Days of Grace (50 page)

My advice is not new. Our family elders have tried to
pass on to my generation their collective wisdom and values. I am always aware of them. To my embarrassment, Cousin Thelma painted my name on the family tree in gold, the only leaf so colored. That gold paint reminds me always that I must not bring dishonor to the family, as if one diseased leaf might kill the whole tree. We are being watched by our ancestors, as I am watching you. We possess more than they ever dreamed of having, so we must never let them down.

Camera, because of the color of your skin and the fact that you are a girl, not a boy, your credibility and competence will constantly be questioned no matter how educated or wealthy you are. At the same time, your brown skin may bring you a few advantages. You should be wary of them. When the Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall was asked if he should be replaced on retirement from the Court by another African American, he replied emphatically: “No, it should go to the best qualified person the president can find!” That is as it should be.

But many people in the world are not color-blind. I sometimes feel angry and disappointed when, because of stereotypes about the competence of people of color, some worthy man or woman is passed over for a position, just as I am frustrated when an unworthy person cries out about racism the moment he or she is denied a position or a prize. Unlike you, I grew up under the laws of segregation. My classmates and I were reminded every day that we had to resist the worst temptation facing us: despair. If racism was so pervasive, why should we try to do our best at anything? Why study hard? I tell you, Camera, racism and sexism must never be an excuse for not doing your best. Racism and sexism will probably always exist, but you must always try to rise above them.

You must also learn to feel comfortable in any company, as long as those people are good people. Traveling the world as a tennis player, I discovered that deep friendships with an infinite variety of people are not only possible but can definitely enrich one’s life beyond measure. Do not hem yourself
in, or allow others to do so. I am still dismayed when I go to some college campuses and find out that in the cafeteria, for example, black students, by choice, sit separately at a table with only other black students. Whether from force of habit, thoughtlessness, or timidity, this practice is usually a waste of time—time that should be used by these students to get to know people of other cultures and backgrounds. This mixing is an essential part of education, not something extraneous to it. I hope you will summon the courage to forge friendships with as many different people as you can. Some African Americans may tease or even scorn you, and some other people may rebuff you, but I want you to persevere anyway.

You must do more. Mommy and I will insist that you try to learn at least two other languages besides English. Spanish must be one, and another may be of your own choosing. Although my French is passable, I never mastered a second language, and I have always regretted that failure. Fluency in a language makes possible a depth of communication for which there is no substitute. Do not succumb to our American fear and ignorance of languages other than English; in Europe, the children learn foreign languages easily. And you may yet see, sometime soon, an American president who will speak English with an accent, even though she, or he, was born here.

The United States of America is your country, Camera. Some people will tell you it is theirs alone, not yours to share. Don’t believe them. I remember the presidential election of 1960 when the Protestant denominations feared that if John F. Kennedy, a Catholic, won, he would force his religion on everyone else (which, by the way, is precisely what the Protestants have tried to do since the founding of the republic!). Certain Americans believe that they have an almost divine or historical right to determine our nation’s future. As the free-thinking adult I hope you will become, you must not back off from this debate. When the right-wing demagogue Patrick Buchanan stood up at the 1992 Republican National Convention and implored those assembled
to “take back our country” from people who look like you and me, I became more determined than ever that he should not succeed. And he will not. America is not
his
country. His vote is not more worthy than mine, or yours when you come to vote. You must resist any group that believes it has a proprietary right to guide the ship of state.

In addition, black demagogues, spawned by the poor conditions under which many African Americans are still forced to live, will try to advance their own narrow political careers by fomenting artificially deeper and deeper schisms among ethnic minorities of goodwill. You will hear of conspiracies against black people and the term “genocide” loosely used. As much as you can, Camera, see people as humans and as individuals first who have been socialized into their cultural claims. As a young boy, I was well aware that whites judged me not as an individual but according to what they believed about blacks in general. You must not do the same to others.

Despite racism, Camera, because of the money I have made through tennis you will have many more material advantages than almost all of the other children in the entire world. Growing up, I never had much money, although we were not poor. My father taught me to be prudent and temperate with money. Use money; do not let money use you. Spend wisely. Your income and wealth should provide for these basics: a comfortable home, the best education that you can afford, health insurance for your family, charitable donations to those in need, and a sum of money saved and never touched except for emergencies. However much you have or make, beware of living beyond your means.

Pay attention to your health, Camera, and do not take it for granted. Mommy exercises every day for an hour after you go to school and I encourage her to do so. Whatever else you learn in school, I would like you to master at least two “life sports,” those you can play long after you are out of school. Sports are wonderful; they can bring you comfort and pleasure for the rest of your life. Sports can teach you so much about yourself, your emotions and character, how
to be resolute in moments of crisis and how to fight back from the brink of defeat. In this respect, the lessons of sports cannot be duplicated easily; you quickly discover your limits but you can also build self-confidence and a positive sense of yourself. Never think of yourself as being above sports.

Not right now, but in a few short years, you will begin to take an increasing interest in boys. Not long after that, if I am not around, you will think Mommy is cruelly ruining your social life because of the restrictions she will place on you concerning them. In your rush to be treated as an adult, you may want to try supposedly adult things: driving, staying out late, drinking alcohol, indulging in drugs, gambling, and sex. As your father, I am particularly concerned about alcohol, drugs, and sex. I have seen so many lives ruined by alcohol and drugs that they must be mentioned separately. Because it is so widely accepted and so easily available, alcohol in particular can be a curse. In our family, Camera, several people were alcoholics, and they and others suffered terribly as a result. Sex is one of God’s precious gifts, which is not to be treated cavalierly by men or women. When it is time, choose your partner and the occasion with care. Do not allow yourself to be seduced and then cast off and forgotten, as many women tragically are.

I want you to nurture an appreciation of music and the arts. When I was young, I played in my junior-high-school and high-school band for six years and developed a love of music and a persisting wonder that human beings can create and execute such wonderful melodies and harmonies. In my high-school concert each spring, we dressed in formal white jackets and bow ties and played music from Duke Ellington to Beethoven. In our collection of record albums at home you will find music from around the world, collected by me in my travels. Often, when I think of a place, music comes to mind: trumpets for Great Britain, violins for Austria and Germany, flutes for the Middle East, pianos for France, and finger pianos for West Africa; I think of drums for the American Indians, mandolins for Italy, castanets for Spain,
cymbals for Japan, fiddles for our slave forebears. Each sound is like the signature of a place and its people. Each is a part of the harmony of the world.

I have always been moved by art, and by poetry. Don’t let anyone tell you that either one is frivolous or expendable, or inferior to making money. Without either, and music, life would be dry and without feeling. Art comes from an urge as primal as that of survival itself. While I resist the idea that European art is the sole standard for the rest of the world, some of its works move me to tears. The Pietà at St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome, for example, captures in its sculptural complexity about as much sorrow as can be invested in a piece of stone. Great art makes the inanimate live. This gift is from God, and you should revere it in others and in yourself, if you should have it.

Camera, have faith in God. Do not be tempted either by pleasures and material possessions, or by the claims of science and smart thinkers, into believing that religion is obsolete, that the worship of God is somehow beneath you. Spiritual nourishment is as important as physical nourishment, or intellectual nourishment. The religion you choose is not nearly as important as a fundamental faith in God. As a child, I went to Episcopal, Presbyterian, and Baptist churches; later, I went to a Catholic church because I was living with a family who worshiped there. Mommy herself is a Catholic and goes to mass, as you know. These and other religions, some of them outside of Christianity, are all roads that lead to God. Beyond the different dogmas must be a sense of yourself as created by God for a purpose, and as being under God’s law at all times. Be ruled by that rule called golden: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Do not beg God for favors. Instead, ask God for the wisdom to know what is right, what God wants done, and the will to do it. Know the Bible. Read the psalms and the Sermon on the Mount and everything else in that timeless book. You will find consolation in your darkest hours. You will find inscribed there the meaning of life and the
way you should live. You will grow into a deeper understanding of life’s meanings. Religions sometimes clash and compete, but there is a reservoir of truth and guidance in the Bible that is beyond controversy and is always available to you.

Camera, as frenzied as is my world, yours will feel even more hurried and frantic. Technology is expanding as never before; the instruments of change are everywhere. You will often feel that you don’t have enough time to do what you want to do. Make time. Control time; do not let time control you any more than it must. Balance the activity of your life. My father lived a simple yet pleasant life. A happy man, he worked hard but looked forward to fishing when the season rolled around. Of course, he wasn’t faced by as many temptations as I have been or you will be. Don’t try to do everything. Choose carefully, and then give your all to what you choose. And please try to become expert at something, so that others will look to you as a human resource.

I end, Camera, as I began, with family. In nearly every civilization of which I have heard, the family is the central social unit, the base and foundation of the culture. You are a member of the eleventh identifiable generation of a family on my side and the fourth generation on your mother’s side. We have tried to prepare you as best we can to lead as happy and productive a life as possible. Along the way you will stumble, and perhaps even fall; but that, too, is normal and to be expected. Get up, get back on your feet, chastened but wiser, and continue on down the road.

I may not be walking with you all the way, or even much of the way, as I walk with you now. Don’t be angry with me if I am not there in person, alive and well, when you need me. I would like nothing more than to be with you always. Do not feel sorry for me if I am gone. When we were together, I loved you deeply and you gave me so much happiness I can never repay you. Camera, wherever
I am when you feel sick at heart and weary of life, or when you stumble and fall and don’t know if you can get up again, think of me. I will be watching and smiling and cheering you on.