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Authors: Bruce Wagner

BOOK: Dead Stars
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Rikki was back at 18:26 on the Jap schoolgirl timeline, he noticed his pants had fallen down around his ankles just like Dr. Patricia, he innerly laughed about that—you know, like, well that's how everybody winds up one way or the other, all the boys and the girls with their pants 'n panties down around their ankles, but he was too busy rubbing one off to let it brake the flow—bout to jizz then suddenly a tiny RON JEREMY popped up huddling next to an outrageously pink, boomerang-curved penis, looked like a 50-foot parenthesis . . . the skinternet had driven a stake through the
of porn, the skeevy muthers were suffering (everyone but Sasha Grey), nothing more pitiful than an O.G. pornstar out of work, even Ron the Hedgehog Jeremy had been forced to diversify, putting silly putty penis elongator pills in his hornporn portfolio. Rikki was still jacking when the words of a satisfied customer crisscrossed the veiny hard-on: “This shit is like
steroids
for your dick! I'm almost 10" long!” Rikki x'd &
‹
'd to get back to the violated schooljap but got one of those skanky live-videos instead, a titjobbed quiff in a cubicle with the ugliest curtains known to man in the known world strung up behind them like they do, hooker Bin Ladens making sure no one can identify their homely shit & locate what cave they're in, like anyone'd be
lookin
. He MUTEd to kill the tinny come-ons of the bitch who was trying to rope lonelyass pervs into paying for a private
chat
—————then right then
10 thumbnails
of big-jug skunky skanks popped up, fucking assault on his screen, dialog-box captions informing him they were all
in the vicinity
, scarily zipcode-close to Rikki's house, 2 white girls in Beverlywood, 1 in Castle Heights, 3 in Mar Vista, 7 (mixed bag) in Culver City, 4 in Santa Monica, 3 (cute) little niggers in Westchester, all asking if he was horny 2nite & wanted to fuck, he forgot to turn off the location thing but was near the end, too close to webcumming to
to System Preferences, but then he got paranoid someone maybe just now hacked into his iCam & was already broadbanding his private home alone self-soothing jackfest to the world——————cock in hand, he refreshed the screen which now featured a banner celebrating the tech proficiency of the tube he had currently engaged, its corporate slogan crawled across the top of the screen: “WE INNOVATE—YOU MASTURBATE”—then it said CLOSE AD and he clicked the x but it was one of those new x's that were fake, when you
'd all it did was magic carpet you to a new site, you hadn't closed anything, you'd opened tubeworld & called in the horndog hounds from hell, they knew you were jacking, the whole world was, & all they wanted was to hyperlinkspam you right when you were cumming,
they
had you
by the balls in the palm of their hand
————
fuck these mutherfuckers
————Rikki was forced to
esc
, he closed the site & all the herds of x's that had silently sprouted like deathcaps while he was doing his Doc Patricia thing, closed all the open Windows, cleared all his ogling tubular Google history, logged out, shut down & walked away.

Without coming.

And felt like
whoa
, not too happy with himself. Spanking to girl-rape wasn't exactly a big self-esteem elongator.
You better than that nigger, you know you are.
The wetness in his underwear at the tip of his cock made him feel pervy, like when he got beat in a group home for nocturnaling on the sheets.

He jacked and came & rolled some purp. About a ½hour later, he jacked again. Then he watched incest porn and jacked.

EXPLICIT

[Michael]

Deep Throat

When

the letter arrived by pouch he was in Bermuda watching
Glee
with his son.

A copy came to three separate places: his agency, his publicist, and Sloan-Kettering, where he'd done his radiation and chemo. Written on flower-patterned stationery in the looping penmanship of a child, you could make out the inchoate cursive it would ripen into a few years down the line.

 

Mr. Michael Douglas,

 

My name is Telma Belle Peony Ballendyne. (Belle is my grandma's name & Peony is my mom's favorite flower and mine too! though Peony isn't really on my birth certificate,
but Belle is!!
) I am 13 years old and a
Kansurvivor
. (YES I KAN!) I became a
HERO
(not
victim
) of this terrible disease at the age of
9 years old
and have been
Kancer-free for 4 years now
, making me the
youngest Kansurvivor in America and maybe the world
! The doctors decided that it was medically necessary to perform a double mastectomy, for which I am also Guinness World Record Book-bound. My father succumbed to
K
(of his colon) when I was just 3-years-old. There is a LOT more of my story which I will not BORE you with (at this time!
) but that you can casually access on my webpage
www.TelmaTheKancerSlayer.com
, also there is a lot of interesting/fun/educational information on YoungestKansurvivor@TelmasKancerKidsArmy. My twitter is @telmasurvivor and I currently have 48,000 FaceBook friends to date. I also currently blog for HuffPost, and many others, and was a contributer (the youngest) to a book for children called “I Don't Think We're in Kancer Anymore.” If you google “Telma Ballendyne HERO Youngest Cancer” (my “K” hasn't caught on with everyone yet but just you wait, it will!), you'll find me on YouTube as keynote speaker at the CNBC Heroes Ball and numerous other events in Los Angeles, Sacramento, Boston and New York. My FaceBook page (13,469 friends!!!!! And counting!!!!) has totally rad pics of me and my mom and FLOTUS (Michelle) at the White House, and me with Sasha. Malia is not in the pictures because she was with her grandma who wasn't feeling well that day

. . . & by the way, if you're wondering why I spell this terrible disease with a “K” it is NOT to be
kute
but rather because I think we HEROES can take some of its power away. By not even respecting it enough to spell it rightly (
korrectly
?), we thumb our noses in its face
!! and also, it's not as scary with a
“K,” the Kancer Kidz use Ks for “kandy kane”
and that is why I encourage
all Kancer Kidz
in
Telma's Heroes
to
ALWAYS
spell it this way.

Currently, I live alone together with my mom in the Cheviot Hills neighborhood of Los Angeles, which I am sure you have past through so many times (motoring on Motor Boulevard!) on your way to 20th-Century Fox Studios, the studio you chose to release some of your
so many
block-busters such as
Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps
(my favorite),
Romancing the Stone
(my mom's favorite) and so many others too numerable to mention!
Michael, I am SO GLAD AND HAPPY WE ARE KANSURVIVORS TOGETHER!!!!
(I am sorry I didn't write you when this first happened to you. Please forgive me, please
)

There are TWO reasons I would like to now meet you and have lunch or dinner with you or if you don't have time I could come over for some tea. The more you get to know me you'll see how PUSHY I can be!!! But pushy people gets things done, don't they. I'm going to start a Telma's Pushy People HEROES Army!

Here are the TWO reasons of which I have spoken:

1) I believe it to be pearative that
ALL KANSURVIVOR-HEROES should meet each other
because we need to set the example of COURAGE in the face of Iniquity to those who have gone
before
us and those who will be
ahead
. We are FAMILY and there is as my Mom says STRENGTH IN NUMBERS!

2) My dream is to be a star on the amazing
GLEE
show (also made by your friends the 20-th Century Fox people. Is
Fox
different from
20th Century Fox
?!! Someone tell me please, I have always wanted to know!!!) Perhaps you might be able to aid me in this endeavor. GLEE I know is in decline but also know it can as my mom said recapture the national conversation. It is such a wonderful example to all kids, whatever be their diversity, & I know it would be such a cool place to spread the Word . . . of HOPE!!!!!!

I thank you Michael Douglas for your time and have enclosed a paper with all of my contacts & information, and weblinks too. By the way confidentially speaking, my MOM has assured me that you are HER hero for so many reasons (I think she has a crush!!!
) but I would like to state that I am writing this MYSELF with NO OUTSIDE INSENTIVE and when I told her I was my Mom rolled her eyes and said, “Sweetheart, if Mr. Douglas contacts you I promise I will drop everything and take you to him for high tea, be it in Los Angeles or be it in New York or be it the Bermuda Islands.”

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