Dead Chaos (5 page)

As I walked back toward the Valkyries’ quarters, I thought about Frigga's insistence that I speak to Odin about whatever this mysterious prophecy was. I didn't want to wait to hear what I was beginning to think would be a watered-down version from Odin. Seemed like they wanted to protect me from something. And I didn't intend on letting them. I
'd speak to Mimir myself.

And for that I'd need Sigrun's help.

In the time I'd spent in Asgard over the last few months, I'd heard Mimir's name mentioned only a few times and I'd never had the privilege of meeting Odin's talking, fortune-telling head. Only one person was likely to help me in my quest.

But first, I needed to get back to New York and Aidan. I felt a stab of sadness when I thought of Aidan. I already missed him in the strangest way. As if he were drifting away and I couldn’t hold on to him any longer.

He’d hurt me deeply with his lack of consideration and his arrogance, but perhaps they were parts of Aidan I needed to see for myself. And maybe he had his reasons for his odd behavior. I resolved to speak to him about it when I met with him. There were things I needed to say and hear.

I let out a tense breath as I strode right past my room and knocked lightly on my Valkyrie friend
's door, hoping she was in. There were too many places she could be and I was in no mood to go searching. Moments later, the door sighed open and Sigrun's grin greeted me.

"Bryn, how are you feeling?"

"I am much better. The Goddess Eir performed her magic and I feel much better." I smiled at Sigrun’s worried face.

"What did they do?" Sigrun guided me inside and led me to the bed to sit.

The questions fell one after another from Sigrun's lips and I laughed, throwing my hands up to ward them off. "Stop with the twenty questions."

Sigrun quieted, frowning. "But I did not ask you twenty questions. I am certain there were not twenty."

I laughed even harder. "I'm sorry. It's a Midgard term. It just means lots of questions." Sigrun sat beside me and I squeezed her into a half hug. "And, I'm feeling much better. The lady Eir removed all the shattered bone, made it all neat and nice, and applied a good salve. I’m in no pain anymore."

Sigrun's face fell and I knew exactly what she was thinking. She was wondering how Eir had removed the remaining bone from my back. But I decided to distract my friend a little.

"Sigrun, I need your help with something."

"Of course. What do you need? Is it food? Have you eaten? Shall I get you some Mead?"

"No, that's not what I meant. I need you to tell me where to find someone."

"Who are you searching for?" she asked as she rose, then brought her breakfast tray laden with fruit, oatmeal and honey and laid it on the bed between us.

I swallowed a few mouthfuls of honeyed oats and my stomach gurgled. I hadn’t even realized I was that hungry. "I need to find Mimir."

Sigrun gasped. "You what?"

"I need to f—"

"I heard you the first time." Sigrun cut me off, her voice grumpy as she frowned at me and crossed her arms. "Now, Bryn. What are you up to?"

"Come on, Sigrun. I need your help. You are my only option."

"Yes, come to me when you want to do something forbidden. Remember when you wanted me to get you into Valhalla? Try to remember how that turned out for you and Aidan." It was a low blow and Sigrun knew it, but she didn't seem in the least concerned.

Sigrun was proving a harder nut to crack than I'd expected. I hadn't intended on telling her anything about the prophecy but it seemed I had no choice. If that didn’t convince her, nothing would. "Look, I overheard Frigga and Eir talking."

"You eavesdropped on the goddesses’ conversation?" Sigrun stared at me, her eyebrows raised almost to her hairline.

"No, I didn't eavesdrop. It wasn’t my fault they spoke freely because they thought I was asleep. I only heard part of the conversation though."

"Very well. What did they say that was so important that you want me to break more rules for you?"

I repeated the goddesses’ conversation to Sigrun and waited in tense silence as she processed my words.

"But, what do they mean 'Will Bryn even have a choice in her destiny no matter how destructive it may be?’ That does not sound very good for you."

"So you see why I need to speak to Mimir myself?"

"Very well, then. I will help. But if you get in trouble, keep my name out of it." Sigrun sighed.

"I will, and thank you," I said, giving her another awkward half hug over the platter of food. I eyed her face as she nibbled on a slice of apple. "So, how is Fen?"

Sigrun's cheeks blossomed at the question and she kept her eyes on the fruit. "He is well. I think he is coping better since Mika left."

"I still feel responsible," I said, my shoulders slumping.

"You should not. None of Mika's betrayal was your fault."

"But if I hadn't driven her so far—"

"Stop being stupid. Why do you have to blame yourself for everything? Mika made her choice when she chose Loki and not Fen,
who is her
father
. When a daughter turns her back on her father, she does not do it lightly. Mika made her choices with her eyes wide open. And now she is in Hel, paying for her crimes."

"And this is when Fen needs you the most, right?" She just nodded. "So tell me how you two are?"

"What are you trying to get at?"

"Stop being deliberately obtuse. You know what I mean. You really should talk to him about where he wants to take your relationship."
I stared pointedly at her as her cheeks reddened.

"It is not a simple thing to do."

"How complicated is it? Just ask him what his intentions are. Does he want to marry you or not?"

"Bryn, my relationship with Fen is complicated. He is the one prophesied to kill Odin. How can I think of a relationship or even marriage with Ragnarok on the horizon?"

"Wouldn't you like to be happy with Fen even if it means you are ecstatically happy for five minutes before the world ends?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Well
, if you put it that way, then yes, I would. But there is the other problem of Valkyries not being allowed to marry."

"Well, didn't I, in my former life as Brunhilde, break that rule?"

"Only for a while, then you left to live a normal life because you couldn’t do both. You couldn’t be a Warrior and a wife and mother."

I nodded but I had no intention of backing down. "You do know that this is probably exactly what Fen needs right now."

"What do you mean?"

"This is the best time to get your relationships stabilized. If I know Fen, he is probably feeling like a failure as a father because he likes taking responsibility for everything."

"Like someone else I know." Sigrun gave me a pointed look.

I glared at her and continued. "All I
'm saying is that a solid step in the right direction for your relationship might make him feel more stable, more worthwhile. And more loved."

Sigrun gazed at me, her eyes trained on my face, but I knew she wasn’t even seeing me. "I do believe you have a point, Bryn."

"Yes, I do. So go speak to him."

"I will." Sigrun sat up abruptly. "Yes, I will."

"Well, you can. And don’t forget you have to show me where Mimir is," I said, my voice dry.

Sigrun just laughed and moved to the door.
Then she frowned. "I think that after everything you have been through, you need a nice, hot bath. Then I will take you to Mimir."

"Thanks for the help with Mimir. I have to go back to New York though, so I’ll see Mimir when I return."

"What are you going back for?" She stared at me suspiciously.

"I have to help Aidan get his mom and sister out of his father’s house."

She scowled. "Can’t you just send a team?"

"No. I promised I’d help him. I don’t break my promises. And besides, he’s part of our team. Don’t we have a duty to help our team members?"

"I would agree if he were not behaving so strangely."

"I’m sure he has his reasons."

"I will come with you then."

"I shook my head. I think a smaller team will be less conspicuous. And people who know Aidan will think we’re still a couple. It’s a good cover for us." I looked up at Sigrun, her face filled with doubt. "Can you tell Odin for me? I don’t want to waste any more time. I just hope Aidan hasn’t gone off on his own."

"Aidan knows who his superior is. You are still the leader of the team and he has to defer to you." Sigrun examined my face, and though she looked like she wanted to say something else, she only clenched her jaw. "And I will give the All-Father your message. Now you need to bathe and get going."

"I'm not so sure . . . ." I said, my stomach churning at the thought of bathing in public without my wings.

"I am coming with you, so you do not have to worry. You really do need to bathe, Bryn." Sigrun wrinkled her nose and I smiled. She was right. I'd been stuck in Dr. Lee's lab for days, and I wasn’t sure the cleanup I got in Frigga’s room really counted as a bath. I gave in, grabbed my cloak and followed Sigrun out into the passage. We made a quick stop at my room to pick up a clean dress, and a towel.

We walked through the torch-lit corridors of the palace uninterrupted.
Since it was morning most of the Warriors, Valkyrie or
einherjar
, would be on the training fields. Fen's face hovered before my eyes and I wondered what he was doing. When Mika betrayed me and tried to kill me, Fen had been devastated. But I knew the betrayal hurt more because his own daughter had chosen Loki over Fen. I knew that the Ulfr had retreated from Asgard, their presence diminished while their leader overcame his hurt and shame.

I wondered who'd be training the Warriors and putting them through their routines.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that when bright sunlight hit my face, I stopped in my tracks, shocked and temporarily blinded. But as I blinked, the bright, beautiful day outside seemed to bring my inadequacy into the spotlight.

"Come on
, slow train," Sigrun called from a few feet in front of me. She'd stopped and waited, but no matter how much I urged my feet to move, they refused to listen. Even her misuse of a Midgard term couldn’t distract me.

"I don't think this is a good idea," I said, feeling the nothingness at my shoulders. The stark reality that I no longer possessed that which defined me. I was a Valkyrie. But what kind of Valkyrie was I without my wings? I hated the thought I no longer belonged. I was back to being a freak,
this time, a wingless Valkyrie. How would I fit in? How would the rest of the Valkyries treat me? Sigrun hadn’t changed her attitude in the least, but she was my closest friend. How would I fit in with the rest of the Valkyrie army?

Sigrun walked back to me. "What's wrong?"

I took a deep breath, held it for a moment, forcing calm into my body, then let it go slowly. "I can't face them all."

"Who?" Sigrun didn't seem to follow.

"The rest of the Valkyries. What would they think of me? I'm a freak." My words came in a whisper.

"Do not be silly. Everyone in Asgard is aware of what happened to you. The entire realm mourned your loss with you. Everyone is horrified that such a thing could happen to a Valkyrie, so do not think people will judge you for something that was not your fault." Sigrun's voice was harsh, filled with emotion, and when I looked up, I saw her struggle to keep her tears at bay.

I sighed. "I know, and I understand that. But I'm not sure I'm strong enough to face being ridiculed."

"Nobody is going to ridicule you. Now stop being silly and let us go get you cleaned up." She tucked her arm into mine and pulled me along so I had no choice but to follow. I recalled the first time she'd led me to the baths. I smiled at the memory. It seemed so long ago but it had barely been a few months.

***

An icy voice disturbed my trip down memory lane.

"Look what we have here," said Astrid, stepping in front of Sigrun and me, forcing us to stop.

"Astrid, what are you doing here?" asked Sigrun, her voice just as cold. "Should you
not be in Hel, wagging your tail and running after your mistress?"

Astrid's blue eyes grew dark at the insult. She hesitated a moment as if unsure what to say, then schooled her features into a cold mask. "As a matter of fact, I am here on an errand for Freya. And do
not worry, Sigrun, I know you are just filled with envy that Freya chose me over you to be her right-hand maiden."

"Don't kid yourself, Astrid," I said, staring hard at the blond Valkyrie, certain she was hiding something. "You’re just one wrong move away from being thrown aside. Freya seems like a pretty smart goddess. I doubt she'd suffer a fool too long." Astrid's pure-white wings shivered at her back and I knew I'd hit a sore spot.

"Ah yes, Brynhildr, it is ironic you should speak of fools." Astrid’s icy glare landed on my face, sending a shiver of trepidation up and down my spine. "What are you still doing in Asgard?"

"She
is here because she belongs here," snapped Sigrun.

"Thank you, Sigrun
, but I think the freak can speak for herself. Can you not, Brynhildr?" Astrid sneered. "Tell us why you are still here, especially since you are no longer a real Valkyrie?"

I didn't respond. Didn't take my eyes off Astrid's cold features.

"Come now, Brynhildr. Can you not explain why you have not gone back to your little home in Midgard? Why are you still here, tainting our realm with you manufactured genes? And now that you no longer have your wings, you certainly do not belong with the Valkyries, do you?" Astrid's laughter rose to a cackle and both Sigrun and I stared at her. Astrid’s beauty faded when she flaunted her derision.

"It's nice to know you have an opinion, Astrid. And very generous of you to share it with me. But you see, there’s a little problem—I don't particularly care what you think." I kept my gaze trained on Astrid's face. Anger twisted her features into something not so nice to look at. "I know what I am and I know where I belong. So go ahead and play your little head games to keep yourself entertained, but know they don't work on me. Good day to you. Oh, and give my regards to Freya."

Astrid glared at me, her face warped with hate and rage. She made a strange, strangled sound, as if she were trying to stop herself from shrieking. She didn't say anything further, just stalked off in the direction of the baths, the purity of her white wings at odds with the dark rage she struggled with.

I sighed and let out a sad excuse for a laugh.

Sigrun sighed too.

"Bitch," said Sigrun, bolstering the single word with enough emotion that, had Astrid still been with us, would have earned her a nice left hook from my once-prissy Valkyrie friend.

"Sigrun!" I admonished, shushing her while glancing around us in case she'd been overheard. "What's gotten into you?"

"Well, that
is exactly what she is and I am not sorry for the use of such profanity when it is most appropriate," she said, lifting her chin in a little show of defiance, her grey eyes dark and steely. "Now come, we need to see about a bath for you." With that, Sigrun turned and stalked off back to the palace, her spine ramrod straight, her wings fluttering violently.

"Sigrun, wait. Where are you going?" I hurried after her. "Wait for me."

But she didn't slow down in the least. I fell into a trot until I reached her side, then walked with her, keeping pace. A bubble of laughter filtered through me. I so desperately wanted to giggle because it was funny watching the normally calm and placid Sigrun marching off, fuelled by fury.

But I managed to control myself, and before long we drew abreast of the door to my room.

"Wait for me," was all Sigrun said before she marched off again.

I grinned and entered my room, shaking my head at my friend. She'd better be back soon though, I thought.

I sighed and sat on my bed, staring into the flames burning in the huge fireplace. With nothing else to do but wait, I lay down on the furs and folded my hands beneath my cheek. My eyes began to drift shut and I wriggled deeper in the furs. When was the last time I'd slept well? A sleep not drug-induced, just one of those where you drift off and then wake up the next morning all refreshed and ready to tackle the world.

I must have slept as the sound of people bustling inside my room brought me sitting upright with shock. Two red-faced Huldra carried a large copper bath into the room, depositing it in front of the fire. The
y hurried out of the room as another group of Huldra entered bearing large pots of steaming water. They formed a line, pouring the water into the copper bath and leaving briskly. The line seemed to never end and the level of the water within the huge tub increased until Sigrun seemed satisfied. Then she clapped her hands and all the serving girls left, leaving me staring, a little dazed, at Sigrun.

"What's all this?" I asked, a grateful smile already forming on my lips.

"I thought it would be a better idea for you to bathe elsewhere. I do not think I could handle seeing Astrid face-to-face in the near future. I cannot guarantee that I will not damage her in some way," Sigrun said, her expression still furious, although she seemed to have suppressed some of her anger.

"Thank you, Sigrun.
That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me," I said, my voice soft and shimmering with emotion.

"That is alright, Bryn. Now you must enjoy you bath." Sigrun smiled as she turned to leave. "And I have
not forgotten. I will be back soon to take you to Mimir." With that, she waved good-bye and left the room, closing the door softly behind her.

I stared at the closed door and counted my blessings. My wings may be gone, but how many wonderful people did I have in my life? People who would do whatever it took to help me. People who weren’t Aidan. My heart twisted thinking about the palpable and seemingly insurmountable distance between us. My throat hitched. Was this the beginning of the end for us? Or was it the end and I’d missed everything leading up to it?

I stripped quickly and slipped into the heated waters of the bath, sighing as the warmth seeped into my flesh and muscles. I leaned back and sighed, lulled by the hot water, again feeling the pull of sleep.

I blinked and sat up, reaching for the soap set on a small stool beside the tub. There was no time for sleep. I rubbed and scrubbed until my skin turned pink and I was sure I'd washed off any lingering reminders of my experience at the hands of Dr. Lee. My fingers ran over the skin at my shoulders and I paused. Slowly, I reached out to my shoulder blades, feeling for the raw edges of the bones of my wings. The hardness of the bone beneath my fingers brought a rush of hot tears to my eyes
, the bone a stark reminder of how impossible it was to get my wings back.

I shook the tears from my eyes and the thoughts from my head, and slid into the water, dunking my head, then lathered my hair and rinsed.

At last, all fresh and clean, I rose from the bath and dried off, dressing in my soft, flexible scout armor, leather garments with the added armor-plated protection of the Glasir tree.

***