Dead or Alive (2 page)

“Meg, how much money have you got? Didn't Robin leave anything? His affairs must be settled up by now.”

He thought Meg looked at him oddly. Then she looked away. Then she said,

“No—they're not settled.”

“But the lawyers would advance you something.”

She got up and went to the window. When she moved you could see how thin she was. The blue dress that had lost most of its colour made her look like a ghost. Meg used to look so pretty in blue. It wasn't only the dress that had lost its colour. She stood with her back to him, and the sun touched the ends of her dark hair with gold. She looked at the ugly houses opposite and felt her heart knock against her side. It would be better if Bill went away, but she couldn't make him go. She said with an effort,

“Bill—who told you about Robin?”

Bill Coverdale had turned in his chair and was watching her. He was wondering if she was broken-hearted about Robin O'Hara. It didn't seem possible, but you never could tell. She had married the fellow. He answered her with a puzzled note in his voice.

“Garratt wrote and told me.”

“What did Colonel Garratt say?”

Quite impossible to tell Meg what Garratt had really said. Garratt didn't mince his words, and he didn't like O'Hara. A free translation was necessary.

“He said Robin had taken on a dangerous job, and when he didn't turn up, they were afraid something had happened. And then—”

“Go on.”

Bill didn't go on.

“Please, Bill—I want to know what he said.”

“Well, he said that a body had been found in the river, and that there wasn't any doubt—”

“And then you wrote to me. It was a very nice letter.”

“You didn't answer it,” said Bill Coverdale.

“And so you wrote again!”

“And you didn't answer that.”

“I don't think Robin's dead,” said Meg O'Hara.

II

As soon as she had spoken, Meg turned round. She had said it, and saying it had broken something. It had been terribly hard to say. It had taken every bit of her strength, and now that it was said she felt weak and shaken. She came back to the sofa and sat down on it, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands.

Bill was looking at her in a shocked, incredulous manner.

“Meg, what do you mean? Garratt said there wasn't the slightest doubt.”

Her mouth twitched a little. She made no reply.

“Garratt said his wallet was found in the river.”

She said, “Yes—”

Bill got up and began to walk about the room.

“But what makes you think—Garratt said—”

Meg lifted her lids as if they were heavy, looked at him for a moment, and then looked down again. It was a hurting, wounding look. It set Bill a long way off, beside Garratt who talked about things of which he had no knowledge. Colonel Garratt, the efficient head of the Foreign Office Intelligence, might have been grimly amused. Bill Coverdale was sharply hurt, and, being hurt he was angry. He said, with the warmth of that anger in his voice,

“I'd better go—you don't want me!”

And with that Meg lifted her eyes again. The wounding look had gone. They were the eyes of a child afraid in the night. The blue of the iris was almost swamped. They were black with fear. If Bill went away and didn't come back, the nightmare would close down again. She put out her hand as if she would hold him. But there was no need for that. The fear in her eyes wiped his anger away. He took her hand and kissed it gently.

“Meg—what's the matter?” And his voice was gentle too.

Meg O'Hara drew a long breath.

“I thought he was dead—”

“And why don't you think so now?”

She said, “I'll tell you, but you must sit down. I want to tell you, Bill.”

He had been holding her hand, and now he let it go and came back to the shabby armchair which faced the sofa. The pattern on the chintz had been a winding stem entwined with peonies and pomegranates. There had been little blue birds amongst the branching fruits, but the peonies were drab and the birds were grey, and all the colour and the bloom was gone. Meg sat there as colourless. The hand which he had kissed was in her lap. The other hand covered it in a straining grip. She said,

“I did write to you.”

“I never got it.”

“No—I tore it up. I wrote three letters. I tore them all up.”

“Why?”

“I'm going to tell you. It isn't easy, but I can't go on—I must tell someone.” She looked at him for a moment, a quick frightened look that glanced from his and was veiled by the down-dropped lids. She said, “It's so difficult,” and her voice had an exhausted sound.

Bill held himself where he was. What had been happening whilst he was away? Whatever it was, he had got to know. He said,

“Meg, do tell me. What is there that's so difficult? if you mean you weren't happy with Robin, I knew that all along.”

She took this with a kind of shock of relief. Then she drew a long breath and said,

“
Happy?
”

So it had been as bad as that.… His little Meg—his darling little Meg.… He was physically incapable of speaking for the moment, and Meg went on:

“I
can't
talk about it—but if I don't, you won't understand; besides, some of it must have been my fault. If I knew whether he was dead or not, it would be easier.”

Bill sat there big and solid. He said in a rough, commonsense voice,

“I don't see what that's got to do with it. If he didn't treat you properly, he didn't.”

Meg looked up for a moment.

“He didn't beat me—it wasn't anything like that. It was partly my fault. I'm stupid—it's easy to hurt me—” She stopped suddenly because she couldn't go on. By some horrible illusion it wasn't Bill sitting there, with his big frame, fair hair, and rugged features, but Robin O'Hara, dark and slim, with the air of charm which had stolen her heart and the bright cruelty which had broken it. The eyes smiled behind their black lashes—beautiful grey Irish eyes, looking at her as if he loved her, whilst he stabbed with bitter words. He had known just how to strip her of her defences and strike suddenly and deep. He had known how to betray her lightly with a kiss. But how could she tell Bill these things? She couldn't. With an effort she controlled the trembling of her body, but her mind shrank and all her thoughts were quivering with pain. She said in a small quiet voice,

“No, we weren't happy. Just at first—” Just at first she had been in a fool's paradise and had taken it for the truth. Just at first Robin had been the dream lover of the most beautiful dream in the world—just at first.… She went on as soon as she could. “It's difficult. He thought Uncle Henry would give me an allowance. I can see his point of view. I was living in the house—like a daughter—there was lots of money. He thought it would come to me—some of it at once, the rest later. I suppose it was natural if you didn't know Uncle Henry. When I told him, Uncle Henry would leave all his money for research work, and that that was all money meant to him, research, it—I think it was a most awful shock. I'd got so used to Uncle Henry's point of view that I never thought about it. I've tried awfully hard to be fair, and I think some of it was my fault because I didn't explain, and some of it was his because he took too much for granted.”

Bill clenched his hands. Meg wouldn't talk if he let fly. If she didn't talk, he couldn't help her. But to sit there and hear her blame herself because that swine O'Hara had been a disappointed fortune-hunter took every bit of his self-control. He said,

“Go on.”

If Meg looked at him—But she didn't. She looked down at her own clasped hands.

“It got worse and worse. I was stupid—I minded—too much. I hadn't anyone to talk to. Uncle Henry went off to his island. You went to South America. Then I told Robin I couldn't go on. I said I would divorce him—” Her voice just left off.

“When was that?” said Bill.

“This time last year, just before—Bill, it was the day before—”

“How did he take it?”

“I don't know.”

He laughed.

She stopped, because Robin's laughter rang in her ears. He had seemed amused, and then there had been a sudden flare of anger—“You'll do nothing of the sort! Do you hear? When I want a divorce I'll let you know!” And then he had laughed again, and tipped up her chin and kissed her with a sort of hard mockery. Then, just at the door, he had turned and flung her his farewell. “Perhaps you'll be saved the trouble,” he had said, and was gone. And that was the last touch and the last word she had had from Robin O'Hara.

She left the touch alone, but she told Bill about the words, her voice halting on the syllables and ceasing when she had said “trouble.” It was trouble he had brought her, and it was the last of all the words that he had had for her.

After a time she said suddenly, “Letters kept coming for him. Then Colonel Garratt rang up. I said I didn't know where he was, and he said they didn't know either. I went to see him, and he asked me if Robin had told me what he was doing. I said no, he never talked about his work. Then Colonel Garratt said Robin's job wasn't a dangerous one, but he thought he'd been working a line of his own, and that it might have taken him up against very dangerous people. He said they would make inquiries. A week later they found his wallet in the river. It was quite empty. Colonel Garratt said I ought to be prepared—they thought something had happened to Robin. In December—there was a body—they thought—was his. I thought he was dead.”

“Garratt wrote to me in December.”

Grim details about an unrecognizable corpse had been Garratt's idea of a Christmas letter.

“I thought he was dead,” said Meg again.

“And what made you think he wasn't?”

She lifted her hand to her cheek and leaned on it. The worst part was over.

“Colonel Garratt said I ought to see a lawyer and get leave to presume death. There wasn't any will. There was a little money in the bank, but there was a packet of some sort labelled ‘To be opened by my wife in case of my death.'”

Bill exclaimed.

“I think it's only papers. They wouldn't let me see it or anything. He had only brought it in the week before. The manager said he must have legal proof that Robin was dead before he could hand it over. I don't suppose it's anything that matters. It can't be money, because he was always saying how hard up he was.”

It sounded off to Bill. But then O'Hara was just the sort of fellow to do an odd thing like that. He said with a frown,

“Did you see a lawyer?”

Meg's hand went down again. She said,

“No.”

“Why didn't you?”

“Because that's when I began to think Robin wasn't dead.”

“Why?”

“Things began to happen.”

“What things?”

“Little things—they frightened me. It's so dreadful not to be sure. It's so dreadful to think that there's someone who wants to keep you like that—not sure—never knowing.”

Her hands were twisting in her lap, fingers interlocked and knuckles white. Bill leaned forward and put his own hand over them, a big, warm hand.

“Steady, Meg. Just go on telling me what happened.”

She didn't speak at once. A minute dragged by. He wondered what she was going to say. He took his hand away and leaned back, and as if that had been a signal, Meg said,

“The first thing was a newspaper. Someone must have put it in the letter-box. I found it on the floor when I got up.”

The bitter cold of that January morning came back as she spoke. Her feet were as cold as they had been bare on the linoleum and she had stopped to pick the paper up. It wasn't a paper she had ever taken. She told Bill that, and was glad to have something that was easy to say.

“It wasn't a paper I'd ever had before. It hadn't come through the post. I thought it had been left by mistake. It was folded inside out. I thought that was funny. Then I saw some of the letters were underlined. No, that's wrong—they weren't underlined—they had lines drawn round them. I couldn't help putting the marked letters together. The first one was an I. After that an A and an M, and then ALIVE.”

The giddiness that had come over her then just touched her now. She heard Bill say:

“What paper was it?”

“The
Daily Sketch
.”

“What did you do?”

“I went to Colonel Garratt. He said he thought it was a hoax. He said he was quite sure Robin was dead. He looked—odd. Afterwards I thought—Bill, it was rather0 horrid, but I thought he believed I'd done it myself.”

“Why?”

“I don't know. He said he'd go into it, but I believe that's what he thought. I didn't know what to think. I couldn't believe anyone would do a thing like that—as a joke, but if it was really Robin there didn't seem to be any point in it. I mean he could have written or telephoned. Someone must have put the paper in at my letter-box. The person who did that could have put in a note. Colonel Garratt said all those things, and they were true—” She stopped suddenly. Impossible to say what had been in her mind all through, but it might have been Robin, for Robin was cruel enough to play a trick like that. She didn't know anyone else who would be so cruel. But she couldn't say that to Bill.

“Did you keep the paper?”

She nodded.

“Yes—but—” She looked at him suddenly with a steady mournful look. “That was the first thing that happened. I didn't tell Colonel Garratt about the other things—I didn't tell anyone—I couldn't. I was afraid they would think I was mad.”

“You had better tell me,” said Bill Coverdale.

“In February I wrote to Uncle Henry. His secretary wrote back and said he wouldn't be attending to any personal letters until he had finished his book.”