Deacon's Touch (13 page)
His hands buried in her hair, tightening for a moment before he tilted her head back. The instant his lips and tongue touched her throat, she moaned and moved restlessly. He nibbled and sucked on her nipples, and the glow of arousal between her thighs burst back into flames. How did he do this to her? She'd never known she could feel like this.
When his fingers slipped between her folds to stroke and tease, she cried out, a high, thin wail of need. More. She needed more. Her hands twisted against the belt holding her arms captive, frustrating her, driving her need higher. Moving with maddening patience, Deke followed the path of his hands with his mouth, his tongue soothing and inflaming at the same time. Licking gently over the top of her cleft, he pressed deeper and curled his tongue around her pulsing clit.
"
Deacon.
"
"Shh.” He pushed her thighs wider apart and lapped at her greedily until she thought she'd die.
Shaking when he finally pulled away, she watched through glazed eyes as he ripped open a condom and rolled it onto the head of his cock. Her pussy walls squeezed hard as she stared at his thick shaft, frantic to feel him inside her.
Deke knelt between her legs and took himself in hand to rub against her slick opening. She yanked against the belt, but got nowhere. “Untie my hands,” she begged. She wanted to be part of this when he took her for the first time, wanted to hold onto him.
"Lie still.” He caressed her clit with his finger as he pushed the broad head of his cock into her, bringing her hips off the bed. She needed. She
ached
.
Her fingers grasped at the quilt beneath her. She wanted to touch him, hold him as he pushed into her. Took her. Fucked her. “Deke,
please
..."
Dark blue eyes stared down at her, their depths filled with naked longing. Then, with a swift tug at her wrists, he undid the knots and freed her. With a sob of relief, Jessie wrapped her arms and legs around him to draw him close, curling her whole body around him. Trying to absorb him.
Deke growled low in his throat and pressed her into the mattress with his weight, pinning her there for a moment as though to remind her who was in control. Easing up finally, he shifted his weight and buried his wide cock with one smooth thrust. She threw her head back on a wild moan, trying to breathe through the incredible sensations tearing through her. She felt so full. So deliciously full and hot. And cherished. Every part of her caressed and attended to.
Raising on his arms, Deke kissed her and fisted her hair with one hand, rubbing her tongue with his as he began thrusting. He moaned into her mouth. The steady, controlled pumping hit every pleasure point and magnified the feel of the toy still stretching her rectum. He swallowed her broken whimper. Tightening his hold on her hair, he slid a hand between them to caress her pulsing clit. She let out a feral cry and dug her fingers into his back, wanting to scream and claw. The unrelieved pressure was too intense. Too much. Tears burned her eyes. She shook her head, battling to hold onto herself while he stripped away every barrier with his measured strokes.
"Ah, Jess, shh,” he whispered, voice rough with pleasure. “Feel how good it is, baby."
He was killing her with sensation, pulling her apart inside. She was too afraid to let go, knowing she'd shatter if she did. But the pleasure was too amazing. Too addictive. Unbearable, and yet not enough. It would never be enough. She clenched her eyes shut, but a tear escaped and trickled over her temple.
Deke kissed it away, his big body dominating her, pumping fast, taking her up on the inexorable climb to ecstasy. Her fingers bit into his back, feeling the muscles ripple and shift with each powerful thrust of his hips. Building the heat and the incredible friction. She couldn't take it. Could barely hold back the scream rising in her throat.
The hand in her hair held fast, the slight sting on her scalp heightening her pleasure as his strokes grew more forceful. The licking touch over her clit threatened to make her lose her mind, but then his voice anchored her. “Let go, Jess. I've got you."
No.
No, he didn't understand.
His fingers slid more firmly over her, stroking her in a ceaseless rhythm along with the heavy length of his cock filling her and retreating. She let out a high sob and shook her head.
Deke's lips brushed against her cheek, her temple. “You're safe, baby.” His voice was hoarse, strained as he pinned her beneath his powerful body. “Just let go."
Oh God, he was killing her with sensation and tenderness. Breaking her heart and not even realizing it.
He determinedly pushed her higher until she couldn't hold back the agonized cries. The pleasure burned like fire while the tide of emotion crashed over her in a dark wave. She threw her head back and screamed as the orgasm hit her. Her body bucked as the first pulses began, shaking her in an endless storm of pleasure. The room sheeted to white. Release tore through her in wrenching, endless waves while she clung to him. Above her, Deke thrust deep a few more times and roared in ecstasy.
As she came back to herself with his hard weight atop her, she realized her cheeks were wet with tears. Quiet sobs shook her chest, and that was embarrassing enough. But the gaping hole in her heart scared the hell out of her.
Deke withdrew and gathered her up in his arms. Reversing their positions, he held her securely against his chest and tried to soothe her.
Turning her head into his broad shoulder, Jessie pressed her face against his hot skin and held on, trembling all over. Famished for the reassurance he offered, her fingers dug into the muscles on either side of his spine as she battled to get herself together. This had all started as some sort of game for both of them. A test, to see if she had the guts to try out her fantasies. Now she lay in Deke's arms completely destroyed, desperate for the comfort he offered. She felt lost and inexplicably reliant on him. The thought of going back to her life without him stripped her bare and sent a fresh flood of tears to her eyes.
She tried to pull away, but he stopped her. “Shh, c'mere.” He nuzzled her temple, his strong arms warm and tight around her. “You okay?"
She nodded, choking down another sob, not knowing how she was supposed to cope with this level of intimacy. This need. In three days, he knew her on a deeper level than her fiance of a year ever had. The mystifying bond between them eclipsed anything she'd ever imagined.
When she'd calmed a bit, Deke settled her amongst the pillows and rubbed a slow hand over her belly before reaching down to gently remove the toy he'd inserted. She gasped, her body reluctantly releasing it. A flush of shame hit her cheeks. God, had she really let him use that on her? And she'd loved it.
In the end
, just as he'd promised. She squeezed her eyes shut on a wave of humiliation and covered her face with her hands.
"Don't.” Deke drew them away and held them tight in his own as he kissed her. “Don't you ever be ashamed of what just happened, Jess. It's okay for you to need me like that."
No, it wasn't, because it would all end tomorrow. She drew a breath and focused on calming down. When she settled, he swept a hand over her back and drew the covers over her.
"Be right back."
He padded to the bathroom. She heard the water running and a minute later the bed dipped as he set a knee beside her. Too drained to move, she didn't utter a single protest when he rolled her onto her back and gently washed her tear-stained face. Little hiccups jerked her shoulders while he did the same to her breasts and between her legs. Then he lifted the covers and slid in beside her, pulling her flush into his body. She shuddered in relief in his protective embrace.
As though he understood how fragile she felt, Deke buried a hand in her hair and kissed the top of her head. “It's all right, Jess. I'm here."
But only until the morning
. The unspoken words hung over them like a black cloud.
Pathetically grateful that he let her cling, she nodded. Trying to clear her mind of the fact she was leaving, she focused on the feel of his arms around her and his steady heartbeat beneath her cheek. But it was impossible. She'd never known she could feel this vulnerable or attached to anyone, but their brief relationship had blown apart everything she thought she'd known about intimacy. This went way beyond that. The Dominance/submission play had taken an unexpected psychological toll on her, and she knew she'd never be the same again.
So much for a little fun on her holiday.
And now that he'd reduced her to her emotional foundation, there was no future for them. She was flying home in the morning, and she'd probably never see him again. Was she just another conquest to him? It felt as if he'd been right there with her, like he truly cared.
Her throat tightened. She'd never get to bask in the warmth of his approving smile or breathe in his mouth-watering scent again. She'd never feel his arms around her or get to experience more of his tender, commanding lovemaking. Another lump crowded her throat as she burrowed deeper into his arms. She was so stupid. This was her own fault. She'd agreed to all of it.
All except the falling in love part.
Carrying her precious laptop bag, Deke squeezed his free hand around Jessica's on the way to the airport's security area. “You okay? You're awful quiet."
"I'm okay."
No, she wasn't. And neither was he. It felt as if his heart was being crushed in a vise. He couldn't believe he was losing her already. After their intense encounter yesterday, she'd become withdrawn. She'd been trying to pull away from him emotionally ever since, and it filled him with something close to panic.
Not knowing how else to reassure her, he'd woken her before the sun came up with tender kisses along the length of her spine. When she'd sighed and arched up for more, he'd surrounded her with his body and made love to her with a tenderness he'd never known himself capable of, burying himself as deep inside her as he could get and staying there. Making her come apart again and again and then holding her until they'd had to get up.
She was still beside him, but he missed her already.
Pulling her off to the side, he took her chin in his hand and tipped up her face. Jessie stared at him with suspiciously wet eyes and pressed her lips together.
Aw, shit. “Don't cry,” he whispered, kissing the bridge of her pert little nose as he slid his arms around her back. Their D/s play had accelerated their relationship in a way he hadn't anticipated. He'd never expected to bond with her so deeply or for her to let him in so far. Now she was hurting because of it, and knowing he was the cause of her tears made it feel like a hot coal burned under his sternum.
She shook her head, a tight movement of denial as she struggled to regain her composure.
It was probably kinder for him to leave now, rather than drag the goodbye out and make it worse. He kissed her trembling lips, trying to comfort her, reassure her that he cared. Neither of them had said it out loud, but they didn't have to. Their bodies had done it for them, and Jess had to know that as well as he did.
He didn't know what was going to happen with them, and he didn't want to give her false hope in case nothing ever did. It wouldn't be fair to her. She deserved better than that. Besides, he had a shitload of things to straighten out in his life before he could offer her anything. But watching her leave was going to hurt like a bastard.
Jessica buried her hands in his hair and broke the kiss to press her face against his shoulder, taking deep breaths. He stroked her back, feeling helpless.
When the final boarding call came for her flight, she squeezed him one last time and stepped back, wiping her eyes.
The vise around his heart tightened another few notches until it hurt to breathe.
Her big, amber eyes gazed up at him, tears clinging to her lower lashes. “I'll miss you."
God. “Yeah, me, too.” He wiped her tears away with his thumbs and forced a smile. “Call me when you get in so I know you're safe."
"I will.” She stared up at him for a long moment, then lifted on tiptoe to brush a soft kiss over his lips. “Bye, Deke."
"Bye, sugar.” He let her go, feeling his heart crack in the middle of his chest. He watched her clear security, then pause to look back and wave. Steeling himself against the pain, he raised his hand. His eyes followed her as she walked away, memorizing every detail until she was out of sight.
Then she was gone.
Blowing out a hard breath, he scrubbed a hand over his face and walked back to his truck, feeling empty inside. But he couldn't think about that right now. He had things to do.
It was time to get his shit together once and for all.
Seattle, three weeks later
Jessica stared out her office window at the sparkling sapphire waters of Puget Sound. A few boats skimmed the calm surface, the shrill cry of gulls echoing as they circled overhead. Just another late spring day in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.
It sucked that she was too depressed to care.
One of her coworkers popped her head in the door. “You're not coming for lunch?"
"No thanks. I've got work to do."
Her friend frowned. “You should come out. The break would be good for you."
"Maybe some other time.” When she left, Jessica sighed and turned back to her computer. God, and to think she had to be at Bridgette's wedding tomorrow. The last thing she felt like doing was watching another woman marry the love of her life when it felt like her heart was bleeding.
If she'd been introverted before her trip to Texas, now she was pretty much a recluse. She went straight home from work and waited for the phone to ring just to hear Deacon's voice. They talked every night, but it didn't help the unrelenting pain gnawing at the center of her chest. Her feelings for him hadn't diminished at all. If anything, they'd grown. He was kind, dependable, and sexy enough to make her toes curl just thinking about him. Remembering the hot bouts of phone sex they'd had made her body tingle. She was learning to love being a bad girl for him.