that we should consider an alternative to things should the situation arise where a massive herd finds us. We don’t want everybody to die because of our baby.” I heard the words come out of my mouth and knew damn well that they were the wrong ones before the last sy
l
lable was uttered.

“Abortion.” The word hung in the air like a lead balloon.

“No,” I insisted. “An
alternative
.”

“The only alternative to having this baby is aborting it!”

“What I am trying to say is that we…you and I…need to make a plan for the possibility that something bad might ha
p
pen.” I didn’t like what I was saying, but at this point, I was helpless. It was like my mouth had decided to work on its own accord whether I wanted it to or not. “We have respo
n
sibilities to Thalia and Emily to consider. Do we do like Randall Smith, Emily’s dad, and pick somebody to take the girls?”

“Or?” Melissa heard it in my voice. I hadn’t even been aware that I was thinking such things, but here it was.

“Or do we try our hardest, but if all else fails, take care of the baby and make a run for it.”

“Say it, Steve,” Melissa whispered.

“What?”

“You have to say it. I need to hear it come out of your mouth to know that is what you are sa
y
ing.”

“You know what I—”

“Say it!” Melissa insisted.

“Why is it so important that I—” I tried to speak, but once again Melissa cut me off.

“I want you to say out loud that you can even consider killing our baby.” Melissa’s voice had dropped to a whisper, but it carried a ton of power.

“You aren’t thinking this through,” I insisted. “You and I have responsibilities to more than just us and this baby. We have two little girls and the well being of the rest—”

“I don’t give a damn about the rest! As for the girls, there are plenty of alternatives. We have people who can take them if we need to stay behind.”

“And what?” Now it was my turn to snap and show some anger. “Just allow ourselves to die? Should I make sure I have a bullet for each of us in the end so I can do you both then m
y
self?”

Melissa stared at me with something frighteningly close to hate in her eyes. I was afraid this had gone too far and that my happiness was about to come to an abrupt halt.

“If you think it is better that we all die rather than survive, what are we doing here?” I pushed. “Why not simply walk out to the next zombie we see and let it take a bite? I’m not saying that we should kill our baby on a whim. What I am saying is that if things get down to the point where we have no other options, we need to consider the possibility that you and I have to survive.”

“At what cost?” Melissa asked. Her tears were gone. So was any sign of emotion at all. I think that worried me more than the look of hatred I’d just seen.

“You can’t think in terms of cost like we did before all of this,” I insisted. “This isn’t the same world with the same rules.”

“So we devolve? We turn in to animals who sacrifice their young to save themselves?”

“I know this sounds terrible…” I tried to rationalize ever
y
thing that had just passed between us.

“No,” Melissa said. “It
is
terrible. What you are suggesting makes me sick to my stomach. I need you to go now.”

“What are you saying?” I couldn’t hide the pain in my voice.

“I am saying that I need you to go for a while. I can’t look at you right now.”

“You understand that I am only trying to—”

“Now, Steve,” Melissa insisted. She turned away from me to emphasize the point.

I looked at her back for a moment. I could tell by the slight tremors that she was crying. In my heart I wanted to go to her and hold her so badly that it made a piece of me in the middle of my chest physically ache. However, I also knew that she meant what she said when she’d told me to leave.

As I hobbled down the steps, I looked out across the wide open field, the trench that circled the hill, the berms bordering the narrow road that led from the highway down to our slowly transforming compound. I saw Thalia and Emily practicing with sticks like they were sword fighting. I could make out the small guard stand that we kept manned at night through the trees. Jesus Sanchez was with DeAngelo and a few of the others cutting back brush along the edge of the clearing to improve our field of v
i
sion.

Everywhere I looked, people were going about the business of making this place safer, more s
e
cure against a possible zombie invasion or even the chance a group of raiders might try to hit us. Everybody knew the dangers of the life we live now. Was what I said to Melissa that out of line?

As if providing an answer on cue, a pair of stragglers came lurching through the trees near the trail that led to the campsites in the woods. A shrill whistle from up above that could only be Billy alerted everybody to the threat. I watched as Ian walked across the field and headed for the pair with a long sword. He made short work of them, and as he was cleaning his blade, I was struck suddenly by just how casual that entire experience had been. Nobody had become alarmed or even paid it much a
t
tention. In fact, the girls had returned to their game or practice or whatever it was they were engaged in before Ian had even reached the two zombies. I might have been the only one who watched him drop the pair with the exception of Billy up in the tower above the visitor’s center.